Is my husband taking advantage of me?

[Mona Lisa 0]

Hi everybody,

I love my husband soo much, but this situation has cold our married after the fight with his mother.

I am married 2 years and I have been here 1 year and few months, I dont have job yet but as my husband is a owner of a little company I have been working with him since I arrived here. After some months I realized that his mother (the secretary) was hidding some bills of me, I didnt know how many bills we had and I asked and asked her several time, she said everything was ok and he always said that everything was ok and she did agree with what he said. I have worked so hard and never saw the money, I have shame to ask for money to my husband to buy essential things for woman, I have working soo hard even in our aniverssary, sundays and holydays, I was working without know what I was working for and one day I got sooooo furious I fougth with her and let the thing very clear: I wanted to see every bill that arrived at home. So time past and I discovered that his bill is $50 thousand dollares and I realized that was her bad administration that let us deeper in bills and to get more drastic, today I called to the phone company to add my name in the bill and guess: the woman told there was two names there are HER NAME and his name, then I acessed anothers counts and the big surprise every bills are in his name and Her F*&^K name together.

She has a daughter that is not married yet and they keep telling her that if her and her boyfriend split up, everthing that she worked and paid for will pertence to her boyfriend because everything is in his name. With this example I mirror myself.

What Should I do with this situation? Talk with Him? Talk with her about this? Please some advice.

Mona Lisa

Edited August 11, 2008 by Mona Lisa

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Yes, talk to your husband.

[R de la R 2]

Talk to your husband first and during the conversation ask to him to give you a biweekly salary for your personal expenses, you made a mistake working without receiving a salary. It is unfair!!!!

[Minya's wife 24]

You've been married a year plus and there hasn't been any co-mingling any accounts? Passing odd. I don't know what you used as proof at the AOS interview, but at removing of conditions you will have to prove a 'shared' life...that includes your name on the household bills/bank accounts/ life & health insurance, etc.

I would have a discussion with your husband and come to a resolution. Its your husband that you need to talk with, not the MIL.

-P

[*JG* 2]

Yes, of course, talk to him.

I agree you should receive a salary.

I also know first hand that bills can sometimes be confusing for the foreign spouse, at least in my case. Bills here are different and more plentiful then what my husband was used to.

[Mona Lisa 0]

Thank you all,

The problem is my mother in law is responsable to pay our bills, it's her that makes grocery, it's her that goes to the bank, she has the acess all my husband bank account. I just have a bank card that it isnot authorized yet, i dont have drive license yet. I feel so miserable. I have told him to pay me just 5 dollars a day, he told that to her and she made a "desdem" smile and it NEVER HAPPENED. I feel so miserable with this situation: another person take care about our bills. What Should I do?

Mona Lisa

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Thank you all,

The problem is my mother in law is responsable to pay our bills, it's her that makes grocery, it's her that goes to the bank, she has the acess all my husband bank account. I just have a bank card that it isnot authorized yet, i dont have drive license yet. I feel so miserable. I have told him to pay me just 5 dollars a day, he told that to her and she made a "desdem" smile and it NEVER HAPPENED. I feel so miserable with this situation: another person take care about our bills. What Should I do?

Mona Lisa

Talk to your husband. This is not rocket science.

[baxxy 0]

Hi everybody,

I love my husband soo much, but this situation has cold our married after the fight with his mother.

I am married 2 years and I have been here 1 year and few months, I dont have job yet but as my husband is a owner of a little company I have been working with him since I arrived here. After some months I realized that his mother (the secretary) was hidding some bills of me, I didnt know how many bills we had and I asked and asked her several time, she said everything was ok and he always said that everything was ok and she did agree with what he said. I have worked so hard and never saw the money, I have shame to ask for money to my husband to buy essential things for woman, I have working soo hard even in our aniverssary, sundays and holydays, I was working without know what I was working for and one day I got sooooo furious I fougth with her and let the thing very clear: I wanted to see every bill that arrived at home. So time past and I discovered that his bill is $50 thousand dollares and I realized that was her bad administration that let us deeper in bills and to get more drastic, today I called to the phone company to add my name in the bill and guess: the woman told there was two names there are HER NAME and his name, then I acessed anothers counts and the big surprise every bills are in his name and Her F*&^K name together.

She has a daughter that is not married yet and they keep telling her that if her and her boyfriend split up, everthing that she worked and paid for will pertence to her boyfriend because everything is in his name. With this example I mirror myself.

What Should I do with this situation? Talk with Him? Talk with her about this? Please some advice.

Mona Lisa

Sounds like hes mommy whipped. Yes, talk to him, but unless he stands up to her, which he should have already, your situation won't change.

