Any Doctor Will Tell You...

[emmulator 0]

So I've been reading some of the threads on cultural differences and having a good laugh, but there's one that 's come up for me and my Ukrainian fiancée that I would like to get some feedback on. She is "surprised that [Americans] don't know" that it is bad for your health (either a man or a woman) to become sexually aroused and not, um, achieve 'release' (to be polite). I've heard of "Blue Balls", but I've never seen anyone claim that it could actually be bad for you. You just 'release' or take a cold shower. I can research the effects of cold drinks, but other than "Blue Balls", I don't even know what to search for on this one. According to her, "any doctor will tell you" about this, and the effects include diseases of some sort.

Things like beliefs about cold drinks don't worry me, but in this case, it affects aspects of our relationship that are important to me, like intimacy. It's frustrating to me to think that intimacy would have to be all or nothing. I like lots of physical intimacy, like cuddling etc., and it doesn't always have to involve sex. I would hate to think that she's being less intimate or physical with me just because we're not going to "go all the way" every time we kiss! Yes, I'm exaggerating, but you get the idea.

Has anyone else heard this idea from their Ukrainian or Russian partner? Can anyone explain what the physiological process involved here is supposed to be? Is there any actual medical research that I can see that would back this up?

Please don't try to speculate about her or my motives (e.g. "She's just telling you that to get you to back off sexually"). I have no reason to doubt that she is being honest and straightforward with me. All I want is more information on this belief system.

From reading the other threads, it would seem there may be some interesting differences between the way medicine is practiced there and here, and I'd also be interested and entertained by any other such examples of the differences! (Which is why I left the subject generic )

Thanks!

[eekee 182]

I have never heard this. But last week the Russian doctor told my friend that he didn't need to open the windows in his apartment because his apartment is so large it "creates its own wind," and also that if he had a wife, he wouldn't have gotten strep throat.

[NYGirl 0]

So I've been reading some of the threads on cultural differences and having a good laugh, but there's one that 's come up for me and my Ukrainian fiancée that I would like to get some feedback on. She is "surprised that [Americans] don't know" that it is bad for your health (either a man or a woman) to become sexually aroused and not, um, achieve 'release' (to be polite). I've heard of "Blue Balls", but I've never seen anyone claim that it could actually be bad for you. You just 'release' or take a cold shower. I can research the effects of cold drinks, but other than "Blue Balls", I don't even know what to search for on this one. According to her, "any doctor will tell you" about this, and the effects include diseases of some sort.

Things like beliefs about cold drinks don't worry me, but in this case, it affects aspects of our relationship that are important to me, like intimacy. It's frustrating to me to think that intimacy would have to be all or nothing. I like lots of physical intimacy, like cuddling etc., and it doesn't always have to involve sex. I would hate to think that she's being less intimate or physical with me just because we're not going to "go all the way" every time we kiss! Yes, I'm exaggerating, but you get the idea.

Has anyone else heard this idea from their Ukrainian or Russian partner? Can anyone explain what the physiological process involved here is supposed to be? Is there any actual medical research that I can see that would back this up?

Please don't try to speculate about her or my motives (e.g. "She's just telling you that to get you to back off sexually"). I have no reason to doubt that she is being honest and straightforward with me. All I want is more information on this belief system.

From reading the other threads, it would seem there may be some interesting differences between the way medicine is practiced there and here, and I'd also be interested and entertained by any other such examples of the differences! (Which is why I left the subject generic )

Thanks!

I actually read on one of the russian site that it is BAD for you to hold it in, especially for a man. But you as a man, you should be glad that she thinks it's "wrong" to hold it in and i guess she'll be there to let you relieve yourself.....unless i missunderstood you.

I have never heard this. But last week the Russian doctor told my friend that he didn't need to open the windows in his apartment because his apartment is so large it "creates its own wind," and also that if he had a wife, he wouldn't have gotten strep throat.

This is insanely crazy and sickening but damn funny

[LvivLovers 39]

We haven't discussed this particular issue, but I can say on many many other topics that I hear "Every doctor knows that..." or "Everyone in Ukraine knows that...". I'm finding myself researching a lot more things on the net than I used to. lol

[1HappyGuy 45]

Here is the definition from Wikipedia: Blue balls is the slang term for a congested prostate or Vasocongestion. The condition of temporary fluid congestion in the testicles and prostate region caused by prolonged sexual arousal in the human male. It is often accompanied by a cramp-like ache of prostatic congestion and pain/tenderness or edema of the testes.

