I know most of you met your OH online...

[Marilyn. 340]

Right! I've heard of relationships starting in the least auspicious of circumstances that have turned out to be very successful; I'm not sure they would have worked for me, but they worked for the couples involved and that's what mattered.

For example, I couldn't imagine agreeing to marry someone I had only known for two weeks, or marrying someone I had never had any intimacy with, yet the couples I know who did this have now been married for over twenty years.

I view the internet as merely another way to meet someone; like speed-dating, or answering an ad in the newspaper, or asking a friend to introduce you to someone. The advantage I had was in getting to know Alex's personality somewhat before we met, but until we did meet face-to-face I wouldn't have called what we had a relationship; there are still many things I feel you can only gauge in person.

I hope you guys didn't get that impression from me. I was saying it was not for me and why. I have received enough criticism and cruel words about my own relationship to last a lifetime. I try to never do that to anyone else for any reason.

I am not downing the way you met you SO's. I just wanted to say why I could not and maybe that is why other's see it differently.

I wish all of you only the very best.

I certainly did not get that impression from you, and I appreciate your good wishes.

love happens differently for different people..

[gensdad515 2]

Right! I've heard of relationships starting in the least auspicious of circumstances that have turned out to be very successful; I'm not sure they would have worked for me, but they worked for the couples involved and that's what mattered.

For example, I couldn't imagine agreeing to marry someone I had only known for two weeks, or marrying someone I had never had any intimacy with, yet the couples I know who did this have now been married for over twenty years.

I view the internet as merely another way to meet someone; like speed-dating, or answering an ad in the newspaper, or asking a friend to introduce you to someone. The advantage I had was in getting to know Alex's personality somewhat before we met, but until we did meet face-to-face I wouldn't have called what we had a relationship; there are still many things I feel you can only gauge in person.

I hope you guys didn't get that impression from me. I was saying it was not for me and why. I have received enough criticism and cruel words about my own relationship to last a lifetime. I try to never do that to anyone else for any reason.

I am not downing the way you met you SO's. I just wanted to say why I could not and maybe that is why other's see it differently.

I wish all of you only the very best.

I certainly did not get that impression from you, and I appreciate your good wishes.

love happens differently for different people..

I think most people always have a wary view or comment, they will always think of the 'bad' that can happen but never of any good. All the internet myths going around do not help any either . I brush the comments off, everyone has an opinion and they are welcome to it, I just don't take theirs. All my family and friends have nothing but good wishes for us. For those that have the other comments I always tell them that you really never know with anything in life. The mass murderer could be your next door neighbor whom you see every day and thought you knew very well.

[The Red Baron 0]

I think the huge problem is exactly what people have said this person is very real to you, the person using the net gaming or whatever and the your freinds dont get to interact in the same way in a "normal" relationship (normal in a very loose term here folks) so the stigma will remain oooh he could be a 40st pervert. People dont understand these types of relationships so in these situations people react with oooh are you sure you know what your doing? what if he is said pervert? I think it is necessary for people who are in these types of relationships to educate the poeple so they can at least gan some ind of understanding and be informed rather than making disparaging comments about your chosen method of courtship. I mean for the love of Pete we live in a world that used to and still does arrange marriages??!!??

i say Educate the people

[Gemmie 142]

I'm not feeling down because of prejudice or anything.

It's just a temporary annoyance when people make the same comments. In general, I'm used to them and expect them so try to brush them off. I just wondered if other people got the same ones.

What also hurts is how being in a long distance relationship means I'm treated by one or two of my friends as if my fiancé doesn't exist. Now, I am very appreciative that my friends don't exclude me from their outings just because I cannot take Alex with me (my friends do many things as couples, but I am never made to feel like a third wheel when I go along) but it would be nice to be occasionally asked how he is or how the wedding plans are coming along. One day I was with two close friends, one of whom only gets to see her boyfriend at the weekend. The other friend said, 'oh, I feel so sorry for you, not having seen your boyfriend in a week!' Another time, when he went away for two weeks, that friend said to me, 'Oh, I feel so sorry for mutual friend - she's not going to see her boyfriend for a fortnight, and she must be missing him greatly'. I just agreed with her - what else could I say? I DID feel sorry for mutual friend but I didn't think I needed that pointing out in front of me!

This happens to me too, sometimes.

Once I was at dinner with two friends of mine, and one of them brought up a mutual friend of everyone - saying how she couldn't possibly have a relationship with her boyfriend while he was away in the US for work because how are they supposed to discuss things properly with all the distance? She then realised what she had said, and actually said ALOUD "Oh sorry Gem, I completely forgot"... these friends have met my fiancee!

I also hear the comments you brought up, but usually it's the person going through the time away from their OH. I always hear about how someone misses their boyfriend so much because they haven't seen them in a week, or how they really really need to spend time with their girlfriend that night because she's been gone for three WHOLE weeks. I understand that it's difficult to be away from loved ones but I just ask for a little empathy in the waiting that I endure; you don't have to constantly watch what you say. But just don't act as though Bill doesn't exist or that we're not a real couple.

