Spotlight on Egypt's marriage crisis

[polarbear 0]

Bull Hockey

Anyway...yes, livingroom (couch) marriages still happen in farm country but in Cairo and Alex...girls are out and about picking and choosing a hubby and many openly discuss it. The sad part is .. most of the young men you will talk to feel they are out for money...(not much different than here I tell them! LOL) If you can't afford a flat or to furnish it the girls will not even take a second look.

Hmm, whenever I hear this I can't help but think the truth must be 'the (pretty) girls won't take a look' - maybe the guys' standards are set too high? A lot of women (ahem) aren't golddiggers and will even be willing to have a difficult living situation while money is tight but maybe the guys shouldln't only pick women who put 5 hours a day into their appearance and then expect a return on their investment....

At least this is what I think when American guys say this, dunno how much this applies to MENA.

probably part of the truth

[Nothing1234 2]

Bull Hockey

Anyway...yes, livingroom (couch) marriages still happen in farm country but in Cairo and Alex...girls are out and about picking and choosing a hubby and many openly discuss it. The sad part is .. most of the young men you will talk to feel they are out for money...(not much different than here I tell them! LOL) If you can't afford a flat or to furnish it the girls will not even take a second look.

Hmm, whenever I hear this I can't help but think the truth must be 'the (pretty) girls won't take a look' - maybe the guys' standards are set too high? A lot of women (ahem) aren't golddiggers and will even be willing to have a difficult living situation while money is tight but maybe the guys shouldln't only pick women who put 5 hours a day into their appearance and then expect a return on their investment....

At least this is what I think when American guys say this, dunno how much this applies to MENA.

I guess it depends on what your definition of pretty is...

(dont' shoot me but....) I guess if I have save all the money and work very hard...I might was well be attracted to my partner too! Not saying she has to be a total hottie but...hey lets be honest...1st impressions...

[Tunisia216 2]

lol me too - If I spend 10 years or more saving and working I think I'll want what I paid for :devil:

Kidding!! lol but I definitely do agree!

I guess it depends on what your definition of pretty is...

(dont' shoot me but....) I guess if I have save all the money and work very hard...I might was well be attracted to my partner too! Not saying she has to be a total hottie but...hey lets be honest...1st impressions...

[*JG* 2]

It kind of sounds like "Sex and the City" to me.

[polarbear 0]

Bull Hockey

Anyway...yes, livingroom (couch) marriages still happen in farm country but in Cairo and Alex...girls are out and about picking and choosing a hubby and many openly discuss it. The sad part is .. most of the young men you will talk to feel they are out for money...(not much different than here I tell them! LOL) If you can't afford a flat or to furnish it the girls will not even take a second look.

Hmm, whenever I hear this I can't help but think the truth must be 'the (pretty) girls won't take a look' - maybe the guys' standards are set too high? A lot of women (ahem) aren't golddiggers and will even be willing to have a difficult living situation while money is tight but maybe the guys shouldln't only pick women who put 5 hours a day into their appearance and then expect a return on their investment....

At least this is what I think when American guys say this, dunno how much this applies to MENA.

I guess it depends on what your definition of pretty is...

(dont' shoot me but....) I guess if I have save all the money and work very hard...I might was well be attracted to my partner too! Not saying she has to be a total hottie but...hey lets be honest...1st impressions...

Well yeah first impressions, but some of those "pretty" ones can be quite the pain in the a@@ after marriage with a horrible personality to boot

I think I would settle for not down-right ugly if it avoided that one and also allowed me to achieve this all important goal

[Tunisia216 2]

True, true..... but ya know true of men in the reverse and true of all countries... Somethings are just better to look at .. Window shopping But you don't want to take it home lol

Well yeah first impressions, but some of those "pretty" ones can be quite the pain in the a@@ after marriage with a horrible personality to boot

I think I would settle for not down-right ugly if it avoided that one and also allowed me to achieve this all important goal

[Henia 11]

I agree.... I think it's a problem that just kind of goes down hill...

In one way the girls feel like they can't "chose the person they really love" because their family might push them to pick a man that can afford these things...

But in another way some girls are taking it in their own hands trying to find a man that they feel attracted to or in love with that also can afford the flat, furniture, etc... which leads to the men feeling like the girls won't talk to them unless they are well off and can afford all the necessary items for marriage...

And then the sad issue of the man and woman who are in love but can not afford the things that would make her family agree to the marriage... Spending years and years waiting for him to save and hoping her family doesn't 'pick' someone else before that day comes.

It definitely goes on all over MENA ( but probably in the US as well, like you said Nawal, some women going after men that have money)

But I know in Tunisia, it's not uncommon to see a 18-20 year old girl engaged and or married to a man over 45 ... And a lot of younger Tunisian men feel slighted.... Many of the girls they 'date' or know from school and may have feelings for are entirely unreachable to them because they won't have enough money to marry until they are 35 or older (unless they come from a very wealthy family).. And the thought of not being able to marry until after 35 and spending 10 years doing nothing but working and hoping for an engagement that may or may not come seems hopeless....

So much factors into it though- Not just cultural differences but also economic differences.. Less women working and having money to contribute to a relationship/engagement/marriage and fewer high paying jobs for the MENA men... I definitely think it's not just an "Egyptian" problem...

Bull Hockey

Anyway...yes, livingroom (couch) marriages still happen in farm country but in Cairo and Alex...girls are out and about picking and choosing a hubby and many openly discuss it. The sad part is .. most of the young men you will talk to feel they are out for money...(not much different than here I tell them! LOL) If you can't afford a flat or to furnish it the girls will not even take a second look.

No matter how women do not want to face it ... most of them are seeking husbands purely for the financial gain - which in my opinion is OK/normal if you look at their position in their countries.

