Does your muslim husband mind if you drink?

[nunyab 0]

ummmm Iam Muslim...but would my husband minded if I drank???? OOOOOOOOhhhhhhYYYYYEEEEEAAAaaaaHHHHHh he would.. He doesn't even like me out past 9 at night alone...lol Do I want to drink? Just coffee thank you.

Rajaa

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I have never been much of a drinker, nor have I ever been a smoker (tried it, didn't like it). My husband had done them both in the past, but he quit drinking before we met, then quit smoking after we met. When he told me that he preferred that I didn't drink at all I didn't really care, it just wasn't a big enough part of my life to fight for. So neither of us do either. This was all established before we married, so no surprises. Allousa mentioned that it should be discussed before hand, and that is right on.

I am a firm believer that if you married them, and you are aware of what they are doing currently, or you are aware of what they want out of you, and you marry them with that knowledge then you must accept it. Same goes for us of course. Why live on the idea that when they get here they will change? Maybe they will, maybe they won't, but it is wrong to expect it.

You are right. It's a shame that so many people go into a marriage (and I'm not talking just MENA, but many people that I know not MENA) thinking they are going to change a person and usually one of two things happen:

a) The person never changes and the marriage ends in bitterness because of all the ####### spent trying to "change" the person

or

B) They do change the person into what they "think" they want them to be and find that they don't love them anymore because they aren't the person they fell in love with.

I know that it's impossible to discuss every little thing that might arise in the future, but when you know what you aren't willing to compromise on, you know what to expect and whether the relationship is worth moving forward on.

or

C) said person changes and then becomes resentful about it

well said

Lisa

[hollyw 0]

Second, I don't know too many husbands - foreign or domestic, who would be okay with it.

I have to disagree with that. At least among my peers that has always been common and acceptable. Mixed gender friendships are not unusual and they can remain completely platonic.

I disagree also. I have many male friends that I spend time with, with and without my husband, and he has female friends. It has never bothered either of us.

[Henia 11]

Hi all. Here's why I ask this question. The other day a neighbor/good friend knocked on my door and asked if I'd like to come over and have a beer. Normally I wouldn't, but my kids are away, I was home alone and bored. So one beer leads to six and a mixed drink ...and by the time I get home I'm a bit tipsy. My fiance isn't here in the US yet(soon though), so in my drunken silliness I buzz him on yahoo and try to wake him to chat (he leaves yahoo and his cam on at night). He doesn't wake up, but my typing looked something like this "hiiiiiiiiii bbay. wkae up..oh negvfermind icant type im drunk"

So I woke up I saw what I had written, was a little embarrassed, and figured he might be upset that I had one(or a few) too many. Well, he was more than a little upset. It bothered him to the point he didn't speak to me for most of the day. He cooled off and we discussed it. Turns out he would rather I didn't drink at all. Now he's not insisting I don't, he wouldn't do that, just asking me not to. For all of you non-muslim women with muslim husbands, how does your husband feel about alcohol? Does he mind if you have some wine? Do you refrain from drinking at his request?

I seriously think most Muslim men would not tolerate their women drinking, esp being drunk. It would be offensive and degrating of themselves as men (meaning they cannot control their women) ... And personally, if the man a real practising Muslim man did allow the woman to drink freely, I would think the marriage was fraud.

That's a little harsh... i think it just depends on how religious the guy is. Kinda like with christians, and just about any religion.

My comment was not harsh, since I stated: If the man was a pious practising Muslim man - all meaning that he was religious thus, meanly he himself would not be dranking, smoking, etc ... so of course would not want or allow the wife to. If the man, is not practising then it is another issue ... plus culturally it is degrating for the public to see the man's wife smking, drinking, etc ... as I said meaning he is not controlling her. So yes, in some cases he would feel some pressure culturally to stop her or ask her to stop. But many "modern" and "western thinking" men of course donnot mind ...

[Staashi 371]

Second, I don't know too many husbands - foreign or domestic, who would be okay with it.

I have to disagree with that. At least among my peers that has always been common and acceptable. Mixed gender friendships are not unusual and they can remain completely platonic.

