How do I convince my MENA man??

[nunyab 0]

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated... so i filed for a cr1 then a few weeks later threw in a I129 for safety's sake. Well we got approved Alhamdolilah (both apps same day ) my husband has since moved to Spain and is working on his residancy there while waiting (back up plan if they deny) he won't get his Spainish residancy card until Jan and can't leave Spain or he will not be able to recieve it.

I've called every day morning and night and they have not recieved our CR1 I go to my mailbox today and I have a notice from the NVC stating they've sent our approved K3 to the Casablanca consulate.

Great right???? My husband does not want to ruin his chance at a back up plan when we're not certain if he will be granted a visa to the u.s.???? We've got tons of documenting evidance of continued relationship.... I don't see any of that being an issue but I am not sure i can get him to budge on this. He thinks if denied we can live in Spain... but I am thinking if you end all be all is to be together than we've got to go for it... he is playing it safe and i understand but uuuuugggghhhhh what to do??

Rajaa

[S and S 12]

I am sorry to hear of your difficulties. It sounds like he is trying to protect you in case things don't work, but it also looks like there is little chance your case will not be approved eventually. Maybe you should give him some statistics of cases getting approved/disapproved. The vast majority of the time they are approved and he needs to know that. I wish I could think of some better advice, but perhaps others can help you as well. Good luck in your journey through this process. I hope he listens to you and at least tries to give the visa to the US a chance.

[HLM 1]

I know nothing is for sure in this process and there r no solid rules for it. But u shud tell him that Alhamdulillah there r no redflags in ur way so the chance of getting approved is actually very high!! Tell him that he can come to u by the end of this yr if he goes for it!!

Ok i like the idea of the back up plan n i dont want him to give it up either but cant he leave n then if things -audhobillah- go bad; cant he go back n just start on a new residency?? or is it just this one shot?

[maggieNomar 0]

IF everything gets set for an interview before he gets the card in Spain, can you request to reschedule the interview for a little later? Doesn't it take a bit longer to get things in order for K3 and CR1 anyways before the interview is scheduled?

[nunyab 0]

It's a one time shot.. he was given this once in a life time chance for a moroccan man to get work and a residancy visa. I just talked to him on the phone and he wants to "think about it" and see if they find our CR1. He asked me if they can't find the CR1 can we "start all over in Spain?" I couldn't believe my ears... instead of crying i bit my lip and said Habibi most people would be thankfull it's going this fast but not you? Most people would want their wives as soon as they could but not you??? Help me understand? He said "but this way is better (going through Spain)"

I hate to say it but I said "Habibi i love you but i cannot talk to you anymore tonight good bye"... and hung up.

I dont' know what to think or do now

Rajaa

[S and S 12]

It's a one time shot.. he was given this once in a life time chance for a moroccan man to get work and a residancy visa. I just talked to him on the phone and he wants to "think about it" and see if they find our CR1. He asked me if they can't find the CR1 can we "start all over in Spain?" I couldn't believe my ears... instead of crying i bit my lip and said Habibi most people would be thankfull it's going this fast but not you? Most people would want their wives as soon as they could but not you??? Help me understand? He said "but this way is better (going through Spain)"

I hate to say it but I said "Habibi i love you but i cannot talk to you anymore tonight good bye"... and hung up.

I dont' know what to think or do now

Rajaa

I'm so sorry Rajaa. The idea of him picking Spain can't be easy for you. Try to have patience with him and pray to God for guidance. Hopefully things will work themselves out and he will choose the way that is best for your marriage.

My husband is still getting processed for refugee to Australia right now so I can really relate. Sometimes I worry that the US will take too long and then I will have to work out a way of being with him in a totally different place.

[Ta Ta 1]

IF everything gets set for an interview before he gets the card in Spain, can you request to reschedule the interview for a little later? Doesn't it take a bit longer to get things in order for K3 and CR1 anyways before the interview is scheduled?

My thoughts also, you can request to reschedule a later date after you receive the interview date.

This visa journey is an emotional roller coaster ride and I am sorry for your dilemma, but I believe it will work itself out.

A few more months longer won't make that much of a difference and it may take another month just to receive the interview appointment since it just left NVC.

Best wishes !

[nunyab 0]

I know you're all right... emtional rollercoaste is sure the right word for it. I think i just ate a half a bag of those frosted animal cookies!!! i am going to bed. Maybe the morning will offer a different prospective?

Rajaa

[Aymsgirl 0]

Raja, hope you find a resolution. I will be remembering you in my prayers.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated... so i filed for a cr1 then a few weeks later threw in a I129 for safety's sake. Well we got approved Alhamdolilah (both apps same day ) my husband has since moved to Spain and is working on his residancy there while waiting (back up plan if they deny) he won't get his Spainish residancy card until Jan and can't leave Spain or he will not be able to recieve it.

