Arguements

[o0pink0o 3]

Well, arguing itself is not the negative part. In fact, arguing can be a good sign in a relationship rather than those relationship in which a couple never disagrees, for when a couple argues, it reveals their confidence in revealing their differences to each other, which is a good sign because it means that neither of you is afraid to express your true selves in the relationship. When a person keeps quiet in a relationship and never really expresses what they are feeling or thinking about, is never a good sign and proves that there is lack of security in the relationship, which will continue to worsen over time until the relationship ends on bitter terms, due to the resentment one would build towards the other for feeling unable to open up to him or her. No couple is 100% alike, nor would anyone really want to have a partner who is exactly like them. It is the differences that keep a couple interested in each other, but there do come times when differences conflict and arguments arise."

source:http://www.love-sessions.com/arguing.htm

I agree with the article I quoted above, I am confident in my fiance's feelings for me so I am not really afraid to annoy him sometimes and vice versa.

A little arguement every now and then is healthy for me... we learn more about each other through those little arguements, like learning each other's little irritants... but most importantly we are both learning how to handle arguements better, like when to stop and how to call the time out to cool off the steam a little and when to just simply stop and agree to disagree... these, we will never learn if we are not presented a situation where we could learn them.

Exactly, it is all a normal part of a loving relationship!

i agree too

[MrsCat 6]

The trouble with IM's and texting is that things can very easily be taken out of context, or it is very easy to type something in anger and switch off a machine/phone.

exactly!

[barenaked 0]

read between the lines.

there are times when you seem to be insensitive to have felt that something is really wrong,

there are also times when you get paranoid in thinking too much.

every person differs from others.

it maybe normal to us but not to you guys.

you know her better than we do to judge whether it's normal or not.

talk things over.

ask her if she's having some problems with you or with her own life.

feel her, put yourself in her shoe.

she must've been going thru something.

there's a lot of things that a relationship will go through,

and i think that if anything else go wrong,

try talking things over, hear out each side.

it's a give and take.

you may not know it, but sometimes,

you have a shortcomings too...

so before anything else get out of hand,

fix things up...

wishin you goodluck!

and God Bless!

Edited August 1, 2008 by barenaked

[JSRF 0]

There is several thing you need to look at from the man side; 1.) What time of the month is it, when you are having these disagreements? 2.) How far long are you on your paper? 3.) What is going on with you finacee as far as her family and friends? 4.) These are all factor you need to figure into this. She will be leaving everyone she know to come and live with. I had a lot of the sdame problem until I started think about the thing I have listed above. I hope it will help you out. Good luck. God bless.

[gabriela 0]

Lately my Fiancee and I have been arguing over the most stupidest things, we would even argue on Yahoo IM or even thru Text messaging, the weird thing is that she seems to be a totally different person on text messaging versus the person I know in person. Is this normal or what ? am I going thru a phase here ?

Do you guys have the same issues every now and then ?

arguing happens..sometimes it gets really often.. especially if one of you is in a bad mood. familiar with PMS? that's why we argue AT LEAST ONCE A MONTH. hehe.

it's true what the others said about miscommunication in chat and text. when im really angry with my fiance, i usually say nasty things in chat and text... or just simply log out of ym. it was an issue before, but eventually he understood me and my tantrums. he would call, not to argue though, but to calm me down. we didnt even have to talk about the issue (yah, most issues are really stupid and insignificant).. but merely hearing his voice just takes away all the anger.

you might want to try this with your fiancee

[Carlawarla 1]

There is several thing you need to look at from the man side; 1.) What time of the month is it, when you are having these disagreements? 2.) How far long are you on your paper? 3.) What is going on with you finacee as far as her family and friends? 4.) These are all factor you need to figure into this. She will be leaving everyone she know to come and live with. I had a lot of the sdame problem until I started think about the thing I have listed above. I hope it will help you out. Good luck. God bless.

What does that bolded part mean? Surely not what I think it means....

[jom 4]

When Myla and I were still chatting we argued only once to the point that we almost logged out without saying bye but then we stayed on and talked more to settle things out.

Since Myla arrived here, we have had 2 or 3 major arguments but we were able to settle things out before they escalated. Yes, arguing is normal and its advantage is the fact that you actually hear what's in the mind of the other person. For one, Myla doesn't sulk. She talks but doesn't nags. I still have to hear her raise her voice and until now I still wonder where she gets all that calm even if she is already letting her heart out. It is good for me that she gets my attention even if my actions are unconsciously done. For one, Filipinas are very sensitive and Myla is no exception. The Filipino culture is so different from what I grew up with and we are learning how to mix them to each others advantage.

