Fil/American Woman Speaks Up About Mail Order Brides

[one...two...tree 2,762]

This is a bit dated (2002) but still important info:

Elsa Batica, founder and president of Batica & Associates, speaks to audience Wednesday about "Mail Order Brides: Fact or Fantasy" at the Atwood Little Theater. Batica, who was speaking as part of the Women on Wednesday series, has been featured in the Star Tribune and WCCO Channel 4 on the same subject.

Just some highlights:

Every year, approximately 2,000 to 3,000 U.S. men find wives through the catalog services. There is no known exact number of brides entering the US. There are substantial profits for the companies involved.

Most often, according to Batica, the brides find themselves in abusive relationships, which are often fraudulent. Those brides who do arrive in the U.S. are often ignorant of the laws surrounding immigration and believe the threats made by their husbands that they will be "deported if they don't obey." The rate of marriage fraud between a U.S. citizen and a foreigner is at least 8 percent.

.....

According to Batica, the idea of mail order brides is not new to the U.S. The practice still exists in some cultures, and are in fact customary. Mail order brides are not limited to the U.S. alone.

Western Europe, Canada and Australia have also seen the IMO activity.

"It is part of North American history, stemming from arranged marriages," Batica said.

In the process of applying for a mail order bride, "the husband holds all the cards." The women are told virtually nothing about the male customer, only what he provides. The ads often advertise "seeking one special woman." The rest is to satisfy that need.

After a man responds to the ad, correspondence takes place until he chooses to meet her. Some IMO's set up packaged tours to the foreign countries to meet a wide selection of women.

The men who purchase these women are financially secure, but seek a woman from a poor country because it makes him look more attractive to her. Once she arrives, she must marry him within 90 days and apply for citizenship or she will be deported.

"The women are purchased like cars — if it doesn't work out, they want their money back," said Batica.

The Department of Justice is actively investigating and prosecuting the international cases where they apply. However, each year, more than one million people seek assistance regarding battering and domestic violence injuries.

So why do these women do it?

Many of these women live in emerging or turbulent countries where jobs and education for women and girls are little. The movies make American men look like the perfect game. The opportunity to leave the country looks twice as tempting, to be able to leave and pursue their dreams.

"The Hollywood screen portrays America as the land of gold and honey," Batica said.

Often there is a push from home to support the family. By being married she relieves the strain at home. The woman is often searching for a better life.

"The perception of American men, by the women, is that they make good husbands," Batica said. "That the men are faithful to their wives.

That the American men are like 'movie stars.' The men perceive the women (as having) traditional values. The American woman is not seen as traditional. These brides are homemakers. That all they want is to be a wife."

....

Approximately 4,000 to 6,000 marriages in the U.S. involve international services. Of the women who were contacted by the INS, there were 1,400 Asian women. At least 70 percent were from the Philippines and another 16 percent form Indonesia, with the rest coming from Thailand, Japan, China and Korea. Not all mail order brides are Asian. Others come from the former Soviet Union. The average ages for the women were 16 to 20, followed by 21 to 25.

In Minnesota alone last year, 85 percent of the immigrants were fiancée visas. However, not all fiancée visas are mail order brides, some are relationships that evolved out of international students or otherwise.

The men who order brides are generally white, with at least two years of college education.

"Most of the men have control in mind and this is where the conflict occurs," Batica said.

http://media.www.universitychronicle.com/m...ed-206562.shtml

[sunandmoon 450]

Approximately 4,000 to 6,000 marriages in the U.S. involve international services. Of the women who were contacted by the INS, there were 1,400 Asian women. At least 70 percent were from the Philippines and another 16 percent form Indonesia, with the rest coming from Thailand, Japan, China and Korea. Not all mail order brides are Asian. Others come from the former Soviet Union. The average ages for the women were 16 to 20, followed by 21 to 25.

In Minnesota alone last year, 85 percent of the immigrants were fiancée visas. However, not all fiancée visas are mail order brides, some are relationships that evolved out of international students or otherwise.

