I lost my husband today

[justashooter 430]

our condolences, of course.

[sassysis 0]

I am so sorry, I can not even imagine what you are going thru. My heart hurts for you.

[samira_07 1]

(F) (F) (F)

[Peggy 1]

[ddartt1 2]

Our most sincere condolences. (F)

[LunaticFringe 0]

I'm new here, but I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I know there are very few words in a time like this that can make it any easier. But my thoughts are with you and your family.

[Ramialbali 23]

I am sorry for you lost. I can not imagine how you feel now. I am sorry . God bless you both.

[CasandraYounes 0]

I am so sorry for you loss...I know that after one year this cannot be easy, but i am sure that you are a strong person and will be able to heal in time. Take your time, not one expects you to get over what happened so easily. I cannot imagine what you are going through. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

[doodlebugg 10]

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Hello MENA

~It's hard to believe as I write this, 1 year has passed since Lahcen's death some of you were there for me on this day and supported me during the darkest days. Thank you again for your kindness and everything you have done. I had never expected to find such support and comfort from people I did not even know from all over the USA.

I have learned so much in this last year. I never knew love could hurt so much. Knowing my husband changed me and allowed me to see life with a new perspective. Loving him made me realize what is really important, things we take for granted and the stupid petty BS we let get to us at times. We have only now to enjoy our lives, our loved ones and make our dreams come true !

I wish our culture dealt with grief differently. Greece and other countries have arm bands to wear to signify their loss. It is a healthy process that is uniquely our own and we should not be expected to "get over it" so others will feel more comfortable. If I was wearing an arm band one day at Starbucks the barista would not have tried to chat me up until I went off on her. People in the supermarket would have understood why I looked right thru them with empty stares or burst out in tears for no apparent reason. Grief is an animal all it's own and made me into a person I did not recognize at times.

Healing is slow but sure and today I celebrate my husband's life and the short time we had together. I move forward with lessons learned from him and his culture. I cherish our memories and I know that he loved me

I am thinking of everyone that has also lost loved ones and hope that you are able to find peace and healing. Your grief is your own process and experience, God bless you

Dearest Henna

A year ago September I buried my son. I would think that somehow 10 months later I would be better but saturday I spent the night in the hospital and was admitted with chest pains that no one could explain. It would take a full dose of morphine, 4 vicodin and a subsequent dose of ativin to get them even managable. Grief is very very real. Especially when you are in love with that person be it a child or someone you truly love. People can say all kinds of things but the reality is that the grief is yours and you have to ride through it. I wrote a message to you last August not knowing within a month I would ride that train with you. There are no words to comfort you... all I have to give you is that you are not alone. Your grief is ok and you will have to make a relationship with the grief to survive it, allowing you space and time to be with it. If you can go to his grave eventually, I would for closure. You need that and you need to say good bye, if its only to take some dirt back with you in your hand to be able to buryit and put a stone or a memorial here..

All those dances you didnt get to have, you grieve for

The nights you cannot lay with him, you miss

The days ahead you will not share with him, you miss

Thats what love is Henna, its emcompassing, its enormous and too big to erase. I want you to speak his name as much and as often as you like. There are grief groups online and one that you can go to called compassionate friends.

I truly lost my husband when I lost my son so it was a double blow and 10 months later, I still struggle with regret loss and true mind numbing sorrow. But I went into therapy weekly and I have tried to stay strong and now I am taking medicine for my anxiety and doing the best I can to deal. I know you are hurting. I want to tell you that that is ok and there is no amount of time that grieving is ok or not appropriate. You find spaces in the day and places in the day when you can grieve. You have to give yourself permission and please connect with other people like compassionate friends...they are people who can reallyhelp and they have local groups.. Write your story because loving and losing is a story that many can relate to but you loved fearlessly and that henna is rare

kat

[raymaga 25]

I hope the comfort you find from your memories will get you through.... I can only imagine how painful it must be, but time will eventually make it better.... just be patient and feel free to grieve.

Best wishes to you.

[Rhiannercakes 14]

[UN-KNOWN 0]

Im sorry for your loss and i offers you my sincere condolence .

[Henna Rose 0]

Thanks everyone for sharing this day with me ! Kat ~ I like your idea of retrieving some dirt from Lahcen's grave. I remembered also that you experienced your loss shortly after mine as well as the other loved ones lost in MENA this year I have been seeing a grief counselor regularly which has helped tremendously to process the loss. Also, creating the online memorial was healing and allowed me to honor my husband's memory. I don't know if I will ever receive closure the way I want it. For now it's still day by day, but I have learned that we do not have to make excuses or apologies for our grief. If others can't handle it or want to pretend our loved one never existed, that's their problem, and not a healthy response IMO !

Edited July 28, 2009 by Henna Rose

[Staashi 371]

Thanks everyone for sharing this day with me ! Kat ~ I like your idea of retrieving some dirt from Lahcen's grave. I remembered also that you experienced your loss shortly after mine as well as the other loved ones lost in MENA this year I have been seeing a grief counselor regularly which has helped tremendously to process the loss. Also, creating the online memorial was healing and allowed me to honor my husband's memory. I don't know if I will ever receive closure the way I want it. For now it's still day by day, but I have learned that we do not have to make excuses or apologies for our grief. If others can't handle it or want to pretend our loved one never existed, that's their problem, and not a healthy response IMO !

Henna - my dad passed away 5 years ago this September. I still think about him all the time and now that Enzo is his virtual twin I have a day in day out reminder of him. I even dream of my dad and he's alive, happy and vividly with me and my family. Sometimes people tell me to let him go and rest in peace, but I say that if he wanted to rest in peace he wouldn't be in my dreams and such. At least I know he's happy where he is.

The other day, Enzo was sound asleep and started giggling and squealing with delight. My MIL said that the angels were playing with him. It touched me in such a way because at that moment I knew my dad was playing with Enzo and that they were having a great time. I will say that closure comes when you want it to, but sometimes things are just too precious to close the book on - and so, the book stays open and new things are written. At least for me they are.

I wish you peace and strength and a life filled with laughter and maybe someday, love. I hope your heart sings again.

Lots of love to you my sister.