It is a real condition and sometimes can be quite painful. You can research it further on WebMd or something like that. But it is definitely true. I can understand your partner now wishing to fully engage in sex every time, but a more mild form of relief (other than a cold shower) might still be available. Consider her manipulation of the male organ using olive oil as a lubricant. It can be quite pleasurable while avoiding possibility of pregnancy or constant complete sexual experience. Just a suggestion.

[Scott and Iryna 2]

I can understand your partner now wishing to fully engage in sex every time, but a more mild form of relief (other than a cold shower) might still be available. Consider her manipulation of the male organ using olive oil as a lubricant. It can be quite pleasurable while avoiding possibility of pregnancy or constant complete sexual experience. Just a suggestion.

No wonder you are "1HappyGuy"...

[PJB 0]

So I've been reading some of the threads on cultural differences and having a good laugh, but there's one that 's come up for me and my Ukrainian fiancée that I would like to get some feedback on. She is "surprised that [Americans] don't know" that it is bad for your health (either a man or a woman) to become sexually aroused and not, um, achieve 'release' (to be polite). I've heard of "Blue Balls", but I've never seen anyone claim that it could actually be bad for you. You just 'release' or take a cold shower. I can research the effects of cold drinks, but other than "Blue Balls", I don't even know what to search for on this one. According to her, "any doctor will tell you" about this, and the effects include diseases of some sort.

Things like beliefs about cold drinks don't worry me, but in this case, it affects aspects of our relationship that are important to me, like intimacy. It's frustrating to me to think that intimacy would have to be all or nothing. I like lots of physical intimacy, like cuddling etc., and it doesn't always have to involve sex. I would hate to think that she's being less intimate or physical with me just because we're not going to "go all the way" every time we kiss! Yes, I'm exaggerating, but you get the idea.

Has anyone else heard this idea from their Ukrainian or Russian partner? Can anyone explain what the physiological process involved here is supposed to be? Is there any actual medical research that I can see that would back this up?

Please don't try to speculate about her or my motives (e.g. "She's just telling you that to get you to back off sexually"). I have no reason to doubt that she is being honest and straightforward with me. All I want is more information on this belief system.

From reading the other threads, it would seem there may be some interesting differences between the way medicine is practiced there and here, and I'd also be interested and entertained by any other such examples of the differences! (Which is why I left the subject generic )

Thanks!

Health practices and beliefs in Russia (my Ukrainian friends have similar beliefs) that differ from American "knowledge"........

*sex is healthy and normal, and a man or woman can end up with a lot of different illnesses if celibate or abstinate (poor nuns and priests!)

*cold (weather, drafts, drinks, foods, etc) can cause illness or complicate an injury or illness

*sweets and sugar are good for children

*fevers should be treated with warm blankets and hot drinks

*it is OK to sweat in your warm winter coat while in a hot store or subway then go outside into the snow (all damp and yucky inside your coat)but NEVER remove your winter coat unless you are inside a home or work, because taking off your coat in a store could cause you to catch cold

*ice cream or popsickles can cause sore throat

*a sore neck is an illness and reason to stay home from school or work

*treatments for sore throat include gargling with iodine, hot tea with lemon and honey, a warm scarf wrapped around your neck, a shot of vodka with lots of black pepper

*women should never sit on the ground, cement walls or steps, or stones because the cold will damage the female reproductive organs or get hemmoroids

*children should never sit on a cold floor (warm rugs are OK) because they will get sick

[Wei&Shu(Joe) 2]

Here is the definition from Wikipedia: Blue balls is the slang term for a congested prostate or Vasocongestion. The condition of temporary fluid congestion in the testicles and prostate region caused by prolonged sexual arousal in the human male. It is often accompanied by a cramp-like ache of prostatic congestion and pain/tenderness or edema of the testes.

It is a real condition and sometimes can be quite painful. You can research it further on WebMd or something like that. But it is definitely true. I can understand your partner now wishing to fully engage in sex every time, but a more mild form of relief (other than a cold shower) might still be available. Consider her manipulation of the male organ using olive oil as a lubricant. It can be quite pleasurable while avoiding possibility of pregnancy or constant complete sexual experience. Just a suggestion.