The men who order brides are generally white, with at least two years of college education.

"Most of the men have control in mind and this is where the conflict occurs," Batica said.

http://media.www.universitychronicle.com/m...ed-206562.shtml

I'd guess the vast majority are otherwise...

[speedo 0]

Good read.

I have a stupid question. What do you consider a mail to order bride? Is there an actual website for mail to order bride? or Filipina dating sites like filipinaheart is considered as mail to order bride?

Please enlighten me. I'm pretty ignorant when it comes to this.

[dbears 1]

Approximately 4,000 to 6,000 marriages in the U.S. involve international services. Of the women who were contacted by the INS, there were 1,400 Asian women. At least 70 percent were from the Philippines and another 16 percent form Indonesia, with the rest coming from Thailand, Japan, China and Korea. Not all mail order brides are Asian. Others come from the former Soviet Union. The average ages for the women were 16 to 20, followed by 21 to 25.

In Minnesota alone last year, 85 percent of the immigrants were fiancée visas. However, not all fiancée visas are mail order brides, some are relationships that evolved out of international students or otherwise.

The men who order brides are generally white, with at least two years of college education.

"Most of the men have control in mind and this is where the conflict occurs," Batica said.

http://media.www.universitychronicle.com/m...ed-206562.shtml

I'd guess the vast majority are otherwise...

Isn't this the same data/statistics that CFO feeds their seminar participants? I'm yet to have my CFO so I couldn't be too sure.

Well, I can only speak for our case.. we belong in the otherwise category... and CONTROL will never have an effect on me. I have a mind of my own and my fiance knows it. He definitely knows better than to try to control me and I will never try to control him either... Compromise is the better word for us.

Aren't 16-20 yr olds quiet too young for that mail order bride thing?

[sunandmoon 450]

Good read.

I have a stupid question. What do you consider a mail to order bride? Is there an actual website for mail to order bride? or Filipina dating sites like filipinaheart is considered as mail to order bride?

Please enlighten me. I'm pretty ignorant when it comes to this.

google mail order bride and you'll probably find an answer to your question.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Good read.

I have a stupid question. What do you consider a mail to order bride? Is there an actual website for mail to order bride? or Filipina dating sites like filipinaheart is considered as mail to order bride?

Please enlighten me. I'm pretty ignorant when it comes to this.

Hey there, sis.

It's a loosely used term and I'd say for the most part, a perjorative term. Probably the only dating services that can really fit that label are the ones that charge a fee to the men and give them access and priveleges that aren't given to the women. The line gets a bit blurry with international sites such as Filipina Heart. There was a law that came into existence about 2 years ago ....IMBRA (International Marriage Broker Act) which set new regulations for criminal background checks on the men who use marriage brokers. I think it's helped deter felons from trying to exploit foreign women.

I'd like to think that most couples here who met through an international dating service had the best of intentions, but as much as I've read men post here on VJ about 'scammers', there needs to be some balance in recognizing that there are also unscrupulous men lurking for women to exploit as well.

As Ms. Batica points out, it's difficult to regulate the industry, but hopefully there are things that can be done on the USCIS side of things that would greatly reduce the chance that another foreign spouse will be abused or one coming to the U.S. to commit fraud.

One thing I do take issue with the article is that it makes it sound as if every failed marriage from a marriage broker was fraudulent. Under the circumstances (new country, culture, husband), it's totally reasonable to expect that the transition will be a bumpy ride for most if not all. I think it helps tremendously for couples to really talk about expectations of their life together before the foreign spouse arrives here on a plane.

[~bLairwhich~ 0]

"The Hollywood screen portrays America as the land of gold and honey," Batica said

[BJZags 17]

"The Hollywood screen portrays America as the land of gold and honey," Batica said

Exactly. I told my wife's family during the courtship stage of the relationship that I had two money trees growing in front of my condo, one grew $100 bills (in the winter) and the other grew $20 bills (in the summer).

