Family support

[Muh and me 18]

Why do family's have to be so unsupportive? When i told my parents i was going to Morocco to meet Kamal, they were so against everything about it. And when i came back, I didn't even have to tell them i was engaged. They knew. My father said he never wants Kamal to step foot in his house. My oldest son, is being as bad as my dad. My son married a girl from Canada and got her over here. And when i told him about kamal and he talked to Kamal online, (they were on cam), he told me he didn't want his wife around my husband ever. That he was a creep. In 10 months, my mom has come around, and tried to make attempts to meet Kamal but kamal refuses to because she should respect my father's wishes. And i just got off the phone with my son, who told me that Kamal and i will end up in divorce, and til i prove him wrong thats the way he beleives. I got so angry i just hung up on him. ####### do family have to be like this. I just want peace in my family. If i have pics to show my parents my father makes racist comments about my husband. That just kills me!!!

Any thoughts?

[sara..... 371]

Why do family's have to be so unsupportive? When i told my parents i was going to Morocco to meet Kamal, they were so against everything about it. And when i came back, I didn't even have to tell them i was engaged. They knew. My father said he never wants Kamal to step foot in his house. My oldest son, is being as bad as my dad. My son married a girl from Canada and got her over here. And when i told him about kamal and he talked to Kamal online, (they were on cam), he told me he didn't want his wife around my husband ever. That he was a creep. In 10 months, my mom has come around, and tried to make attempts to meet Kamal but kamal refuses to because she should respect my father's wishes. And i just got off the phone with my son, who told me that Kamal and i will end up in divorce, and til i prove him wrong thats the way he beleives. I got so angry i just hung up on him. ####### do family have to be like this. I just want peace in my family. If i have pics to show my parents my father makes racist comments about my husband. That just kills me!!!

Any thoughts?

i dont have any answers for u i can only add u to my prayers........sometimes people are afraid of muslims im assuming he is muslim because of his country if im wrong im sorry .........but many times people are also afraid of what they dont understand it has nothing to do with being muslim just being from what is called the mid east makes people afraid so until they meet the person is hard for them to come to terms with ur choice in life........as for us son i know it hurts but he has a life so do u.......im not trying to be cold because i have seen my mom have to make this choice about one of my brothers and it is hard, painful, and the worst thing a mother can go thru but in the end who is going to be there to comfort u in as u grow older? ur family? ur husband?.........really i will keep u in my prayers and probably they might come around after he gets here

[amal 4]

Why do family's have to be so unsupportive? When i told my parents i was going to Morocco to meet Kamal, they were so against everything about it. And when i came back, I didn't even have to tell them i was engaged. They knew. My father said he never wants Kamal to step foot in his house. My oldest son, is being as bad as my dad. My son married a girl from Canada and got her over here. And when i told him about kamal and he talked to Kamal online, (they were on cam), he told me he didn't want his wife around my husband ever. That he was a creep. In 10 months, my mom has come around, and tried to make attempts to meet Kamal but kamal refuses to because she should respect my father's wishes. And i just got off the phone with my son, who told me that Kamal and i will end up in divorce, and til i prove him wrong thats the way he beleives. I got so angry i just hung up on him. ####### do family have to be like this. I just want peace in my family. If i have pics to show my parents my father makes racist comments about my husband. That just kills me!!!

Any thoughts?

I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. Next time they say something, just calmly look at them and say "I don't bombard you by talking badly about the things you love so I would appreciate it if you would show a little respect towards the person I love" Say the same to your son. Show compassion and #1 Allah will reward you with many blessings ensha'allah, and #2 you will feel so much better in your soul if you can handle the situation with ease ensha'allah.

You can tell your son also that if you and Kamal end up in divorce, that is just fine but that for right now Kamal makes you feel complete and that you deserve to have happiness as long as it is there for u. If he leaves, you will be thankful for the time that Allah allowed you to be happy ensha'allah.

They need to know that you are doing what you can in order to make your life as happy as possible. You took the road that Allah provided you with and are continuing down that road until Allah decides to take you down a different path. Nobody knows what is going to happen so all we can do is sit back and enjoy the ride, ya know?

We're here for you girl. If you need to talk, u know how to reach me.

Amal

[RAKASA 0]

i dont have any answers for u i can only add u to my prayers........sometimes people are afraid of muslims im assuming he is muslim because of his country if im wrong im sorry .........but many times people are also afraid of what they dont understand it has nothing to do with being muslim just being from what is called the mid east makes people afraid so until they meet the person is hard for them to come to terms with ur choice in life........as for us son i know it hurts but he has a life so do u.......im not trying to be cold because i have seen my mom have to make this choice about one of my brothers and it is hard, painful, and the worst thing a mother can go thru but in the end who is going to be there to comfort u in as u grow older? ur family? ur husband?.........really i will keep u in my prayers and probably they might come around after he gets here

He is here Estadia...

