"You'll make new friends"

[Gemmie 142]

This is partly about the fact that I don't know how I'm going to make new friends when I'm living in what is essentially a field ...

But mostly, I really really want to be able to see my friends regularly. We've become close over the years, and I don't think I can remain sane if I only get to see them once a year. One of them is moving back to Tokyo as she's Japanese, and my fiancee has said that we can save for a trip there in the future to visit her as it's very expensive... and as for my English friends, he seems to think we can either visit there or pay towards them visiting here.

But they'll be working full-time and also struggling financially... how does everyone else keep in contact with their friends? I know there's the phone (and I plan on making great use of the international calling plan), but do you get to see them often? If so, how does that work? Who pays and how often is reasonable?

Every time I find myself cracking up with laughter on my bed with my best friend, I catch myself feeling sad because I don't want this to end.

[StillThePrettiest 3]

skype, with a webcam, is great

[AlHayatZween 2]

skype, with a webcam, is great

not the same, but still better than going without seeing your friends.

StillThePrettiest, it's been sooooooo long since i've seen you. hello!

[Krikit 1,164]

I watch the daily sales for specific airlines and plan my visits around the lowest fares. I miss my friends terribly. We used to have so much fun. Ever season I would host a girls night/weekend. Sometimes it would just be at my house, other times it would be at the cottage, and other times we would take a road trip somewhere. This time they're all coming to my house in Florida and I can't wait! (My husband has been told to go visit his sister in Atlanta that weekend. )

[Mononoke28 135]

At my previous job I worked with a lady who has had the same group of friends for over 25 years and she told me that even though they're in different states and countries, they make sure to see each other once a year. They organize a week or weekend each summer and all of them go no matter where they're at.

Diana

[StillThePrettiest 3]

hello, AlHayatZween

nice to be missed

webcams are particularly good if there are kids involved... they're often not much good at talking on the phone, but a webcam chat can be something else

mind you, talking to my darling godson, who turned three just before I left London in April, is half pleasure, half pain... I miss him (and his family) SO much

I have a blog, which I try to update every week or so, with a bit of news and a LOT of pictures - it's fun to do, saves time in the end (because I can link to particular entries for certain bits of news), and allows people to drop in as they choose - it's fun to see all the comments, and a load of people have said to me it's been so good for them to get a bit of an idea about what life is like for me here

it doesn't replace emails and phone calls, of course, but can be a great extra... my London blog had over a hundred entries by the end, and probably close to a thousand photos; it can be an excellent way for people to keep in touch

and I'm sure I've mentioned it before, but just in case not -

for the tiny sum of $2 a month, Dave and I have registered local numbers in London and Sydney... people in the UK and Australia can call them, for the price of a local call, and be connected to us in Texas

for calls of any length, it's actually cheaper for them to call us than vice versa (and we only pay 1c per minute for international )

so the conversations can be LONGGGGGG

ETA: this is with skype, by the way - you need a skype phone to do it, as far as I know, not just your computer (though I may be wrong about that), but the skype phone is a good deal anyway

Edited August 21, 2008 by StillThePrettiest

[Mrs.J06 4]

I wish it was that easy...

I miss my friends terribly, too. So far I had the advantage of being able to go back twice a year, even though for business I still managed to get a short visit in and that helped a lot.

Otherwise long phone calls, a friend of mine is coming for a visit around Christmas, I'll go meet my sister in New York soon for a short shopping trip, but my best friend is scared to death of flying and has never come to see me I do miss her badly.

As to making new friends... I have a hard time here, since everybody is so wrapped up in their family and college/high school friends and they are not really interested in meeting new people. I was told it's a Midwestern thing but foreigners I know in other parts of the US have the same problem.

Good luck!

[TBoneTX 45,308]

This is partly about the fact that I don't know how I'm going to make new friends when I'm living in what is essentially a field

Good comments from others about staying in touch with old friends. About this part of it, make dedicated efforts toward attending social functions of all kinds, even interest-groups in which you may not be particularly interested. You'll enjoy the social contact per se, and you'll meet people who can connect you with others. The effectiveness of networking is not to be underestimated.

Apologies if the above advice is rather basic, yet making a regular habit of following it should pay off, si man.

[Miss_USA 0]

I've been living here since 2 years, and still haven't made friends yet. I miss my friends so very much and would do anything if I could just have them here with me. It seems like I meet some people but they never stay in touch:-( I guess it is just a little different here.

I try to see me family and friends twice a year which is not enough at all. I just miss the nights out with the girls or even meeting at home and just talk and having a good time. It is very hard for me and I am very sad about it...

I wish you all good luck with making new friends!!

[*JG* 2]

It's hard. Hell, I barely get to see my friends who live in the same city as me. Life has a funny way of taking over.

Sometimes a few times a year is the best you get.

[TBoneTX 45,308]

I've been living here since 2 years, and still haven't made friends yet. [...] It seems like I meet some people but they never stay in touch:-( I guess it is just a little different here.

Suggestion: Take even more initiative. When you cross trails with people, chat with them, and decide that you like them, tell them that you would appreciate having a friend of their caliber (a little flattery never hurts), and, if their reaction seems receptive (listen and watch), exchange your contact information. Call a couple of days later, with some ideas for activities (shopping, attending an event, etc.) on a particular upcoming day or two. If you leave a message and don't hear back, call again. If no response then, move on to the next person. Call the first person back in a couple of weeks.

The beauty is that you will never run out of a supply of PEOPLE, because they are everywhere. Keep going one by one by one, and the sheer "numbers game" will work in your favor. If you're on the shy side, remember that others are shy, too, and they may respond with relief and even eagerness if someone else (you) takes the first step.

People here have the tendency to become wrapped up in their own lives. I can't tell you how many actual and potential friends I lost touch with because I was "too busy" to respond, and the equal number that I lost touch with because I created excuses in my own mind as to why they "wouldn't be interested." I regret every one of those losses, even 20 years later. Pursue all contacts without discouragement or giving up too soon.

People are everywhere. Which ones and how many would you like to be your friends? Act on your plan, and stick with it, because you have a goal in mind. Let us know how you're doing!

[samantha_lou 0]

Gemmie,

You'll need Vonage! Free calls to the UK and you can set up a virtual local number so that UK people can call you!! I absolutely LOVE it!

Sam Xx

[Miss_USA 0]

@TBoneTX, thank you very much for your reply. I am actually a pretty open minded person and talk to people in the grocerie store or actually where ever I go, but maybe I shouldn't be giving up so quick. Like you said, I shoud just call people back even if they didn't call me back. I guess that is the german in me:-) If somebody tells me they would call I am waiting until they call...I have to work on that:-)

Thank you for caring!!

Nina

[rebeccajo 14]

Life changes. Friends come and go. It's natural.

[Gemmie 142]

Gemmie,

You'll need Vonage! Free calls to the UK and you can set up a virtual local number so that UK people can call you!! I absolutely LOVE it!

Sam Xx

I'll definitely look into that!

What we use right now is a $40 a month calling plan where he can call the UK unlimited (landlines only).. this means we get to talk every night for a few hours and the bill doesn't go up! I think it's AT&T.

Life changes. Friends come and go. It's natural.

True, though I would like to put the effort in to maintain the friendships that I have. It takes a long time for people to really get to know me, and when this happens mutually, I take the friendship as something special. I'm not going to throw it away because I'm moving, I just want to know how I can see my closest friends as well as talk on the phone.

I've discussed it with them and we agreed that we should all travel to make it fair. For example, all meeting in another state and spending a couple of weeks together. No matter what happens, even if it does end up with us drifting apart, I want to know that I did everything I could to make the effort to stay close.