How much does your SO miss home!

[Zi Zi 0]

I went to an interesting party Friday night . I wasn't sure what kind of party it was. Here the Nigerias have at least 2 partys going on each week-end. I just made sure to pick up the mandatory case of beer on the way. Being a female I am suppose to bring food. But the Nigerian women here can cook circles around me so I don't even attempt to compete.

It was a going back home party for a family friend from Nigeria. Six years ago ( at age 24) he had won the immigration lottery and came to the USA. I still remember his first day here. I drove him to the SS office to pick up paperwork. He couldn't stop smiling he was so happy to be here and thought everything was beautiful. He found work right away...started on his American dream. He got a apartment , became a American citizenship. He had a couple of girlfriends but nothing serious. Because of the type of visa he had there was no pressure to marry to stay in the country. I asked him why was he moving home. ....in his words.

"Life is no good here. I work like a dog they give me money...but then they take more back(bills)"

He said that after visiting home last year he saw that his friends and family were living a better life then him. Yes things are harder in Nigeria but unless you actually lived there ( not just visited ) it hard to explain.. I guess that there is just no where like home. I know that when I do go home to visit .. I might feel stressed at the time, but I alway miss it and can't wait to return.

His cousin told me that he really missed the culture in Nigeria and felt that his life had more joy in Nigeria.

It was a bittersweet party, because I could tell some people thought he was crazy to leave while most really envied him. One of the older men said that if he didn't have a mortgage, wife and kids to support he would go home also. Alot of others where nodding in agreement.

After your SO rose colored glassed come off do they want to return home. If so after how long?... and do they feel like they can go home again to live not visit?

Are any of the couple here making actual plans to return home one day to live..(not just wishful thinking) We have a business that we want to run in Senegal and have started working on business plans and contacts. It might never happen because we must save up the money or/and find financing, but it is definitely a goal.

[K&A 0]

Interesting topic Zi Zi, and one that I can say that my now husband, definately miss home and when I asked him what is making him miss home? He said the fact that he is not busy, he is not working and just sitting around at home all day while I go to work and stuff, so after watching TV and going out occasionally it gets boring and he starts to think what he would of been doing if he was back home in his country.

But, he said all those feelings will past for him once he starts having a daily schedule to follow like get up in the morning, go to school and then go to work and finding his way around in the U.S. and he will not miss home so much. Of course he will miss his family and friends but it will not be as bothersome as it is now, because he will be busy and adjusting to life in the U.S.

We have planned that once we get older and our kids are older we will move back to his home country. So we are gonna do the begining stage of our lifes' together here in America and then the later part of our life together in Ghana.

[Ta Ta 1]

Insightful topic ZiZi, thanks for sharing.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

I agree with K&A. That's essentially what we intend to do as well. We haven't thought much about returning to Ghana until retirement. We may return earlier, but not really thinking about that now. I do think that part of the "homesickness" can also be attributed to the individual's background. If they haven't lived in other countries then they may face stronger feelings of homesickness than others who have. I feel that because Bassi has lived away from Ghana for years on end, his attachment is different. He doesn't necessarily miss the day to day stuff that he has often had to change in his life from living in other countries. He communicates with his friends the way he always has, on the phone and/or on the computer. I find that he's just happier now to not be alone. He's been single for so long, that moves to other countries were lonier than this move where he has a wife and a child with him. His friends used to call him Abass Lonely. I told him that now they have to give him a new name cause he's no longer lonely.

Edited July 28, 2008 by Bassi and Zainab

[LovinLiberia 0]

Great topic. I find this to be a common issue with many foreigners who arrive here. They come and after a while, they realize life isn't what it's all cracked up to be. There's stress, bills, more stress, and more bills. On top of that, there isn't time to do anything. They finally start seeing what everyone was trying to tell them.

Booker was really homesick at first because he was pretty bored, but once he started volunteering and getting busy he isn't longing for home anymore. Ever since I met him, he made it clear that he would prefer us to return to Liberia (even if it has to be part time) and he has no intention of staying here forever. I love to travel and I grew up with military people in my family so I am used to bouncing around and I have absolutely no issue with living in Liberia at some point. Booker didn't go through a rose colored glasses phase because Liberia has modeled itself after the US. Instead of Europe, most Liberians come to America and many of his friends and family pre-warned him of life in America. He sees how we make more money, but the cost of living is higher and things are more stressful and he has gotten a very good grip on that.

As far as making plans to live there, we are going back in December for our wedding and at that point we are planning to open our business and start building the house foundation on some of the land there. We have some home layouts that we are trying to put the finishing touches on now. We have serious plans back there, but it's partly for the love that we have for the country and partly because we want to do our small part in helping with the post war reconstruction that is now going on. Even with all of this stuff established, realistically, it will take us about 10-15 years before we move there full time.