OK. I'm a doctor. As incredibly accurate as Wikipedia is, (oh wait there's a statement on their homepage that it's not). There is no significant negative effect of arousal without ejaculation. Some men complain of feeling "full" and experience a minor and temporary discomfort. Something less than when guys play games and punch each other in the arm. Miraculously we are able to tolerate this discomfort without any ill effect. Real, or another way for men to convince people to participate in the "release"? Obviously, patriarchy is alive and well in the Ukraine and they have done a good job of convincing the women they need "release" for the sake of their health. It seems the Ukraine women have a good pushback. OK, then no arousal!

I would explain top her that it is a myth created by men to convince people they were in danger if they didn't assist them with release. She can relax. Give her permission to say no any time she wants at any point and that it will not hurt your health in any way.

And for those of you who get your medical info from Wikipedia, I can only say LOL!

[mox 298]

Sure was getting quiet in here, thanks 1HappyGuy.

The "blue balls" myth is alive and well right here in the good 'ol US of A too. Horny teenagers have used it since the dawn of time. Joe is of course right, but don't expect your Ukrainian lady to believe it. There is already a perception amongst Eastern Europeans that Western medicine is complete and utter #######, designed to make doctors rich. There's also a strong belief that Western doctors are completely out of touch with the natural world, and she's just going to roll her eyes when you tell her that a doctor told you it wasn't anything to worry about.

I have a Ukrainian friend who just suffered a huge battery of expensive tests because she had kidney pain, only to get the answer "we have no idea, please pay us $2,000." You can imagine how that went over. I listened for 10 minutes as she railed on about how a Ukrainian doctor would have known what was wrong instantly. She also believes the kidney pain was brought on because she was swimming in the ocean too quickly after having drunk a lot of alcohol.

[Brad and Vika 129]

So I've been reading some of the threads on cultural differences and having a good laugh, but there's one that 's come up for me and my Ukrainian fiancée that I would like to get some feedback on. She is "surprised that [Americans] don't know" that it is bad for your health (either a man or a woman) to become sexually aroused and not, um, achieve 'release' (to be polite). I've heard of "Blue Balls", but I've never seen anyone claim that it could actually be bad for you. You just 'release' or take a cold shower. I can research the effects of cold drinks, but other than "Blue Balls", I don't even know what to search for on this one. According to her, "any doctor will tell you" about this, and the effects include diseases of some sort.

Things like beliefs about cold drinks don't worry me, but in this case, it affects aspects of our relationship that are important to me, like intimacy. It's frustrating to me to think that intimacy would have to be all or nothing. I like lots of physical intimacy, like cuddling etc., and it doesn't always have to involve sex. I would hate to think that she's being less intimate or physical with me just because we're not going to "go all the way" every time we kiss! Yes, I'm exaggerating, but you get the idea.

Has anyone else heard this idea from their Ukrainian or Russian partner? Can anyone explain what the physiological process involved here is supposed to be? Is there any actual medical research that I can see that would back this up?

Please don't try to speculate about her or my motives (e.g. "She's just telling you that to get you to back off sexually"). I have no reason to doubt that she is being honest and straightforward with me. All I want is more information on this belief system.

From reading the other threads, it would seem there may be some interesting differences between the way medicine is practiced there and here, and I'd also be interested and entertained by any other such examples of the differences! (Which is why I left the subject generic )

Thanks!

Oh My God!!! What in the world are you complaining about?? How on earth will a desire to "help you" in this way be a problem? If she thinks sitting on a stone step will make her sterile - then don't insist she do it! Likewise, if she thinks that an orgasm is necessary each time you get excited - it is your duty to help her feel like she has protected you from a potential disaster. This is charming, and you should roll with it. Sheesh!!

[emmulator 0]

It seems some of you have misunderstood my situation. Here in the US, when we think of "Blue Balls", it's primarily a male condition, hence the name. And I too had always thought of it as just a made up condition that guys would tell women about to convince them to "go all the way". But after reading around, I see that it's a real condition in that some guys can experience discomfort, and that even some women can experience this, but I haven't seen anywhere that claims it can actually be harmful to your health.

