Have interview date

[Martiniolive 0]

OK just to let it be known It's all better.....and we (husband & I) both know now that it's the stress of this process were dealing with so we agree'd to chill now and not let it distroy us! Whats the saying: What does not kill me only makes me stronger

[nunyab 0]

OK just to let it be known It's all better.....and we (husband & I) both know now that it's the stress of this process were dealing with so we agree'd to chill now and not let it distroy us! Whats the saying: What does not kill me only makes me stronger

how about RAW NERVES.... are you going gray yet??? lol

I am glad something I said rang true to you... when you're ready we can wear the shirts at the same time next person who is in the same circumstance... you know it's funny cause i've been sending less and less texts and my husband now calls daily lol... and today he was like he always is and i was sweet and loving but he did catch me at a bad time at work. I said baby thanks for the call but I gotta go back to work ok? He was surprised...

He's all about telling me when I can see him now and if it's a good time for me yadda yadda, I just think about the women of his family strong and independant but loving and nurturing when needed.

hope that makes sense. I know even though it feels "worked out" it may not COMPLETLY feel worked out... when you start feeling that way again bury yourself in VJ....lol that's what I do.

TTFN Glad you're good to go

oh and when they say ####### like the "you don't have to have me?" that's when they are at their wits end of what to say or think (usually) anymore. My husband says he loves me I should know he loves me. no matter what.... whatever... I told him if he wants to keep a happy wife he better tell me that every day for the rest of our lives!!! he laughed and made it a promise.

Rajaa

[maggieNomar 0]

good luck with your interview.

[aj1 1]

I think we can all relate to you in some way. I understand how you feel this whole process can make anyone go absolutely crazy! But after the interveiw things should calm down some because at least that is one step closer you will be in your love getting his Visa and don't worry hun things will all work out in the end. I will say a prayer for you both Hang in there sweety it will be ok.

AJ1

[morocco4ever 63]

You did just answer , your tired of dealing with immigration and you just realized we are the ones that have to gather everything and put it together and the ones that come home each night to talk and usually the ones to pay the largest phone bills etc etc etc (we do get tired)

This really is the truth. Like I have said before, we sacrifice so much to make their lives better. But do they see the sacrifice? Not usually. Girl it is your place to let him know what you have done, and then stop and wonder why you do so much if he isn't returning it? These Moroccan men are spoiled, we all know this. But come one now. There comes a time we must take care of ourself.

May I suggest that you calmly tell him that you love him, you want him here. But you are going to stop asking for attention from him and you are going to go out and have a real life. Not sit by the freaking computer waiting for him. That just isn't fair to you.

The stress of this is hard on both the husband and the wife. But we tend to, as wives, give and give to make their lives better. Not that that is a bad thing, but girl you have needs too. If he can't meet them then go out and find life outside of immigration. It really does ease stress to think about other things besides this freaking immigration thing.

[maggieNomar 0]

This is the most dangerous time for the relationship I feel. I think they have NO idea how much we sacrifice/stress to get through this process. They do the same, but most of it falls on our shoulders as we still have jobs and getting things ready here for their arrival. Just be patient and think about when they get here....everything will be fine!

You are so right Lulu. I remember feeling like I had become a different person. My life was tied to being on msn round the clock in order to accomodate the time difference and spend as much tiime together as possible. I even remember trying to step away/limit time on computer but I found myself sucked back in. A lot changes once they have the visa (we spent less time on the net because he was busy packing and saying goodbye) and the next thing you know they are in your arms.

[Martiniolive 0]

Your hubby sounds so like mine LOL. Mine says that too about : If I say I love you..you should know I love you all the time" Sometimes he will say it is boring to repeat things (not I love you) but if I want to hear verification of something over again because we did not discuss it for a while and I just want to hear it again . He feels if he says something than he should only have to say it once. Like he means exactly what he says and forever. Wish I could think like him...maybe in time I will. He always says in time we will be the same

OK just to let it be known It's all better.....and we (husband & I) both know now that it's the stress of this process were dealing with so we agree'd to chill now and not let it distroy us! Whats the saying: What does not kill me only makes me stronger

how about RAW NERVES.... are you going gray yet??? lol

I am glad something I said rang true to you... when you're ready we can wear the shirts at the same time next person who is in the same circumstance... you know it's funny cause i've been sending less and less texts and my husband now calls daily lol... and today he was like he always is and i was sweet and loving but he did catch me at a bad time at work. I said baby thanks for the call but I gotta go back to work ok? He was surprised...