[alienlovechild 75]

That the American men are like 'movie stars.' The men perceive the women (as having) traditional values. The American woman is not seen as traditional. These brides are homemakers. That all they want is to be a wife."

Funny but true, when we stopped at bus stop in central Mindanao a Filipina looked at me and said, "Movie star".

Most the "experts" on "mail order brides" are wholly negative and they don't seem to notice anything but dysfunctional couples. With divorce rates around 50% in America, made in America marriages aren't the standard bearer either.

Every year, approximately 2,000 to 3,000 U.S. men find wives through the catalog services. There is no known exact number of brides entering the US. Approximately 4,000 to 6,000 marriages in the U.S. involve international services.

The numbers may be higher now but still the percentage is smalled compared to the 2,230,000 annual marriages in this country. http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm. So .269% of marriages annually in America (at best) are the product of international marriage brokers yet we turn a blind eye to 12 to 20 million illegal immigrants. Mixed up priorities.

[jom 4]

I control my husband

[baxxy 0]

At least 70 percent were from the Philippines

No really???? thats just shocking.

[hellifeyeno 0]

This is a bit dated (2002) but still important info:

Elsa Batica, founder and president of Batica & Associates, speaks to audience Wednesday about "Mail Order Brides: Fact or Fantasy" at the Atwood Little Theater. Batica, who was speaking as part of the Women on Wednesday series, has been featured in the Star Tribune and WCCO Channel 4 on the same subject.

Just some highlights:

Every year, approximately 2,000 to 3,000 U.S. men find wives through the catalog services. There is no known exact number of brides entering the US. There are substantial profits for the companies involved.

Most often, according to Batica, the brides find themselves in abusive relationships, which are often fraudulent. Those brides who do arrive in the U.S. are often ignorant of the laws surrounding immigration and believe the threats made by their husbands that they will be "deported if they don't obey." The rate of marriage fraud between a U.S. citizen and a foreigner is at least 8 percent.

.....

According to Batica, the idea of mail order brides is not new to the U.S. The practice still exists in some cultures, and are in fact customary. Mail order brides are not limited to the U.S. alone.

Western Europe, Canada and Australia have also seen the IMO activity.

"It is part of North American history, stemming from arranged marriages," Batica said.

In the process of applying for a mail order bride, "the husband holds all the cards." The women are told virtually nothing about the male customer, only what he provides. The ads often advertise "seeking one special woman." The rest is to satisfy that need.

After a man responds to the ad, correspondence takes place until he chooses to meet her. Some IMO's set up packaged tours to the foreign countries to meet a wide selection of women.

The men who purchase these women are financially secure, but seek a woman from a poor country because it makes him look more attractive to her. Once she arrives, she must marry him within 90 days and apply for citizenship or she will be deported.

"The women are purchased like cars — if it doesn't work out, they want their money back," said Batica.

The Department of Justice is actively investigating and prosecuting the international cases where they apply. However, each year, more than one million people seek assistance regarding battering and domestic violence injuries.

So why do these women do it?

Many of these women live in emerging or turbulent countries where jobs and education for women and girls are little. The movies make American men look like the perfect game. The opportunity to leave the country looks twice as tempting, to be able to leave and pursue their dreams.

"The Hollywood screen portrays America as the land of gold and honey," Batica said.

Often there is a push from home to support the family. By being married she relieves the strain at home. The woman is often searching for a better life.

"The perception of American men, by the women, is that they make good husbands," Batica said. "That the men are faithful to their wives.

That the American men are like 'movie stars.' The men perceive the women (as having) traditional values. The American woman is not seen as traditional. These brides are homemakers. That all they want is to be a wife."

....

Approximately 4,000 to 6,000 marriages in the U.S. involve international services. Of the women who were contacted by the INS, there were 1,400 Asian women. At least 70 percent were from the Philippines and another 16 percent form Indonesia, with the rest coming from Thailand, Japan, China and Korea. Not all mail order brides are Asian. Others come from the former Soviet Union. The average ages for the women were 16 to 20, followed by 21 to 25.

