Does your muslim husband mind if you drink?

[Nothing1234 2]

Just have to ask the question, they have no problem with women working and earning their own way, a lot of time, money for them and their family, but when it comes to other issues, they turn old fashion? How can they allow the women they say they love, work their butts off paying for most of everything, while still trying to control them, that is crazy to me. I say if you are working, doing the house and kids, than all is fair, now if he is supporting you all the way than maybe he does have control. Just my thoughts You either take it all, and he totally supports all, or he just learns to shut up, since he is not doing the normal thing as in supporting his wife. I know there will be people upset at this, but just how I feel.

GG, I'm not upset at all. I'm with ya! I especially hate the word "control"...

[merijan 0]

Well it been very interesting reading all the posts on this subject. And after reading them I wanted to comment. My husband is Muslim from Pakistan, I am Muslim from here. I became Muslim over 13 years ago. So I get the thinking of some of the posts, however as a Muslim wife and woman I have become enlightened to many things. First of all if a Man is Muslim and he is not really practicing and he drinks, he is may seem easy going with this lifestyle and so on, but deep inside he has been taught many things and his religion is still there somewhere as well as his culture. So I find it hard to believe any Arab man would be ok with his wife haveing guys as friends. No matter how modern he is I think its only a matter of time before he cant tolerate it anymore. BUt each person is different. I say this because I was married to an Arab man for over 10 years , and I know how they think since most of my friends are Arabs also.

I guess as American women we tend to pride ourselves in the word "freedom" and we focus too much on a word we call "control" . Well I must say since I became Muslim I began to see that there are such beautifull things in the way we should interact in society. First of all to me having male friends, and my hubby having female friends is not even an issue. What is my reason to have a male friend? or him to have a female friend? does it make him better as a husaband? or me as a wife? NO and in the end yes anything can lead to temptation, u never know ur circumstances in life when you could feel that moment something, or even a "male" friend could feel that with you.Why should you ever put that before the improtance of you and ur husband . And never would I let my hubby have female friends. Incase your living a totally different planet than me, u should know the male ego, and body and how it all functions. There is no room for that in a marriage.

As far as drinking goes, well if he drinks you should be able to. of coarse. IF he cant follow his own relgion he should not expect anything diff from you. And if he is strong in his relgion yet he wants to marry outside of it, than he should be willing to accept the person he is marrying.

I dont want to offend anyone, this is my opinion, my beleif , my conviction.

[morocco4ever 63]

anything can lead to temptation, u never know ur circumstances in life when you could feel that moment something, or even a "male" friend could feel that with you.Why should you ever put that before the improtance of you and ur husband . And never would I let my hubby have female friends. Incase your living a totally different planet than me, u should know the male ego, and body and how it all functions. There is no room for that in a marriage.

This is exactly how I feel. Why would I put myself in a possible compromising position if by chance my husband and I are having any difficulties. Not just that, but I do know men (and women) that get a charge out of getting a married woman (or man) to cave to them. They do it in very sneaky ways. I trust my husband, and he trusts me. But in the end we are all human and humans make mistakes. It just isn't worth it to me.

But this is the thing. This is what is right for me and my husband. It doesn't mean it is right for every couple. This should be decided soley on them as a couple, not mandated.

[Sandrila 1]

Sandrila

I can relate to the issues you mentioned, and it had come up for us too, but I have also made it clear to him that some of this is not acceptable. I stated it from the start. He also said no men in the house. Well lets face it, men come to repair things in the house. How do you expect me not to allow him in the house, but still expect him to make repairs? I think some men come here and do change once they see that things are just different here. I think some come here and expect to much.

If what he states is all livable for you then thats great. If not I suggest you start working on it now in the kindest way possible. Remind him that what he sees on TV does exist, but it exist there in Morocco as well. I made sure to point it out everytime I saw a Moroccan singer on TV that was dressed questionable. He would tell me that it was just TV, and they were stars and not everyone dresses that way. Bingo! I think you get my point. The US is not what they see on TV, just like any other country.

Being married to an Arab can be hard, and it can be wonderful. But you need to think about how much of his demands are realistic, and how many you can live with? Work on it now so as to make it clear what to expect. You shouldn't have to change your entire personality to make him happy, keep that in mind.

Well put and I agree

[Sandrila 1]

Well it been very interesting reading all the posts on this subject. And after reading them I wanted to comment. My husband is Muslim from Pakistan, I am Muslim from here. I became Muslim over 13 years ago. So I get the thinking of some of the posts, however as a Muslim wife and woman I have become enlightened to many things. First of all if a Man is Muslim and he is not really practicing and he drinks, he is may seem easy going with this lifestyle and so on, but deep inside he has been taught many things and his religion is still there somewhere as well as his culture. So I find it hard to believe any Arab man would be ok with his wife haveing guys as friends. No matter how modern he is I think its only a matter of time before he cant tolerate it anymore. BUt each person is different. I say this because I was married to an Arab man for over 10 years , and I know how they think since most of my friends are Arabs also.

