THE JOKE THREAD

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

Let's Start something fun

A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone. After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her, “Er… excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?”

She responds in a loud voice : “NO, I DON’T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!”

Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them. The young man is surprised, shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table.

After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes, and says, “You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”

The young man responds loudly with,”WHAT DO YOU MEAN TWO HUNDRED BUCKS!”

[mRs StOcKwElL 1]

[A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

'Mommy,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied.

'It's not polite.'

'OK', the little girl says, 'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

' My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.

'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are. You are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.

'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'

'Because you got an F in sex.'

Edited August 12, 2008 by Rodge & Ninfa

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

Good one!!!

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" . "Well ... not exactly." his friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it." "Oh, I see, kinky, huh?" "Well ... not exactly ... I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead."

[mRs StOcKwElL 1]

DOCTOR'S OFFICE

> This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office why you are

> there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and

> sometimes it is embarrassing.

> There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell

> her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most

> of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it:

>

> An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the

> desk....

> The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

>

> 'There's something wrong with my #######', he replied.

> ;

> The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a

> crowded waiting room and say things like that.'

>

> 'Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,' the old man said.

>

> The Receptionist replied: 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this

> room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with

> your ear or something, and discussed the problem further with the Doctor

> in private.'

>

> The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of

> strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.'

>

> The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

>

> The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'

>

> 'There's something wrong with my ear', he stated.

>

> The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had

> taken her advice. 'And what is wron g with your ear, Sir??'

>

> 'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.

>

> The waiting room erupted in laughter.

>

> Mess with seniors and you're gonna lose!

>

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

Sounds like the arguments that I have with my granny

[mRs StOcKwElL 1]

While I was watching the games last weekend, my wife and I got into a conversation about life and death, and the need for Living Wills. During the course of the conversation I told her that I never wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle. She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my beer.

Sometimes it's tough being married to a smart a$$

Edited August 12, 2008 by Rodge & Ninfa

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

TO ALL THE GIRLS....

Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives. The first guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional." The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids." They then asked the woman, "What are you?" She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuc*, Etc."

Edited August 12, 2008 by Yiyi and Chris

[mRs StOcKwElL 1]

TO ALL THE GIRLS....

Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives. The first guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional." The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids." They then asked the woman, "What are you?" She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuc*, Etc."

hahahahhahahahha Pity

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

lol...

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

That goes for Ken!

A man sat at a bar, drinking slowly. On his face was the saddest hangdog expression. The bartender asked, "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?" The man said, "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month." The bartender said, "That should make you happy." The man sadly shook his head and said, "Not when the month is up today!"

[mRs StOcKwElL 1]

That goes for Ken!

A man sat at a bar, drinking slowly. On his face was the saddest hangdog expression. The bartender asked, "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?" The man said, "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month." The bartender said, "That should make you happy." The man sadly shook his head and said, "Not when the month is up today!"

[almaty 19]

lol..some good jokes

[mRs StOcKwElL 1]

Fatal Prescription

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide, please."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I cannot give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I will lose my license! They would throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.... "

[Yiyi and Chris 0]

ANOTHER ONE: Sex is... like NOKIA (connecting people) like NIKE (just do it) like PEPSI (ask for more) like SAMSUNG (everyone is invited) and like ME (too good to be true)...