However, this particular Ukrainian belief is that arousal without completion is bad for both women and men. And yes, the particular Ukrainian of significance to me has decided that the appropriate response is not to ensure a happy ending for everyone, but rather to avoid the arousal in the first place! It reminds me of my own reaction to something my grandmother used to say: "Give a lazy man a job and he'll find an easy way to do it." I always used to think, wouldn't a truly lazy man just not do the job?

And yeah, I don't think telling her what American doctors would say will help. I guess I was kind of hoping some Ukrainians or Russians would say that they had never heard of this, or that they know of this as some kind of folklore, so that I could at least say "See, some of your own people don't believe this either." To her it seems like a universal truth that we have somehow overlooked. It would be kind of awkward for me to take a poll when I'm there visiting her to see if the belief is as widespread as she says.

An alternative would be to find some reputable site that actually discusses this question. I have been able to make progress on some other topics by demonstrating that the preponderance of discussions lean one way or another. And to be fair, I've stopped drinking diet soda after reading various things about aspartame. She told me Americans were "naive" to believe that diet soda has no sugar, and that in fact the chemicals in it were far worse for you than sugar. I still don't believe that diet soda has sugar, at least not what we buy here in America. But I mostly only drink soda because it's free at work, and I'm perfectly happy to drink iced tea instead.

But other than "Blue Balls", I can't even figure out what to search for on this arousal topic. And the keyword "arousal" doesn't help much either.

Thanks for the help and support!

[PJB 0]

It seems some of you have misunderstood my situation. Here in the US, when we think of "Blue Balls", it's primarily a male condition, hence the name. And I too had always thought of it as just a made up condition that guys would tell women about to convince them to "go all the way". But after reading around, I see that it's a real condition in that some guys can experience discomfort, and that even some women can experience this, but I haven't seen anywhere that claims it can actually be harmful to your health.

However, this particular Ukrainian belief is that arousal without completion is bad for both women and men. And yes, the particular Ukrainian of significance to me has decided that the appropriate response is not to ensure a happy ending for everyone, but rather to avoid the arousal in the first place! It reminds me of my own reaction to something my grandmother used to say: "Give a lazy man a job and he'll find an easy way to do it." I always used to think, wouldn't a truly lazy man just not do the job?

And yeah, I don't think telling her what American doctors would say will help. I guess I was kind of hoping some Ukrainians or Russians would say that they had never heard of this, or that they know of this as some kind of folklore, so that I could at least say "See, some of your own people don't believe this either." To her it seems like a universal truth that we have somehow overlooked. It would be kind of awkward for me to take a poll when I'm there visiting her to see if the belief is as widespread as she says.

An alternative would be to find some reputable site that actually discusses this question. I have been able to make progress on some other topics by demonstrating that the preponderance of discussions lean one way or another. And to be fair, I've stopped drinking diet soda after reading various things about aspartame. She told me Americans were "naive" to believe that diet soda has no sugar, and that in fact the chemicals in it were far worse for you than sugar. I still don't believe that diet soda has sugar, at least not what we buy here in America. But I mostly only drink soda because it's free at work, and I'm perfectly happy to drink iced tea instead.

But other than "Blue Balls", I can't even figure out what to search for on this arousal topic. And the keyword "arousal" doesn't help much either.

Thanks for the help and support!

You are looking in all the wrong places for this topic. Try www.ellegirl.ru and www.cosmo.ru. These and any other female audience magazines give Russian girls and women advice on lots of health topics, especially sex. The articles are always written by Russian doctors who are just as popular and respected in Russia and Ukraine as are the American doctor/authors over here. And the advice is frequently along the lines of your Украинка's theory. So your best bet is not to fight the cultural belief but figure out how to work with it! These magazines will have not only the "problem" but advice on how to solve it (all from a source your honey will believe!)

[slim 1,530]

For the OP and others reading this waiting on their S/O thinking about how they're going to deal with the "hot and bothered" situations.....

Don't even worry about it. Once you're married the arousal stops and the only time you're going to get "worked up" without finishing is if your cable goes out or the internet crashes or you're out of olive oil. (Olive oil? Really? Why spend so much when vegetable oil is only a buck?) Don't worry about her because she'll take care of herself the one time a month she's actually aroused.