He's all about telling me when I can see him now and if it's a good time for me yadda yadda, I just think about the women of his family strong and independant but loving and nurturing when needed.

hope that makes sense. I know even though it feels "worked out" it may not COMPLETLY feel worked out... when you start feeling that way again bury yourself in VJ....lol that's what I do.

TTFN Glad you're good to go

oh and when they say ####### like the "you don't have to have me?" that's when they are at their wits end of what to say or think (usually) anymore. My husband says he loves me I should know he loves me. no matter what.... whatever... I told him if he wants to keep a happy wife he better tell me that every day for the rest of our lives!!! he laughed and made it a promise.

Rajaa

[Martiniolive 0]

Thank You that is so sweet

I think we can all relate to you in some way. I understand how you feel this whole process can make anyone go absolutely crazy! But after the interveiw things should calm down some because at least that is one step closer you will be in your love getting his Visa and don't worry hun things will all work out in the end. I will say a prayer for you both Hang in there sweety it will be ok.

AJ1

[Martiniolive 0]

I know I did this to myself. I am changing it

You did just answer , your tired of dealing with immigration and you just realized we are the ones that have to gather everything and put it together and the ones that come home each night to talk and usually the ones to pay the largest phone bills etc etc etc (we do get tired)

This really is the truth. Like I have said before, we sacrifice so much to make their lives better. But do they see the sacrifice? Not usually. Girl it is your place to let him know what you have done, and then stop and wonder why you do so much if he isn't returning it? These Moroccan men are spoiled, we all know this. But come one now. There comes a time we must take care of ourself.

May I suggest that you calmly tell him that you love him, you want him here. But you are going to stop asking for attention from him and you are going to go out and have a real life. Not sit by the freaking computer waiting for him. That just isn't fair to you.

The stress of this is hard on both the husband and the wife. But we tend to, as wives, give and give to make their lives better. Not that that is a bad thing, but girl you have needs too. If he can't meet them then go out and find life outside of immigration. It really does ease stress to think about other things besides this freaking immigration thing.

[hitchoo 0]

Salam

just gotto comment on somethings i see you have to notice , you were kidding telling him do that or whatever or i will divorce you and marry my ex , heree your hitting in in the trust between you and him , either the secure of the relation, when you are in distance you should repeat your promises whatever you face of problems , what you said he may repeated with himself more than once and that you OPENED THE DEVIL WORK DOOR . as an arabic man he may told you you dont have to be with me of you dont want to , as a response of this joke or a previous joke you did not pay attention too. on other hand i see it normal every couple has their issues , and yours i see its not a big deal , and always love there between you , just wait on a real FUNNY joke when you both laugh , believe it ,you both will say we were kinda stupid to say or think this about eachother ,

wish you happy life together and very cute kids

Edited August 16, 2008 by hitchoo

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Rajaa! You made me cry..and I am at work LOL...I am in Public relations so it's bad to cry hehehe. I am so relieved to read this from you......I will do what you suggest. I suspected I should but was too afraid. And I believe you are right, Arab men must be different from American men that way. I read way too much into his words and he ALWAYS says the same words (accept the "if you don't want me you don't have to have me") that one shocked me

I have given up so much for him. I hate to sound that way but... I gave up two beautiful new expensive cars BMW and new escalade(I now have a new honda civic 2 door because he prefers and is used to small cars), I am getting rid of my 4bedroom 3 ba home to move into an apartment, I have been working 6 days a week all year to pay off all credit card debt etc....Just because I want him to have as little stress as possible. I know his coming to a whole new culture will be hard enough. And I did not extra stress on our marriage with too many expenses/financial issues too. I no longer drink any alcohol even though I was just an occasional wine sipper and weekend martini enthusiest (he does not want me to drink) I have flown alone to see him in his country every 4-5 mos and I have never flown alone let alone gone over seas. I just feel I have changed so much and worked so hard for us and to hear him say thoses words "If you don't want me you don't have to have me". I feel like it was a sort of threat I guess. Like hey baby, if you don't like the ingredients don't cook the dinner...pick another recipe. The first thing I though of when I opened my eyes this morning was, now I see more clearly all the times something was really important to me and he just could not seem to do it for long (He has always seemed so sweet and calm and romantic with all the sweet words moroccan men are famous for ). The timeing was bad or something came up or... Like if I tell him how hard the distance is for me and I really miss how much he used to text and email me in the beginning so could we both please make an effort to do that still. He just can't I rarely get an email from him anymore and I accepted it that way. He will for like two days or a week but than it is back to maybe one text to say good morning (on occasion) or if I text him he will text back, or the one text saying he is on line at night (If I text him to be online at night it seems to always be a bad time for him so I just wait for him to text me to talk) My thought is that he is deliberately NOT doing something if I ask him because he does NOT like being told something. I never put this together before and It COULD be just a coincidence because of the tension but on the other hand it could be part of his personality I did not see. I know I am rambling can you tell I am freaking out about this? I read so many bad stories from petitioners on here and it is all coming back to me at this time. I don't want to be hurt!!!!

