Bringing your new spouse and ex-wifes, kids

[martinbr 1]

Hello everyone,

Ever since I got married to my new wife, I have had constant problems with my ex-wife and my daughter. My daughter hasn't spoken to me in over a year so far. It is killing me. She won't except this new woman in my life. She can't except the concept of going over to another country to getting married. My daughter is feeling rejected.

This is very hard on me because I believe as long as I am married to my new wife, she won't talk to me. My ex-wife I believe is the culprit of this whole mess. I am feeling guilty about as well like I am ruining my relationship with my daughter. Has anyone else gone through this with other family members.

I really thought I was doing the right thing when I got married. I was on my own for four years before I got involved again. My ex-wife had a boyfriend that moved in right away into a mobile home that bought in a RV park for us when were married. So now I have to make a decision here. Do I do a annulment on my wife for the sake of my daughter, or do I stay true to myself and hopefully in the future when I get my new wife over here, she will hopefully understand and eventually accept her.

You know it's funny, if I would of met someone here in the states, this probably wouldn't have been a problem. It's only because my new wife is from another country and my ex sincerely thinks that once I get my new wife over here, she is going to dump me and go find some younger Filipino to spend the rest of her live with.

I really don't know what to do at this point. I don't know if I should pursue my wife and daughters petition or think about the possibility of a annulment and just stay on my own and try to redevelop my relationship with my daughter?

Has anyone else gone through this?

thanks,

martinbr

[marea 0]

Hi I felt sad about this... It's really hard to think that sometimes you have to sacrifice one side to fix the other. I think you go for your new wife. Why because your daughter is still young and sooner she'll understand why you made that decision. Keep doing your obligation and don't give up on her. Nothing could stop you on loving her, she's your daughter.

Keep smiling and will pray for you....

[tallcoolone 102]

I am sure you ex-wife is the root of your problems.

You need to cut all ties to your ex wife, only talk to her about your child.

You need to let your child know you are the Father and she is the child, don't let a child run your life.

My last question, Why in the hell would you worry about what your ex wife thinks.

You have a new PI bride whom is relying on you, and your letting your ex wife still run your life.

[doug and leann 0]

First of all, your ex-wife is not part of your life anymore. You don't need her approval for your personal life. Your main concern now is your daughter and your wife. If you could spend lots of quality time with your daughter and assure her that she won't ever be replaced, then maybe she could slowly accept the situation. I would hate to be in this situation, but I am so fortunate that my stepson loves me. He is so adorable and would listen to what I say (well most of the time). When your wife gets here, let her in on what your daughter loves to do. Let them bond and spend time just the 3 of you. When she sees that your wife is a good person, let alone a good stepmom, then maybe she will accept your wife.

Don't give up on your wife just yet. You never know how things will happen. I hope she doesn't read this thread though.

Good luck! I hope everything works out fine.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Hi Martin,

I can certainly relate. I was divorced for 5 years before I remarried and have teenage children. My ex-wife moved on right away and has had about a handful of boyfriends, some of them live-in. That's her life and her choice, just as my personal relationships are mine. We share joint custody of the children, but they were living with me most of those 5 years. Only my youngest was living with me when I remarried but it has been an adjustment for him and there is that loyalty thing with his mom which I suspect she helps perpetuate.

About all I can recommend is to keep reaching out to your daughter. How old is she? If she refuses to talk to you, hand write heartfelt and honest letters to her and mail them. Keep letting her know that you love her and that your new marriage doesn't change that.

Edited July 29, 2008 by Jabberwocky

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

I would be money your ex is behind it all. Like others have said, keep in touch with your daughter my whatever means possible and eventually she will understand.

By the way isn't it against the law for someone of the opposite sex to live with your ex if they are not married?

[martinbr 1]

I would be money your ex is behind it all. Like others have said, keep in touch with your daughter my whatever means possible and eventually she will understand.

By the way isn't it against the law for someone of the opposite sex to live with your ex if they are not married?

You know it's not against the law, but it doesn't set a very good moral example for my daughter. So I don' know where my ex comes off lecturing me that I am setting a bad example by going over to another country to get married to someone that I fell in love with.

btw, some have stated that it sounds like I am looking for my ex's approval. Quite the contrary. We don't talk at all because every time we do, it turns into a screaming match. She just doesn't get that you can fall in love with someone in a LDR like so many here and be happy. All she can add is that she thinks that my new wife is using me and that once she gets over here she is going to make a mad dash for a younger Filipino. Hey, I know she wants to come to this country. Most do coming from poverty. But I don't think that is her intentions. I am willing to take that risk. I have faith in her and trust her.

I was just trying to see if anyone from the group had a similar situation. Thanks everyone!!

martinbr

[speedo 0]

First of all, how old is your daughter with your ex-wife?

Secondly, does your new wife knows whats going on?

Do you love your new wife? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her? It seems to me that you don't love her enough to fight for your relationship (annulment).

[walls1010 3]

First of all, how old is your daughter with your ex-wife?

Secondly, does your new wife knows whats going on?

