Going or been through this VJ, long distance relationship, would you do it again?

[sashagrin 0]

No no and no!

stress and frustration - no thanks!

[chuckb 0]

Golly, I've been through it for my wife and kids, helped my brother through it for his wife, and now working through the maze for my stepdaughter.

I'd be a liar if I didn't say I was a glutton for punishment!

It's all 100% worth it in my case. I've been divorced twice, don't think I can afford to do that again!

Would I do it again? YES. Damn, I better get a better job!

[Dr. Obvious 49]

Sure, but it would again be only a person from another low fraud first world country. I would also consider moving wherever there was depending.

[Welshcookie 17]

I would never do a LDR....it was never an option for us.

[Laura+Tom 2]

No, because I hope I don't have to do again as I want to be with Tom forever!

[GiGii 4]

Sure, but it would again be only a person from another low fraud first world country. I would also consider moving wherever there was depending.

Hmm, that's was a kinda different response. I never thought about the selection of what country. I thought love is love.

[TBoneTX 44,489]

Not a chance in hell would I ever do it again. Nor would I advise anyone I know to even attempt it.

Took the words completely out my mouth. Before I began this infernal process, I had forsworn ever again dating U.S. women. If my fiancee is not allowed into the U.S., or if something were to happen to her afterwards, I would surely die alone. Edited August 21, 2008 by TBoneTX

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I voted yes, but I hope to never do this again. For my fiancee I would do anything and it has been a (big) labor of love.

I was not looking for a wife. I had worked in Ukraine for two years and went back to visit friends I made while there and met my fiancee quite by accident on the way back during a layover in Prague, CZ. She was not looking for a husband. But things went well and I went back to visit her a couple times and, well, here we are. Oddly enough she will leave Ukraine to join me exactly one year to the day I left for my vacation and we will be married exactly one year to the day from when we met. When I went there last year I certainly did not expect to meet the most wonderful Ukrainian woman...in Prague!!!!!

Gary

[TBoneTX 44,489]

Sure, but it would again be only a person from another low fraud first world country. I would also consider moving wherever there was depending.

Hmm, that's was a kinda different response. I never thought about the selection of what country. I thought love is love.

The wisdom of hindsight is speaking. Would we rather breeze through a first interview, without the U.S. partner having to be present, in a few minutes in London, or spend 8+ months fighting a ####### third-world consulate? I will not post anything about that part of my experience until my fiancee is INSIDE the U.S., but when I do, expect your computer screen to spontaneously explode. Two other USCs experienced exactly the same at this consulate, and surely others around the third world have at their consulates, too. For clarity, "third world" is defined as "any poor country." Edited August 22, 2008 by TBoneTX

[o0pink0o 3]

Not a chance in hell would I ever do it again. Nor would I advise anyone I know to even attempt it.

me too

[Dr. Obvious 49]

Sure, but it would again be only a person from another low fraud first world country. I would also consider moving wherever there was depending.

Hmm, that's was a kinda different response. I never thought about the selection of what country. I thought love is love.

It is not. I would not marry anyone not of a similar religion as me. Some people are all about severe cultural and worldview differences, but I am not really interested in bothering when it comes to the person I have to live day in and day out with. Friend? Sure. Husband? Uh, no. I am just not that romantic, I guess.

A PP was right, I also don't want to deal with high fraud consulates. My husband's interview 'question' was a short funny conversation about how the interviewing officer remembered me from all my e-mails. I wasn't even there. Everything went pretty smoothly and quickly. Then I read about these consulates that don't accept co-sponsors, that are hungry to deny after long waits. That was not my experience at all. My marriage was assumed legit without questioning. Germany is low fraud, what can I say?

Not that I expect to be in this position of having to do it again. My husband and I will be married four years in four days and it is still going well.

[Angela & Paul 12]

I am not sure people saying they'd rather move to the fiance(e)'s country realize that it is hard for a US citizen to move to another country. With reciprocity in place, the process could be as long if not longer.

The broader issue here is relationship between individuals from different countries/cultures. The couple should have a long discussion about what they're getting into - and this visa journey is probably the least of the problems - before making a lifetime commitment.

If communication between the couple is there, then love will do the rest (like waiting a year to be together...)

Also, and I am not condoning the abuse of the process, but as far as I know getting married to a US citizen is still the quickest way to get a green card. I went through the standard green card process, after living in the US on a work visa where my company held me "hostage". Anyway, ask your friends how much time and money it took them to get the green card the 'standard' way. I think the shortest time is probably 6 or 7 years. The USCIS is making it short for us. The grass is not greener on the other side!

Of course, I still wish it'd be easier and faster, but I am not complaining. Well, except maybe I wish I'd live in the Vermont Service Center jurisdiction. Wait! The grass is greener there, and not just because of the weather

My vote is a resounding "yes"!

[Dr. Obvious 49]

I am not sure people saying they'd rather move to the fiance(e)'s country realize that it is hard for a US citizen to move to another country. With reciprocity in place, the process could be as long if not longer.

I think I was the only poster who mentioned this, so let me address it by saying it was far easier, bar none, for me to move to Germany than for my husband to come here. Here is my German timeline:

5-10-04: Entry under VWP status

6-?-04: Applied for permit to marry. Approved by superior court a few weeks later.

8-26-04: Married

9-2-04: Applied for PR

9-6-04: Received PR w/authorization to apply for work permit

9-10?-04: Applied and received work permit

That was it. My PR was good for 3 years and my work permit did not have an expiration date.

YMMV, but the US is a hard country to come to even as a spouse and in some cases it may just be easier for the USC to go abroad from an immigration standpoint. Something each individual couple has to look into for themselves, because there is obviously more to consider than immigration law.

[Koakland 0]

Yes! Errrr No! I love my fiance so much. We've been LDR for 3 years and I guess it'll be 4 by the time our K1 is approved and he moves here. We didn't intend on living so far apart but he was an exchange student when we met 3 years ago. All in all, the 3 years has been worth it (although expensive!) We made it work. If we were to break up, would I do it again? I can't imagine us not being together. We are so well suited for one another. All I know is that I am so happy that we decided we loved each other enough to try. My friends have said that I'm the only successful LDR they know BUT there has to be a lot more out there because there are sooo many of us on VJ.

[Lili 3]

It is an interesting question.

I would do it all over again for my hubby. But my LDR was nothing compared to what some VJ'ers endured.

We were "fortunate" in the sense that we talked on the phone multiple times a day and saw each other for about a week every three months. Without the constant talking on the phone, I don't know how we would have done it. But a year was tough...but I wish patience and happiness to all couples still experiencing this desperate feeling of wanting to be with their SO.

It is all worth it in the end, hang in there!