[merijan 0]

I had mixed reactions. I met my husband online, he was in Pakistan. Our relationship was built over time. He went to UK on student visa and then came here. It was three years after we first met online that we were able to be together. In that time I know our relationship built and was stronger than if we had met in person from the beginning.

It took almost two and half years before I saw him in person, and when I did it was as if we had been togehter in person that whole time. Many things made people question our relationship. I am older than him, I was married before and had three kids,...As well his friends also questioned him thinking its just and internet fling thing. Well now hes here, hes working, my kids fell in love with him too, and everytime we have a disagreement, or problems we both remember how it was. When he was on the other side of the web cam wishing to just hold my hand, our wishing our eyes could see each other at the same time, all those times on the phone wishing he was here when I hear his voice. And he is real he loves me for who I am, the way I am older, fat and clumsy..LOL and I think it would be hard to find a man like that just anywehre. So I am thankfull to the internet...

And anyone who says it cant be real,,, talk to alot of us here that will tell you u r wrong.

[gingerblue 0]

We met online (on Flickr) and knew (in our hearts) within weeks of emails. We had even discussed marriage before we met face to face. And before he flew here, we were SO VERY nervous because we were so afraid that this whole relationship we had built up would fall apart once we touched. Well, it didn't. It just got stronger.

When you're long distance, you can't resort to physical connections. If you want to be together, you have to TALK. And after 15 months of many hours each and every day of sharing every detail, we know each other better than most IRL couples.

We "knew" before we met, but it's been all the time we spend together in person and on the phone that have made us strong. How we met is irrelevant at this point.

And I agree with everyone about how I'm so tired of people assuming it's not a "real" relationship. Every single one of my friends have met him, repeatedly, and yet nobody asks about him. It's really weird, it's like they're afraid to ask about it because they're just SURE we've broken up and they don't want to offend??? People don't respect that I need to be home to call him at certain times. I'm no longer single but I'm not one of the "couple" people, either. I tend to avoid others because nobody understands and I get tired of defending myself about him. I can't talk about him to people...they just change the subject. Like I said, very weird how people react to it.

[Hannah+Vito 0]

Vito and I didn't meet on the net, we met when he stayed in the hotel where i work with his dad and a friend, but most of our relationship has been conducted online, as we, like everyone else can't afford a holiday every moth or not work. But we have managed to visit each other three times not including when we met, sept will be the 5th. but I still get comments . I was about to tell one old friend in an email about our engagement when she effectivly emailed me first to say that she thought people marrying in the first year of knowing each other was mad, and all the people she knew that did it were divorced in two years, ooops, guess she realised her foot in mouth cos she never emailed bk to even agknowlege my last email Another congradualated me when i told her i was engaged to my american man then when she saw i was planning on moving to america she asked why do you want to do that then? I just answer them and drop it. I have come to the conclusion people will have an opinon on your life no matter what you do, or how you do it. all that matters yours and your SO's.

[*Snowdrop* 604]

We met online but as far as I was concerned it wasn't ever going to be a relationship I thought we were just having a fun penpal type thing and we would NEVER EVER meet. So I was happily using him as a sounding board for my dating life and we were having some very deep conversations (me in the knowledge that we would never meet face to face) Then eight months on he suddenly said he really wanted to meet and did I mind if he booked a flight to London. So I freaked a bit and then curiosity won me over and I agreed to meet and spend the day with him - we met at Tate Modern (picked a very public place). One day turned into two and that led to a ten day ski holiday a few months later and then I suddenly realised I'd fallen for someone I'd met on the internet!

That was four years ago and since then we've made 40 or so transatlantic trips between us. We've met and spent time with each other's friends and family. And we've had plenty of time to do all the things you get to do in 'normal' relationships - we just do them in between a few weeks of being apart.

And actually in those weeks apart we think we talk more, share more and get to know each other better than some couples we know who are together all the time.

I've found that in the US people seem to think our story is incredibly romantic and they don't blink an eye at the internet bit. However in the UK people seem far more judgemental about it. I just ignore them or if I think they're worth it try to explain how it works.

[Gemmie 142]

Every single one of my friends have met him, repeatedly, and yet nobody asks about him. It's really weird, it's like they're afraid to ask about it because they're just SURE we've broken up and they don't want to offend???

That's not very nice! My friends are nice enough to ask about him often, but they never ask about the visa process because they know it's way too complicated for their liking. They do ask why I can't just move over and get married, or why he can't just come here. They also ask me why there are so many people just walking into the UK when it's so difficult for my fiancee to do so... I try not to get frustrated at that, though, because they don't know the details.

