THE JOKE THREAD

[william_wallace 8]

heello, iss tthhatt thhee sshhoop iii boouugghht thhee vviibbrrattorr ffrroomm. yes. ccaann yyoouu tteell mmee hhooww ttoo ttuurrnn tthhee ffuucckkiinngg tthhiinngg ooffff

[Muh and me 18]

heello, iss tthhatt thhee sshhoop iii boouugghht thhee vviibbrrattorr ffrroomm. yes. ccaann yyoouu tteell mmee hhooww ttoo ttuurrnn tthhee ffuucckkiinngg tthhiinngg ooffff

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

lol.... it happens!

[Dakine 26]

Dearest Redneck Son,

>

> I'm writing this slow because I know you can't

> read fast. We don't live where we did when you left

> home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents

> happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I

> won't be able to send you the address because the last

> West Virginia family that lived here took the house numbers

> when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their

> address.

>

> This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine.

> I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and

> pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.

>

> The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last

> week; the first time for three days and the second time for

> four days.

>

> About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy

> Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the

> buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

>

> Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were

> really worried because it took him two hours to get me and

> your father out.

>

> Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't

> found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an

> aunt or uncle.

>

> Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some

> men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and

> drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.

>

> Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup

> truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and

> swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back.

> They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate

> down!

>

> There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much

> out of the normal has happened.

>

> Your Favorite Aunt,

> Mom

[Muh and me 18]

Dearest Redneck Son,

>

> I'm writing this slow because I know you can't

> read fast. We don't live where we did when you left

> home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents

> happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I

> won't be able to send you the address because the last

> West Virginia family that lived here took the house numbers

> when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their

> address.

>

> This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine.

> I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and

> pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.

>

> The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last

> week; the first time for three days and the second time for

> four days.

>

> About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy

> Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the

> buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

>

> Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were

> really worried because it took him two hours to get me and

> your father out.

>

> Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't

> found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an

> aunt or uncle.

>

> Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some

> men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and

> drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.

>

> Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup

> truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and

> swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back.

> They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate

> down!

>

> There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much

> out of the normal has happened.

>

> Your Favorite Aunt,

> Mom

[Mina76 0]

TO ALL THE GIRLS....

Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives. The first guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional." The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids." They then asked the woman, "What are you?" She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuc*, Etc."

OMG, that is so funny Yiyi that I got to share this one with my husband!

[Mina76 0]

heello, iss tthhatt thhee sshhoop iii boouugghht thhee vviibbrrattorr ffrroomm. yes. ccaann yyoouu tteell mmee hhooww ttoo ttuurrnn tthhee ffuucckkiinngg tthhiinngg ooffff

[Kathryn41 3,205]

A well known Republican Senator was campaigning for re-election. He was visiting some of his neighbours making sure he would get their vote when he realized he was at the door of the local Democratic Party chairman. As he debated whether or not to knock, the door opened. The Republican started his campaign speal, asking his neighbour to vote for him, outlining what he had done over the last few years, and so on. He couldn't help noticing, however, that his neighbour seemed distracted. Finally, the Republican Senator asked "Is everything alright? You seem distracted - is this a bad time?".

The Democrat said, 'Oh no, this is fine, it is just that I am very excited. My cat has just had kittens!'

"Oh,' said the Senator, somewhat non-plussed ' How . . . nice . . ."

The Democrat smiled and said, "Would you like to see my kittens?" The Republican didn't know what to say, so said 'Uh, . . sure . . .".

The Democrat leads the Senator into a quiet dark room. There in a box is a mother cat with 5 obviously newborn kittens. "There now," says the Democrat, "Have you ever seen 5 more beautiful Republican kittens in your life?".

The Senator is startled and thinks, why he called them Republican kittens - he must be thinking of changing his vote! and of course, admires the kitttens profusely.

A few weeks later, the Republican Senator is again out campaigning and decides to visit his Democrat neighbour again. He knocks on the door and the two men start talking. Finally, the Senator asks "so, how are those kittens?"

A big smile crosses the Democrat's face. He says 'Would you like to see my kittens?".

"Of Course!" exclaims the Senator. So once again the two men go into the back room. This time, however, the five kittens are all over the place, playing, climbing the curtains, running and jumping and having the time of their lives.

"There now," says the Democrat, 'Have you ever seen five more beautiful Democratic kittens in your life?"

"Wh. . .wh..at? But, a few weeks ago you said they were Republican kittens?" stammered the Senator.

"Ah yes", replied the Democrat, "But they have their eyes open now!"

Edited August 14, 2008 by Kathryn41

[Karmi 0]

off topic for off members!!!!!!

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

Wanna hear a dirty joke? A little boy falls into the mud

Wanna hear a clean joke? He takes a bath with bubbles

Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is Michal Jackson.

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?".

His teacher replies "NO"

Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me".

"OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies.

Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger".

She again says "NO".

"But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again.

"Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher.

Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON"

Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either".

[mRs StOcKwElL 1]

The Joys of Aging

An 80-year old man goes to the doctor's for a physical.? The doctor runs some test and says to the man, "Well, everything seems to be in top condition mentally and physically, but what about spiritually?? How is your connection with God?"

The old man says, "Oh me and God, we're very tight.? We have a real bond; He is very good to me. ? Every night when I get up to go to the bathroom He turns on the light for me and then, when I leave He turns it back off."

The doctor was astonished.? He called the man's wife and said I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God. He claims that every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom God turns on the light for him and then, when he leaves, God turns it back off.? Is that true?"

She says, "Oh good Lord, he's peeing in the refrigerator again!"

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

Q. Why do men get their great ideas in bed?

A. Because their plugged into a genius!

[Ban Hammer 12,928]

Q. Why do men get their great ideas in bed?

A. Because their plugged into a genius!

what's the smartest thing to come out of a woman's mouth?

any sentence that begins with "my husband once told me........."

[mRx 16]

Q. Why do men get their great ideas in bed?

A. Because their plugged into a genius!

what's the smartest thing to come out of a woman's mouth?

any sentence that begins with "my husband once told me........."