Fil/American Poll III

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Hmm.

I don't think race/ethnicity has something to do which one makes a better mate. Everyone has their own definition of ideal mate. I think my husband is a great husband. He has all the qualities I'm looking for a husband. It just happened that he is American. Well, he is naturalized. He was born and raised in Europe and moved to US when he was 16. Regarding the 2nd poll, my husband thinks I'm a great wife, but just like my husband, I am naturalized American. I am not your "typical/traditional/submissive" Filipina wife. To be honest, we both consider ourselves more American than European or Filipino.

I think the questions should had been: 1. Did you marry your ideal mate? 2. What makes him/her your ideal mate? 3. Is his/her ethnicity/race is part of him/her being your ideal mate?

I agree that one's ethnicity has nothing to do with it, but there are cultural traits or tendencies that we can at least recognize. For example, a high percentage of Asian immigrants in the U.S. are very successful in school. Pushing oneself to do their very best in school is something that is stressed among many Asian famililes while it isn't as prevalent here (...and I'm sure there are historical reasons for that). Now if someone were to then draw the conclusion that Asians are smarter than Caucasians, for example, that's when they're making a mistake - much like saying, Filipinas are better wives. However, I don't it's wreckless to recognize within the Filipino culture, families tend to stay together. From my experience with relationships though, I'd say a person's family and how they were raised has more to do with what kinds qualities they possess over which country they grew up in, but culture does play a part in shaping who they are.

I think a lot immigrants who come to the U.S. see a lot of negative cultural traits or tendencies within American culture and want their children to hold on to the positive traits of there own culture.

[speedo 0]

I agree that one's ethnicity has nothing to do with it, but there are cultural traits or tendencies that we can at least recognize. For example, a high percentage of Asian immigrants in the U.S. are very successful in school. Pushing oneself to do their very best in school is something that is stressed among many Asian famililes while it isn't as prevalent here (...and I'm sure there are historical reasons for that). Now if someone were to then draw the conclusion that Asians are smarter than Caucasians, for example, that's when they're making a mistake - much like saying, Filipinas are better wives. However, I don't it's wreckless to recognize within the Filipino culture, families tend to stay together. From my experience with relationships though, I'd say a person's family and how they were raised has more to do with what kinds qualities they possess over which country they grew up in, but culture does play a part in shaping who they are.

I think a lot immigrants who come to the U.S. see a lot of negative cultural traits or tendencies within American culture and want their children to hold on to the positive traits of there own culture.

Now if someone were to then draw the conclusion that Asians are smarter than Caucasians, for example, that's when they're making a mistake - much like saying, Filipinas are better wives.

Isn't that your question if Filipinas overall make better wives than American women? I was a bit offended with that question. Is it because I'm Filipino American makes me not a great wife compares to Filipina Wife.

However, I don't it's wreckless to recognize within the Filipino culture, families tend to stay together.

- I'm not really sure what do you mean by the families tend stay together, so I'm assuming they have lower divorce/annulment rates. I don't think that families tend to stay together is not always a good thing.

I believe that being separated is still a taboo in the Philippines. There are numbers of reasons why Filipino families tend to stay together other than their love for their spouse. Here are some:

1. I know a handful of Filipinas who has philandering husbands. Instead leaving their husbands, they turn their head the other way and pretend that everything is just fine or they think it's the "right" thing to do to keep their family intact which I think is a big BS

2. For the sake of the children. I know some Filipinas that are not happy with their marriage or in an abusive relationship who chose to stay in their marriage for the sake of the children.

3. No divorce in the Philippines. Expensive Annulment.

4. The stigma that the mass cast upon separated/Annulled/Single Filipinas. What would people think? Oh my they are going to talk behind me back.

5. Cannot afford on her own. Life is hard in the Philippines. Again, I know some women who stay in their marriage because they don't have money (SAHM) or her salary cannot support herself and children. I don't think there's housing and money assistance, food stamp, baby sitter assistance in the Philippines.

6. ETC.

Those are really life examples from friends and relatives. I also encourage the USC to join or at least lurk over pinoyexchange.com. It's the largest Filipino Community Message Board.

From my experience with relationships though, I'd say a person's family and how they were raised has more to do with what kinds qualities they possess over which country they grew up in, but culture does play a part in shaping who they are.