Once I was on the phone to my brother, we were discussing my fiancee not looking for a job in a while... he said "I know you're getting married and that, but to be honest, it's his life... and it's not like you're going to be together permanently." What does he mean by that?! Of course we're going to be together permanently! My family are pretty much the same when it comes to the topic though; they'll ask how my fiancee is doing and when we're next going to see each other, and they're happy to spend time with him when he visits. But the fact that I'm moving over there next year seems to constantly leave their minds, they're always asking if and when I'm leaving, and when I'm getting married, even though I'm forever reminding them that there's red tape to break through first.

Another congradualated me when i told her i was engaged to my american man blush.gif then when she saw i was planning on moving to america she asked why do you want to do that then?

Ditto!

The only thing I can say in response is "... well we're getting married... it's the only way to be with him..." and wait for them to say "oh, right."

I've found that in the US people seem to think our story is incredibly romantic and they don't blink an eye at the internet bit. However in the UK people seem far more judgemental about it. I just ignore them or if I think they're worth it try to explain how it works.

I find this, too. The reaction is the US is usually a look at both of us and then "awwww", though I don't know if it's because we're physically together... if I was back in the UK, maybe it would be different.

Edited August 3, 2008 by Gemmie

[greeneyedgirlfl 0]

I didn't fall in love with Darren until I met him in person for the first time. We had been talking on Skype every day for months, and I was just getting to know him. I definitely knew he was the one when I picked him up from the airport.

My family was a little tentative at first, especially my brother and sister-in-law (they're both police officers), but as soon as they met him, their fears were gone. So much so that my brother is one of Darren's groomsmen.

Our friends were so happy for us that the online thing really didn't matter. And, I agree, the attitude about meeting online seems to be more positive in the States...

[Jeraly 4]

Jeremy and I even looked into ways of being together without marrying first - we wanted to give our relationship a chance to mature before we "rushed" into anything. I wasn't ready to commit myself to marrying him right away and I knew that while my family would be supportive, they would have been skeptical in this situation.

So we looked at unmarried partner visas and other things and planned to get married in 2009. But after the complicated visa processes, we decided that if we were going to get married in 2009 anyway, then why not get married earlier and cut out one of the visas We looked at so many options and I think that because we had, we were able to justify to others the actions we had taken, even if we didn't need to justify ourselves

[Nicoxcx 1]

The USA seems generally to be more tolerable of online relationships.

Does anyone remember the first time they met there SO in the USA, how easy was it to get threw customs? It was alot simpler than I thought it would be, infact my third time there I took a grilling from the lady at customs when she asked how we met , and I said online, I wasnt going to lie I just wanted to see my man again.

Stevens first trip here he also took a grilling, the customs guy at Glasgow airport called me on my mobile to ask if I knew him, and what we were going to do!.

We also looked into ways to be together without marriage at first, right now the time is perfect, I have just graduated college and the only ties I have to my bonnie country is my family and friends, no financial ties etc;.

How long has everyone been with there SO? (dating/engaged I mean, not how long have you known each other)

[Jeraly 4]

Three years, known each other seven

[The Red Baron 0]

Married two on the 18th and known eachother 4

[Hannah+Vito 0]

Every single one of my friends have met him, repeatedly, and yet nobody asks about him. It's really weird, it's like they're afraid to ask about it because they're just SURE we've broken up and they don't want to offend???

That's not very nice! My friends are nice enough to ask about him often, but they never ask about the visa process because they know it's way too complicated for their liking. They do ask why I can't just move over and get married, or why he can't just come here. They also ask me why there are so many people just walking into the UK when it's so difficult for my fiancee to do so... I try not to get frustrated at that, though, because they don't know the details.

Once I was on the phone to my brother, we were discussing my fiancee not looking for a job in a while... he said "I know you're getting married and that, but to be honest, it's his life... and it's not like you're going to be together permanently." What does he mean by that?! Of course we're going to be together permanently! My family are pretty much the same when it comes to the topic though; they'll ask how my fiancee is doing and when we're next going to see each other, and they're happy to spend time with him when he visits. But the fact that I'm moving over there next year seems to constantly leave their minds, they're always asking if and when I'm leaving, and when I'm getting married, even though I'm forever reminding them that there's red tape to break through first.

Another congradualated me when i told her i was engaged to my american man blush.gif then when she saw i was planning on moving to america she asked why do you want to do that then?

Ditto!

The only thing I can say in response is "... well we're getting married... it's the only way to be with him..." and wait for them to say "oh, right."

I've found that in the US people seem to think our story is incredibly romantic and they don't blink an eye at the internet bit. However in the UK people seem far more judgemental about it. I just ignore them or if I think they're worth it try to explain how it works.

I find this, too. The reaction is the US is usually a look at both of us and then "awwww", though I don't know if it's because we're physically together... if I was back in the UK, maybe it would be different.

I think in her case it was more complete stupidity, i'd just told her i was marrying an american but it didnt sink in why i was moving to america, i think some peeps are just slow tp proccess