I've called every day morning and night and they have not recieved our CR1 I go to my mailbox today and I have a notice from the NVC stating they've sent our approved K3 to the Casablanca consulate.

Great right???? My husband does not want to ruin his chance at a back up plan when we're not certain if he will be granted a visa to the u.s.???? We've got tons of documenting evidance of continued relationship.... I don't see any of that being an issue but I am not sure i can get him to budge on this. He thinks if denied we can live in Spain... but I am thinking if you end all be all is to be together than we've got to go for it... he is playing it safe and i understand but uuuuugggghhhhh what to do??

Rajaa

Rajaa. i am in the last part of my pregnancy so I am not around too much like before but I faced this as well as do many spouses of North Africans that have the chance to live in Spain or France. First you cannot take this too personally. Europe is alot more preferable to most north africans for about 20000 reasons. Second, no matter what anyone says, you need to brace for the fact that he may choose to stay there, abandoning his ideas of even coming here. I have seen this time and time again, shooting for papers like a ####### shoot and letting the chips fall where they may. It has LITTLE or nothing to do with you. It has to do with fixing their situation and europe holds alot more promise than the usa believe it or not. Its closer to morocco and algeria. The benefits there like medical and employment are thousands of times better.. he can go to france with a schengen visa and work there once he has residency/ The euro is cranking... the dollar is in the toilet. Life here in the usa requires WORK life over there is a cake walk with lots of welfare and to top it all off,,, its closer to morocco than here and every moroccan or algerian has family in france europe or spain and frankly the usa is far away. Maybe all of this sounds cold and calloused but these are the reasons i hear frequently from North Africans as to why they target europeans to marry or even go there. He can love you to pieces/// adore you beyond this life and really want you and STILL choose his spanish residency. I am sure he will hedge his bets and want to wait out the cr1 hoping he gets spanish residency. Whats he s NOT counting on is it getting turned down based on his marriage with you or other factors which frankly with the current climate politically is very possible. He could hedge his bets by playing both visas and wait on that cr1 which I think is what he wants to do... I also think in my heart , that you need to prepare yourself emotionally for the worst and hope for the best. This sounds really easy but what he is doing is NOT UNCOMMON and it has little or nothing to do with you. Love goes out the window when it comes to a schengen residency and when you face all your options,you need to ask him point blank if its you that he wants or to live outside of morocco. You need to ask rough and tough questions. You need to do it now; the last thing you need is to be drug along for 6 more months and the hope of being together and he is playing all his cards to wait out a spanish residency.

I am just trying to show you why exactly this may be happening and you need to ask him why he would want a spanish residency when he is married for LOVE with you. He cannot sponsor you to spain and marry you and give you rights easily there with only a residency.. He needs to be a citizen there to give you full rights. You need to just be extremely realistic and cautious now. Ask really tough questions. I havent seen this situation ever come up on the boards but I am extremely well aware of it. Be careful and question alot ... If this was all about being with you and staying with you.. you wouldnt have to convince him of anything... He would want to be with his wife.. choosing a spanish card over a marriage sounds likes being an opportunist.. not true love. You need to really ask questions .. tough ones...

There is no " hey rajja I hope things work out for you". this is not that simple. This is a question of him choosing to pursure residency in another country instead of paying attention to reuniting with his wife. Sounds like ####### to me. Be careful. This is serious and you need to talk this out with as many people as you can and get as many perspectives as you can. I would include talking about what I threw out with Moroccans as well because they will most likely confirm what I am saying. I dont think what he is doing is ethical or fair and smells very bad... This marriage takes presidence over getting what he wants.. You have every right to feel creeped out or pissed. Start asking tough questions

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated... so i filed for a cr1 then a few weeks later threw in a I129 for safety's sake. Well we got approved Alhamdolilah (both apps same day ) my husband has since moved to Spain and is working on his residancy there while waiting (back up plan if they deny) he won't get his Spainish residancy card until Jan and can't leave Spain or he will not be able to recieve it.

I've called every day morning and night and they have not recieved our CR1 I go to my mailbox today and I have a notice from the NVC stating they've sent our approved K3 to the Casablanca consulate.

Great right???? My husband does not want to ruin his chance at a back up plan when we're not certain if he will be granted a visa to the u.s.???? We've got tons of documenting evidance of continued relationship.... I don't see any of that being an issue but I am not sure i can get him to budge on this. He thinks if denied we can live in Spain... but I am thinking if you end all be all is to be together than we've got to go for it... he is playing it safe and i understand but uuuuugggghhhhh what to do??