I disagree also. I have many male friends that I spend time with, with and without my husband, and he has female friends. It has never bothered either of us.

That's cool that your husband is like that. But last night for the sake of verifying my thoughts on the subject, I surveyed 5 husbands and asked if their wife got shifazzed aka sloppy drunk with two male neighbor friends alone would they be cool with that? Four were American, one was Argentine (my husband). Of the five, three said no - that it just didn't seem right, my husband said he would have a fit, and the final one said, yeah, I'd be ok with it but honestly "that sounds like the opening line to a story in Penthouse!" I all but fell out of my chair.

Edited August 6, 2008 by Staashi

[Henia 11]

Hi all. Here's why I ask this question. The other day a neighbor/good friend knocked on my door and asked if I'd like to come over and have a beer. Normally I wouldn't, but my kids are away, I was home alone and bored. So one beer leads to six and a mixed drink ...and by the time I get home I'm a bit tipsy. My fiance isn't here in the US yet(soon though), so in my drunken silliness I buzz him on yahoo and try to wake him to chat (he leaves yahoo and his cam on at night). He doesn't wake up, but my typing looked something like this "hiiiiiiiiii bbay. wkae up..oh negvfermind icant type im drunk"

So I woke up I saw what I had written, was a little embarrassed, and figured he might be upset that I had one(or a few) too many. Well, he was more than a little upset. It bothered him to the point he didn't speak to me for most of the day. He cooled off and we discussed it. Turns out he would rather I didn't drink at all. Now he's not insisting I don't, he wouldn't do that, just asking me not to. For all of you non-muslim women with muslim husbands, how does your husband feel about alcohol? Does he mind if you have some wine? Do you refrain from drinking at his request?

I seriously think most Muslim men would not tolerate their women drinking, esp being drunk. It would be offensive and degrating of themselves as men (meaning they cannot control their women) ... And personally, if the man a real practising Muslim man did allow the woman to drink freely, I would think the marriage was fraud.

That's a little harsh... i think it just depends on how religious the guy is. Kinda like with christians, and just about any religion.

I'm thinking that she means unless the man is very religious, then he's not a "real" Muslim.... Not a new sentiment around here...

Did not say anything about "real" since I am not God to judge anyone ... but clearly as I said before the pious religious ones would not tolerate this. As for those drinking, smoking is a sin.

Personally, I do not drink but of course have in the past. My husband has never drank ... but has no problem with people who do (will sit with people who do, as long as they control themselves)

Edited August 6, 2008 by Henia

[Jenn! 918]

Second, I don't know too many husbands - foreign or domestic, who would be okay with it.

I have to disagree with that. At least among my peers that has always been common and acceptable. Mixed gender friendships are not unusual and they can remain completely platonic.

I disagree also. I have many male friends that I spend time with, with and without my husband, and he has female friends. It has never bothered either of us.

That's cool that your husband is like that. But last night for the sake of verifying my thoughts on the subject, I surveyed 5 husbands and asked if their wife got shifazzed aka sloppy drunk with two male neighbor friends alone would they be cool with that? Four were American, one was Argentine (my husband). Of the five, three said no - that it just didn't seem right, my husband said he would have a fit, and the final one said, yeah, I'd be ok with it but honestly "that sounds like the opening line to a story in Penthouse!" I all but fell out of my chair.

Maybe it's the way you phrased the question? Probably not desirable to get sh!tfaced any time, really. I thought the situation was a woman alone with male friends and alcohol present. I really think that most men (American at least) would be ok with this. It seems a fairly normal situation to me. Is it ok if other women are present? Do you think American men do not like their wives to have male friends period even if there is no alcohol in the equation?

Edited August 6, 2008 by Jenn!