Wow,,, I've got the "been there done that" t-shirt...look wearing it now...

Ok Ok i know this one cause we went through the same thing. I am not sure how long it's been since you two have been together, sometimes it's very hard to have a relationship with someone you are not near and we soemtimes forget the way your SO smells, laughs, eat little things we love. My husband can appear "cold" but I've learned not to "read into" things cause to be honest he is ARabic and they mean what they say.

If they think or feel something different they will say exactly that, my problem is reading into things when I started making plans and going out to do things i'd send a text like... "going out with the girls for tea not sure when i'll be back" and then texting at hours later "back had a great time" and became less (bare with me on the word) dependant on him to make me happy he started back peddaling.

Take a look at Arabic women and how they are to their husbands business like, until they are home... mine is the same we are all business until it's him and I we have been married for only three months but have known eachother longer and now have become more in the "comfortable" phase. We both miss eachother but we know we will have eachother soon one day.

It's hard It sucks but live your life and let him know you're living it independatly....don't go crazy but live it...go to the movies, have tea with friends do something and let him know..... I can almost guarentee you things will move.

pm me if you need some one to chat with... I am always here for my VJ girl peeps.

Rajaa

I dont think calling one time a week is normal whatsover for someone in a marriage, arabic or not. It shows a lack of concern.

As far as feeling taken advantage of, there are lots of couples on here who's husband never made them feel neglected or took advantage of them. They are in the net when they should and they dont cheat and they are reliable. No Martini, its not ok what he is doing and you have the right to expect the same compassion and care you are offering. He wouldnt do this to a Moroccan wife or girlfriend.. she wouldnt put up with it. I saw tons of red flags, I allowed myself to be second third fourth and fifth and I am paying the price now. my thoughts to you is to be completely honest with him about how you feel and go out and do something you want to do in the weeks preceeding the interview. If he cant find the time to be in the net, you go out and tell him you have alot to do to get ready and stop catering. Its going to get worse when he gets here if you never establish boundaries or limits.

Polar bear, I am sorry, not calling you are or talking to you is not a sign of being arabic. Its a sign of apathy. I think if I screwed my head on tight when my husband was pulling all the stuff your guys are pulling my outcome would be way different./

Arab men who love their wives call them, message them, text them and dont break appointments. Men who think they have nailed their greencard and wanna party with their friends ignore their us petitioners. If you want to be in a equitable relationship, talk about your concerns and like one old timer from here told me, tell him your net is down and dont call him and let him wonder what the hell you are doing . If you are doing all the chasing and work , they have no reason to be fair with you..

love you guys and dont be a dumb ### like I was

kat

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

OK just to let it be known It's all better.....and we (husband & I) both know now that it's the stress of this process were dealing with so we agree'd to chill now and not let it distroy us! Whats the saying: What does not kill me only makes me stronger

I think you also need to remember you are an absolutely gorgeous woman. Go out around town, take pictures of yourself and send them to him in the email with a small note.... busy busy busy waiting for you..,, ciao..... Dont screw your whole life us to become some kind of jelaba robot because if he fell in love with you, he fell in love with YOU not some housebound, chained to the leg of the computer table zombie. Go to the movies to the gym etc. If he threatens not to come, I hate to break to him, YOU ARE GORGEOUS and men in this life are a dime a dozen and like buses. Get off one get on another. To threaten you with leaving is a bunch of #######.. hes lucky to have you. Hundreds of Moroccans die each year in the ocean trying to get the hell out of Morocco illegally and here he has this cutie hotty pretty sweety american and is acting arrogant.

