Marriage Blue

[Iliad 0]

国際結婚は難しいですね...

Lots of sympathy for you Sunshine...international weddings are always difficult and there are many hurdles to overcome. Get away from your mother-in-law and start a life with you husband under your terms.

I hope your parents are able to eventually accept your wedding with you husband, i know it took a lot of work for my fiance's parents to accept me and iit helped a lot that i speak Japanese so it is easier for us to communicate. 頑張れ！

[Susita 175]

if it was in GBP then yeah - but in USD no - it just about pays the rent and bills here. And especially as I am not working, we are far from rich

My fiancees family in Peru thinks I'm rich too. I am FAR from rich. I'm a full-time college student, single mom of 3-year-old twins, and I earn about 30K a year (I work full-time too). Not to mention I live in New York and pay 900 for a studio apartment, which is one of my 2 paychecks every month after Uncle Sam takes all my money. Sometimes in other countries people don't really grasp the concept of our cost of living compared to our salary. Here in NY I'm considered broke.

[kazuki 0]

ya, I totally understand you. People in here think I am rich because I am from Japan. too bad. I got only 3000dollar which I saved for 1 year and half while I was working in Japan.

That's it. My parents of course did not give me any money for our marriage because they are already upset about my decision and they say well, you chose it, you got to take care of it!

well, I am not sure in Peru. But, in Japan, if a woman marries a man, the man and his side of family is responsible for everything like feeding me, offering me a house, a car everything. recent years, it gets common for a woman's side to pay a half of all the cost, too. But, my parents say if my husband's parents cannot come up with the same amount of money, my parents are not gonna pay a single penny because it is not fair.

I totally understand that.

My brother in law married yesterday. His wife is from super super rich family. Her family offered a free beach house, free new car, still pays for her to go to private school, just everything. So he and his family are lucky.

oh boy, it will never happen to me. Only thing my parents say to me is that only if I get serious sickness like cancer or something, they will help. other wise, you already made a decision. you leave and you need to get your life organized. Do not always think that parents help everything!

I feel so crazy because both my husband and I have college degrees. But, his brother who even dropped out high school, in military makes better life than we do. His wife can get so much money because of military. Now, I get nothing. yep, My husband makes only 31k now because he graduated only two years ago. And he is still looking for a new job.

[ginger1981 0]

To me it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, and your husband as well except for the loyalty he feels towards his mom (which is understandable).

Maybe his bro is in the military, but at least you don't have to worry about not seeing your husband for long periods of time, or even sending him off to a war zone. There are pros and cons with everything. Who knows...although you and your husband are recent graduates, in several years you likely going to be in a much better position when it comes to a job. The first few years of marriage are tough...I totally understand how tough it is balancing the budget. I just have to keep reminding myself that I'll likely be better off in a few years and if we play our cards right we'll be in a better place financially.

[La Belle 0]

Hi! Me and my husband have also live with my parents-in-law when I first came here. It was a difficult time for us because we always had to consider what they were going to say about us and we were always mindful of our actions. Honestly I never liked staying there becaus

[La Belle 0]

Hi! Me and my husband have also live with my parents-in-law when I first came here. It was a difficult time for us because we always had to consider what they were going to say about us and we were always mindful of our actions. Honestly I never liked staying there becaus

Sorry bout this, it's my first post/reply

Anyway as I was saying, me and my husband also lived with his parents(Dad and 4th wife) when I first came here. We had no choice because we were financially broke. My husband was also going through child custody issues, and half of his earnings went to child support.

I honestly never liked staying at my parents-in-law because I felt like a teenager who had a curfew at 9PM, and we always had to be cautious about our actions. We couldn't even be intimate by ourselves in our bedroom because my father-in-law's wife always had her nose in our business. She always had something to say about the things we do, where we went to, and the things we buy( She always said that the things I bought were cheap, well I wanted to tell her that I wasn't a social climber like her, but I had respect for them). She was a Filipina like me but she acted like she wasn't. She cussed a lot and said obscene words that she doesn't even have any idea what it meant. She made me so mad one time when she asked her friend out loud(loud enough for me to hear from the other room) to flirt with my husband. I was so hurt and I felt so betrayed by a fellow Filipina, in the first place she should've known how it would feel like being a married woman herself. The thing is, even when she's publicly flirting, my father-in-law just sees it as an innocent act because she's decades younger than him. I am way younger than her but for me being married, flirting with others is just plain offensive to my husband and it's certainly a thing I would never ever do.

