Please Help!! Confused and Don't Know Where to Begin...

[4theloveofhenry 8]

One thing I will say to you Lois is if you have a doubt in your mind and do not trust this man then do not go. Why do I say this? One of the things a relationship is supposed to be built on is trust. If we get into a relationship with someone we do not fully trust then we are cheating ourselves but also cheating the other person out of a solid relationship and in turn you will be bringing them on board a sinking ship. If you do not trust him then be fair enough to let him know how you feel and let him decide for himself if he wants to continue on in a relationship where there may be alot of tests and turmoil becuase when you do not trust your lover you inevitably end up testing them and trying them and for the other person it can be quite painful and upsetting. There is nothing more aggrivating and more emotionally draining than an insecure lover. I can testify to this becuase I have been on both ends in my lifetime.If you really love this man and you think he loves you then give it a fighting chance. Dont throw the race before you have even left the gate.In a family book that I read once it said " you cannot build a house on a foundation of sand becuase eventually it will give way. Love is the same. Start with a strong foundation and you will whether any storm but start with a weak one and any small rain will cuase it to sink. Enjoy your trip, its a beautiful country!

K1............. ROCKS

Hello "confused". I kind of am in the same situation, but I've "known" "j" for 14 months. I have my tickets to go on Dec. 25 thru Jan 4. I will be flying into Lagos and then onto Benin City. I know someone via email that just got back from Lagos and got married there. Actually last week. I am from the U.S. and so is she, but shouldn't it be best that we bring them over via a fiance visa? I don't really know. I am a white, blonde haired, blue eyed american meeting a "nigerian". lol They seem to follow the same pattern, don't they? I am quite older than him, but I think that their primary concern is that they have a better life than the one that they have now. I'm sure that love is there, but somewhat secondary. Do I sound confused also? Stay in touch....Lois

[Lois 0]

One thing I will say to you Lois is if you have a doubt in your mind and do not trust this man then do not go. Why do I say this? One of the things a relationship is supposed to be built on is trust. If we get into a relationship with someone we do not fully trust then we are cheating ourselves but also cheating the other person out of a solid relationship and in turn you will be bringing them on board a sinking ship. If you do not trust him then be fair enough to let him know how you feel and let him decide for himself if he wants to continue on in a relationship where there may be alot of tests and turmoil becuase when you do not trust your lover you inevitably end up testing them and trying them and for the other person it can be quite painful and upsetting. There is nothing more aggrivating and more emotionally draining than an insecure lover. I can testify to this becuase I have been on both ends in my lifetime.If you really love this man and you think he loves you then give it a fighting chance. Dont throw the race before you have even left the gate.In a family book that I read once it said " you cannot build a house on a foundation of sand becuase eventually it will give way. Love is the same. Start with a strong foundation and you will whether any storm but start with a weak one and any small rain will cuase it to sink. Enjoy your trip, its a beautiful country!

K1............. ROCKS

Hello "confused". I kind of am in the same situation, but I've "known" "j" for 14 months. I have my tickets to go on Dec. 25 thru Jan 4. I will be flying into Lagos and then onto Benin City. I know someone via email that just got back from Lagos and got married there. Actually last week. I am from the U.S. and so is she, but shouldn't it be best that we bring them over via a fiance visa? I don't really know. I am a white, blonde haired, blue eyed american meeting a "nigerian". lol They seem to follow the same pattern, don't they? I am quite older than him, but I think that their primary concern is that they have a better life than the one that they have now. I'm sure that love is there, but somewhat secondary. Do I sound confused also? Stay in touch....Lois

Hi everyone. I am so sorry if I sounded a bit confused, but I just seem to have come across many women who are much older than their man in Nigeria. Right now he has spinal menigitis and needs my help. I cannot change my plans due to commitments and jobs. I DO trust him, but I guess it is just my past experiences that have made me so cautious. I have been alone for ten years by choice, but as you can see, I'm taking it slower this time. I'm worried sick about him as he only has his sister left. Anyway, I still plan on going in December (God willing) ALONE. That scares me in itself, but I have read and learned many good things about the men there from you guys. How do I get these K1 papers for us to fill out? I think that things "will happen" when we meet. (an engagement). lol That was a good point to bring them with me. Should I get all my phone records now too? Thanks again...Lois