[Peikko 1,575]

Indeed.

You should prepare yourself to talk to him without getting too emotional about it if you can.

If it was me, I would explain to my husband that I wanted a salary that was reasonable determined by the hours I worked and the responsibilities that I was to shoulder. I would also expect him to make a change in the way business is conducted and that it should be you and your husband not you and your mil who makes the financial decisions that effect your household.

I would try, if possible to keep the MIL on board. Explain that maybe you would like to take on this what must be somewhat honerous chore and could she please help you and explain the system (even if after you take over you decide to change everything!) It is his mother and getting angry at her with your husband will not help, as I am sure you have realised.

Anyway, this will cause you problems in your over all relationship unless it is sorted out and not in some way that you just get sidelined with a bit of 'pocket money'.

Good luck to you.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Thank you all,

The problem is my mother in law is responsable to pay our bills, it's her that makes grocery, it's her that goes to the bank, she has the acess all my husband bank account. I just have a bank card that it isnot authorized yet, i dont have drive license yet. I feel so miserable. I have told him to pay me just 5 dollars a day, he told that to her and she made a "desdem" smile and it NEVER HAPPENED. I feel so miserable with this situation: another person take care about our bills. What Should I do?

Mona Lisa

They're keeping you completely dependent on them financially. I'd find another job and start working towards your own financial independence.

[Not Available 0]

Thank you all,

The problem is my mother in law is responsable to pay our bills, it's her that makes grocery, it's her that goes to the bank, she has the acess all my husband bank account. I just have a bank card that it isnot authorized yet, i dont have drive license yet. I feel so miserable. I have told him to pay me just 5 dollars a day, he told that to her and she made a "desdem" smile and it NEVER HAPPENED. I feel so miserable with this situation: another person take care about our bills. What Should I do?

Mona Lisa

They're keeping you completely dependent on them financially. I'd find another job and start working towards your own financial independence.

Here here!

And yes, obviously talk to your husband. That's priority #1.

[mnieto 2]

Thank you all,

The problem is my mother in law is responsable to pay our bills, it's her that makes grocery, it's her that goes to the bank, she has the acess all my husband bank account. I just have a bank card that it isnot authorized yet, i dont have drive license yet. I feel so miserable. I have told him to pay me just 5 dollars a day, he told that to her and she made a "desdem" smile and it NEVER HAPPENED. I feel so miserable with this situation: another person take care about our bills. What Should I do?

Mona Lisa

They're keeping you completely dependent on them financially. I'd find another job and start working towards your own financial independence.

I absolutely agree.

On a side note: make sure you do not (co)- sign anything you are not fully aware of what it is. As long as you are left in the dark about the business, bank accounts, bills etc. you should not take any responsibility for possible failures either....

[baxxy 0]

Indeed.

You should prepare yourself to talk to him without getting too emotional about it if you can.

If it was me, I would explain to my husband that I wanted a salary that was reasonable determined by the hours I worked and the responsibilities that I was to shoulder. I would also expect him to make a change in the way business is conducted and that it should be you and your husband not you and your mil who makes the financial decisions that effect your household.

I would try, if possible to keep the MIL on board. Explain that maybe you would like to take on this what must be somewhat honerous chore and could she please help you and explain the system (even if after you take over you decide to change everything!) It is his mother and getting angry at her with your husband will not help, as I am sure you have realised.

Anyway, this will cause you problems in your over all relationship unless it is sorted out and not in some way that you just get sidelined with a bit of 'pocket money'.

Good luck to you.

Somehow the MIL seems to be a cunning witch, I doubt that would work, she'd see right through the plot.

[Ggreen 12]

Thank you all,

The problem is my mother in law is responsable to pay our bills, it's her that makes grocery, it's her that goes to the bank, she has the acess all my husband bank account. I just have a bank card that it isnot authorized yet, i dont have drive license yet. I feel so miserable. I have told him to pay me just 5 dollars a day, he told that to her and she made a "desdem" smile and it NEVER HAPPENED. I feel so miserable with this situation: another person take care about our bills. What Should I do?

Mona Lisa

your husband and you, have to live your own life, choose the right moment to talk to your husband about the issue.

Edited August 11, 2008 by vjmmbr

[Peikko 1,575]

I am sure she would, but it can be difficult to argue against if you word it correctly and of course have your husband's full co operation.

We don't know the full story, so although it does sound as though the MIL is some kind of wicked witch of the west and the hubby is a #####, it could simply be that he is so wrapped up in other aspects of the business that this hasn't really emerged as a problem in his head.

Anyway, properly speaking, I would advise independant couselling. I know I always say it, but sometimes the only person that can make things work is a professional.