I guess as American women we tend to pride ourselves in the word "freedom" and we focus too much on a word we call "control" . Well I must say since I became Muslim I began to see that there are such beautifull things in the way we should interact in society. First of all to me having male friends, and my hubby having female friends is not even an issue. What is my reason to have a male friend? or him to have a female friend? does it make him better as a husaband? or me as a wife? NO and in the end yes anything can lead to temptation, u never know ur circumstances in life when you could feel that moment something, or even a "male" friend could feel that with you.Why should you ever put that before the improtance of you and ur husband . And never would I let my hubby have female friends. Incase your living a totally different planet than me, u should know the male ego, and body and how it all functions. There is no room for that in a marriage.

As far as drinking goes, well if he drinks you should be able to. of coarse. IF he cant follow his own relgion he should not expect anything diff from you. And if he is strong in his relgion yet he wants to marry outside of it, than he should be willing to accept the person he is marrying.

I dont want to offend anyone, this is my opinion, my beleif , my conviction.

Merijan,

"I have become enlightened to many things. First of all if a Man is Muslim and he is not really practicing and he drinks, he is may seem easy going with this lifestyle and so on, but deep inside he has been taught many things and his religion is still there somewhere as well as his culture. So I find it hard to believe any Arab man would be ok with his wife haveing guys as friends. No matter how modern he is I think its only a matter of time before he cant tolerate it anymore."

THANK YOU FOR THIS STATEMENT....ENLIGHTENED IS AN EXCELLENT CHOICE OF WORDS TO DESCRIBE WHAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING TO ME SINCE I MET MY HUSBAND

"First of all to me having male friends, and my hubby having female friends is not even an issue. What is my reason to have a male friend? or him to have a female friend? does it make him better as a husaband? or me as a wife? NO and in the end yes anything can lead to temptation, u never know ur circumstances in life when you could feel that moment something, or even a "male" friend could feel that with you.Why should you ever put that before the improtance of you and ur husband . And never would I let my hubby have female friends. Incase your living a totally different planet than me, u should know the male ego, and body and how it all functions. There is no room for that in a marriage. "

Excellent way to assess the importance of not letting opposite sex friends come between you and your spouse.

[Alhamdulillah 0]

Well i was married at the age of 21, when I went back home to visit her almost everynight I drank mostly beers though. And when it comes to my wife she doesnt drink nor smoke, but if she does want to drink she usually asks if she can have a mixed drink. Of course I say yeah...

I dont know us Albanians in Kosova are some weird Muslims, well i'm speaking for myself and alot of people that i know.

Shaykh al-Albani was one of the greatest scholars of our time. I also know a some practicing Albanian muslimaat in the US mashallah.

Neither me nor my husband drink or sit with those who are drinking.... we are both practicing muslims walhamdulillah.

I'm quite amazed at the number of muslims who take such a major sin so lightly but to each their own.

[sarahaziz 0]

All I can say is if you respect your future spouse/spouse you will refrain from doing things that could harm the marriage. This kind of thing seems small to an American but trust me it's a big deal .

[sandinista! 1,816]

All I can say is if you respect your future spouse/spouse you will refrain from doing things that could harm the marriage. This kind of thing seems small to an American but trust me it's a big deal .

any american in particular, or did you have us all in mind when you made this brilliant post? as always, it's staggering in its genius.

[sarahaziz 0]

I'm an american too you retard. ^^^

Her spouse or future spouse is from the same background as me and I'm advising her it's a huge deal to old fashioned men back home. Reading her post doesn't sound like she's interested in someone who is ok with that kind of stuff.

[JULIAFERNO 0]

I'm an american too you retard. ^^^

Her spouse or future spouse is from the same background as me and I'm advising her it's a huge deal to old fashioned men back home. Reading her post doesn't sound like she's interested in someone who is ok with that kind of stuff.

Let's not resort to name calling - I think we are all mature adults who are capable of discussing an issue and understanding that our experiences are all subjective and that are opinions are just that, and are influenced by our own perceptions and not by facts. Why is it so common to feel the need to convince others that your own way is the right, best or correct way? Surely we understand the incredibly complex and multicultural world that we are living in, as we are involved in international relationships or marriages. Moreover, I think we all have quite a bit of respect for our relationships and commitment to our partners, regardless of our religious convictions. Am I wrong?

On another note, I agree that it is generally inappropriate to maintain close relationships with people of the opposite sex, outside of your family. But, that does not mean that it is inappropriate to interact with the opposite sex at all. Must we completely isolate ourselves from anyone other than our husbands and family members who possess a different bodily organ than ourselves? There is a difference between not entertaining close friendships with the opposite sex, and isolating yourself from any interaction with the opposite sex. One must have boundaries, but not necessarily a fortress!