I say BACK AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER. Be too busy to talk to him. If he wants to be an ###, you need to make yourself a hell of alot more unavailable. You are creating a spoiled arrogant brat it sounds like. He is lucky to have you

[Martiniolive 0]

OK just to let it be known It's all better.....and we (husband & I) both know now that it's the stress of this process were dealing with so we agree'd to chill now and not let it distroy us! Whats the saying: What does not kill me only makes me stronger

I think you also need to remember you are an absolutely gorgeous woman. Go out around town, take pictures of yourself and send them to him in the email with a small note.... busy busy busy waiting for you..,, ciao..... Dont screw your whole life us to become some kind of jelaba robot because if he fell in love with you, he fell in love with YOU not some housebound, chained to the leg of the computer table zombie. Go to the movies to the gym etc. If he threatens not to come, I hate to break to him, YOU ARE GORGEOUS and men in this life are a dime a dozen and like buses. Get off one get on another. To threaten you with leaving is a bunch of #######.. hes lucky to have you. Hundreds of Moroccans die each year in the ocean trying to get the hell out of Morocco illegally and here he has this cutie hotty pretty sweety american and is acting arrogant.

Gosh Handing in there thanks for all the sweet words......I will wear them like a mantra in my mind.

I say BACK AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER. Be too busy to talk to him. If he wants to be an ###, you need to make yourself a hell of alot more unavailable. You are creating a spoiled arrogant brat it sounds like. He is lucky to have you

[Martiniolive 0]

OK just to let it be known It's all better.....and we (husband & I) both know now that it's the stress of this process were dealing with so we agree'd to chill now and not let it distroy us! Whats the saying: What does not kill me only makes me stronger

I think you also need to remember you are an absolutely gorgeous woman. Go out around town, take pictures of yourself and send them to him in the email with a small note.... busy busy busy waiting for you..,, ciao..... Dont screw your whole life us to become some kind of jelaba robot because if he fell in love with you, he fell in love with YOU not some housebound, chained to the leg of the computer table zombie. Go to the movies to the gym etc. If he threatens not to come, I hate to break to him, YOU ARE GORGEOUS and men in this life are a dime a dozen and like buses. Get off one get on another. To threaten you with leaving is a bunch of #######.. hes lucky to have you. Hundreds of Moroccans die each year in the ocean trying to get the hell out of Morocco illegally and here he has this cutie hotty pretty sweety american and is acting arrogant.

I say BACK AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER. Be too busy to talk to him. If he wants to be an ###, you need to make yourself a hell of alot more unavailable. You are creating a spoiled arrogant brat it sounds like. He is lucky to have you

Wow I don't know why my response posted in the middle of your post Hanging in there...LOL....Hmmmmm

But what I meant to say is: Thanks for your kind words. And additionally I hope all turns out well for you also, God be with you and your family. It's amaising how things can turn around for the best even when it does not seem possible

[polarbear 0]

Rajaa! You made me cry..and I am at work LOL...I am in Public relations so it's bad to cry hehehe. I am so relieved to read this from you......I will do what you suggest. I suspected I should but was too afraid. And I believe you are right, Arab men must be different from American men that way. I read way too much into his words and he ALWAYS says the same words (accept the "if you don't want me you don't have to have me") that one shocked me

I have given up so much for him. I hate to sound that way but... I gave up two beautiful new expensive cars BMW and new escalade(I now have a new honda civic 2 door because he prefers and is used to small cars), I am getting rid of my 4bedroom 3 ba home to move into an apartment, I have been working 6 days a week all year to pay off all credit card debt etc....Just because I want him to have as little stress as possible. I know his coming to a whole new culture will be hard enough. And I did not extra stress on our marriage with too many expenses/financial issues too. I no longer drink any alcohol even though I was just an occasional wine sipper and weekend martini enthusiest (he does not want me to drink) I have flown alone to see him in his country every 4-5 mos and I have never flown alone let alone gone over seas. I just feel I have changed so much and worked so hard for us and to hear him say thoses words "If you don't want me you don't have to have me". I feel like it was a sort of threat I guess. Like hey baby, if you don't like the ingredients don't cook the dinner...pick another recipe. The first thing I though of when I opened my eyes this morning was, now I see more clearly all the times something was really important to me and he just could not seem to do it for long (He has always seemed so sweet and calm and romantic with all the sweet words moroccan men are famous for ). The timeing was bad or something came up or... Like if I tell him how hard the distance is for me and I really miss how much he used to text and email me in the beginning so could we both please make an effort to do that still. He just can't I rarely get an email from him anymore and I accepted it that way. He will for like two days or a week but than it is back to maybe one text to say good morning (on occasion) or if I text him he will text back, or the one text saying he is on line at night (If I text him to be online at night it seems to always be a bad time for him so I just wait for him to text me to talk) My thought is that he is deliberately NOT doing something if I ask him because he does NOT like being told something. I never put this together before and It COULD be just a coincidence because of the tension but on the other hand it could be part of his personality I did not see. I know I am rambling can you tell I am freaking out about this? I read so many bad stories from petitioners on here and it is all coming back to me at this time. I don't want to be hurt!!!!

