Divorced after the greencard

[gwenneh 7]

Why would the husband wait until after the OP got her GC to mention wanting to divorce her? He had to love her, if he helped her get her GC anyway. Why would he mention this just now, after she just got her GC?

A person who falls out of love would not go along with his/her immigrant spouse, helping them get a GC.

Maybe because he's a nice guy, who sees she's established a life of her own, and didn't want to screw her over? Some people in this world are actually still just nice. Maybe he didn't feel like just chucking her out and seeing her uprooted after she uprooted her own life in her own country to be with him.

Maybe he still likes her as a friend, but not as a lover?

There are hundreds of reasons a man might wait until she is settled to move on, particularly if the split is amicable. It doesn't mean he still loves her as a man should love a wife just because he helped her get a green card. Maybe he just felt he was being a decent person and doing something nice for someone else.

[dmartmar 1]

Maybe because he's a nice guy, who sees she's established a life of her own, and didn't want to screw her over? Some people in this world are actually still just nice. Maybe he didn't feel like just chucking her out and seeing her uprooted after she uprooted her own life in her own country to be with him.

Maybe he still likes her as a friend, but not as a lover?

There are hundreds of reasons a man might wait until she is settled to move on, particularly if the split is amicable. It doesn't mean he still loves her as a man should love a wife just because he helped her get a green card. Maybe he just felt he was being a decent person and doing something nice for someone else.

Don't you think that helping her get a GC by not loving her as a wife, but as a friend, could be seen as marriage fraud? Would he incriminate himself like that?

And if the split was amicable, she wouldn't be here worried and asking how to be able to remove conditions on her own, W/O her husband's help.

Edited May 21, 2006 by dmartmar

[gwenneh 7]

It sounds to me like the marriage was entered into in good faith, though. That the feelings changed after marriage is not something that either of them could help. You have to admit, with immigration being what it is, people sometimes make the choice to go into marriage too soon just so they can have a chance to be with the person at all. It probably could be construed as fraud, yes-and given your background and position as Official VJ Cynic, I can see where you're coming from-but in this case I really feel I should give the OP the benefit of the doubt, and I am. Obviously, that doesn't mean you have to, though.

As she's now headed for divorce, I think it's fine that she is asking about removal of conditions without her husband, as she won't have one.

[dmartmar 1]

You have to admit, with immigration being what it is, people sometimes make the choice to go into marriage too soon just so they can have a chance to be with the person at all. It probably could be construed as fraud, yes.

Whoa! If people sometimes make the choice to "go into marriage to soon" b/c immigration "is what it is" would tell me that immigrants really don't marry to have a chance of being with the person they love, but to gain immigration benefits.

Edited May 21, 2006 by dmartmar

[gwenneh 7]

That's not what I'm saying and you know it. And I refuse to get angry at you or get into an argument over it, because you have a completely different perspective than I do, and completely vaild reasons for your views and cynicism.

What I am saying is that in order to even get a chance to be with the person they love and even TRY at being in a relationship, people facing immigration have to jump right in, pull out all the stops. There is no "easing in" or "going slow"; if you want to be with the person at all, it's immigrate or nothing. Visits can only be done for so long and will only tell you so much. Some people, like my husband and myself, were lucky and visited each other for almost a year before we decided to commit. We had the resources, and we were lucky. But what about the people who don't have that chance-who must make the decision to commit to someone based on a few two week vacations and lots of phone calls? Immigration puts the choice out there-commit, or continue being apart. It polarizes things for most people-that's not fraud, it's just the choice some people face. Not everyone has a year off or financial reserve to go and visit their SO in another country, and so they make relationship choices based on what they can gather-and sometimes, it just isn't enough, no matter how well-intentioned it is at the start.

[maria_b84 0]

dmartmar is never respectful, so dont even pay attention to his posts, he doesnt know anything. I wish u all my best

Maria

[meauxna 15]

marry to have a chance of being with the person they love, but to gain immigration benefits.

d,

Suggest you go to this group (alt.visa.us.marriage-based) and search this phrase:

"love got to do with"

short for What's Love Got To Do With It.

You may be very surprised (most people in the marriage visa process are) to learn that love ain't necessarily got nuthin' to do with it.

