How much times does your MENA man spend on the phone or computer???

[sandinista! 1,816]

how old are your twins? regardless, 3-5 hours on the computer, plus 2+ hours on the phone is ridiculous and downright rude and negligent when there's children to be taken care of. there's no reason whatsoever for you to be getting tired out taking care of them because he's on the computer.

[crazyinEgypt 0]

I certainly can understand my husband wanting to talk to his family in Egypt, and even his friends, but when I have to change our calling plan on a monthly basis because he talks so much it tends to get on my nerves. We seriously need mobile to mobile! Maybe it's just me being a tired out mom. The twins are about to get the best of me!

Is the issue you have with it just the phone plan? Or is it the time spent? Or both?

If its just the phone plan my husbands family took some weird thing over to them, and now all he has to do is call a local number for him to talk. Granted it takes minutes on the cell, but if he uses the land line it is just like calling any place in our town.

If it is both then yes, you could probably have a nice conversation with him asking to spend more of the free time with you, and the times you are busy he can talk to family.

I don't know what else might help, just a compromise.

My issue is him talking so much. Last month he talked a total of 100 hours. Do the math. I'm sure I'm struggling right now for attention. I just want time with my husband.

[crazyinEgypt 0]

how old are your twins? regardless, 3-5 hours on the computer, plus 2+ hours on the phone is ridiculous and downright rude and negligent when there's children to be taken care of. there's no reason whatsoever for you to be getting tired out taking care of them because he's on the computer.

Our twins will be 2 next month. I try to realize that in his culture men don't do much regarding taking care of the kids. I've told him on numerous occasions how I feel and that it's BS. He does the bit about him going out to work, but I'm still over doubling his income. I dunno, maybe I'm just at the breaking point right now because honestly I don't think how I feel is wrong.

[Jenn! 918]

how old are your twins? regardless, 3-5 hours on the computer, plus 2+ hours on the phone is ridiculous and downright rude and negligent when there's children to be taken care of. there's no reason whatsoever for you to be getting tired out taking care of them because he's on the computer.

Our twins will be 2 next month. I try to realize that in his culture men don't do much regarding taking care of the kids. I've told him on numerous occasions how I feel and that it's BS. He does the bit about him going out to work, but I'm still over doubling his income. I dunno, maybe I'm just at the breaking point right now because honestly I don't think how I feel is wrong.

Do you have friends and/or family that have more equitable relationships than yours in terms of responsibilities? Is he aware of how things work for them? What does he think of it?

[crazyinEgypt 0]

how old are your twins? regardless, 3-5 hours on the computer, plus 2+ hours on the phone is ridiculous and downright rude and negligent when there's children to be taken care of. there's no reason whatsoever for you to be getting tired out taking care of them because he's on the computer.

Our twins will be 2 next month. I try to realize that in his culture men don't do much regarding taking care of the kids. I've told him on numerous occasions how I feel and that it's BS. He does the bit about him going out to work, but I'm still over doubling his income. I dunno, maybe I'm just at the breaking point right now because honestly I don't think how I feel is wrong.

Do you have friends and/or family that have more equitable relationships than yours in terms of responsibilities? Is he aware of how things work for them? What does he think of it?

Oh yeah. We'll visit others (american) and see how things are in the home and I'll make comments on how the husband did such and such. Ironically when anyone comes to our house he's all about helping. When we go to any of his arab friends home it's a totally different scenerio though. The men sit and yab while the woman run around.

[Jenn! 918]

how old are your twins? regardless, 3-5 hours on the computer, plus 2+ hours on the phone is ridiculous and downright rude and negligent when there's children to be taken care of. there's no reason whatsoever for you to be getting tired out taking care of them because he's on the computer.

Our twins will be 2 next month. I try to realize that in his culture men don't do much regarding taking care of the kids. I've told him on numerous occasions how I feel and that it's BS. He does the bit about him going out to work, but I'm still over doubling his income. I dunno, maybe I'm just at the breaking point right now because honestly I don't think how I feel is wrong.

Do you have friends and/or family that have more equitable relationships than yours in terms of responsibilities? Is he aware of how things work for them? What does he think of it?

Oh yeah. We'll visit others (american) and see how things are in the home and I'll make comments on how the husband did such and such. Ironically when anyone comes to our house he's all about helping. When we go to any of his arab friends home it's a totally different scenerio though. The men sit and yab while the woman run around.

Have you pointed this out to him? He obviously understands what he "should" be doing by our cultural standards and I guess it is important for him to give the illusion that he is assimilating in this way. Have you asked him why he feels the need to put on this front if he truly feels that he does not have a reponsibility to help out? I'm inclined to believe that he is taking advantage of the fact that you haven't really called him out on this.

Edited August 11, 2008 by Jenn!

[maggieNomar 0]

I hope you can find a compromise. 5 hrs a day sounds like a lot for someone who has been here awhile.

[morocco4ever 63]

I have to agree, it sounds as if you are overwhelmed with work (home and on the job), and he isn't pulling his share, nor is he giving you the attention you need. It is hard when they are raised with the belief that a woman waits on them hand and foot. I know that my husband has done that at times, not intentional, but just what he knew. I told him I would be more than happy to quit my job and do his bidding. But he will need to take on a couple of extra jobs to make up the wage we will be missing. It did help us.

