CR1 - BadNews

[Mononoke28 135]

Up until one year ago I would have agreed with all of you 100% percent and said the same things, this is America and adult do whatever they want, why is she listening to her parents, why did she get married and now does not want to be with you only because her parents do not like you, etc. But then I met one of my sister's best friends who's also from Pakistan and let me tell you, it is just as what the OP described. She tries to live her life as she sees fit, is responsible, goes to school, has a good job and yet her parents control everything she does, who she hangs out with, who she can potentially marry because dating is not allowed and because she goes against this, she's now the black sheep in the family. Ten years ago they arranged her marriage to another Pakistani (or Paki as she calls them), the guy refused to work, refused to help around the house, ruined her credit and on top of that, beat her and raped her on a daily basis. She divorced him because she could no longer take the abuse and her family blamed her for his actions. They no longer speak to her because of this and even though she was diagnosed with cancer, a second time because she was already in remission, they will not help her out emotionally, they will not go see her or help her after her chemo sessions because she's a #######, because she's irresponsible, what have you. She's alone, depressed and only has her friends for support.

I do not like to generalize and I'm sure not all families in Pakistan are this way, but this is how it is for my sister's friend and I can only imagine what the OP's wife is going through right now.

As for the OP, you will have to change your address with the USCIS by filing an AR-11 form in order to receive your green card. Your wife will not accomplish anything by calling them since your visa process is over and you were already admitted to the US. But you will have to PROVE that you married her in good faith and that the fact that you are no longer together was not because of you. So be ready for this when you have to remove conditions on your own in two years.

Good luck!!

Diana

[morocco4ever 63]

I think the thing that strikes us all as odd is the fact that they are both from the same culture, and so when they entered into the marriage they knew what was expected of them. So I guess that is why we are doubting a lot of things here. If this story is indeed valid then they both would have either followed their culture, or would have been prepared to do as they please in spite of their culture.

Sorry, just not buying into the whole thing.

[GiGii 4]

Both knew very well how parental relationships flow in their culture, that's why all the suspicions are up here. Something doesn't jive. Why would they get married without her parents OK? And if he (OP) was so strong to be dismissive of this culture fact at time of marriage and was ok to fight it then, then he should be fighting for his wife now. What kind of coward leaves & moves across country within a few days?

Just seems the GC trumps love in this case, my opinion that's all. I may be wrong.

Also, what will it look like to USCIS when he submits the AR-11 to his new address living alone, within a week of entry? Not suspicious?

It all just doesn't jive, just doesn't.

[*JG* 2]

I'm sorry. I hope you work it all out.

[Mononoke28 135]

It does to me and all I have to do is get rid off my American train of thought and as much as I hate this way of thinking, it makes sense. I know Komal, my sister's friend has moved on with her life and a few years ago started dating another Pakistani guy whom she was crazy about, her family disapproved completely of course but she loved him. They got engaged and she was going to marry him no matter what. Then a few weeks before the marriage was to take place, she cancelled and the only reason was because her father forced her to and obeyed. She still regrets it to this day.

I know it's a hard thing to understand but it does happen, that's why it's easier for me to understand this story because it's almost identical to Komal's.

As for USCIS not buying the whole filing the AR-11, you're right. But what can you do?

Diana

[fahim 0]

This whole story sounds a little suspicious. If its in your culture to listen to your parents and respect their wishes, its also in your culture to get their blessing to marry their daughter, which I very highly doubt you did.

Seems like you conned a girl into falling in love, and she faught for you, she got you here. Now when it comes your turn to fight for "love", you say screw it and move to Arizona? #######! If you wanted to work on the situation, wouldn't you try to stay somewhere closer to her NY house, instead of busting to the other side of the US? Seems quite suspicious indeed.

And in all this drama, your biggest concern is not her, not saving your marriage, not working on the in-law situation, none of that. Its whats going to happen with my GC & SS? I'll tell you what. Its coming to her house, her dad is going to take that envelope and hold it. If he hates you as much as you say, and wants you as bad out of his daughters life, you will never see those cards.

So if you really got into this for love, you better start showing & fighting for it asap... and not in Arizona. Otherwise get packing.

Watch out before you speak, you have no right to talk negative about me or my wife.. moving to Arizona or Alaska is none of your business.. As far as my wife and me are conerned she is still with me and I am there for her.. I met her in NY and I amgoing to see her again next month.. we have to planned to live together after some months.. we have decided to quit our families and giving them last 3 months to decide wiehter they are happy or not. else we will start a life.. so before you start thinking negativfe about people think positive too..

