Pet Diaries

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!

12:00 PM - Lunch! My favourite thing!

1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!

3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!

5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favourite thing!

6:00 PM - Oooh, Bath. Bummer.

7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!

8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!

11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary. ..

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed

hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations

perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my

strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.

I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly

demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made

condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was

placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could

hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was

due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how

to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my

tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this

again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to

be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the

guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My

captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so

he is safe. For now..............

[MrsCat 6]

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary. ..

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to

be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

Truly what our little ThomasJ (the cat) thinks of Dale (the dog).