I know most of you met your OH online...

[Gemmie 142]

Usually I hear "how did you know he wasn't a 50 year old pervert or serial killer?" or "how do you know he isn't cheating on you with some girl over there?" I also get "were your parents OK with that?!" (since I travelled to the US alone when I was 18 to meet Bill)

I just tell them that after talking to someone everyday for 2 years (before meeting), you get to realise they are who they say they are. Or I ask how anyone knows that their partner isn't cheating on them since no one is with their OH all the time... you just know! It's called trust and intimacy. And tell them that my dad had spoken to him (and his mother) many times before I went to meet him, and trusted me.

It annoys me when people also call it an "online relationship" just because we met online. It's no different than any other long-distance relationship. We talk on the phone everyday, send text messages, send each other things, we spend holidays together.

People are usually surprised when they hear I'm engaged as I'm only 21, or make comments about being too young. I do agree that a lot of people rush into relationships and marriage but why judge me based on my age? They don't know how long we've been together or how mature I am, or anything. Why do I have to have experienced many years of failed relationships before people accept that I'm ready? But the people who actually know me feel differently, and that's what matters.

The other day, I was asked why I go clubbing with my friends occasionally when I'm engaged! As if I can't do things like that without automatically falling at strangers' feet! Sometimes it frustrates me when people are so ignorant.

How do you deal with comments?

Edited August 1, 2008 by Gemmie

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

I ignored the naysayers, got on with my life and followed my heart.

The comments don't end after marriage either but some of the naysayers do come around finally to accepting that you're an adult and you live your own life. You're gonna make of it what you will because it's your own happiness you are responsible for.

Thx for sharing.

Olivia

[The Red Baron 0]

Thats a tough one to deal with Gemmie. i think most people still only hear or want to hear about the bad things that happen on the internet. For example the 22 year old chap your talking to is actually a fourty year old accountant from reading called Derek.

On the one side i understand that people are sceptical about internet founded relationships and on the other i dont. I do feel that if you have only met the Guy/Girl online then caution as we all know should be taken. I have a couple of freinds whose relationships started on the internet one whose marriage is very succesful and the others who lasted six months.

Me and my DW met in Ireland whilst i was living there and we were engaged and almost all of our dating was done over the internet or vis webcam and phone. When we got engaged people were flabbergasted at how quickly this happened. Alot of people had alot to say. I always replied with a big smile on my face I know shes the one for me I love her. i always said it with the utmost of confidence even if we had just argued or fallen out over some triviality. I would turn it back on them.

How did you know you were ready? how do you know im not ready? or my favorite smile and answer politely then change the suibject as once you are married it will most likely fizzle out.

I hope everything becomes a little less frustrating

RB

[Sherri and Matt 1]

I roll my eyes and laugh, that is how I deal with it.

I don't think that anyone who has not been through it can understand, which is why I am SO happy Matt found this site. Our relationship is an endless source of fascination for most people, both for the way we met and because of the distance. When he flew here the first time, my friends were very worried for me. Worried he wouldn't show up, worried I would be dissapointed, worried he was a crazed axe murderer who travelled all this way for the sole goal of slaughtering me! They just can't comprehend how you could possible really KNOW someone when your communication with each other is long distance.

They also have no concept of the amount of time we actually spend together talking and gaming. How can you NOT know someone when you talk with them about everything for hours every single day?

As far as your age, I don't have much wisdom to share there, but it seems like you 2 have been together for years. That has to count for something!

[Laura+Tom 2]

When first told the people at work that I'd met this guy online they were like 'ooo be careful he might be a serial killer'. When it finally came to meeting I picked somewhere that I knew well (we only lived 40mins away from each other) and promised to txt a friend when I got there and when I got back. Needless to say it went well!

When I tell people how we met quite a few people say about it being the 'in thing' now. Some have even said 'well you never know who will chat you up at a bar'. I suppose you never know who will try and chat you up online. At least you have the opportunity to ignore them if you want. I don't care I met Tom online, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

In addition, quite a few people make the assumption that we met locally because there a 5/6 american bases in East Anglia.

[Alex & Rachel 78]

I did the same as you; explained to my parents how I had been chatting to Alex for two years, and the fact that he was younger, was living with his parents at the time (my mother saw parents = safe) and that we'd exchanged parcels and letters without him using my address for any sadistic purposes calmed any fears they may have had. It was also easier as I was 22 at the time and had been living away from my parents for nearly five years.

I completely sympathise with you re. the 'real' relationship comments. Having experienced a 'real' relationship ( ) I can guarantee you that living with a person for four years does not necessarily mean you know them any better than a man you've only met three times! In fact the more I talk to Alex the more I am surprised by how little I knew about my ex!

