3 Weeks Left, and Fiance Still Hasn't Packed Up

[psiprez 3]

I just need to vent a bit.

My fiance is arriving in exactly three weeks. He still has one more week of work to go (working 12 hour days), then one week to empty his flat and be completely out of it.

He realizes now that he didn't leave enough time, and is starting to get VERY overwhelmed. He didn't start sooner because he was afraid it would jinx the interview (which we knew wouldn't happen, but I respected his feelings). I am doing my very best to be encouraging and not come off as nagging. Even mentioning that I am excited that he will be coming soon makes him anxious. About all I can do is avoid the subject altogether.

Of course we can't reschedule. My vacation time from work cannot be moved, his non-refundable plane ticket cannot be re-purchased.

It's so upsetting. We've worked so hard to get to this point, and now all this. Of course you can say "what's a wedding without stress", but this is different. I wish I could just fly over there and help him, but of course I can't.

I told him to just remember that worst case scenario, he just packs his bags and walks out, leaving everything he isn't taking with him there in the flat. (I used to work at an apartment complex. Trust me, more people do it than you would ever guess! The staff then decends like a flock of vultures and helps themselves to the leavings. I acquired four DVD players, three TV's, a PC, a ferret, and a houseful of furniture and appliances that way.) But he is too upstanding to EVER do that. So instead he is driving himself crazy.

I'm out of encouraging things to say to him. I tried to offer some perspective, saying that this is our last great hurdle, and that we just need to muscle through. But it doesn't help. I'm so afraid that this will leave a permanent scar on our relationship. I don't want him coming here and starting our new life together feeling bitter or resentful. It's all I can do to not burst into tears when he gets snappy on the phone.

*sigh* It just seems like when we finally had a handle on the long distance relationship thing, we get thrown a curveball.

[PlatyPius 5]

Any guy who can't pack and move in 3 days, let alone an entire week, is hardly worthy of being called a guy.

Since he's the Brit, he should be used to nagging - since it's the Brit woman's pastime- so your nagging probably won't put him off.

He really DOESN'T need any more stress at the moment, though....

If he's getting 'snappy' on the phone, that's your cue to back off. Don't ask him why, don't say you want to "discuss our feelings" or any such #######; just back off. If he's stressing about your reactions, it's guaranteed that he won't be packed and ready on time.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Too upstanding to let the staff have free stuff? I don't get it.

[Jenn! 918]

Yeah, I don't see how he can't get packed up before he has to leave - it will get done. If I *had* to pack my whole apartment by tonight, it would get done somehow!

[Scarlett 0]

I just need to vent a bit.

My fiance is arriving in exactly three weeks. He still has one more week of work to go (working 12 hour days), then one week to empty his flat and be completely out of it.

He realizes now that he didn't leave enough time, and is starting to get VERY overwhelmed. He didn't start sooner because he was afraid it would jinx the interview (which we knew wouldn't happen, but I respected his feelings). I am doing my very best to be encouraging and not come off as nagging. Even mentioning that I am excited that he will be coming soon makes him anxious. About all I can do is avoid the subject altogether.

Of course we can't reschedule. My vacation time from work cannot be moved, his non-refundable plane ticket cannot be re-purchased.

It's so upsetting. We've worked so hard to get to this point, and now all this. Of course you can say "what's a wedding without stress", but this is different. I wish I could just fly over there and help him, but of course I can't.

I told him to just remember that worst case scenario, he just packs his bags and walks out, leaving everything he isn't taking with him there in the flat. (I used to work at an apartment complex. Trust me, more people do it than you would ever guess! The staff then decends like a flock of vultures and helps themselves to the leavings. I acquired four DVD players, three TV's, a PC, a ferret, and a houseful of furniture and appliances that way.) But he is too upstanding to EVER do that. So instead he is driving himself crazy.

I'm out of encouraging things to say to him. I tried to offer some perspective, saying that this is our last great hurdle, and that we just need to muscle through. But it doesn't help. I'm so afraid that this will leave a permanent scar on our relationship. I don't want him coming here and starting our new life together feeling bitter or resentful. It's all I can do to not burst into tears when he gets snappy on the phone.

*sigh* It just seems like when we finally had a handle on the long distance relationship thing, we get thrown a curveball.

