I know most of you met your OH online...

[no name 1]

A bunch of us didn't meet online either...and met while living in England. I personally cannot imagine meeting/dating(?) over the internet. It's the day to day things in life that made me fall for my husband. It's meeting his parents, his colleagues, his friends. Going to his local. Going to dinner with friends. Getting a Chinese takeaway & watching TV after a long week at work....

I am not sure how meeting online precludes one from doing any or all of those things.

I have met Alex's parents, colleagues and all of his friends. We've been to his favourite local restaurant and he went to the pub when he visited me. We've also ordered a takeaway together and for one week while he was here I worked and for one week while I was visiting him he worked.

People meet in all different ways. I have heard of people having successful relationships with people they met through friends, at a club, while speed-dating, online, through an ad...I wouldn't comment on anyone's method of dating.

So once you had a takeaway? Once you went to a favorite restaurant? That is so not what I'm talking about. Visiting is very different than living in the same city/together.

And to clarify, I said *I* cannot imagine it....

[*JG* 2]

I will admit I am a naysayer. For myself anyhow. I cannot see meeting someone online and falling in love with them. But, that is just me. The beauty of this world is that we are not all the same.

I always wish anyone that has the best of luck.

and that was my opinion too before it happened to me

Part of my issue, Marilyn, is that I met my husband in Jamaica. The words people say about that fact can be very cruel. Even meeting him face to face, I had to be very careful. Believe me when I say I beat him to death with every red flag I ever though I saw or made up.

So, meeting someone on the internet, where I cannot guage their reactions like I want to....it would not be for me. Interactions are very important to me from the very beginning.

I do get what you mean though. I never ever in a million years thought I would fall in love with someone from another country. I guess you just never know.

[Laura+Tom 2]

I will admit I am a naysayer. For myself anyhow. I cannot see meeting someone online and falling in love with them. But, that is just me. The beauty of this world is that we are not all the same.

I always wish anyone that has the best of luck.

and that was my opinion too before it happened to me

Me too.

[Alex & Rachel 78]

So once you had a takeaway? Once you went to a favorite restaurant? That is so not what I'm talking about. Visiting is very different than living in the same city/together.

And to clarify, I said *I* cannot imagine it....

Yes, it's different. However, I don't think it means that it doesn't at least give some indication or idea.

Yes, you said 'I'. However, you still came into a thread that was asking for specific advice and addressed to people who had met their SOs online and give your opinion. Everyone who has passed judgement on online relationships to me always ends with 'that is how I feel' and I think, then why tell me that? I don't need to know what people's personal opinions are.

[Marilyn. 340]

I will admit I am a naysayer. For myself anyhow. I cannot see meeting someone online and falling in love with them. But, that is just me. The beauty of this world is that we are not all the same.

I always wish anyone that has the best of luck.

and that was my opinion too before it happened to me

Part of my issue, Marilyn, is that I met my husband in Jamaica. The words people say about that fact can be very cruel. Even meeting him face to face, I had to be very careful. Believe me when I say I beat him to death with every red flag I ever though I saw or made up.

So, meeting someone on the internet, where I cannot guage their reactions like I want to....it would not be for me. Interactions are very important to me from the very beginning.

I do get what you mean though. I never ever in a million years thought I would fall in love with someone from another country. I guess you just never know.

yeah, you never know.... I never knew I would meet someone online and fall in love with him... but here we are over 6 years later still going strong.. we must have did something right...

and to be fair I didn't fall completely in love with him on the internet.. well my heart did but my head was stubborn ..lol but when I met him face to face I just knew...

Edited August 1, 2008 by *Marilyn*

[no name 1]

So once you had a takeaway? Once you went to a favorite restaurant? That is so not what I'm talking about. Visiting is very different than living in the same city/together.

And to clarify, I said *I* cannot imagine it....

Yes, it's different. However, I don't think it means that it doesn't at least give some indication or idea.

Yes, you said 'I'. However, you still came into a thread that was asking for specific advice and addressed to people who had met their SOs online and give your opinion. Everyone who has passed judgement on online relationships to me always ends with 'that is how I feel' and I think, then why tell me that? I don't need to know what people's personal opinions are.

oh, I see, all threads MUST STAY ON TOPIC & never stray.

Got it!

Marilyn & Jomo - better stay O(n)T.....

Edited August 1, 2008 by illumine

[Jeraly 4]

I will admit I am a naysayer. For myself anyhow. I cannot see meeting someone online and falling in love with them. But, that is just me. The beauty of this world is that we are not all the same.

I always wish anyone that has the best of luck.

and that was my opinion too before it happened to me

Me too.

Ditto.