[Perseverance 1]

Lois, I PMed you

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

One thing I will say to you Lois is if you have a doubt in your mind and do not trust this man then do not go. Why do I say this? One of the things a relationship is supposed to be built on is trust. If we get into a relationship with someone we do not fully trust then we are cheating ourselves but also cheating the other person out of a solid relationship and in turn you will be bringing them on board a sinking ship. If you do not trust him then be fair enough to let him know how you feel and let him decide for himself if he wants to continue on in a relationship where there may be alot of tests and turmoil becuase when you do not trust your lover you inevitably end up testing them and trying them and for the other person it can be quite painful and upsetting. There is nothing more aggrivating and more emotionally draining than an insecure lover. I can testify to this becuase I have been on both ends in my lifetime.If you really love this man and you think he loves you then give it a fighting chance. Dont throw the race before you have even left the gate.In a family book that I read once it said " you cannot build a house on a foundation of sand becuase eventually it will give way. Love is the same. Start with a strong foundation and you will whether any storm but start with a weak one and any small rain will cuase it to sink. Enjoy your trip, its a beautiful country!

K1............. ROCKS

Hello "confused". I kind of am in the same situation, but I've "known" "j" for 14 months. I have my tickets to go on Dec. 25 thru Jan 4. I will be flying into Lagos and then onto Benin City. I know someone via email that just got back from Lagos and got married there. Actually last week. I am from the U.S. and so is she, but shouldn't it be best that we bring them over via a fiance visa? I don't really know. I am a white, blonde haired, blue eyed american meeting a "nigerian". lol They seem to follow the same pattern, don't they? I am quite older than him, but I think that their primary concern is that they have a better life than the one that they have now. I'm sure that love is there, but somewhat secondary. Do I sound confused also? Stay in touch....Lois

Hi everyone. I am so sorry if I sounded a bit confused, but I just seem to have come across many women who are much older than their man in Nigeria. Right now he has spinal menigitis and needs my help. I cannot change my plans due to commitments and jobs. I DO trust him, but I guess it is just my past experiences that have made me so cautious. I have been alone for ten years by choice, but as you can see, I'm taking it slower this time. I'm worried sick about him as he only has his sister left. Anyway, I still plan on going in December (God willing) ALONE. That scares me in itself, but I have read and learned many good things about the men there from you guys. How do I get these K1 papers for us to fill out? I think that things "will happen" when we meet. (an engagement). lol That was a good point to bring them with me. Should I get all my phone records now too? Thanks again...Lois

Lois,

I don't consider myself a suspicious person by nature and I didn't condemn my husband just because he is Nigerian. On the other hand, I keep myself well informed and I walk with my eyes wide open. When I read your first post, I was kinda confused because it sounded like you knew your SO had a primary motive, yet you were ok with that. You also mentioned that you were white/blonde/etc....getting together with a 'Nigerian'. I'm not sure what you meant by that....but it rubbed me the wrong way. I wish you had elaborated more on what that was supposed to mean. Anyhow.....when I just read your second post......I'm really concerned with what you said about your SO having spinal menigits and 'only having his sister left'. My husband comes from a family of 10 siblings. With that comes many cousins, neices, nephews, etc. Almost every Nigerian family is like this. For someone to say that they only have a single sister left, is very hard to believe and I feel like that, along with the illness...he could be setting a stage for a performance yet to come. I almost hate myself for saying this to you because I hate to think negatively about ones intentions. I also could be dead wrong, and I pray that I am. Just please be careful and make sure you know this man very well before you travel to his country alone.

Edited July 31, 2008 by Akinstacey

[Enlighten one :) 5]

I didn't show any paperwork or ID when I flew on Virgin from Lagos to Nigeria and back. WOW! My husband showed his ID when we went to the waiting area.