About the PMS, she doesn't have it , yeheyyyy:)

To the OP, its all about talking it out and the members here are so right about the difference in texting chatting versus talking in person. Hang in there. You are in a normal relationship.

Goodluck

[Ban Hammer 13,443]

There is several thing you need to look at from the man side; 1.) What time of the month is it, when you are having these disagreements? 2.) How far long are you on your paper? 3.) What is going on with you finacee as far as her family and friends? 4.) These are all factor you need to figure into this. She will be leaving everyone she know to come and live with. I had a lot of the sdame problem until I started think about the thing I have listed above. I hope it will help you out. Good luck. God bless.

What does that bolded part mean? Surely not what I think it means....

it is a honest question.

[vichygurl 1]

Arguments???? We had that almost every other day BEFORE when I was still back in PI>>>> AS I said.. we do have lots of differences and perhaps its more of the distance. Now that we are together.. we still have them sometimes (small unnecessary things) but we always end up fixing things. I love the fixing part... those were the times when you both are trying to be sorry with each other and end up into something intimate.

I had a 4 year Bf before.. WE NEVER HAD ARGUMENTS UNLESS I WILL BE THE ONE TO START>>>> BORING!!! the relationship never grew, well at least in my point of view! I just found myself quiting the relationship.

VIRTUES will be developed when there are so called"spices" of the relationship. You are in a NORMAL relationship!

Ladies wants to be coddle/pamper in times like that

Vida Taylor

Edited August 1, 2008 by djazy66

[Mike_Zandy 0]

I think it is normal.. By the time Zandy finally received her visa.. I was so sick and tired of Yahoo IM.. I am not saying it's the cause of disagreements.. but it seems like the last few months with the stress of waiting for the doc verification and then her visa.. We got to where we were just using the web cam only and calling each other or using the headset.. Typing in chat seemed to cause simple mis understandings the last few months.

Whats really funny.. and I will be very honest. Zandy has been here 6 weeks and we haven't had even one argument..

but the other night while we were cooking.. she put some bazil in my spanish rice by accident After we sat down to eat.. it was actually pretty good..

arguing is going to be normal as long as it doesn't become abusive.

[Wei&Shu(Joe) 2]

I don't think it is normal.

Nor a good sign of things to come.

I have never had an argument with my fiance.

Some people like to argue and bicker, as for me I have no time for it.

Hope you can work things out.

This is abnormal, if you never argue, then one of you has no mind of their own, a little arguing is normal and healthy. To the OP yes arguing is normal, we're all human.

This disagreement may just be semantics. I can think of a wide range of ways that people might argue or disagree. This poster may merely be saying that their style of working out differences is calm and comfortable, not that they never disagree. Every couple has disagreements. Most couples work to resolve their differences. Some do that with anger, some without. Some have noted they become angry over insignificant things; A sure sign that the anger is about something other than what's being discussed.

One thing to consider when there is a difference between talking and chat is that the person who is angry may feel that her partner isn't listening, or acknowledging the things on her mind when they talk. In chat, you can't interrupt or sigh in the middle of her telling you what is important to her. She can get it all out. Personally, if I had this situation, I would practice my listening skills when on the phone. Mayber I'd be wrong, but it is the first thing I'd try to improve the situation. Tell her that if something is on her mind, good or bad, you'd like to hear it, then let her talk as long as she needs to, just say OH or Hmmm every once in a while to let her know you are paying attention. When she is done talking let her know you understand by saying, "So if I hear correctly, what bothers you most is..." and summarize what you think you heard. First, she needs to know that you understand and you need to know that you've heard her correctly. Whether you agree or disagree is really not that important. Once you get it right ask her what she would like to see that would make her feel more comfortable. Then honestly let her know if you can do that for her. Maybe you will say that you can't but you can do something else. Let her know calmly what you feel you can do.

Many times, as men, we want to solve the problem and move on. For many women, it is more important that their feelings be acknowledged, then they can listen to the solving part. Sometimes, as men, we have to practice this acknowledging feelings. It often doesn't come naturally. If you start practicing now, you'll have an easier time when she arrives.

So the person who said he and his fiancee don't argue may not be abnormal. He might be a good listener and he and his fiancee may resolve all of their differences in a way that doesn't involve anger or raised voices and includes lots of mutual respect. He may not consider that "arguing", but I'm sure they still have and resolve their differences.

What makes a woman feel like she has a mind of her own? A partner who listens and makes it clear that her thoughts and feelings are important so she doesn't need to raise her voice to be heard or a partner who engages in arguments over petty things?

To the OP: I don't know your situation and I'm not saying you have this problem. I'm only talking about one possible problem to think about and addressing the notion that it's abnormal not to "argue". There will always be disagreements. It's a matter of you and your SO developing an acceptable (to both of you) style for resolving them so they don't lead to accumulating anger.