In fact this was further reinforced by the fact that when I was 19 and he was 18 we had an "online relationship" and it was horrific. We didn't have the maturity or patience to deal with it and it was, quite frankly, a big painful mess. As it was also seven years ago, I got little sympathy from a lot of people who saw internet relationships as not real relationships and they thought I was stupid, or at best naive.

Eventually I had to agree with them. While at first we got on really well online, we liked the same things, enjoyed talking online and on the phone, we fought so hard about anything and everything and it was awful. Needless to say we broke up and I wrote the whole thing off as a big mistake lesson - that long distance relationships didn't work, especially when you had never met the person before. So I got on with my life, went to uni, etc etc.

Fast forward about three years or something like that. I wonder how he is getting on. I had a new and exciting life at uni and I wondered if he had ever even managed to get a job. So I look him up where we met online - he wasn't there but after all this time, he decided to go back there and someone passed on that I was looking for him. So he e-mailed me.

From that point on we started chatting more again - it was fun, there was no intent of a relationship, we didn't want to even go there after last time!! But we still got on really well and had loads in common. Needless to say the old feelings started creeping back but we denied them. Before we even contemplated a relationship, he insisted on visiting me in person and the rest as they say is history. That was about three years ago. I was terrified of what people might think, especially after last time and many people had their doubts. But once they met him and realised what a nice guy he was, they accepted it.

Sorry for the ramble! In terms of dealing with prejudice, I kind of expect it although it is less frequent now (in my experience) so I pre-empt it when people ask how we met by telling them how long ago we met. As for doubts or knowing he is "the one" - I didn't at first. At least I thought he was, after everything we had gone through and we still made it back together. Then during the hard times I questioned whether I was doing the right thing. But now I couldn't tell you how I know - I just can't imagine being without him.

One of the things we did do though, to reassure our (my) families and ourselves was to spend as much time together as possible. I spent two months out here one summer when I was in uni and he came back to the UK for three months (it was cut short when his dad died suddenly) so we could replicate living together as best we could in our crazy situation

[Alex & Rachel 78]

So once you had a takeaway? Once you went to a favorite restaurant? That is so not what I'm talking about. Visiting is very different than living in the same city/together.

And to clarify, I said *I* cannot imagine it....

Yes, it's different. However, I don't think it means that it doesn't at least give some indication or idea.

Yes, you said 'I'. However, you still came into a thread that was asking for specific advice and addressed to people who had met their SOs online and give your opinion. Everyone who has passed judgement on online relationships to me always ends with 'that is how I feel' and I think, then why tell me that? I don't need to know what people's personal opinions are.

oh, I see, all threads MUST STAY ON TOPIC & never stray.

Got it!

Marilyn & Jomo - better stay OT.....

Of course threads don't have to stay on-topic.

I just found your post unnecessarily cruel and unhelpful and had to comment on it. There's on-topic and then doing the exact thing that Gemmie is asking for advice on (how to deal with comments from people criticising having met her SO online).

[no name 1]

So once you had a takeaway? Once you went to a favorite restaurant? That is so not what I'm talking about. Visiting is very different than living in the same city/together.

And to clarify, I said *I* cannot imagine it....

Yes, it's different. However, I don't think it means that it doesn't at least give some indication or idea.

Yes, you said 'I'. However, you still came into a thread that was asking for specific advice and addressed to people who had met their SOs online and give your opinion. Everyone who has passed judgement on online relationships to me always ends with 'that is how I feel' and I think, then why tell me that? I don't need to know what people's personal opinions are.

oh, I see, all threads MUST STAY ON TOPIC & never stray.

Got it!

Marilyn & Jomo - better stay OT.....

Of course threads don't have to stay on-topic.

I just found your post unnecessarily cruel and unhelpful and had to comment on it. There's on-topic and then doing the exact thing that Gemmie is asking for advice on (how to deal with comments from people criticising having met her SO online).

[Marilyn. 340]

I am not sure why whenever this topic comes up it becomes and us against them thing.. people fall in love all sorts of ways nowadays.. I do understand where the people come from who haven't met their SO online.. it can seem pretty strange... and like I said I thought it was strange before it happened to me... but that doesn't change the fact that it does happen and successfully too...

years ago before there was even any internet, my mom's cousin was pen pals with this woman.. they would always write letters back and forth and fell in love through those letters, they did eventually meet and they got married and they are still married today..

[*JG* 2]

I will admit I am a naysayer. For myself anyhow. I cannot see meeting someone online and falling in love with them. But, that is just me. The beauty of this world is that we are not all the same.

I always wish anyone that has the best of luck.

and that was my opinion too before it happened to me

Part of my issue, Marilyn, is that I met my husband in Jamaica. The words people say about that fact can be very cruel. Even meeting him face to face, I had to be very careful. Believe me when I say I beat him to death with every red flag I ever though I saw or made up.