I explained it to my husband kindly. We are both carrying a bag of 50 lb. salt on our shoulders (work). What he is doing is placing 2 bags of 50 lb. of salt on my shoulders so that he can take this time to chat. Pretty soon my back will break and he will be doing it all himself permanently.

I wish I had something better to advise.

[chaishai 1]

how old are your twins? regardless, 3-5 hours on the computer, plus 2+ hours on the phone is ridiculous and downright rude and negligent when there's children to be taken care of. there's no reason whatsoever for you to be getting tired out taking care of them because he's on the computer.

Our twins will be 2 next month. I try to realize that in his culture men don't do much regarding taking care of the kids. I've told him on numerous occasions how I feel and that it's BS. He does the bit about him going out to work, but I'm still over doubling his income. I dunno, maybe I'm just at the breaking point right now because honestly I don't think how I feel is wrong.

Even if men in his culture dont help with the kids that doesnt mean he has to be that way. My FIL was born in morocco and has 8 kids and didnt do much for any of them but my husband is one of the most hands on fathers I have ever seen and changes more diapers than me. We both work and we both need to help each other out. If I had to do it all I would explode. I can tell you my MIL is a little nuts and its from taking care of all of those kids and cooking and cleaning with no help! It may not be a red flag that he is talking to someone inappropriate, but it is a red flag he is not talking enough to you! I would nip this one in the bud.

[Nutty 2]

My husband is on the computer a lot. But I can see what he's looking at. And he gets a lot of phone calls from Iran.

[Aymsgirl 0]

how old are your twins? regardless, 3-5 hours on the computer, plus 2+ hours on the phone is ridiculous and downright rude and negligent when there's children to be taken care of. there's no reason whatsoever for you to be getting tired out taking care of them because he's on the computer.

Our twins will be 2 next month. I try to realize that in his culture men don't do much regarding taking care of the kids. I've told him on numerous occasions how I feel and that it's BS. He does the bit about him going out to work, but I'm still over doubling his income. I dunno, maybe I'm just at the breaking point right now because honestly I don't think how I feel is wrong.

Still at home in Egypt things are much different. My husband went from being a momma's boy to being mister mom to our son while I work. He can change a diaper, give a poop soaked kid a bath with no mess, cook his own dinner and scrub a toilet now. Let him know there are fellow Egyptians that take responsibility for their babies and help their loving overworked wives out in the house. It makes a man more attractive when you are so overly tired and he can grab up the baby and take charge to give you a break. When you tell him he shouldn't be this way does he argue with you? I do agree that no matter what the woman always does more than her 50% of workload but still you need some hubby and wife time and a well rested mother usually makes a great wife!! Hugs to ya!!! You are not wrong dear, not at all. You need some wifey time and some time to be you not mommy and slave to the home.

[Donna A 4]

my husband spends all day and half the night on the computer. he dont get on the phone alot but he will be on the computer all day. even today my mom came for a visit and he stayed on the computer the whole time she was here. she even made the comment to him that she had to go now cuz he didnt even visit with her and he said, well i was listening to u and donna talk. i really didnt have anything to add but i was with u. she just said, oh iwas joking. i know she wasnt joking and was probably offended by his behavior. i was offended he was being so rude.

he is a computer addict. he dont even chat with any of his family....just sits and vegitates on it. most of the time i have to repeat myself if i am asking a question or trying to get some attention and he dont hear me at all cuz he is so much involved with his stupid computer.

really i know how u feel. u just want some time with him without the damn electronics.

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

My husband is online watching 3arabtv from the time his eyes open until he falls asleep. We don't have tv at home, because the constant noise makes me just crazy. So, yes, the constant noise from the computer makes me nuts too. I wish I could meet the people who developed this thing called the internet, I have a few things to say to him. Oh, wait! I use it a lot too. My bad! LOL

[Nasturtium 500]

I thought about making this into a poll, but since I'm only wanting the input from MENA members I chose not to.

I've been discussing this with many of my friends married to MENA men and it appears I'm not alone. So here's my stats. My husband is on the phone between 3-5 hours a day. No, there is no eggareration here. He's also on the computer at least 2 hours in which he's usually on the phone talking too! He knows how irritated I get by this, but it doesn't seem to bother him until I am on the phone or computer! Before anyone yells "Red flag" I know for a fact that he's talking to relatives and other arab friends of his. He says it's an arab thing to do. (talk a lot) Input?

If I am home, he spends about 10 minutes max on the computer and does not usually talk on the phone. he calls friends amybe once every few months, and calls family about onec a month unless something important is going on. He talks only 30 minutes at a time. If I'm gone, i know he spends hours on teh computer because he is practicing for his TOEFL exams and is taking exams as well as watching hulu shows in order to get better at listening. It's working too

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Welp. Mine isn't here yet but during the course of our relationship we were online a lot at first. Something like 6-15 hrs. a day, then it went down after we got married and got busy; me working on my degree and him finishing his Doctor training. Now he's rarely on the internet because he's in the Egyptian Military. I'm mostly here during the summer but that will decrease during my last year in college as I have a lot on my plate. Yikes it starts in 1.65 weeks!

I wonder what it will be like when he gets here?

Edited August 12, 2008 by Olivia*