[Jenn! 918]

Hi all. Here's why I ask this question. The other day a neighbor/good friend knocked on my door and asked if I'd like to come over and have a beer. Normally I wouldn't, but my kids are away, I was home alone and bored. So one beer leads to six and a mixed drink ...and by the time I get home I'm a bit tipsy. My fiance isn't here in the US yet(soon though), so in my drunken silliness I buzz him on yahoo and try to wake him to chat (he leaves yahoo and his cam on at night). He doesn't wake up, but my typing looked something like this "hiiiiiiiiii bbay. wkae up..oh negvfermind icant type im drunk"

So I woke up I saw what I had written, was a little embarrassed, and figured he might be upset that I had one(or a few) too many. Well, he was more than a little upset. It bothered him to the point he didn't speak to me for most of the day. He cooled off and we discussed it. Turns out he would rather I didn't drink at all. Now he's not insisting I don't, he wouldn't do that, just asking me not to. For all of you non-muslim women with muslim husbands, how does your husband feel about alcohol? Does he mind if you have some wine? Do you refrain from drinking at his request?

I seriously think most Muslim men would not tolerate their women drinking, esp being drunk. It would be offensive and degrating of themselves as men (meaning they cannot control their women) ... And personally, if the man a real practising Muslim man did allow the woman to drink freely, I would think the marriage was fraud.

That's a little harsh... i think it just depends on how religious the guy is. Kinda like with christians, and just about any religion.

I'm thinking that she means unless the man is very religious, then he's not a "real" Muslim.... Not a new sentiment around here...

Did not say anything about "real" since I am not God to judge anyone ... but clearly as I said before the pious religious ones would not tolerate this. As for those drinking, smoking is a sin.

Personally, I do not drink but of course have in the past. My husband has never drank ... but has no problem with people who do (will sit with people who do, as long as they control themselves)

Actually you did say real. I was clarifying your point. Polarbear had rebutted to your point that it depends on how religious the man is and I was saying that by "real practising Muslim man" that very religious was implied.

[LRA 0]

Second, I don't know too many husbands - foreign or domestic, who would be okay with it.

I have to disagree with that. At least among my peers that has always been common and acceptable. Mixed gender friendships are not unusual and they can remain completely platonic.

I disagree also. I have many male friends that I spend time with, with and without my husband, and he has female friends. It has never bothered either of us.

That's cool that your husband is like that. But last night for the sake of verifying my thoughts on the subject, I surveyed 5 husbands and asked if their wife got shifazzed aka sloppy drunk with two male neighbor friends alone would they be cool with that? Four were American, one was Argentine (my husband). Of the five, three said no - that it just didn't seem right, my husband said he would have a fit, and the final one said, yeah, I'd be ok with it but honestly "that sounds like the opening line to a story in Penthouse!" I all but fell out of my chair.

I would not only walk away, I would run fast and far, far away from her if she spent time with male "friends" with out me...drinking or not. I think if she decided to start drinking I could overlook that...but hanging out with guys...no way! I know very few who would tolerate that. She wants to go out with co-workers for lunch (who happen to be male) fine. But to go out without me with a bunch of guys (or even 1)...our marriage wouldn't survive cause I would be serving 10-20. Seriously a definite no-no there. I think you'd be surprised as to how many spouses (both MENA or not) say they are ok with it until the other comes strolling in at 3 in the morning from a night out with those of an opposite gender.

For those who spoke of the pork-alcohol comparision. Many of the muslims I know drink but put a pepperoni pizza in front of them and all bets are off. What hipocracy! To each their own.

[Jenn! 918]

What if it's a group of people of mixed gender and the husband is not there?

Well, anyway, people are free to do what they like and every couple must decide this for themselves. I personally have a hard time getting shocked over male/female friendships as I think that most adults are capable of controlling themselves. I think people are imagining these wild scenarios that are just not true. I don't see the difference in having a couple of drinks with the girls or a couple of drinks with the guys, really.

I do realize that many men DO have big problems with the male friend issue in general which can lead to problems if the woman is anything like me.

All that said, I don't really have any good straight male friends, but if I did I would want to have a couple of beers with him!

Edited August 6, 2008 by Jenn!

[polarbear 0]

What if it's a group of people of mixed gender and the husband is not there?