Do you love your new wife? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her? It seems to me that you don't love her enough to fight for your relationship (annulment).

you nailed it right!

[DARUMA07 25]

I have all the respect for you loving and caring about your daughter.... Your daughter will grow up one day and start a new life of her own. She has to understand that Dad has a right to continue his life with whoever he chooses. I would keep assuring her that your love for her would never change just because you married someone else.

As for your new wife! It is unfair for you to even think about getting an annulment. She trusted in you to love her and to take care of her. It is not her fault that you are having these other problems. Whatever you do, don't hurt your new wife.

Good luck to you and I hope you can get this problem straightened out! Don't throw in the towel with your new wife. Hang in there!!

[franklie 0]

My daughter is feeling rejected.

This is very hard on me because I believe as long as I am married to my new wife, she won't talk to me. My ex-wife I believe is the culprit of this whole mess. I am feeling guilty about as well like I am ruining my relationship with my daughter. Has anyone else gone through this with other family members.

I really don't know what to do at this point. I don't know if I should pursue my wife and daughters petition or think about the possibility of a annulment and just stay on my own and try to redevelop my relationship with my daughter?

Has anyone else gone through this? thanks, martinbr

Martinbr,

Find a family therapist to work with you and your daughter. Your relationship as "dad" to her is very important. Your daughter may be afraid of losing you as weird as that may sound.

Your daughter did not ask to be divorced.

A good family therapist can help the two of you develop a healthy relationship and help your daughter come to grips with the big relationship changes coming due to your impending marriage.

[sweetpink 1]

at some point in my life, when my parents broke up, my mom have met this nice guy and reconsidered to get married again. With my fear of rejection, that once they gonna have their own child my mom won't love me and my brother anymore. I did everything I can like not talking to her, smashing things while the guy is having a visit in the house, not eating meals, swearing....just not to make their relationship work. I WON THE GAME! she broke up with the guy just to make me happy and to reconcile our relationship again. Not until I met my husband and realized that I will be leaving my mom and my brother all by theirselves to be with the man I love the most. HOW SELFISH I WAS!!! If only I can turn the hands of time, I wouldn't be a hindrance of my mom's happiness.

I'm sharing this to you to make a reflection before you make a decision in your life. It is not a selfish act to think of your happiness with the person you love specially when you know that that person is worth fighting for. Might take time for your daughter to accept your new wife and it could not be easy on your wife to adjust being with your daughter around, but if she really loves you both of you could work it out.

[swmbob 0]

Sad state of affairs..allowing a child to run your life.

Everything a man and women commit to during a marriage is not going to be satisfied by your daughter.

Here's a shocker...when she gets married..she will be involved with her own family and more than likely consumed with her own issues, rather than your's.

In other words, you won't be the center of her attention, but (hopefully) you will continue and always be your wife's main attraction.

Live life for yourself and not for others...They will get over it and if they don't...

Edited July 31, 2008 by swmbob

[mhay stewart 0]

MARTINBR,

SO SAD TO HEAR YOUR STORY, FIRST I REALLY DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YOUR DAUGHTER IS MAD AT YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE YOU AND HER MOM IS ALREADY DIVORCED, YOUR ONLY A HUMAN THAT NEEDS TO HAVE HAPPINESS IN YOUR LIFE. IF I WERE YOU TALK TO YOUR DAUGHTER SERIOUSLY EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO HER THAT SOMEDAY U WILL GET OLD U WILL NEED SOMEONE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU AND SPEND YOUR LIFE TILL THE END. JUST BE TRUE TO YOUR SELF FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND I KNOW EVERYTHING WILL BE BRIGHT. IF YOU REALLY LOVE YOUR WIFE DONT FILLED ANNULMENT U NEED TO SAVE YOUR LOVE TO YOUR WIFE,CUZ IF U WILL DO THE ANNULMENT YOUR WIFE WILL BE HURT TOO I KNOW SHE LOVES YOU CUZ SHE MARRY YOU AND NOW U HAVE YOUR NEW LIFE LOVE IT TREASURE IT. U CAN HAVE A THOUSAND DOLLARS BUT U CAN ONLY HAVE 1 LOVE AND THATS YOUR WIFE. RIGHT NOW I FEEL SO LUCKY CUZ MY STEP DAUGHTER LIKES ME FOR HER DAD SHE SAID ASLONG HER DAD IS HAPPY SHE IS HAPPY TOO. I JUST HOPE ONE DAY YOUR DAUGHTER WILL REALIZE THAT U WILL NEED TO BE HAPPY TOO. MARTIN JUST TALK TO YOUR DAUGHTER, AND PRAY TO GOD AND I GUARANTEED YOU U WILL BE FINE. GOOD LUCK AND HAVE A HAPPY FAMILY.GOD BLESS

[filirican 3]

either way someone is gonna get hurt..if its not ur new wife its gonna be ur daughter and urself but later on whose gonna suffer? ur daughter will one day get her own family and u will be set aside..who are u gonna spend the rest of ur life with?? i think ur love for ur new wife is not that strong enough for u to fight for it...i hope u will straighten out things before its too late. good luck