Rajaa

Rajaa. i am in the last part of my pregnancy so I am not around too much like before but I faced this as well as do many spouses of North Africans that have the chance to live in Spain or France. First you cannot take this too personally. Europe is alot more preferable to most north africans for about 20000 reasons. Second, no matter what anyone says, you need to brace for the fact that he may choose to stay there, abandoning his ideas of even coming here. I have seen this time and time again, shooting for papers like a ####### shoot and letting the chips fall where they may. It has LITTLE or nothing to do with you. It has to do with fixing their situation and europe holds alot more promise than the usa believe it or not. Its closer to morocco and algeria. The benefits there like medical and employment are thousands of times better.. he can go to france with a schengen visa and work there once he has residency/ The euro is cranking... the dollar is in the toilet. Life here in the usa requires WORK life over there is a cake walk with lots of welfare and to top it all off,,, its closer to morocco than here and every moroccan or algerian has family in france europe or spain and frankly the usa is far away. Maybe all of this sounds cold and calloused but these are the reasons i hear frequently from North Africans as to why they target europeans to marry or even go there. He can love you to pieces/// adore you beyond this life and really want you and STILL choose his spanish residency. I am sure he will hedge his bets and want to wait out the cr1 hoping he gets spanish residency. Whats he s NOT counting on is it getting turned down based on his marriage with you or other factors which frankly with the current climate politically is very possible. He could hedge his bets by playing both visas and wait on that cr1 which I think is what he wants to do... I also think in my heart , that you need to prepare yourself emotionally for the worst and hope for the best. This sounds really easy but what he is doing is NOT UNCOMMON and it has little or nothing to do with you. Love goes out the window when it comes to a schengen residency and when you face all your options,you need to ask him point blank if its you that he wants or to live outside of morocco. You need to ask rough and tough questions. You need to do it now; the last thing you need is to be drug along for 6 more months and the hope of being together and he is playing all his cards to wait out a spanish residency.

I am just trying to show you why exactly this may be happening and you need to ask him why he would want a spanish residency when he is married for LOVE with you. He cannot sponsor you to spain and marry you and give you rights easily there with only a residency.. He needs to be a citizen there to give you full rights. You need to just be extremely realistic and cautious now. Ask really tough questions. I havent seen this situation ever come up on the boards but I am extremely well aware of it. Be careful and question alot ... If this was all about being with you and staying with you.. you wouldnt have to convince him of anything... He would want to be with his wife.. choosing a spanish card over a marriage sounds likes being an opportunist.. not true love. You need to really ask questions .. tough ones...

There is no " hey rajja I hope things work out for you". this is not that simple. This is a question of him choosing to pursure residency in another country instead of paying attention to reuniting with his wife. Sounds like ####### to me. Be careful. This is serious and you need to talk this out with as many people as you can and get as many perspectives as you can. I would include talking about what I threw out with Moroccans as well because they will most likely confirm what I am saying. I dont think what he is doing is ethical or fair and smells very bad... This marriage takes presidence over getting what he wants.. You have every right to feel creeped out or pissed. Start asking tough questions

+or you could just resign yourself to waiting till January and accept what he wants... I think you will have a hard time convincing him to go back to Morocco to wait on an american visa which could be given 6 months of ap.. anyway... i am having a hard time understanding why he would even be pursuing another residency when you are married in the first place.. reuniting with you should be top priority not hedging his bets running around europe// sounds fishy as hell to me

[Henia 11]

i am having a hard time understanding why he would even be pursuing another residency when you are married in the first place.. reuniting with you should be top priority not hedging his bets running around europe// sounds fishy as hell to me

Same thing I am wondering. Obviously we donnot know your situation ... but are there reasons you two (him) except denial or is he looking for option number 2? As K said something you should dig deep to find the answers. And make your plans accordingly.

Wishing you all the best Rajaa!

Edited August 26, 2008 by Henia

[~Jackie~ 30]

I read all of the last post and I agree strongly with the poster that this petition should be his priority. I wonder now. if the embassy also would view it as 'not important' to him if he misses his K3 interview, that is about to get an interview date attatched to it.

I know many of your men would be jumping up and down to get a date. Rajaa every case is different and he has his reasons for wanting it this way. But seeing that he thinks you can 'just start the process over' means he does not have all the facts to make this so very important decision.

Wishing all the best for you both,

Jackie

[Henia 11]

typo* I mean to expect not except

[Tunisia216 2]

I am just playing devils advocate here, but instead of going for the worst case scenario and jumping off that end.. It could be something as simple as he's working in Spain now and making good money and feels that he could support Rajaa much better and make a better life for them there and that he has fears about what he could do here.. Maybe he feels he wouldn't find work here or work that is this good and he's probably watching the news and seeing all the problems with the economy..... I know that you were all trying to help and you did bring up valid points but it just seems harsh.... I just want you to know I"m thinking about you and praying for you Rajaa and I hope that you two could work it out in the way that is best for you both. Do you think maybe he's trying to just pressure you to live with him in Spain? I would assume that before anything else. I know you said before Spain was your back up plan if he couldn't get the visa - Well maybe the man just wants both - his wife and Spain and isn't interested in coming to the US... I dunno just thinking out loud.. Again I'm praying and hoping it's going to be ok!