I know here in Algeria women look for the dinars (money) not the personality ... since they know they will spent little time with the men (since they go out all day long - either working or hanging in the cafes) buuut if they find a well off one, her daily life will be nice and comfy! And considering all the chi-chi parties Algerians go to ... they need money to impress!

[doodlebugg 10]

True, true..... but ya know true of men in the reverse and true of all countries... Somethings are just better to look at .. Window shopping But you don't want to take it home lol

Well yeah first impressions, but some of those "pretty" ones can be quite the pain in the a@@ after marriage with a horrible personality to boot

I think I would settle for not down-right ugly if it avoided that one and also allowed me to achieve this all important goal

Yeah but if the woman is covered how the heck does he know what he's getting by a first impression? She could be outright bald for all he knows, you know?

[Tunisia216 2]

touché Bridget!

Which goes back to the reason why the livingroom marriages with a brief first impression meeting aren't really the best... (in my humble opinion) For the man or for the woman... Forever is a really long time.... and that forever should be decided by the two people who are bound to it.

Yeah but if the woman is covered how the heck does he know what he's getting by a first impression? She could be outright bald for all he knows, you know?

[Nothing1234 2]

True, true..... but ya know true of men in the reverse and true of all countries... Somethings are just better to look at .. Window shopping But you don't want to take it home lol

Well yeah first impressions, but some of those "pretty" ones can be quite the pain in the a@@ after marriage with a horrible personality to boot

I think I would settle for not down-right ugly if it avoided that one and also allowed me to achieve this all important goal

Yeah but if the woman is covered how the heck does he know what he's getting by a first impression? She could be outright bald for all he knows, you know?

So true... In Egypt many of the women the way they wear hijab is not the same as other regions. Some wear loser fitting hijab (hair showing a bit) and others neck showing as well. It all depends...where in Jordan many of my friends are completely covered and you'd never see a stitch of hair or skin showing.

[Aymsgirl 0]

Yeah but if the woman is covered how the heck does he know what he's getting by a first impression? She could be outright bald for all he knows, you know?

When I was visiting friends in Alex, the father of my friend came to Alex to visit his family staying there. He had brought with him a friend from his hometown that drove him. The friend walked into the room, seen one of the girls there, followed the father outside and wanted to ask him to ask his niece for permission to marry. This was strange to me.....very weird, he hadn't spoken to her, just seen her and she was wearing a hijab. I thought the same as you Bridget.

Also, another story, my hubby's best friend, is a great guy! Worked with this girl, engaged her, married her signed the papers and she turned into an impolite devil on him at the wedding party Poor guy hadn't had marital relations with her and had to pay her and for the divorce. My husband said he warned him, her family didn't want a long engagement but was rushing the wedding....guess they wanted rid of her too!

Don't know if it has been said or not but since the groom is supposed to supply the flat and have it bought and paid for before the wedding in my opinion maybe that is why a lot of these guys want to marry outside of their country. Just a thought....

[Nothing1234 2]

Don't know if it has been said or not but since the groom is supposed to supply the flat and have it bought and paid for before the wedding in my opinion maybe that is why a lot of these guys want to marry outside of their country. Just a thought....

Many people think that as well...

[Henia 11]

True, true..... but ya know true of men in the reverse and true of all countries... Somethings are just better to look at .. Window shopping But you don't want to take it home lol

Well yeah first impressions, but some of those "pretty" ones can be quite the pain in the a@@ after marriage with a horrible personality to boot

I think I would settle for not down-right ugly if it avoided that one and also allowed me to achieve this all important goal

Yeah but if the woman is covered how the heck does he know what he's getting by a first impression? She could be outright bald for all he knows, you know?

LOL he wouldn't know ... but I think at that point the man isn't thinking on details (as they usually don't) ... but thinking more:

Is she pretty?

Is she give off the pious vibe?

Is she willing to marry me?

When is the wedding night?

And as Nawal said, women wear the hijeb differently everywhere ... and this says ALOT of the woman ... how she wears it!

Amysgirl: Alot families do the marriage arrangements for woman ... she just sits there all pretty like a statue ... fathers have the say since most times they are wali (guardian) ... And you are so so right many MENA (and other men) want to marry outside of their culture for this very reason ... we demand less! Love doesn't cost a thing (usually)!

[Nothing1234 2]

True, true..... but ya know true of men in the reverse and true of all countries... Somethings are just better to look at .. Window shopping But you don't want to take it home lol

Well yeah first impressions, but some of those "pretty" ones can be quite the pain in the a@@ after marriage with a horrible personality to boot

I think I would settle for not down-right ugly if it avoided that one and also allowed me to achieve this all important goal

Yeah but if the woman is covered how the heck does he know what he's getting by a first impression? She could be outright bald for all he knows, you know?

LOL he wouldn't know ... but I think at that point the man isn't thinking on details (as they usually don't) ... but thinking more:

Is she pretty?

Is she give off the pious vibe?

Is she willing to marry me?

When is the wedding night?

And as Nawal said, women wear the hijeb differently everywhere ... and this says ALOT of the woman ... how she wears it!

Amysgirl: Alot families do the marriage arrangements for woman ... she just sits there all pretty like a statue ... fathers have the say since most times they are wali (guardian) ... And you are so so right many MENA (and other men) want to marry outside of their culture for this very reason ... we demand less! Love doesn't cost a thing (usually)!

I agree there are different schools of how one wears hijab...i'm used to seeing friends and family covered mostly from Jordan...however, I'm not sure it says too much about the woman as you said. My MIL (in Egypt), wears her hijab loose...not as fully covered but no neck showing. I happen to think she's an amazing lady...

I believe a persons actions say a lot about a person...not their clothing.

[Tunisia216 2]

:thumbs: :thumbs:

I believe a persons actions say a lot about a person...not their clothing.