Congrats and Best Wishes!

Also, does anyone know if you can fly domestically in Nigeria with your school card/paperwork only? Otherwise, we may have to nix the Virgin Nigeria flight plan.

Thanks

[Lois 0]

One thing I will say to you Lois is if you have a doubt in your mind and do not trust this man then do not go. Why do I say this? One of the things a relationship is supposed to be built on is trust. If we get into a relationship with someone we do not fully trust then we are cheating ourselves but also cheating the other person out of a solid relationship and in turn you will be bringing them on board a sinking ship. If you do not trust him then be fair enough to let him know how you feel and let him decide for himself if he wants to continue on in a relationship where there may be alot of tests and turmoil becuase when you do not trust your lover you inevitably end up testing them and trying them and for the other person it can be quite painful and upsetting. There is nothing more aggrivating and more emotionally draining than an insecure lover. I can testify to this becuase I have been on both ends in my lifetime.If you really love this man and you think he loves you then give it a fighting chance. Dont throw the race before you have even left the gate.In a family book that I read once it said " you cannot build a house on a foundation of sand becuase eventually it will give way. Love is the same. Start with a strong foundation and you will whether any storm but start with a weak one and any small rain will cuase it to sink. Enjoy your trip, its a beautiful country!

K1............. ROCKS

Hello "confused". I kind of am in the same situation, but I've "known" "j" for 14 months. I have my tickets to go on Dec. 25 thru Jan 4. I will be flying into Lagos and then onto Benin City. I know someone via email that just got back from Lagos and got married there. Actually last week. I am from the U.S. and so is she, but shouldn't it be best that we bring them over via a fiance visa? I don't really know. I am a white, blonde haired, blue eyed american meeting a "nigerian". lol They seem to follow the same pattern, don't they? I am quite older than him, but I think that their primary concern is that they have a better life than the one that they have now. I'm sure that love is there, but somewhat secondary. Do I sound confused also? Stay in touch....Lois

Hi everyone. I am so sorry if I sounded a bit confused, but I just seem to have come across many women who are much older than their man in Nigeria. Right now he has spinal menigitis and needs my help. I cannot change my plans due to commitments and jobs. I DO trust him, but I guess it is just my past experiences that have made me so cautious. I have been alone for ten years by choice, but as you can see, I'm taking it slower this time. I'm worried sick about him as he only has his sister left. Anyway, I still plan on going in December (God willing) ALONE. That scares me in itself, but I have read and learned many good things about the men there from you guys. How do I get these K1 papers for us to fill out? I think that things "will happen" when we meet. (an engagement). lol That was a good point to bring them with me. Should I get all my phone records now too? Thanks again...Lois

Lois,

I don't consider myself a suspicious person by nature and I didn't condemn my husband just because he is Nigerian. On the other hand, I keep myself well informed and I walk with my eyes wide open. When I read your first post, I was kinda confused because it sounded like you knew your SO had a primary motive, yet you were ok with that. You also mentioned that you were white/blonde/etc....getting together with a 'Nigerian'. I'm not sure what you meant by that....but it rubbed me the wrong way. I wish you had elaborated more on what that was supposed to mean. Anyhow.....when I just read your second post......I'm really concerned with what you said about your SO having spinal menigits and 'only having his sister left'. My husband comes from a family of 10 siblings. With that comes many cousins, neices, nephews, etc. Almost every Nigerian family is like this. For someone to say that they only have a single sister left, is very hard to believe and I feel like that, along with the illness...he could be setting a stage for a performance yet to come. I almost hate myself for saying this to you because I hate to think negatively about ones intentions. I also could be dead wrong, and I pray that I am. Just please be careful and make sure you know this man very well before you travel to his country alone.