Terrie, I'm sorry your family isn't accepting your relationship - but it's YOUR RELATIONSHIP w/ your husband and only you can know the intricacies of it. I hope that things will smooth over and they can grow to accept Kamal. I've been very blessed in that my family has accepted my husband from the beginning and welcomed him w/ open arms into our family. I pray that one day you will also experience this.

[Muh and me 18]

Why do family's have to be so unsupportive? When i told my parents i was going to Morocco to meet Kamal, they were so against everything about it. And when i came back, I didn't even have to tell them i was engaged. They knew. My father said he never wants Kamal to step foot in his house. My oldest son, is being as bad as my dad. My son married a girl from Canada and got her over here. And when i told him about kamal and he talked to Kamal online, (they were on cam), he told me he didn't want his wife around my husband ever. That he was a creep. In 10 months, my mom has come around, and tried to make attempts to meet Kamal but kamal refuses to because she should respect my father's wishes. And i just got off the phone with my son, who told me that Kamal and i will end up in divorce, and til i prove him wrong thats the way he beleives. I got so angry i just hung up on him. ####### do family have to be like this. I just want peace in my family. If i have pics to show my parents my father makes racist comments about my husband. That just kills me!!!

Any thoughts?

i dont have any answers for u i can only add u to my prayers........sometimes people are afraid of muslims im assuming he is muslim because of his country if im wrong im sorry .........but many times people are also afraid of what they dont understand it has nothing to do with being muslim just being from what is called the mid east makes people afraid so until they meet the person is hard for them to come to terms with ur choice in life........as for us son i know it hurts but he has a life so do u.......im not trying to be cold because i have seen my mom have to make this choice about one of my brothers and it is hard, painful, and the worst thing a mother can go thru but in the end who is going to be there to comfort u in as u grow older? ur family? ur husband?.........really i will keep u in my prayers and probably they might come around after he gets here

Kamal has been here since october. And the only thing that has changed like i said is my mother has tried meeting him but to no avail, my husband won't have anything to do with it. My husband is muslim and if my family found out that i am thinking of converting they'd have even a bigger fit. But its my choice. Also the fact that he is from another country, they think he is using me for the green card! Or at lleast my dad and son think that way. its a dirty shame that the only one that believes in us is my youngest son. BTW, none of my family (except the youngest) were at my wedding.

i dont have any answers for u i can only add u to my prayers........sometimes people are afraid of muslims im assuming he is muslim because of his country if im wrong im sorry .........but many times people are also afraid of what they dont understand it has nothing to do with being muslim just being from what is called the mid east makes people afraid so until they meet the person is hard for them to come to terms with ur choice in life........as for us son i know it hurts but he has a life so do u.......im not trying to be cold because i have seen my mom have to make this choice about one of my brothers and it is hard, painful, and the worst thing a mother can go thru but in the end who is going to be there to comfort u in as u grow older? ur family? ur husband?.........really i will keep u in my prayers and probably they might come around after he gets here

He is here Estadia...

Terrie, I'm sorry your family isn't accepting your relationship - but it's YOUR RELATIONSHIP w/ your husband and only you can know the intricacies of it. I hope that things will smooth over and they can grow to accept Kamal. I've been very blessed in that my family has accepted my husband from the beginning and welcomed him w/ open arms into our family. I pray that one day you will also experience this.

Thanks noura, that means alot. My father is very racist and will never ever accept kamal. And my son, well i never thought of him as racist, but i do now.

[RAKASA 0]

Terrie, you are a grown woman and frankly, it isn't any of your family's beeswax what path you choose religiously. *If* you choose to convert, it is between you & Allah (God) and you don't *have* to tell anyone... period! I do, however, hope that this choice is based solely on what your heart is telling you, not in any way b/c of your husband or his beliefs.

[sara..... 371]

Kamal has been here since october. And the only thing that has changed like i said is my mother has tried meeting him but to no avail, my husband won't have anything to do with it. My husband is muslim and if my family found out that i am thinking of converting they'd have even a bigger fit. But its my choice. Also the fact that he is from another country, they think he is using me for the green card! Or at lleast my dad and son think that way. its a dirty shame that the only one that believes in us is my youngest son. BTW, none of my family (except the youngest) were at my wedding.

oh man i hate it when that happens but there is no way to change anyones mind about what they think at some point we pray that they come around and accept what is done

ohhhhhhhhh really really ur thinking of converting????? that is just so wonderful is there anything i can help u with?

sara

[Muh and me 18]

Terrie, you are a grown woman and frankly, it isn't any of your family's beeswax what path you choose religiously. *If* you choose to convert, it is between you & Allah (God) and you don't *have* to tell anyone... period! I do, however, hope that this choice is based solely on what your heart is telling you, not in any way b/c of your husband or his beliefs.