It came to a point when my dad-in-law was already complaining about the bills and things he wanted to get done(like his backyard) but couldn't even start working on because either my husband was busy with weekend overtime or they had other plans and he didn't want my husband to work on it by himself.

I was struggling emotionally and mentally with all the pressure. I didn't know what else to do to please them and show my appreciation of being allowed to stay at their home. I did household chores, but still it wasn't enough. So I talked to my husband about moving out of the house,I found out that he wanted to move out too but was just waiting for a couple of months more to have enough savings for at least a one bedroom apartment. When we found one, we moved in immediately.

Now, although I can't say life is really good. It is comfortable and we are enjoying our privacy. The most important thing for us right now is we have each other to love, support and be there for through each trying time.

Just remember that communication is essential in marriage or in any relationship. God bless you and I hope everything turns out better for you.

[*JG* 2]

if it was in GBP then yeah - but in USD no - it just about pays the rent and bills here. And especially as I am not working, we are far from rich

My fiancees family in Peru thinks I'm rich too. I am FAR from rich. I'm a full-time college student, single mom of 3-year-old twins, and I earn about 30K a year (I work full-time too). Not to mention I live in New York and pay 900 for a studio apartment, which is one of my 2 paychecks every month after Uncle Sam takes all my money. Sometimes in other countries people don't really grasp the concept of our cost of living compared to our salary. Here in NY I'm considered broke.

I completely understand this one. Been there, done that, fight it constantly.

[Completely 3]

Hi! Me and my husband have also live with my parents-in-law when I first came here. It was a difficult time for us because we always had to consider what they were going to say about us and we were always mindful of our actions. Honestly I never liked staying there becaus

Sorry bout this, it's my first post/reply

Anyway as I was saying, me and my husband also lived with his parents(Dad and 4th wife) when I first came here. We had no choice because we were financially broke. My husband was also going through child custody issues, and half of his earnings went to child support.

I honestly never liked staying at my parents-in-law because I felt like a teenager who had a curfew at 9PM, and we always had to be cautious about our actions. We couldn't even be intimate by ourselves in our bedroom because my father-in-law's wife always had her nose in our business. She always had something to say about the things we do, where we went to, and the things we buy( She always said that the things I bought were cheap, well I wanted to tell her that I wasn't a social climber like her, but I had respect for them). She was a Filipina like me but she acted like she wasn't. She cussed a lot and said obscene words that she doesn't even have any idea what it meant. She made me so mad one time when she asked her friend out loud(loud enough for me to hear from the other room) to flirt with my husband. I was so hurt and I felt so betrayed by a fellow Filipina, in the first place she should've known how it would feel like being a married woman herself. The thing is, even when she's publicly flirting, my father-in-law just sees it as an innocent act because she's decades younger than him. I am way younger than her but for me being married, flirting with others is just plain offensive to my husband and it's certainly a thing I would never ever do.

It came to a point when my dad-in-law was already complaining about the bills and things he wanted to get done(like his backyard) but couldn't even start working on because either my husband was busy with weekend overtime or they had other plans and he didn't want my husband to work on it by himself.

I was struggling emotionally and mentally with all the pressure. I didn't know what else to do to please them and show my appreciation of being allowed to stay at their home. I did household chores, but still it wasn't enough. So I talked to my husband about moving out of the house,I found out that he wanted to move out too but was just waiting for a couple of months more to have enough savings for at least a one bedroom apartment. When we found one, we moved in immediately.

Now, although I can't say life is really good. It is comfortable and we are enjoying our privacy. The most important thing for us right now is we have each other to love, support and be there for through each trying time.

Just remember that communication is essential in marriage or in any relationship. God bless you and I hope everything turns out better for you.

Labelle,

Just to give you a thought, you know you and your husband can get advance if you apply job in the Middle East like Kuwait or Qatar.. There are US bases here that really offers a lot of money.. Especially for technical and mechanical job, with free housing and car, you will have to just buy your food and thats it.. People come over here to get advance and even stay here longer kasi mas maalwan ang buhay dito.. Probably in 2 years, you all can settled all the finances you need back in the US.

And too.. you can be citizen quickly if your husband is deployed overseas.

[wifetobe 2]

31k is rich in UK ??

£14k in UK is like school leavers wage..

[La Belle 0]

Hi! Me and my husband have also live with my parents-in-law when I first came here. It was a difficult time for us because we always had to consider what they were going to say about us and we were always mindful of our actions. Honestly I never liked staying there becaus

Sorry bout this, it's my first post/reply

Anyway as I was saying, me and my husband also lived with his parents(Dad and 4th wife) when I first came here. We had no choice because we were financially broke. My husband was also going through child custody issues, and half of his earnings went to child support.