I can relate to his anxiety and stress - I have at least three months to go before I leave and already I can't sleep. But, maybe your boy should phone a "house clearance" firm - it might be as simple as setting a date for them to come and take everything away. He can find some local firms in the Yellow Pages or yell.com. In the meantime, be patient with him, he is under enormous pressure, the reality of the big move is almost too much to take onboard. But it will all be over soon and he can gradually get back to being his loveable self again. Good luck!

[Daveyamf79 0]

I'm in the military and have moved 7 times in 5 years. I can move in one day start to finish. And that's packing up a moving van and then unpacking it at the destination--by myself. Granted, I didn't have much stuff when I was single. In terminating services, water, natural gas, electricity, etc, this kind of stuff can be handled over the phone enroute the destination or when you get to your new place.

Now in my fiancee's (now wife) case, I was there to help her pack things up with the help of a friend. We put all her stuff into sacks, drove it to a local packer, the local packer put it all in boxes. Then we took it to the post office and mailed it off. Total time was 6 hours.

If you want advice: Leave him alone and let him sort it out. You can't do anything about it anyway.

[vanee 13]

Moving to a new country is a lot different than moving across the city. You need to get rid of a lot more and to decide what to take with you. That last month before I moved was very stressful.

Two suggestions for your fiance:

- Advertise on Craigslist (for a price or in the free section) most of the items that you aren't going to take with you. Include photos, and they'll go faster.

- Mark some boxes for charity for clothing and smaller household items, keep adding to them, and drop them off in one trip.

[Emancipation 2]

Does he have any friends/family in the area that can be ruthless for him? Ie.. he goes through the apt. and decides the things he HAS to take to his new life- pack that stuff up and then have family/friends come through and take /sell/give away the rest. Sometimes just getting someone in with some perspective and is not in the throws of stress really helps!

[*Snowdrop* 604]

Since he's the Brit, he should be used to nagging - since it's the Brit woman's pastime- so your nagging probably won't put him off.

Hey!

OP - he will manage it all just fine - we might like to moan every now and again (not nag!) but we're pretty good at getting stuff done on time over here.

[baxxy 0]

If you want advice: Leave him alone and let him sort it out. You can't do anything about it anyway.

I'm with him, theres nothing you can do, the more you nag the more pissed off he'll get, just let him do it, of course he can manage to do it within the time frame, he's a guy.

[Jeraly 4]

I didn't take too long but I did mine in bits and pieces from about a month before and I only lived in one room.

All I did was work through things systematically - first I emptied my wardrobes, then my shelves etc etc and did things a bit at a time. As I went through I put things I wanted to keep into boxes and put the rest aside to take to a charity shop or sell at a car boot sale. Once he finishes work he will have two whole weeks (as I understand it) to do nothing but pack and sort - I think that is plenty of time, and speaking from experience of leaving assignments and thngs until the last minute - if it HAS to get done by a certain time, it will

Has he arranged shipping yet? I found that once I got the things I wanted to keep in boxes, it was all left with my mum and the company re-packed everything for me and dealt with my mum - does he have a friend or family member who would loan him a garage to store things until the shipping company can take it? My stuff didn't get collected until a week after I was in the US so that could buy him some time.

Platy is right though, give the guy a bit of a break and just try and be supportive - I know that is really tough because it is our in-bred need to nag (I do it all the time ) but just talk him through things step-by-step: "Clear out X first, then box the things you are going to keep" etc etc. I know that might sound really stupid, but when I am stressed out and have so much on my mind, I find it hard to organise my thoughts into smaller, achievable goals - maybe it will help him too - maybe it won't. But it's worth a try

[ginger1981 0]

Is there a university nearby? Put up a few fliers that he has a house moving sale and let them come and pick through the stuff. As long as he has set aside what stuff he does want to ship, he should have all his stuff gone in an afternoon. If he so wished and charged a small fee he could make some cash to boot.

Also, how about giving away stuff to Oxfam? I don't know about the UK but the Salvation Army here will come and pick up the stuff for you at no additional fee.

[Mrs.J06 4]

If you want advice: Leave him alone and let him sort it out. You can't do anything about it anyway.

I'm with him, theres nothing you can do, the more you nag the more pissed off he'll get, just let him do it, of course he can manage to do it within the time frame, he's a guy.

[NickyMcMillan 0]

It will get done in time. I cleared my two bedroom house in the UK, the weekend before I left for the US. Its surprising how much you can do when you have a deadline like that!

Goodluck!

[melusine 5]

just need to activate the process a bit and it's all good... no worries.