I guess that I am not giving all of the information needed....sorry. He does have a cousin, a father who has three wives (for which he doesn't see). Two step brothers.........but the same there. If I can get that phone number, it would help me further. When I said about being blonde....etc., I meant it to be "out of the ordinary". I wouldn't have feelings for him had I felt differently. Oh yeah, and a sister who is getting married the end of August. He lost his mother this past December. I hadn't spoken to him on the phone when this happened, but I have never heard him cry before. I would be worried too if I were in a hsopital with no insurance coverage. Like I said, I've known him for 14 months and man.....he should be on tv if he were acting. In any event, I intend to cover all of my bases before I do anything...whew....again, sorry for blonde thing.Lois

[Lois 0]

Lois, I PMed you

I'm not too savvy on the computer, but I know what IM means. PM is what? Now I really appear dumb.

[Lois 0]

One thing I will say to you Lois is if you have a doubt in your mind and do not trust this man then do not go. Why do I say this? One of the things a relationship is supposed to be built on is trust. If we get into a relationship with someone we do not fully trust then we are cheating ourselves but also cheating the other person out of a solid relationship and in turn you will be bringing them on board a sinking ship. If you do not trust him then be fair enough to let him know how you feel and let him decide for himself if he wants to continue on in a relationship where there may be alot of tests and turmoil becuase when you do not trust your lover you inevitably end up testing them and trying them and for the other person it can be quite painful and upsetting. There is nothing more aggrivating and more emotionally draining than an insecure lover. I can testify to this becuase I have been on both ends in my lifetime.If you really love this man and you think he loves you then give it a fighting chance. Dont throw the race before you have even left the gate.In a family book that I read once it said " you cannot build a house on a foundation of sand becuase eventually it will give way. Love is the same. Start with a strong foundation and you will whether any storm but start with a weak one and any small rain will cuase it to sink. Enjoy your trip, its a beautiful country!

K1............. ROCKS

Hello "confused". I kind of am in the same situation, but I've "known" "j" for 14 months. I have my tickets to go on Dec. 25 thru Jan 4. I will be flying into Lagos and then onto Benin City. I know someone via email that just got back from Lagos and got married there. Actually last week. I am from the U.S. and so is she, but shouldn't it be best that we bring them over via a fiance visa? I don't really know. I am a white, blonde haired, blue eyed american meeting a "nigerian". lol They seem to follow the same pattern, don't they? I am quite older than him, but I think that their primary concern is that they have a better life than the one that they have now. I'm sure that love is there, but somewhat secondary. Do I sound confused also? Stay in touch....Lois

Hi everyone. I am so sorry if I sounded a bit confused, but I just seem to have come across many women who are much older than their man in Nigeria. Right now he has spinal menigitis and needs my help. I cannot change my plans due to commitments and jobs. I DO trust him, but I guess it is just my past experiences that have made me so cautious. I have been alone for ten years by choice, but as you can see, I'm taking it slower this time. I'm worried sick about him as he only has his sister left. Anyway, I still plan on going in December (God willing) ALONE. That scares me in itself, but I have read and learned many good things about the men there from you guys. How do I get these K1 papers for us to fill out? I think that things "will happen" when we meet. (an engagement). lol That was a good point to bring them with me. Should I get all my phone records now too? Thanks again...Lois

Lois,

I don't consider myself a suspicious person by nature and I didn't condemn my husband just because he is Nigerian. On the other hand, I keep myself well informed and I walk with my eyes wide open. When I read your first post, I was kinda confused because it sounded like you knew your SO had a primary motive, yet you were ok with that. You also mentioned that you were white/blonde/etc....getting together with a 'Nigerian'. I'm not sure what you meant by that....but it rubbed me the wrong way. I wish you had elaborated more on what that was supposed to mean. Anyhow.....when I just read your second post......I'm really concerned with what you said about your SO having spinal menigits and 'only having his sister left'. My husband comes from a family of 10 siblings. With that comes many cousins, neices, nephews, etc. Almost every Nigerian family is like this. For someone to say that they only have a single sister left, is very hard to believe and I feel like that, along with the illness...he could be setting a stage for a performance yet to come. I almost hate myself for saying this to you because I hate to think negatively about ones intentions. I also could be dead wrong, and I pray that I am. Just please be careful and make sure you know this man very well before you travel to his country alone.