I honestly never liked staying at my parents-in-law because I felt like a teenager who had a curfew at 9PM, and we always had to be cautious about our actions. We couldn't even be intimate by ourselves in our bedroom because my father-in-law's wife always had her nose in our business. She always had something to say about the things we do, where we went to, and the things we buy( She always said that the things I bought were cheap, well I wanted to tell her that I wasn't a social climber like her, but I had respect for them). She was a Filipina like me but she acted like she wasn't. She cussed a lot and said obscene words that she doesn't even have any idea what it meant. She made me so mad one time when she asked her friend out loud(loud enough for me to hear from the other room) to flirt with my husband. I was so hurt and I felt so betrayed by a fellow Filipina, in the first place she should've known how it would feel like being a married woman herself. The thing is, even when she's publicly flirting, my father-in-law just sees it as an innocent act because she's decades younger than him. I am way younger than her but for me being married, flirting with others is just plain offensive to my husband and it's certainly a thing I would never ever do.

It came to a point when my dad-in-law was already complaining about the bills and things he wanted to get done(like his backyard) but couldn't even start working on because either my husband was busy with weekend overtime or they had other plans and he didn't want my husband to work on it by himself.

I was struggling emotionally and mentally with all the pressure. I didn't know what else to do to please them and show my appreciation of being allowed to stay at their home. I did household chores, but still it wasn't enough. So I talked to my husband about moving out of the house,I found out that he wanted to move out too but was just waiting for a couple of months more to have enough savings for at least a one bedroom apartment. When we found one, we moved in immediately.

Now, although I can't say life is really good. It is comfortable and we are enjoying our privacy. The most important thing for us right now is we have each other to love, support and be there for through each trying time.

Just remember that communication is essential in marriage or in any relationship. God bless you and I hope everything turns out better for you.

Labelle,

Just to give you a thought, you know you and your husband can get advance if you apply job in the Middle East like Kuwait or Qatar.. There are US bases here that really offers a lot of money.. Especially for technical and mechanical job, with free housing and car, you will have to just buy your food and thats it.. People come over here to get advance and even stay here longer kasi mas maalwan ang buhay dito.. Probably in 2 years, you all can settled all the finances you need back in the US.

And too.. you can be citizen quickly if your husband is deployed overseas.

Hi, thanks about the suggestion but I'm gonna have to pass. I'm contented here and plus I just got a job which offered me a decent pay naman. I was just saying life wasn't so good because we are just starting and you know we have to make adjustments. My mom worked in the Middle East as a nurse/professor for 20 years and I have an idea of how it is over there. I was tempted once but like I said I'm happy with where I am right now. Thanks to you and God bless.

[Nutty 2]

First of all.

Coffee makes stomach acid worse. So reduce your coffee drinking.

Second of all:

Newly married couples, who have been seperate for a long time, then re-united, must have privacy. That means a seperate apartment for them (away from in-laws). This mother-in-law sounds like she is a "hanger on" and this does not bode well for the future. Especially if your husband does not see how it affects you.

Thirdly:

Your husband may be a social-type of guy, hanging out with his friends and all that....but he is neglecting giving you special attention REQUIRED to make your relationship closer and more emotionally intimate. He may think he is only trying to "bring you into his circle of friends" and may not mean anything negative by it. But it is good if you can tell him you want a "private weekend, just you and him."

Best of luck

[WhoDoneIt? 0]

My husband makes only 31k now because he graduated only two years ago. And he is still looking for a new job.

Just give it some time. My wife was crazy upset because I had a mortgage. First calming was when I sold a 2nd house of mine but I am carrying the note, so when it is finished I can then pay off my own house. 2nd calming was her getting a job. 3rd was buying her a new car with cash. Just give it some time. It looks like your husband will cooperate with you. this is a very good sign.

One thing I realized is that I am somewhat spoiled. Yet I looked outside the USA for a wife to get away from spoiled American women. No offense meant to American ladies here. It was just how I felt at the time. My money conservative wife was beyond what I would have ever imagined. So I have learned what it is like to really sacrifice to get out of debt with her.

My mother can save money living on SS. My Step-mom I have never even introduced to my wife yet. She is always overspending and in debt. I just don't need more criticism of our spoiled American ways until I have everything under control at home where she is comfortable. I certainly wish you the best and again ask that you give your hubby some time and yet tell him how you feel and what you must have. Just be reasonable with your expectations on getting out of debt and saving.

take care and thanks for this thread.