If there's an accidental case of you two arousing each other, you will make sure you "finish" and then after the commerical break you'll get back to all the other joys marriage has to offer.

Blue balls. Come on, what are you, like 14?

I have a Ukrainian friend who just suffered a huge battery of expensive tests because she had kidney pain, only to get the answer "we have no idea, please pay us $2,000." You can imagine how that went over. I listened for 10 minutes as she railed on about how a Ukrainian doctor would have known what was wrong instantly. She also believes the kidney pain was brought on because she was swimming in the ocean too quickly after having drunk a lot of alcohol.

We've been going through this here. Wifey's had "pain" since she got here and the stupid American doctor didn't know why, even after inspections and tests. So, we went to a stupid Russian doctor who also didn't know anything, I guess because she's been in the U.S. too long or something. Either way, it's my fault beause I cause the pain (stress, of course, and whateve else I did) and I can't find the right doctor to take her to so she can get rid of the pain.

We're currently searching for a doctor that can figure out why she has "pain."

[Brad and Vika 129]

Health practices and beliefs in Russia (my Ukrainian friends have similar beliefs) that differ from American "knowledge"........

*sex is healthy and normal, and a man or woman can end up with a lot of different illnesses if celibate or abstinate (poor nuns and priests!)

Sorry, I misunderstood your earlier post. Limiting that most healthy of activities is a terrible thing! Looks like the above quote contains a great counter point. Maybe there is some Ukrainian medical authority that backs it up. Joking aside, I think the above belief is much more popular than the one your fiance' has now.

[NYGirl 0]

For the OP and others reading this waiting on their S/O thinking about how they're going to deal with the "hot and bothered" situations.....

Don't even worry about it. Once you're married the arousal stops and the only time you're going to get "worked up" without finishing is if your cable goes out or the internet crashes or you're out of olive oil. (Olive oil? Really? Why spend so much when vegetable oil is only a buck?) Don't worry about her because she'll take care of herself the one time a month she's actually aroused.

If there's an accidental case of you two arousing each other, you will make sure you "finish" and then after the commerical break you'll get back to all the other joys marriage has to offer.

Blue balls. Come on, what are you, like 14?

I have a Ukrainian friend who just suffered a huge battery of expensive tests because she had kidney pain, only to get the answer "we have no idea, please pay us $2,000." You can imagine how that went over. I listened for 10 minutes as she railed on about how a Ukrainian doctor would have known what was wrong instantly. She also believes the kidney pain was brought on because she was swimming in the ocean too quickly after having drunk a lot of alcohol.

We've been going through this here. Wifey's had "pain" since she got here and the stupid American doctor didn't know why, even after inspections and tests. So, we went to a stupid Russian doctor who also didn't know anything, I guess because she's been in the U.S. too long or something. Either way, it's my fault beause I cause the pain (stress, of course, and whateve else I did) and I can't find the right doctor to take her to so she can get rid of the pain.

We're currently searching for a doctor that can figure out why she has "pain."

This is weird. All the pain that occurs in the kidneys is usually kidney stones. I am not doctor but went through few kidney stones myself and the pain is just unbearable. Recently I had a little surgery where they had to go through me to take it out. Before that, they tried to crush the stone but the stone was so low that when it gets closer to your utherus it just doesn't crush so the doctor had to perform a 2nd surgery within a month. I've been having kidney stones for probably more than 6 years already. The first time it happened about 6 years ago and they crushed it and it did help. The second time it happened in April of this year and didn't help and then in May he had to remove it with surgically. Any normal urologist will ask you to go and have a cat scan done and check for stones. Honestly, I was afraid to death to go through that surgery but I was asleep and didn't feel anything. I only had a little discomfort maybe for 2 days after the surgery and then I was fine. No pain and no hassle.

Don't wait with that pain, have those kidney stones removed, it's PAINFUL to go through that pain. I don't wish it on my worst enemy to go through that. The doctors give you anastesia and you feel nothing. I am so glad I did it and forgot about the pain. The only downside to it is that you can never get rid of stones forever, they come back to you in few years......and usually there are no pills that will cure your pain.

Don't let your ladies go through the pain of those stones, please talk them into getting rid of them.