I guess that I am not giving all of the information needed....sorry. He does have a cousin, a father who has three wives (for which he doesn't see). Two step brothers.........but the same there. If I can get that phone number, it would help me further. When I said about being blonde....etc., I meant it to be "out of the ordinary". I wouldn't have feelings for him had I felt differently. Oh yeah, and a sister who is getting married the end of August. He lost his mother this past December. I hadn't spoken to him on the phone when this happened, but I have never heard him cry before. I would be worried too if I were in a hsopital with no insurance coverage. Like I said, I've known him for 14 months and man.....he should be on tv if he were acting. In any event, I intend to cover all of my bases before I do anything...whew....again, sorry for blonde thing.Lois

I forgot something. I was the one who asked his sister if I could "help". I think that that was also important.oops....Lois

[Simply_Uno 1]

Lois, I PMed you

I'm not too savvy on the computer, but I know what IM means. PM is what? Now I really appear dumb.

pm=private message

[K&A 0]

Lois, I PMed you

I'm not too savvy on the computer, but I know what IM means. PM is what? Now I really appear dumb.

HI, I THINK PM MEANS PERSONAL MESSAGE...IT SOUNDS RIGHT TO ME, SO THATS MY GUESS ...

[baxxy 0]

Thank you all for your time.

I am female lawyer living in the US. I met my fiance, "E", in May 2008. E is 25. I am 33, with a youthful look. I can pass for 23/24. I also have a 9 year old son. His last girlfriend of 3 years was 5 years his senior and he prefers older women. He is very mature and everything about him and our "distance" relationship is more than I could have imagined. Prior to meeting him I was generally pretty negative in regard to marriage.

Anyway, we met online via a Nigerian forum that I visit as guest. I have always dated foreign men and since childhood I have always been intrigued about other cultures. I watch a lot of foreign movies, including Nigerian. We are in love, want to get married and have decided to see this prcoess through to the end. We talk daily by phone. Our first conversation was 5 hours and we talk a minimum of 1 hour per day but most times up to 3 hours per day, including text messages, and occasional webcam. To be brutally honest, E, set out to scam me initially but after 1 week of talking and my inquisitive nature he confessed, revealed his true identity and met me on webcam. For various reasons, we know we are meant for each other and we will be together. We/he understand that EVERYTHING must be authentic and legal from confession time forward. I am not posting this for warnings or negative commentary because we will be together. I am disclosing this information because I want to be honest so that I can receive help and advice. Since we have been talking he does not visit the cyber cafe unless I tell him I specifically emailed him something. We don't really do webcam because we want to limit his visits to the cyber cafe. HE HAS NEVER ASKED ME FOR MONEY OR GIFTS. After his confession, for my own peace of mind, I personally found and paid a private investigator out of Lagos to meet with him in his town near Benin to verify his identity and to interview him. He agreed without hesitation because he said he wanted us to move pass this. The private investigator met him at his apartment, took pictures of him, his home, various locations, checked his criminal record at the Delta State CID HQ, verified his educational background and other personal information, and inquired as to his reputation in his community with random people. The findings were positive.

I have purchased my ticket to Lagos for 10/8-10/13. Because of work and limited help with my son I can only travel for this short 1 week period of time. He has told his friends and family about me. He told his parents that he initially tried to scam me. I am sure I don't have to say that his parents were disappointed to learn he was scamming. His family is not poor. Disputes with his father and his stubborness to do things his way and live on his own led to this dumb choice. They have since questioned him about our age difference and if this is something he really wants to do and he said yes. So, they have given us their blessings.

I am so confused. Even though I am a lawyer, because of the increased scrutiny on Nigeria, the quickest method to marry him and for us to be together is overwhelming to say the least. We are prepared to do a K1 or K3 visa. It doesn't matter. We and his family are prepared to marry in both a traditional and white (registry with counseling etc..) marriage in Nigeria in October or on a K1 visa in US whatever me and E decide. The real issue is we want to go the quickest (1 year or less) and best route based on Nigeria's scrutiny. I am struggling yet stable so I don't need a $ sponsor. They know absolutely nothing about the process, so all things written in this post are at my advice and direction. He is relying on me and everyone on his end is willing to do whatever I suggest is best.