I have been mulling this thought over for a long time, and still don't know enough. I have a phone number for the islamic center in milwaukee and am gonna call them and see about going up there and talking to someone who can help me to better understand. And no its isn't anyone else's business but my family makes my business theirs. this is something that is better left unsaid.

[JULIAFERNO 0]

People fear what the don't understand. And people fear what threatens their ideas of normalcy.

My sister-in-law is a first generation Turk. Her parents immigrated her about 30 years ago. They have been more judgmental of my and Onur's relationship than anyone else I know. It's quite ridiculous, as the rest of my family realizes that I haven't been this happy, stable and well-balanced in a long time (although they all were a bit skeptical at first...merely because I was traveling half way around the world to meet a man they didn't know). My sister-in-law continuous to keep her nose up. She makes no attempt to get to know Onur, and rarely asks me about him. I haven't heard a peep from her since we've been in AP, and I am sure my brother shared the news with her. She is a doctor and her parents are professors and they just think they are better than my fiance and his family, even though her parents grew up in the same socioeconomic class (if not worse off) than my fiance. I think they are fearful of having to introduce Onur to their prestigious circle of Turkish friends here in the States. There is no way I would subject Onur to that - he can make his own circle of Turkish friends...it's a big enough city.

Some people are utterly ridiculous.

It's tough, but happiness is the best revenge.

[HLM 1]

I know its the hardest when its from the closest ppl to u! i personally never been there but i can imagine how u feel im so sorry; i can only advice u to avoid any convos with them about ur husband keep it very basic with them n by time the success of ur marraige will say it all

[Henia 11]

I am sorry your family is behaving this way ... such a shame! Surely later when they met the guy they will regret it ... but afterall I am not surprised with all the neg hype MENA people get!

I think you gotta take it day by day ... eventually they only come to see Kamal for who he is really once they met him in person themselves!

I know my family was totally against me marrying my husband and even more so coming to Algeria! My mum did almost everything in her power to stop me from taking my daughter ... but in the end my husband won her over! Now my mum loves my husband even more then me I think LOL! She perfers to talk to him on the phone.

I would just leave them be ... maybe stay little far if they are that negative buuuut let time do its thing ... as they say "Only time will tell"!

[Henia 11]

Would like to add:

Try explaining to your mother why Kamal does not want to met her ... that he is trying to respect your father's wishes. And try to explain to Kamal for your family to except the relationship ... he needs to come out of the shell and into the light. Maybe if your mother met Kamal, liked them then could go back to the rest of fam and break the ice there. Who knows!

But reading the rest of the thread ... congrats on thinking of converting! I know it's hard but if the God wills it will happen! Take it easy ... step by step! Beware of alot of the ####### you read online thou ... most of it isn't real or coming from the extremists. Better as you said talk to someone at that Islamic center! Good luck on your path! And Me, and well as others on here are here if you need us!

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

Why do family's have to be so unsupportive? When i told my parents i was going to Morocco to meet Kamal, they were so against everything about it. And when i came back, I didn't even have to tell them i was engaged. They knew. My father said he never wants Kamal to step foot in his house. My oldest son, is being as bad as my dad. My son married a girl from Canada and got her over here. And when i told him about kamal and he talked to Kamal online, (they were on cam), he told me he didn't want his wife around my husband ever. That he was a creep. In 10 months, my mom has come around, and tried to make attempts to meet Kamal but kamal refuses to because she should respect my father's wishes. And i just got off the phone with my son, who told me that Kamal and i will end up in divorce, and til i prove him wrong thats the way he beleives. I got so angry i just hung up on him. ####### do family have to be like this. I just want peace in my family. If i have pics to show my parents my father makes racist comments about my husband. That just kills me!!!

Any thoughts?

OMG i don't know if Kamal is the one in the picture but I have a friend (Doctor) that looks just like him..Well I am so sorry that your family is not supportive with you... but remember it's your life and your happiness you don't have to prove anything to anyone just yourself and your husband... you have to be strong, it's gonna be hard for him, he is moving to a new country where noone except for you love him.... Don't let your family ruin your happiness

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

[Henia 11]

Funny Yiyi! Someone told me there is look-a-like here where I live but have not had the chance to see her yet LOL! But I too, see people that look so much like people I know in the US ...irry!