- You are right.

Also, I need someone to name me trait or quality that you can only exclusively find on Filipinas.

Edited August 4, 2008 by speedo

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Now if someone were to then draw the conclusion that Asians are smarter than Caucasians, for example, that's when they're making a mistake - much like saying, Filipinas are better wives.

Isn't that your question if Filipinas overall make better wives than American women? I was a bit offended with that question. Is it because I'm Filipino American makes me not a great wife compares to Filipina Wife.

Well, for the record, I said 'not true' to both questions. B)

I think we're looking at two factors - perceptions and cultural traits. So far based on this poll, there seems to be perceptions that may or may not be grounded in cultural traits. Also, when it comes to what we are looking for in a mate, everyone may have a different answer. Then there's the larger question and that is - what do we do with generalizations that are built on some truth? For example, there's the generalization that Filipino couples (both the men and women) are less likely to divorce than American couples. As most people know, divorce is not permitted in the Philippines so perhaps that's what is behind the generalization and perception by some American men that if they marry a Filipina, she is less likely to divorce him. Ultimately, the man should really look at his potential mate - her attitudes towards marriage and her family to see if that holds true for her, but perhaps the perception that it's true has attracted many American men to search for a Filipina wife, particularly if they went through a bad divorce. I'm not saying it's good or bad...just trying find rhyme and reason beyond the perception and generalization that many American men are just looking for Filipinas because their too lazy to find a good woman here or because they can't find anyone who will love them. Stereotypes go both ways.

However, I don't it's wreckless to recognize within the Filipino culture, families tend to stay together.

- I'm not really sure what do you mean by the families tend stay together, so I'm assuming they have lower divorce/annulment rates. I don't think that families tend to stay together is not always a good thing.

I believe that being separated is still a taboo in the Philippines. There are numbers of reasons why Filipino families tend to stay together other than their love for their spouse. Here are some:

1. I know a handful of Filipinas who has philandering husbands. Instead leaving their husbands, they turn their head the other way and pretend that everything is just fine or they think it's the "right" thing to do to keep their family intact which I think is a big BS

2. For the sake of the children. I know some Filipinas that are not happy with their marriage or in an abusive relationship who chose to stay in their marriage for the sake of the children.

3. No divorce in the Philippines. Expensive Annulment.

4. The stigma that the mass cast upon separated/Annulled/Single Filipinas. What would people think? Oh my they are going to talk behind me back.

5. Cannot afford on her own. Life is hard in the Philippines. Again, I know some women who stay in their marriage because they don't have money (SAHM) or her salary cannot support herself and children. I don't think there's housing and money assistance, food stamp, baby sitter assistance in the Philippines.

6. ETC.

Those are really life examples from friends and relatives. I also encourage the USC to join or at least lurk over pinoyexchange.com. It's the largest Filipino Community Message Board.

Yep. I think you touched on some reasons as to why families stay together more in the Philippines than here.

From my experience with relationships though, I'd say a person's family and how they were raised has more to do with what kinds qualities they possess over which country they grew up in, but culture does play a part in shaping who they are.

- You are right.

Also, I need someone to name me trait or quality that you can only exclusively find on Filipinas.

I couldn't, but I think we all could make some generalizations about certain cultures, including American culture that are based on truths. I would say the real problem is when someone turns those generalizations into being true instead of recognizing them for what they are. I can imagine that any American who searches for a Filipina under perception that she possesses qualities that get standardized and branded by many international dating agencies is setting himself up for a real surprise.

[speedo 0]

Steven, I know where you stand on this topic, so I was pretty sure that you will answer NO.

Agree with you about the 2 factors: the perception and generalization. But I just want to comment on this

As most people know, divorce is not permitted in the Philippines so perhaps that's what is behind the generalization and perception by some American men that if they marry a Filipina, she is less likely to divorce him.

- Steven this not directed to you. . . . I'm just thinking out loud, so people please forgive me. She is less likely to divorce him for what reason? if he cheats on her? if he is abusive to her? because he lost his job? over younger more attractive guys? I mean even if the Filipina wife is no longer happy/miserable with the relationship (there's no way of fixing it) but still don't want to divorce the guy for whatever reason, why would the guy want to stay in the relationship?