[Ta Ta 1]

LL, my worry is health care in Liberia and S/L for that matter. How will you survive in the substandard health care, what if one has

health issues that meds are needed on a daily basis, what if you would need surgery ?

Hospitals are a joke in S/L with no running water, no decent equipment, meds and other supplies are a disaster. Forget about diagnostic tests.

The health care is so bad in S/L that I fear I would never have my daily needed meds much less survive surgery. That is my main problem with moving there and being a target for robberies.

I love the country and its people but am worried about surviving there, also how will we survive with the high unemployment rate.

This weighs heavy on my mind and I have to think about all this for the waiver and my hardship letter of why I can't live there so it is on my mind a lot.

The political instability is scary. I also don't want to leave my kids and grandkids.

I can see visiting for several months at a time but not living there permanently, as much as I want to, it is not realistic for me personally.

I don't think I would survive.

But then most of your SO's country is more developed than S/L.

[LovinLiberia 0]

Omoba, I can definately feel your pain and I know where you are coming from. Those are all very valid concerns and that is one of the reasons why I wouldn't move there permanantly for at least 10 years from now. Liberia isn't that much more developed, but in Monrovia there are a few decent hospitals. They have the medicine supply, but it's just that you have to pay more. One of the biggest hospitals there, JFK, is undergoing a $50,000 USD renovation and upgrade as we speak so gradually things are getting better. Besides, if it was some longterm medical issue, I could always fly back to the US or another nearby country (Ghana, Senegal, Nigeria) for better case. A few Liberians go to Ghana now to get some surgeries and other things done.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Great topic. I find this to be a common issue with many foreigners who arrive here. They come and after a while, they realize life isn't what it's all cracked up to be. There's stress, bills, more stress, and more bills. On top of that, there isn't time to do anything. They finally start seeing what everyone was trying to tell them.

Booker was really homesick at first because he was pretty bored, but once he started volunteering and getting busy he isn't longing for home anymore. Ever since I met him, he made it clear that he would prefer us to return to Liberia (even if it has to be part time) and he has no intention of staying here forever. I love to travel and I grew up with military people in my family so I am used to bouncing around and I have absolutely no issue with living in Liberia at some point. Booker didn't go through a rose colored glasses phase because Liberia has modeled itself after the US. Instead of Europe, most Liberians come to America and many of his friends and family pre-warned him of life in America. He sees how we make more money, but the cost of living is higher and things are more stressful and he has gotten a very good grip on that.

As far as making plans to live there, we are going back in December for our wedding and at that point we are planning to open our business and start building the house foundation on some of the land there. We have some home layouts that we are trying to put the finishing touches on now. We have serious plans back there, but it's partly for the love that we have for the country and partly because we want to do our small part in helping with the post war reconstruction that is now going on. Even with all of this stuff established, realistically, it will take us about 10-15 years before we move there full time.

What kind of business are you starting there? I'm interested in hearing more. I guess Booker has family there or business partners to run it when you return?

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

LL, my worry is health care in Liberia and S/L for that matter. How will you survive in the substandard health care, what if one has

health issues that meds are needed on a daily basis, what if you would need surgery ?

Hospitals are a joke in S/L with no running water, no decent equipment, meds and other supplies are a disaster. Forget about diagnostic tests.

The health care is so bad in S/L that I fear I would never have my daily needed meds much less survive surgery. That is my main problem with moving there and being a target for robberies.

I love the country and its people but am worried about surviving there, also how will we survive with the high unemployment rate.

This weighs heavy on my mind and I have to think about all this for the waiver and my hardship letter of why I can't live there so it is on my mind a lot.

The political instability is scary. I also don't want to leave my kids and grandkids.

I can see visiting for several months at a time but not living there permanently, as much as I want to, it is not realistic for me personally.

I don't think I would survive.

But then most of your SO's country is more developed than S/L.

Those are valid concerns. I researched how expats from around the world get health care and there is a German company in Ghana that provides excellent health insurance coverage, which includes flying you out to Europe for any surgery or emergency that can not be appropriately handled in Ghana. That being said, I do believe that for basic health care I would be comfortable in Ghana and feel that in the future things will continue to improve. I would add that because I have a background in the west indies, I don't always rely on "western" medicine for myself or my daughter and so, I find that I am very comfortable with many of the more natural/herbal remedies in Ghana that are similar to Guyana.

[LovinLiberia 0]

Yes, his mother will be in charge of everything. She is the only one we can truly trust to hold the fort down. Even though he has a lot of great family members and friends...you have to be realistic and realize some of them will dupe you if they are desperate enough.

[Ta Ta 1]

Yes, his mother will be in charge of everything. She is the only one we can truly trust to hold the fort down. Even though he has a lot of great family members and friends...you have to be realistic and realize some of them will dupe you if they are desperate enough.