[sarahaziz 0]

im only speaking on drinking because she posted his reaction to it. Other than that it's not my buisness.

I have a short temper with people who act moronic and unnecessarily online on this board. Sorry.

[catknit 144]

On another note, I agree that it is generally inappropriate to maintain close relationships with people of the opposite sex, outside of your family. But, that does not mean that it is inappropriate to interact with the opposite sex at all. Must we completely isolate ourselves from anyone other than our husbands and family members who possess a different bodily organ than ourselves? There is a difference between not entertaining close friendships with the opposite sex, and isolating yourself from any interaction with the opposite sex. One must have boundaries, but not necessarily a fortress!

This is something I always found so hard to come to grips with - where is the line here. My ex, who is arab, was very happy with me having no friends at all. He thought all I needed was family. He was rather intent with me having a fortress.

And, to stay on topic, with the ex there was to be no known alcohol in anything in our house, no beverages, no extracts, no food that contained extracts, no sauces/prepared food with anything vaguely alcoholic in them including extracts, no fake alcohol flavorings...he had a cousin who wouldn't use rubbing alcohol because it had the word alcohol on the bottle. Never mind it was isopropyl and couldn't be consumed....

Edited August 8, 2008 by milo75

[Nasturtium 500]

This is something I always found so hard to come to grips with - where is the line here. My ex, who is arab, was very happy with me having no friends at all. He thought all I needed was family. He was rather intent with me having a fortress.

And, to stay on topic, with the ex there was to be no known alcohol in anything in our house, no beverages, no extracts, no food that contained extracts, no sauces/prepared food with anything vaguely alcoholic in them including extracts, no fake alcohol flavorings...he had a cousin who wouldn't use rubbing alcohol because it had the word alcohol on the bottle. Never mind it was isopropyl and couldn't be consumed....

LOL bet he let you make bread though, with it's evil fermentation process That's part of what is hilarious to me about people and their inconsistencies. Sorry that happened to you

[catknit 144]

Inconsistency is the perfect word for it! When I explained to him the whole bread/yeast thing or the fact that the riper the fruit the more alcohol was naturally occuring or that some of his favorite stuff [soy sauce] naturally contains alcohol - he was mortified. But his favorite things were allowed to be consumed because there was no intent to get drunk. Me baking with good vanilla extract [instead of the crappy vanillin imitation stuff without alcohol] was a no-no. I would say to the man "it's 1/2 tsp for 36 cookies that are baked? you have got to be kidding me!" but he wasn't!!! I now have a nice madagascar bourbon bean extract I love [from trader joe's] and my SO knows there is no backing down on this.

This is also the good muslim man who I never saw pray once in the 10 years I knew/married/lived with him. Not once.

It was the inconsistencies that drove me nuts.

[Nasturtium 500]

Inconsistency is the perfect word for it! When I explained to him the whole bread/yeast thing or the fact that the riper the fruit the more alcohol was naturally occuring or that some of his favorite stuff [soy sauce] naturally contains alcohol - he was mortified. But his favorite things were allowed to be consumed because there was no intent to get drunk. Me baking with good vanilla extract [instead of the crappy vanillin imitation stuff without alcohol] was a no-no. I would say to the man "it's 1/2 tsp for 36 cookies that are baked? you have got to be kidding me!" but he wasn't!!! I now have a nice madagascar bourbon bean extract I love [from trader joe's] and my SO knows there is no backing down on this.

This is also the good muslim man who I never saw pray once in the 10 years I knew/married/lived with him. Not once.

It was the inconsistencies that drove me nuts.

Yep! that's the thing. if someone is going to be that stringent about the tsp of vanilla extract which is 33% alcohol, but not about the alcohol in a bowl of ripe fruit or in fermenting bread or soy sauce... or poorly refined vinegar (cheap stuff), then I really see that as inconsistent with their supposed beliefs. Especially his friend whom you mentioned with the isopropyl thing. Nuts! I mean things which end with -pyl/-col are usually types of alcohol... and are in everything-- shampoos, cleaners, etc. Maybe someone can explain it in a way that makes sense, because it just seems picky-choosey to me. I know if one takes a Nazarite vow in the Bible, one of the things they are to avoid is alcohol-- and ALL of its derivatives, which includes vinegar, leavened bread (yeast), etc. So in that case, it's across the board that you avoid any and all forms of alcohol. I thought the purpose behind the Muslim prohibition involved intoxication--which won't come from your cleaners, 1tsp of vanilla extract, etc. I have seen people who avoid it and also avoid things like nutmeg since it can be used as a drug though, and stick with the dispensation of vinegar and bread as acceptable (most people don't discuss fruit when I read this stuff but I am sure it's given the same pass).