I just actually voted: NO NO FILIPINA. I was trying to analyze the result. So far, there were 15 Filipina who voted. 17 people who voted that Filipinas make better wives, 10 mostly true, 3 somewhat. 9 people voted NO- You, me, 2 American female, 3 others = 7 (I'm just assuming here) which makes me wonder what are the answers of the other 14 Filipina? Are we tooting our own horns here ? 17-10-3 votes pointing that Filipina makes a better wife.

Edited August 5, 2008 by speedo

[dbears 1]

However, I don't it's wreckless to recognize within the Filipino culture, families tend to stay together.

I'd like to share this condensed statistic i got from this blog: (http://-salt-and-light-.blogspot.com/2006/...t-married.html)

Here in the Philippines, the number of cases of annulment, legal separation and declaration of nullity of marriage has been rising through the years. The Office of the Solicitor General reported that in 2007, there were a total of 7,753 cases filed by persons seeking to terminate their marriage. Out of this number, 2,582 cases were filed in Metro Manila. The total number of this kind of cases has been rising through the years: 4,520 cases in 2001; 5,250 in 2002; 6,848 in 2003; 6,335 in 2004; and 7,138 in 2006. From 2001 to 2007, the OSG received a total of 43,617 cases of annulment and separation.

Because of the high legal costs of annulment cases, a lot more people are simply splitting up without going through judicial proceedings. The DSWD has reported that in the CALABARZON area, some 40% of couples are merely living in. The percentage translates into some 90,000 couples. Either these couples are first timers who simply do not believe in legalizing their marriage, OR they were previously married and because of the legal impediments, are now just living in with their present partners.)

Based on the 2000 Census of Population and Housing, of the 57.1 million Filipinos aged ten years and over,

• One percent or 558,023 were either divorced or separated;
• 4.3 percent or 2.4 million were in live-in arrangements;

From my experience with relationships though, I'd say a person's family and how they were raised has more to do with what kinds qualities they possess over which country they grew up in, but culture does play a part in shaping who they are.

Culture, family-- they do play a role in shaping who we become BUT there are also individual experiences and individual choices that dictates the kind of person we turn out to be. I have 1 brother and 2 sisters that I share same set of parents with but each one of us grew up to have completely different personalities.

I can imagine that any American who searches for a Filipina under perception that she possesses qualities that get standardized and branded by many international dating agencies is setting himself up for a real surprise.

VERY TRUE

I just actually voted: NO NO FILIPINA. I was trying to analyze the result. So far, there were 15 Filipina who voted. 17 people who voted that Filipinas make better wives, 10 mostly true, 3 somewhat. 9 people voted NO- You, me, 2 American female, 3 others = 7 (I'm just assuming here) which makes me wonder what are the answers of the other 14 Filipina? Are we tooting our own horns here ? 17-10-3 votes pointing that Filipina makes a better wife.

I've cast my vote yesterday ... I am a Filipina and I am still in the Philippines and I'm taking the 5th on speedo's question.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Steven, I know where you stand on this topic, so I was pretty sure that you will answer NO.

Agree with you about the 2 factors: the perception and generalization. But I just want to comment on this

As most people know, divorce is not permitted in the Philippines so perhaps that's what is behind the generalization and perception by some American men that if they marry a Filipina, she is less likely to divorce him.

- Steven this not directed to you. . . . I'm just thinking out loud, so people please forgive me. She is less likely to divorce him for what reason? if he cheats on her? if he is abusive to her? because he lost his job? over younger more attractive guys? I mean even if the Filipina wife is no longer happy/miserable with the relationship (there's no way of fixing it) but still don't want to divorce the guy for whatever reason, why would the guy want to stay in the relationship?

I think there is shared sentiment in this country that people divorce way too often when the relationship is worth saving (excluding of course, things like abuse), however, that sentiment is shared by both American men and women.

Most people on VJ know that I'm quite liberal and I don't agree with the following assessment, but I've heard it expressed by other men before:

"American feminism has eroded the family unit. Marriage is not regarded the way it once was. The idea of equal rights in the household has created a two-headed monster compared to a traditional family where the man is head of the household."

If an American male believes that to be true then he maybe more apt to search for a wife from a country where feminism hasn't had such an impact on marriage and the familiy. Again, I'm talking about perceptions.