[dmartmar 1]

Some people like my husband and myself, were lucky enough to visit each other for almost a year, before we decided to commit. We had the resources and we were lucky.

Kudos to both you and your husband for taking the time to get to know each other as well as possible, before marrying, which is the right way to do it.

What I am saying is that in order to even get a chance to be with the person they love or even TRY at being in a relationship, people facing Immigration have to jump right in, pull out all the stops. There is no "easing in" or "taking it slow." If you want to be with the person, it's either Immigrate or nothing at all.

That's all fine and dandy with me, but no sane person would just "jump" into a relationship, much less marry someone whom they barely even know from another country and another culture.

And what about the people who don't have that chance, who must make the decision to commit to someone, based on a few week's vacation and lots of phone calls? Visits can only last but for so long and only will tell you but so much.

I thought tourist visas were for sightseeing and traveling in the US, not to get to know people better.

Immigration puts the choice out there: either commit or continue being apart. It polarizes things for most people, which is not fraud. It's just a choice some people face. Not everyone has a year off or the financial reserves to go and visit their SO in another country, so they make relationship choices based on what they can gather. Sometimes it just ain't enough, no matter how well-intentioned it is at the start.

Then it seems as immigrants get married for the wrong reasons.

Let's be real. How many immigrants want to go back home w/o a GC, after acknowledging making the mistake of jumping so soon into a marriage with a USC they barely even knew? Almost all want to stay or go back with a GC in hand.

d,

I suggest that you go to this group (alt.visa.us.marriage-based) and search this phrase: "love got to do with," which is short for "What's Love Got To Do With It."

You may be very surprised (most people in the marriage visa process are) to learn that love necessarily ain't got nuthin' to do with it.

I know, which is exactly the point I'm trying to make!

Dmartmar is never respectful, so don't even pay attention to his posts. He doesn't know anything. I wish u all my best.

Maria

I know much more than what you think. And just as I respect everyone's posts, including yours, mine should be respected as well.

Edited May 22, 2006 by dmartmar

[dmartmar 1]

d,

I suggest you go to this group (alt.visa.us.marriage-based) and search this phrase: "love got to do with," short for What's Love Got To Do With It.

You may be very surprised (most people in the marriage visa process are) to learn that love ain't necessarily got nuthin' to do with it.

Meauxna,

I forgot to ask you: how do I access this group?

[Yodrak 7]

dmartmar,

AVUM-B is a Usenet newsgroup. You can access it with an application called a 'news reader', or simply 'reader' (MS Outlook Express has a 'reader' function.)

Or there are web sites that act as portals to usenet newsgroups. Google is one.

Yodrak

Meauxna,

I forgot to ask you: how do I access this group?

Edited May 22, 2006 by Yodrak

[meauxna 15]

d,

I suggest you go to this group (alt.visa.us.marriage-based) and search this phrase: "love got to do with," short for What's Love Got To Do With It.

You may be very surprised (most people in the marriage visa process are) to learn that love ain't necessarily got nuthin' to do with it.

Meauxna,

I forgot to ask you: how do I access this group?

google is your friend

You can also find the group at www.britishexpats.com Go to Forums and look for the marriage based immigration to the US forum.

Older archives are at google in the "groups" tab.

That's all fine and dandy with me, but no sane person would just "jump" into a relationship, much less marry someone whom they barely even know from another country and another culture.

Call me insane, then. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, d. And sometimes, it all works out well.

Happy 4 year anniversary to me & mine!

[diadromous mermaid 36]

You have to admit, with immigration being what it is, people sometimes make the choice to go into marriage too soon just so they can have a chance to be with the person at all. It probably could be construed as fraud, yes.

Whoa! If people sometimes make the choice to "go into marriage to soon" b/c immigration "is what it is" would tell me that immigrants really don't marry to have a chance of being with the person they love, but to gain immigration benefits.

Let's not forget that according to the regulations, immigrant benefit should not be the "sole benefit" of a marriage-based petition. Inherent in that clause is that it can be one of the benefits, just not the only one! While that might not appear to be the prevailing approach to marriage, nor might it be morally correct for some, it also does not conflict with the INA