In Minnesota alone last year, 85 percent of the immigrants were fiancée visas. However, not all fiancée visas are mail order brides, some are relationships that evolved out of international students or otherwise.

The men who order brides are generally white, with at least two years of college education.

"Most of the men have control in mind and this is where the conflict occurs," Batica said.

http://media.www.universitychronicle.com/m...ed-206562.shtml

Dont know about all that. but I do know the conception from most American is. If you are marrying an asian woman? They always say. OH DID YOU GET YOU ONE OF THOSE MAIL ORDER BRIDES? It is very common these days to meet someone on the internet. There is nothing wrong with it in my opinion. much better than meeting in a bar and going out the next night. It this kind of relationship you can really get to know someone when you talk to them everyday on messenger or some other method. In my oppinion these kind of relationship have a much better chance of succeeding. Anyways, thats my two cents worth.

[baxxy 0]

It is very common these days to meet someone on the internet. There is nothing wrong with it in my opinion. much better than meeting in a bar and going out the next night. It this kind of relationship you can really get to know someone when you talk to them everyday on messenger or some other method.

Talking to someone on messenger everyday or even phone calls does NOT allow you to really know the person, totally impossible, the ONLY way to get to really know someone is by spending time in person with them, and living with them.

[hellifeyeno 0]

It is very common these days to meet someone on the internet. There is nothing wrong with it in my opinion. much better than meeting in a bar and going out the next night. It this kind of relationship you can really get to know someone when you talk to them everyday on messenger or some other method.

Talking to someone on messenger everyday or even phone calls does NOT allow you to really know the person, totally impossible, the ONLY way to get to really know someone is by spending time in person with them, and living with them.

Well I guess your opinion is shared by many. I also believe this. I have been to the Philippines two times and spent over six weeks with my fiance. We have traveled to Hong Kong, Thialand and many other places. I have met her parents and the rest of her family and many of her fiends. I love the philippines. Unfortunately for me and am sure many others. We have to work for a living and are not able to spend a lot of time in the Philippines. Not to metion the expence. But I can speak from my own experience only. I have learned more about my fiance in the 15 months talking on yahoo everynight for two hours. than I did just in the six weeks we were together. Sure meeting in person was the best time I ever had, but I look forward every night to speaking with her.

Being seperated from the person you love is not good anyway you look at it. Its especially bad when your future is in the hands of someone whom knows nothing about you. Nothing about this is easy.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Dont know about all that. but I do know the conception from most American is. If you are marrying an asian woman? They always say. OH DID YOU GET YOU ONE OF THOSE MAIL ORDER BRIDES? It is very common these days to meet someone on the internet. There is nothing wrong with it in my opinion. much better than meeting in a bar and going out the next night. It this kind of relationship you can really get to know someone when you talk to them everyday on messenger or some other method. In my oppinion these kind of relationship have a much better chance of succeeding. Anyways, thats my two cents worth.

That's understandable. People are often curious about how my wife and I met from across an ocean. That said, however, I think what raises eyebrows more is when the Filipina looks considerably younger than her American husband, particularly when such an age gap doesn't occur as often in non-international marriages. The reality is that many Filipina's economic conditions (poverty, lack of career/education) back home often factor into why she joined an international dating service in the first place, and I think most men who use those services are smart enough to realize that. For example, my wife has 3 older sisters, all of them studied nursing and two of them ended up working in Ireland, the other in Saudi Arabia. They took a different route to better their economic conditions.

I asked in another thread whether the American men here who have Filipina spouses, if they ever dated a Filipina/American (one that's been in the States for awhile or a second generation immigrant). There are far less Filipina/Americans getting married to much older American men than there are Filipinas living back in PI and marrying.

If two people genuinely love each other, who cares what other people may say or react to it, but I think it will help couples to get used to the stares and inquisativeness by both strangers and even family. Have the American husbands asked their Filipina wives why they joined the dating service? Hopefully she could honestly say that her economic situation factored into it.