The only reason my husband has a problem with that is bc he feels left out

If I want to hang out with the girls alone he encourages it - but if he finds out males were present at all he will get sulky and ask why I left him out and didn't bring him with me This includes one of my friends asking a male friend to meet us at starbucks mid-hang-out or something Not like I planned it or something

We have developed a don't ask, don't tell policy But hey, at least he wants to spend time with me

[caybee 21]

OK here goes..

Whoever said that men and women can be PLATONIC friends in a previous post... My husband knew I had male friends before we married...Was he thrilled with it? No, but he accepted it. He also knew I had weekly poker games with them and once in a while a couple drinks. Again, was he thrilled? Nope, but accepted it. He doesn't drink at all, and is now requesting that I don't either. Sooooooooooooooooo.........I asked the people here how their husbands felt about drinking.

How this has turned into me having a sordid three-way love fest with the neighbors is beyond me. However, if this does happen someday, and I do decide to send the story to Penthouse, I'm wondering how much they pay if the story is published?

Moving on

I've just asked my man again to tell me what exactly bothered him so much. He said this "I'm clean, no drugs, alcohol or cigarettes now. It's good for me and it's good for you too to be that way. But sometimes when you drink, it makes me think why not have a few drinks with my wife? So, to help me not to drink, I want you to stop too."

So in a sense he is requesting that you help hold him accountable, to help him be strong in his convictions, which makes sense. It's complicated in that he accepted you drinking in the beginning and feels differently now, which requires a compromise you weren't expecting.

[Sandrila 1]

I feel just because one is NOT a strict religious "Muslim" does not mean they are not Muslim.

As we all can see from various Christian religions, one does not have to be that "devout" to continue with their

somewhat religious, cultural and traditional attitudes and practices.

[mahboula 11]

OK here goes..

Whoever said that men and women can be PLATONIC friends in a previous post... My husband knew I had male friends before we married...Was he thrilled with it? No, but he accepted it. He also knew I had weekly poker games with them and once in a while a couple drinks. Again, was he thrilled? Nope, but accepted it. He doesn't drink at all, and is now requesting that I don't either. Sooooooooooooooooo.........I asked the people here how their husbands felt about drinking.

How this has turned into me having a sordid three-way love fest with the neighbors is beyond me. However, if this does happen someday, and I do decide to send the story to Penthouse, I'm wondering how much they pay if the story is published?

Moving on

I've just asked my man again to tell me what exactly bothered him so much. He said this "I'm clean, no drugs, alcohol or cigarettes now. It's good for me and it's good for you too to be that way. But sometimes when you drink, it makes me think why not have a few drinks with my wife? So, to help me not to drink, I want you to stop too."

So in a sense he is requesting that you help hold him accountable, to help him be strong in his convictions, which makes sense. It's complicated in that he accepted you drinking in the beginning and feels differently now, which requires a compromise you weren't expecting.

Yep exactly. But I'm sure we'll both have to make compromises in the future we weren't expecting.

Staashi---omg your imagination I was not SLOPPY drunk just stupid drunk

[Sandrila 1]

Omg

I am absolutely not allowed to have ANY male friends, past present or future, no matter what the connection

even co workers can be in question

it is all a matter of trust

but i find...simply...men from either these countries, or who are muslim, simply do not tolerate the same lifestlye and openness that american men do

it is better not to create any sense of insecurity or deceit with your spouse

in the past, and being married to an american man, i found there was a total lack of respect on another level

a level that i am just learning about now that I am with my moroccan husband

i know now, after alot of experience that there should be no one above your spouse (other than children, of course)

spouse should be your all, your best friend and there should be no where else to go for your needs, other than him

guy friends and too much socializing could potentially sabotage the relationship...honestly when you spend so much time apart, the only person you should want to spend all your time with is your sweetie...I mean, girls, we need our "girl time" for sure, but entering male friends into the mix can cause alot of jealousy and doubt, which we all know is one of the 7 most deadly sins.

I keep hearing this word clean, clean, clean

do your husbands use this word alot too???

cant we still have had our experience and be american and still be clean??? It is possible for people to change too and see things from a totally different perspective, but I have to admit, you can take the girl out of america, but NOT the american out of the girl!!

Edited August 6, 2008 by sandrila