I can see her now.......chasing everyone away

I dreamed a few nights ago Stephen was selling clothing. They were beautiful, I wanted one but then I woke up.

When I told him about it he said he wants to bring some here to sell and some for me

[Simply_Uno 1]

oh, ummm...hello y'all

[*JG* 2]

Well, again, not sub saharan; but a topic we have grappled with from time to time.

Andre has been here over 2 years now. At first, he was disillusioned at what he had built up in his mind from the media and foreign visitors he saw in Jamaica and the reality he saw in the US. Bills, forms, rules, regulations, working harder and longer hours then he wishes, no time for anything, the cost of things.....it's all been a big dose of reality. He initially missed Jamaica because of the social aspects of darn near everything.

I always got so angry when Jamaicans would say Americans must all be so weathly cause of all the money they throw around on vacation and the ways they choose to relax. Now that he knows you sometimes work 7 days a week for 51 weeks just to get that vacation, he sees things so differently.

His conclusions have been that he knew he couldn't go on partying all his life. My husband has sickle cell and he knew that the substandard health care in Jamaica would also probably kill him earlier then need be. He also says that life there would've eventually become very hard because jobs are scares and you seem to age out of them quickly.

All of it means we will do whatever we have to do here to ensure we can be together. It may not always be easy; but it is definately worth it.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Well, again, not sub saharan; but a topic we have grappled with from time to time.

Andre has been here over 2 years now. At first, he was disillusioned at what he had built up in his mind from the media and foreign visitors he saw in Jamaica and the reality he saw in the US. Bills, forms, rules, regulations, working harder and longer hours then he wishes, no time for anything, the cost of things.....it's all been a big dose of reality. He initially missed Jamaica because of the social aspects of darn near everything.

I always got so angry when Jamaicans would say Americans must all be so weathly cause of all the money they throw around on vacation and the ways they choose to relax. Now that he knows you sometimes work 7 days a week for 51 weeks just to get that vacation, he sees things so differently.

His conclusions have been that he knew he couldn't go on partying all his life. My husband has sickle cell and he knew that the substandard health care in Jamaica would also probably kill him earlier then need be. He also says that life there would've eventually become very hard because jobs are scares and you seem to age out of them quickly.

All of it means we will do whatever we have to do here to ensure we can be together. It may not always be easy; but it is definately worth it.

Bassi wasn't in a similar situation because he worked 6 days a week regularly, 12-16 hours a day. He worked hard, long hours in every job he has every held, so he'll experience the same here. But probably with a little more free time to enjoy the fruits of his labor. Additionally, two incomes are just about always better than one, and we're both working which allows for more benefits. He has had his ideas of what life was like here and really finds that everyone is in such a rush and that people don't spend as much time together as they do in Ghana. He misses that and that's part of the reason he wants to move closer to my family. West Indians are really much more like Africans than Americans are. The cultures are very much similar so he feels "at home" with my family. (I live 900 miles from my family cause they get on my nerves!)

[Ta Ta 1]

Well, again, not sub saharan; but a topic we have grappled with from time to time.

Andre has been here over 2 years now. At first, he was disillusioned at what he had built up in his mind from the media and foreign visitors he saw in Jamaica and the reality he saw in the US. Bills, forms, rules, regulations, working harder and longer hours then he wishes, no time for anything, the cost of things.....it's all been a big dose of reality. He initially missed Jamaica because of the social aspects of darn near everything.

I always got so angry when Jamaicans would say Americans must all be so weathly cause of all the money they throw around on vacation and the ways they choose to relax. Now that he knows you sometimes work 7 days a week for 51 weeks just to get that vacation, he sees things so differently.

His conclusions have been that he knew he couldn't go on partying all his life. My husband has sickle cell and he knew that the substandard health care in Jamaica would also probably kill him earlier then need be. He also says that life there would've eventually become very hard because jobs are scares and you seem to age out of them quickly.

All of it means we will do whatever we have to do here to ensure we can be together. It may not always be easy; but it is definately worth it.

Bassi wasn't in a similar situation because he worked 6 days a week regularly, 12-16 hours a day. He worked hard, long hours in every job he has every held, so he'll experience the same here. But probably with a little more free time to enjoy the fruits of his labor. Additionally, two incomes are just about always better than one, and we're both working which allows for more benefits. He has had his ideas of what life was like here and really finds that everyone is in such a rush and that people don't spend as much time together as they do in Ghana. He misses that and that's part of the reason he wants to move closer to my family. West Indians are really much more like Africans than Americans are. The cultures are very much similar so he feels "at home" with my family. (I live 900 miles from my family cause they get on my nerves!)

I ran away from home too