Wow,,, I've got the "been there done that" t-shirt...look wearing it now...

Ok Ok i know this one cause we went through the same thing. I am not sure how long it's been since you two have been together, sometimes it's very hard to have a relationship with someone you are not near and we soemtimes forget the way your SO smells, laughs, eat little things we love. My husband can appear "cold" but I've learned not to "read into" things cause to be honest he is ARabic and they mean what they say.

If they think or feel something different they will say exactly that, my problem is reading into things when I started making plans and going out to do things i'd send a text like... "going out with the girls for tea not sure when i'll be back" and then texting at hours later "back had a great time" and became less (bare with me on the word) dependant on him to make me happy he started back peddaling.

Take a look at Arabic women and how they are to their husbands business like, until they are home... mine is the same we are all business until it's him and I we have been married for only three months but have known eachother longer and now have become more in the "comfortable" phase. We both miss eachother but we know we will have eachother soon one day.

It's hard It sucks but live your life and let him know you're living it independatly....don't go crazy but live it...go to the movies, have tea with friends do something and let him know..... I can almost guarentee you things will move.

pm me if you need some one to chat with... I am always here for my VJ girl peeps.

Rajaa

I dont think calling one time a week is normal whatsover for someone in a marriage, arabic or not. It shows a lack of concern.

As far as feeling taken advantage of, there are lots of couples on here who's husband never made them feel neglected or took advantage of them. They are in the net when they should and they dont cheat and they are reliable. No Martini, its not ok what he is doing and you have the right to expect the same compassion and care you are offering. He wouldnt do this to a Moroccan wife or girlfriend.. she wouldnt put up with it. I saw tons of red flags, I allowed myself to be second third fourth and fifth and I am paying the price now. my thoughts to you is to be completely honest with him about how you feel and go out and do something you want to do in the weeks preceeding the interview. If he cant find the time to be in the net, you go out and tell him you have alot to do to get ready and stop catering. Its going to get worse when he gets here if you never establish boundaries or limits.

Polar bear, I am sorry, not calling you are or talking to you is not a sign of being arabic. Its a sign of apathy. I think if I screwed my head on tight when my husband was pulling all the stuff your guys are pulling my outcome would be way different./

Arab men who love their wives call them, message them, text them and dont break appointments. Men who think they have nailed their greencard and wanna party with their friends ignore their us petitioners. If you want to be in a equitable relationship, talk about your concerns and like one old timer from here told me, tell him your net is down and dont call him and let him wonder what the hell you are doing . If you are doing all the chasing and work , they have no reason to be fair with you..

love you guys and dont be a dumb ### like I was

kat

Don't worry, I never got the feeling he was apathetic. He always answered my phone calls, even if it was just to say he was busy and could I call him back in 30 min.... he's just a bonehead who leaves his phone in the car alot. He does it here too and his family ends up calling my phone bc they know he is with me when he forgets his phone in the car. He would call me, but it would only ring once so I would call him back. He texted too... just not as often as I did. We were still in contact 2-3 times a day but maby only for 1-2 min.

Like I said, I was okay with that. I've never been a really social person and I have free time at night, ect... he on the other hand is very social and works really hard. I always know where he is, but he doesn't always have time to pay full attention to me. But when he talks to me, I have his full attention.

((shrug)) mayby I'm not explaining it well, and I dont' really know why I'm defending myself. Not all relationships are the same and not all people are the same. No one really knows what goes on in your relationship except you and your husband.

You just have to be understanding sometimes and there is give and take in a relationship. You can't always assume the worst, there has to be trust there somewhere or why are we going through the hell of imigration for the guy?