Living near NY, that was impossible for me to do.. This country is new to me I only knew my wife in NY and I can't live in a state without my ID without Social without my Greencard on my own, I needed someones help, I got some help here in AZ I moved, it is not hard to move back to NY once I am used to this place.. you need to understand that for someone who been to US for the first time how hard will that be to settle on your own in a state where you know no one..

I am already going through alot I can't tolerate such nonsense no more.. sorry for being aggressive.

I am sorry GiGi

Edited August 28, 2008 by fahim

[fahim 0]

and I am with this lady since 2001, we got engaged in 2002.. So there should be no doubt that this is legitimate relation and there is no falshood involved in it...2001-08 is bigtime for those who really care.. It's easy to discourage people but it's hard to make or settle things.. So far I have tried to convienced her father her sisters and her brothers.. the only person I need to connence is her mother.. The day she is fine inshaALLAH we are gonna have a big reception.. if I wanted I could hold my wifes hand and ask her to leave her family but I am that cruel.. I want to see her happy too.. she loves her family as well.. so I am trying to settle things and I am determine everything will be alright by the end of this month.. and my wife invited me to live in NY so I am moving to NY for good in 2 months now.. where I will tell her to start a life with me.. when you dont know things please stop going negative...

[GiGii 4]

Diana - I think you dont understand what I'm getting at. I dont dispute the culture fact, or it being difficult. OP says they are together for all these years... then did neither of them think what the family will say when he gets here? does the family approve? maybe seek their approval? knowing the culture, knowing what the process his courtship should involve, seems in the 8yrs he missed to do a very important part. And if he didn't, then they kinda knew what was coming upon his arrival to the states. And this train of though is regardles off my American train of thought.

Fahim - your story doesn't seem legit to me. And that's my opinion. I'm entitled to it, as you are to yours. You say you were all these yrs with your girl, then you didn't know what would happen upon arrival? You didn't seek family approval? Or did you know and come anyway? Also, the CR1 you came on, is not a tourist visa, its to come and be/live with your wife. It doesnt seem the family situation you are in is a surprise, afterall you had AZ lined up fairly quickly or from the start.

[sasha414 0]

you are both adults so dont let anyone else decide for you. if you love each other then stand by your decision no matter what. you endured this long journey of waiting for that visa and finally when you are together, you quit on each other? for what? because you allow family to dictate? come on, wake up!

[Krikit 1,165]

It never ceases to amaze me that some will judge another based on a few words on a message board. For shame.

Fahim, I hope things work out for you and your wife.

[Sprailenes 47]

It never ceases to amaze me that some will judge another based on a few words on a message board. For shame.

Fahim, I hope things work out for you and your wife.

I agree.

Fahim, hope you can resolve this issue quickly. Is there any way you can sit down and have a serious discussion with her family?

[morocco4ever 63]

You are afraid and nervous of being in another country alone. But yet you choose to move to Arizona, with no one, rather than New York, to at least be close to at least one person you know?

To those that believe everything you are told, I have some great land to sell you. Wanna buy? You can trust me, I am posting this on the internet so I MUST be ligit. Come one....these 2 know their culture, you don't. Why would you invest this much time and effort into getting a visa just to go along your merry way after not even living together. Do you honestly believe everyone posting on this forum is telling the truth?

[Sprailenes 47]

I don't think they're telling the truth or lying, in fact I don't know. But I am not going to be the judge of that. Who am I to tell him whether he truly loves her or not? Only he knows the truth in his heart.

I don't know the entire story and with what little facts he has given, I can not compile enough evidence to call him a liar or a cheat.

[morocco4ever 63]

I don't think they're telling the truth or lying, in fact I don't know. But I am not going to be the judge of that. Who am I to tell him whether he truly loves her or not? Only he knows the truth in his heart.

I don't know the entire story and with what little facts he has given, I can not compile enough evidence to call him a liar or a cheat.

That is what works for you, and that is certainly fine by me, because we all have rights here to believe and do as we choose. I choose to not believe this person. A man that loves his wife isn't going to walk away so easily from his wife within a few days of arriving, but yet work his butt off to make sure he keeps his visa. Red flags and blaring lights here. The price a person pays for posting on a public forum.

[Mononoke28 135]

Judging others is never a good thing even if they feel they're entitled to do so.

Fahim, good luck with everthing!

Diana