So, meeting someone on the internet, where I cannot guage their reactions like I want to....it would not be for me. Interactions are very important to me from the very beginning.

I do get what you mean though. I never ever in a million years thought I would fall in love with someone from another country. I guess you just never know.

yeah, you never know.... I never knew I would meet someone online and fall in love with him... but here we are over 6 years later still going strong.. we must have did something right...

and to be fair I didn't fall completely in love with him on the internet.. well my heart did but my head was stubborn ..lol but when I met him face to face I just knew...

Now you are talking words I can understand with that last statement.

So once you had a takeaway? Once you went to a favorite restaurant? That is so not what I'm talking about. Visiting is very different than living in the same city/together.

And to clarify, I said *I* cannot imagine it....

Yes, it's different. However, I don't think it means that it doesn't at least give some indication or idea.

Yes, you said 'I'. However, you still came into a thread that was asking for specific advice and addressed to people who had met their SOs online and give your opinion. Everyone who has passed judgement on online relationships to me always ends with 'that is how I feel' and I think, then why tell me that? I don't need to know what people's personal opinions are.

oh, I see, all threads MUST STAY ON TOPIC & never stray.

Got it!

Marilyn & Jomo - better stay O(n)T.....

Pretty sure we are talking about the topic.

[*JG* 2]

I am not sure why whenever this topic comes up it becomes and us against them thing.. people fall in love all sorts of ways nowadays.. I do understand where the people come from who haven't met their SO online.. it can seem pretty strange... and like I said I thought it was strange before it happened to me... but that doesn't change the fact that it does happen and successfully too...

years ago before there was even any internet, my mom's cousin was pen pals with this woman.. they would always write letters back and forth and fell in love through those letters, they did eventually meet and they got married and they are still married today..

I hope you guys didn't get that impression from me. I was saying it was not for me and why. I have received enough criticism and cruel words about my own relationship to last a lifetime. I try to never do that to anyone else for any reason.

I am not downing the way you met you SO's. I just wanted to say why I could not and maybe that is why other's see it differently.

I wish all of you only the very best.

[Marilyn. 340]

I am not sure why whenever this topic comes up it becomes and us against them thing.. people fall in love all sorts of ways nowadays.. I do understand where the people come from who haven't met their SO online.. it can seem pretty strange... and like I said I thought it was strange before it happened to me... but that doesn't change the fact that it does happen and successfully too...

years ago before there was even any internet, my mom's cousin was pen pals with this woman.. they would always write letters back and forth and fell in love through those letters, they did eventually meet and they got married and they are still married today..

I hope you guys didn't get that impression from me. I was saying it was not for me and why. I have received enough criticism and cruel words about my own relationship to last a lifetime. I try to never do that to anyone else for any reason.

I am not downing the way you met you SO's. I just wanted to say why I could not and maybe that is why other's see it differently.

I wish all of you only the very best.

oh it wasn't aimed at you.. just the general feeling I get sometimes when this subject some up...

[Alex & Rachel 78]

Right! I've heard of relationships starting in the least auspicious of circumstances that have turned out to be very successful; I'm not sure they would have worked for me, but they worked for the couples involved and that's what mattered.

For example, I couldn't imagine agreeing to marry someone I had only known for two weeks, or marrying someone I had never had any intimacy with, yet the couples I know who did this have now been married for over twenty years.

I view the internet as merely another way to meet someone; like speed-dating, or answering an ad in the newspaper, or asking a friend to introduce you to someone. The advantage I had was in getting to know Alex's personality somewhat before we met, but until we did meet face-to-face I wouldn't have called what we had a relationship; there are still many things I feel you can only gauge in person.

I hope you guys didn't get that impression from me. I was saying it was not for me and why. I have received enough criticism and cruel words about my own relationship to last a lifetime. I try to never do that to anyone else for any reason.

I am not downing the way you met you SO's. I just wanted to say why I could not and maybe that is why other's see it differently.

I wish all of you only the very best.

I certainly did not get that impression from you, and I appreciate your good wishes.

[Marilyn. 340]

yeah, you never know.... I never knew I would meet someone online and fall in love with him... but here we are over 6 years later still going strong.. we must have did something right...

and to be fair I didn't fall completely in love with him on the internet.. well my heart did but my head was stubborn ..lol but when I met him face to face I just knew...

Now you are talking words I can understand with that last statement.

I just want to clarify things I didn't really know when I met him face to face.. I knew when I saw his back leaning against a pole in the airport.. I think my head just needed to know he was a real person..

Edited August 1, 2008 by *Marilyn*