What also hurts is how being in a long distance relationship means I'm treated by one or two of my friends as if my fiancé doesn't exist. Now, I am very appreciative that my friends don't exclude me from their outings just because I cannot take Alex with me (my friends do many things as couples, but I am never made to feel like a third wheel when I go along) but it would be nice to be occasionally asked how he is or how the wedding plans are coming along. One day I was with two close friends, one of whom only gets to see her boyfriend at the weekend. The other friend said, 'oh, I feel so sorry for you, not having seen your boyfriend in a week!' Another time, when he went away for two weeks, that friend said to me, 'Oh, I feel so sorry for mutual friend - she's not going to see her boyfriend for a fortnight, and she must be missing him greatly'. I just agreed with her - what else could I say? I DID feel sorry for mutual friend but I didn't think I needed that pointing out in front of me!

Edited August 1, 2008 by Alex & Rachel

[snowfrostedlashes 0]

I think having met someone online or done most of your dating online doesn't make sense to some people because they tend to imagine being randomly messaged in a seedy chatroom...

Provided that you are sensible about it, getting to know someone through text and skype conversations can be a lot safer than meeting a stranger in a pub or a club. Whilst it might be possible for someone to deceive you either way, it is a lot more difficult if you webcam from your homes, in front of family members, and if you follow this up with letters, phone calls, and eventually meeting up in person. Mark and I often feel like we've done so much more talking than most couples because that's all we've been able to do for most of our relationship! I totally agree with Rachel that I feel I know my fiance much better than I ever knew my ex - despite the fact that we lived together for years.

My sister was very anti my new relationship until she actually met Mark and then she did a complete turn around and said she could see that he was good for me and believed that I would be happy.

I don't worry about what other people think too much because I know I'm marrying my best friend.

[The Red Baron 0]

What also hurts is how being in a long distance relationship means I'm treated by one or two of my friends as if my fiancé doesn't exist.

I had that same problem it drove me up the wall

[william_wallace 8]

What also hurts is how being in a long distance relationship means I'm treated by one or two of my friends as if my fiancé doesn't exist.

I had that same problem it drove me up the wall

Lara had that same problem with her family members. How can you have a relationship with someone that you only met 4 times in a 2 year period?

We both know what were doing and level headed. Were in our 40's and been through #### in the past.

I just give the middle finger to anyone who pokes there noses in that's not wanted.

[no name 1]

A bunch of us didn't meet online either...and met while living in England. I personally cannot imagine meeting/dating(?) over the internet. It's the day to day things in life that made me fall for my husband. It's meeting his parents, his colleagues, his friends. Going to his local. Going to dinner with friends. Getting a Chinese takeaway & watching TV after a long week at work....

[Laura+Tom 2]

A bunch of us didn't meet online either...and met while living in England. I personally cannot imagine meeting/dating(?) over the internet. It's the day to day things in life that made me fall for my husband. It's meeting his parents, his colleagues, his friends. Going to his local. Going to dinner with friends. Getting a Chinese takeaway & watching TV after a long week at work....

I met Tom online but we were both living in England, so we still managed to do all the stuff you did until he left for Bahrain.

[The Red Baron 0]

We did a half and half met in Ireland dated over the internet/phone i spent a two months out there she spent three months in Ireland and that was enough for us. Still going strong. An i agree with you wallace they generally get the short shrift.

[Alex & Rachel 78]

A bunch of us didn't meet online either...and met while living in England. I personally cannot imagine meeting/dating(?) over the internet. It's the day to day things in life that made me fall for my husband. It's meeting his parents, his colleagues, his friends. Going to his local. Going to dinner with friends. Getting a Chinese takeaway & watching TV after a long week at work....

I am not sure how meeting online precludes one from doing any or all of those things.

I have met Alex's parents, colleagues and all of his friends. We've been to his favourite local restaurant and he went to the pub when he visited me. We've also ordered a takeaway together and for one week while he was here I worked and for one week while I was visiting him he worked.

People meet in all different ways. I have heard of people having successful relationships with people they met through friends, at a club, while speed-dating, online, through an ad...I wouldn't comment on anyone's method of dating.

[*JG* 2]

I will admit I am a naysayer. For myself anyhow. I cannot see meeting someone online and falling in love with them. But, that is just me. The beauty of this world is that we are not all the same.

I always wish anyone that has the best of luck.

[Marilyn. 340]

I will admit I am a naysayer. For myself anyhow. I cannot see meeting someone online and falling in love with them. But, that is just me. The beauty of this world is that we are not all the same.

I always wish anyone that has the best of luck.

and that was my opinion too before it happened to me