She's not fat. She's 5 months old!

[MichelleN 0]

Not sure where to put this so, yeah. Sorry ahead of time for the rant.

My fiance....the daddy of my baby....said I need to do something about her weight. That I need to get it under control now because if she's fat by 3 years old, it'll be impossible for her to diet...... She's FIVE months old! Yes I understand in Japan babies are MUCH smaller. Yes I understand your mother thought I was lying when I told you she was 8lbs at birth. No, the doctors here don't get angry at mothers who's babies weigh more than 6lbs. No she is NOT fat. She's healthy. There was a hefty argument about this because he thinks I need to start restricting her food 'for her own good'. This is just....his ignorance about babies is just....ridiculous. He refuses to believe me that she's completely normal by American standards. That she is not automatically going to be fat for life because she has chunky baby legs. I got angry. He knew I was angry and was smart enough to drop it.

But I'm really really starting to worry about the HUGE differences in our beliefs about babies and child rearing. And most of it is cultural. This isn't the first thing that's happened. We had a disagreement about school. He thinks she needs to start learning writing/math/etc at 3 years old. He also thinks it's our responsibility as parents to choose an instrument to play and make her take lessons whether she likes it or not. Oh and that needs to start at 3 years old too. Not good enough to wait till she's 5 or 6 and let her choose for herself. We have to choose. I understand that our cultures are very different. I understand that you feel education is very important. I agree. But that doesn't mean the child has to devote their entire childhood to becoming educated. They're kids. Kids have fun. Being forced to go to piano lessons and forced to practice every day even if you hate it isn't fun.

I'm sure he thinks my ideas about how to raise her are just as ridiculous as I find his. But she's going to grow up in America, not Japan. The school systems here are completely different. Children don't have to take tests to get into schools. What school they go to doesn't completely determine their future. I wish he would understand that. And I WISH he would understand that she is NOT fat. It makes me even more angry because I'm overweight and I know how damaging it can be to constantly hear as a child "You should go on a diet....you're just a little too big". I just don't know how to make him understand. This is really worrying me because if it comes down to it and these arguments get serious (they haven't yet), I won't back down and I know that will cause problems.

So yeah....just a rant. Sorry. I'm just really upset right now.

[CaNdiD wiTcH 0]

Your baby is cute and cuddly.. I believe that babies have this monthly check up for vaccinations so the doctor could distinguish whether the baby is overweight or not.. We do not have baby yet but my husband and I used to discuss things about child rearing. I agree that there are some cultural differences. I also want our baby to read and write (basics) at an early age of 3.

[Scott & Lai 12]

She doesn't look fat at all to me; just a normal baby

[Marlita 0]

She's cute to me! And there is no need to force a child at 3 to take up a hobby. That is cultural. Just show your husband all of the Olympians who are kicking Japan's butt! That should prove that us Americans know what we are doing. haha

[redglasses 1]

I was a 7lb baby, but became the fattest child in preschool because my parents let me eat as much as I wanted.

Now I weigh 108lb. Am I impossible by his standard? Nah

[Mary Lou 681]

Your baby is so adorable!! She looks fine Im sure its like you said, cultural differences.

[*Maureen* 0]

awwww your baby is so cute!! thats way too soon to be saying she is fat. by that picture she is no way near fat!

[tom&tata 2]

Try to seek compromise/middle ground.

About the weight - some babies are bigger than others but it does not mean they will have weight or health problem when they grow up. Just like some babies learn how to walk faster, others learn to talk faster.

On the other hand about the read/math - just create encouraging environment in the house. My nephew started reading when he was 3.5 yo. He went to preschool abroad & my sister was told not to force him to read. The problem is he was not forced to read - he wanted to read because he saw everyone else in the family likes to read. I think it was the same case with my youngest sister - she was the youngest one to start reading. It is because everyone else already knew how to read except for her so she wanted to "join the club".

[Aymerlu 3]

Your baby is adorable! I'd much rather see a baby with cute cheeks than one with none. The cultural differences I'm sure are playing a big role in how your fiance feels. Maybe once he's here he'll understand things better.

[mRx 16]

Try to seek compromise/middle ground.

[msu17 0]

Your baby is super cute! My niece was seriously a fat baby (not just cute like yours). Honestly, I have never seen a fatter baby. She was large at birth, over 9 pounds and just kept getting bigger and bigger. However she never really gained much weight from around 6 months to a year and evened out. Now at 3 she is a normal weight child. Just tell him to shut up and wait it out. Kids even out as they get older (either put on weight or slim down). A relative bought into that babies cant be overweight #######, but their child on a diet (even limited bottles) and the kid has MAJOR issues with eating now at 6.

[Ban Hammer 13,150]

daddy needs more to do to keep him occupied.

[MichelleN 0]

Thanks for the replies everyone. My family knows she's not fat, I know it, the doctor knows it but I just can't get him (or his family) to believe me. So...yeah. It's gonna be hard but I guess I'll deal. As long as they don't start saying things around her to to her once she gets old enough to understand I won't press the issue too much. And I agree about nurturing an environment of learning! I was reading before kindergarten and so was one of my nieces. The difference in our thinking is he thinks it should be hard core, sit down and study type learning. I think it's more beneficial at younger ages to make it fun and interesting.

[KarenCee 3]

You know, speaking as an educator, forcing a child to achieve so much at an early age is IMHO not good. I've taught kids who were over achievers...parents forced them to start high level education at a very early age...and when they don't "make the grade" (i.e. make less than an A+) they freaked out. That's such an unhealthy frame of mind for these kids! I don't understand the concept of forcing 3 year olds to start a full scale educational plan like what I've read here. So what has happened to kids being kids? I know some cultures do this but have you ever wondered what goes on inside the mind of the child who is pushed into being a "super kid"? Might surprise you...

To the OP: Your baby is healthy looking...definitely NOT fat. Methinks the fiancé needs to take into consideration that his child is half American too. I really REALLY hope this gets resolved....for your daughter's sake.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Michelle - I completely understand what you are going through. I'd suggest asking your baby's pediatrician's office to write up a short letter stating your baby's condition of health and have your doctor sign it. Then fax or email a copy of it to your fiance and demand he also show it to his mom. Also, you could offer to take him with you to the pediatrician when he gets here.

There's always going to be different POV when it comes to rearing the children, even if you and your husband grew up in the same town together, but I understand that cultural differences can compound problems like this. I'd suggest to try and block that out of your mind, or you're bound to immediately think it's a cultural difference every time you two have a disagreement about your child. It's really important to meet each other halfway, try to see it from their POV, and always work together towards understand one another's POV about your child. Also, talking about expectations (what kind of schooling, religion, will she have piano lessons or ballet?).

She's a beautiful baby and I'm sure her Daddy is very proud of her.

Best wishes with finding resolve.