Edited August 1, 2008 by Wei&Shu(Joe)

[rosal548 0]

Well as far am my arguements are, we are going thru a major one right now as we speak and there are times that I do think that she will pull the plug but have not done so so far. Its the small things such as when I am chattting with her on Yahoo IM, her replies would be forever and come to find out that she is chatting with her friends at the same time, it really annoys me since I would prefer she would give all her attention to me while we are chatting. Another time is when she was not able to go online for a week and come to find out that she let her best friend borrow her laptop that i bought her. My friends here tell me that this is due to her age and inexperience in having a relationship since I am her first and will be her only man.

I guess its the long game of patience with her.

[*JG* 2]

The trouble with IM's and texting is that things can very easily be taken out of context, or it is very easy to type something in anger and switch off a machine/phone.

I agree.

Everyone argues. It is good for a healthy relationship.

Hang in there.

Well as far am my arguements are, we are going thru a major one right now as we speak and there are times that I do think that she will pull the plug but have not done so so far. Its the small things such as when I am chattting with her on Yahoo IM, her replies would be forever and come to find out that she is chatting with her friends at the same time, it really annoys me since I would prefer she would give all her attention to me while we are chatting. Another time is when she was not able to go online for a week and come to find out that she let her best friend borrow her laptop that i bought her. My friends here tell me that this is due to her age and inexperience in having a relationship since I am her first and will be her only man.

I guess its the long game of patience with her.

Tell her you have to go and she can call you when she has time to talk to just you. My hubby used to do that to me from Jamaica only he would talk to people all around us while we were on the phone. After a few times of telling him to call me when he could give me his undivided attention and then hanging up on him, he learned.

[DARUMA07 25]

The trouble with IM's and texting is that things can very easily be taken out of context, or it is very easy to type something in anger and switch off a machine/phone.

I agree.

Everyone argues. It is good for a healthy relationship.

Hang in there.

Well as far am my arguements are, we are going thru a major one right now as we speak and there are times that I do think that she will pull the plug but have not done so so far. Its the small things such as when I am chattting with her on Yahoo IM, her replies would be forever and come to find out that she is chatting with her friends at the same time, it really annoys me since I would prefer she would give all her attention to me while we are chatting. Another time is when she was not able to go online for a week and come to find out that she let her best friend borrow her laptop that i bought her. My friends here tell me that this is due to her age and inexperience in having a relationship since I am her first and will be her only man.

I guess its the long game of patience with her.

Tell her you have to go and she can call you when she has time to talk to just you. My hubby used to do that to me from Jamaica only he would talk to people all around us while we were on the phone. After a few times of telling him to call me when he could give me his undivided attention and then hanging up on him, he learned.

Right On, Jomo's girl......

After working all day and staying up half the night so I could chat with Ruchie. I expected her undivided attention. Even though we never had those problems like that, but I still expected it.....

[David-and-Mae 15]

Well, arguing itself is not the negative part. In fact, arguing can be a good sign in a relationship rather than those relationship in which a couple never disagrees, for when a couple argues, it reveals their confidence in revealing their differences to each other, which is a good sign because it means that neither of you is afraid to express your true selves in the relationship. When a person keeps quiet in a relationship and never really expresses what they are feeling or thinking about, is never a good sign and proves that there is lack of security in the relationship, which will continue to worsen over time until the relationship ends on bitter terms, due to the resentment one would build towards the other for feeling unable to open up to him or her. No couple is 100% alike, nor would anyone really want to have a partner who is exactly like them. It is the differences that keep a couple interested in each other, but there do come times when differences conflict and arguments arise."

I have to say I'm still working on that underlined part of the statement. The problem with me is if I'm mad or upset - either by him or about some other things - I prefer keeping quiet (or what David would call "sulking") and get over it on my own by keeping myself busy with some things. Usually, doing that ends up into an argument because David couldn't stand my being aloof and indifferent. He feels like I'm completely shutting him out by not talking to him about it. Right now, I am still working so hard on being more open about what I truly feel and expressing it as it should be. It's not that I am not secure about our relationship to talk things over right away. It's just, sometimes, there are things that are not worth discussing about. And also, I find it comfortable to talk about what's going on with me after I have gotten over it. It's easier for me to open up afterwards. We are still in the process of learning and I guess we will always be because that's what a normal married life is... everyday is a learning process.

We had our share of misunderstandings and arguments and we managed to get through it. When I was still in the Philippines, we never argued nor fight thru letters or phone calls because we both knew that time's so precious to waste it with none-sense. And we always had this insatiable longings to hear each other's voice and read each other's letters.

--Mae