THE JOKE THREAD

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

God created Adam and informed him that he had given him a brain and a #######.

The brain was a good gift as it allowed him to do many things. The ####### was

also a good thing as it allowed the race to continue. The problem was that God

had only given Adam enough of a blood supply so that he could only use one of

them at a time.

Men are naturally competitive. Even in the Garden of Eden, Adam was afraid

Eve would like the snake's fruit better than his.

[Ban Hammer 13,333]

why does the bride wear white at the wedding?

so she'll match the rest of the kitchen appliances.

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel real good today.

I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five

dollar bill to a bum."

"You mean you gave a bum five dollars? That's a lot of money to give away

like that. What did you husband say about it?"

"Oh, he thought it was the thing to do. He said, 'Thanks.'"

[Ban Hammer 13,333]

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel real good today.

I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five

dollar bill to a bum."

"You mean you gave a bum five dollars? That's a lot of money to give away

like that. What did you husband say about it?"

"Oh, he thought it was the thing to do. He said, 'Thanks.'"

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

Once heard from a girl who just broke up with someone:

My old boyfriend and I weren't compatible. I'm a virgo and he's an a$$hole.

Edited August 15, 2008 by Yiyi and Chris

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

A man was complaining to a friend:

"I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful

woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!"

"What happened?" asked the friend.

"My wife found out..."

[pieceOFcrap 0]

A man was complaining to a friend:

"I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful

woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!"

"What happened?" asked the friend.

"My wife found out..."

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

Jim: Joe, I hear you just got married again.

Joe: Yes, for the fourth time.

Jim: What happened to your first three wives?

Joe: They all died, Jim.

Jim: How did that happen?

Joe: My first wife ate poison mushrooms.

Jim: How terrible! And your second?

Joe: She ate poison mushrooms.

Jim: And your third ate poison mushrooms too?

Joe: Oh, no. She died of a broken neck.

Jim: I see, an accident.

Joe: Not exactly. She wouldn't eat her mushrooms.

[mRs StOcKwElL 1]

Jim: Joe, I hear you just got married again.

Joe: Yes, for the fourth time.

Jim: What happened to your first three wives?

Joe: They all died, Jim.

Jim: How did that happen?

Joe: My first wife ate poison mushrooms.

Jim: How terrible! And your second?

Joe: She ate poison mushrooms.

Jim: And your third ate poison mushrooms too?

Joe: Oh, no. She died of a broken neck.

Jim: I see, an accident.

Joe: Not exactly. She wouldn't eat her mushrooms.

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

Women have their faults.

Men have only two.

Everything they say and

everything they do.

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

He: Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.

She: Well, you succeeded.

[william_wallace 8]

Why do women have small feet? - So there nearer to the sink.

Why do women wear bra's? - So there t1ts don't get wet when they wash the dishes.

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

A man knows:

a) every inch of his car and how to take care of it, but can't say the same about his girlfriend.

B) knows the exact date that he bought his car, but can't recall his wedding anniversary.

c) can shift gears with a lot more skill in his car than he can in bed

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

The Single Woman's Language Guide

How To Translate Menspeak

When He Says................................................... He Really Means

Do you have the time?................. to go to bed

Hello................................. Let's cut the talk and go have sex.

How are you?.......................... in bed, I mean.

I'd like a discreet relationship...... I want sex, but I'm married.

I'll be out of town for a few days.... I'll be spending time with with the wife.

I'm a novelist........................ I have 10 unpublished books.

I'm coming off a long relationship.... My wife is divorcing me.

I'm consulting........................ I'm looking for a job.

I'm divorced.......................... I just slipped off my wedding ring.

I'm in television..................... I fix them.

I'm involved in banking............... I'm a bank guard.

I'm self-employed..................... I just got fired.

I'm sorry I flirted with your sister.. I'm sorry I got caught.

I'm thinking of relocating............ I can't find a job locally in this town.

I can't leave my wife just yet,soon... Be patient forever.

I enjoy reading....................... Playboy and Penthouse.

I have the Midas touch................ I install mufflers.

I like a woman who is intelligent..... As long as she acts like I'm smarter.

I love opera.......................... I want sex, but I've seen an opera once.

I play the market..................... Safeway

I work high up in an executive office. I'm a window washer.

I work with computers................. I'm a cashier at a gas station.

Looking for a satisfying relationship. I want sex.

My business is really hot right now!.. I hand out towels in a steam room.

My job keeps me running............... I'm a messenger.

My wife and I are separated........... She's at home and I'm here at the bar.

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

Q: What is the difference between and Virgin and a washing machine?

A: The washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you dump a load in it!