K1 visa plan:

Through research I have read that the K1 visa is faster. As of right now, unless we can get better advice, after 2 days in Lagos we are planning to fly via Virgin Nigeria to Benin on 10/11 for 2 days so that I can formally meet his parents and receive their blessings. His parents are going to arrange for some elders from his village to come to the house when I meet them (more if we decide to marry). We will have a gathering with food/drinks for anyone at the house and we plan to wear native wear. Later that evening we will have an engagement pool party at a local hotel with about 30 guests and everyone is asked to wear white. Instead of getting a hotel because of the cost I am renting a villa in Lagos for the 2 days I am there and I will be staying at a hotel or with his family (he lives alone) while I am in Benin. We will return via plane back to Lagos on 10/13 so that I can return home. Even though there is only a 3 hour delay between me arriving at Lagos airport from Benin and me boarding my return flight home he is refusing to see me off from Benin and insists on escorting me until I leave the country.

While I am in Lagos, we plan to take a lot of pictures around the city and at important places. We intend to buy fabric for our garments and courier them to Benin, we plan to open a joint bank account, we plan to get "notarized" statements from his parents and other family members testifying that our relationship is geniune, because he is friendly with his ex, and she is getting married in August, we may be able to get a statement from her as to their age difference while in the relationship if necessary. We are making all Nigeria based flights, accommodations, purchases and party arrangements in both our names when possible, we intend to videotape and photograph all important events while in Benin.

Should we do a K1 visa or K3?

Any advice as to what we should do to make our case stronger or any evidence we should get is greatly appreciated.

Any advice on HELPING US BE TOGETHER will be greatly appreciated.

Again, thank you so much.

you only know him 2 months and have never met in person and you love him? huh? and you're willing to do all this? You're educated and have a child, I cannot understand why you would want to do all this for someone you really dont know and started out to scam you. Please rethink this situation.

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

One thing I will say to you Lois is if you have a doubt in your mind and do not trust this man then do not go. Why do I say this? One of the things a relationship is supposed to be built on is trust. If we get into a relationship with someone we do not fully trust then we are cheating ourselves but also cheating the other person out of a solid relationship and in turn you will be bringing them on board a sinking ship. If you do not trust him then be fair enough to let him know how you feel and let him decide for himself if he wants to continue on in a relationship where there may be alot of tests and turmoil becuase when you do not trust your lover you inevitably end up testing them and trying them and for the other person it can be quite painful and upsetting. There is nothing more aggrivating and more emotionally draining than an insecure lover. I can testify to this becuase I have been on both ends in my lifetime.If you really love this man and you think he loves you then give it a fighting chance. Dont throw the race before you have even left the gate.In a family book that I read once it said " you cannot build a house on a foundation of sand becuase eventually it will give way. Love is the same. Start with a strong foundation and you will whether any storm but start with a weak one and any small rain will cuase it to sink. Enjoy your trip, its a beautiful country!

K1............. ROCKS

Hello "confused". I kind of am in the same situation, but I've "known" "j" for 14 months. I have my tickets to go on Dec. 25 thru Jan 4. I will be flying into Lagos and then onto Benin City. I know someone via email that just got back from Lagos and got married there. Actually last week. I am from the U.S. and so is she, but shouldn't it be best that we bring them over via a fiance visa? I don't really know. I am a white, blonde haired, blue eyed american meeting a "nigerian". lol They seem to follow the same pattern, don't they? I am quite older than him, but I think that their primary concern is that they have a better life than the one that they have now. I'm sure that love is there, but somewhat secondary. Do I sound confused also? Stay in touch....Lois

Hi everyone. I am so sorry if I sounded a bit confused, but I just seem to have come across many women who are much older than their man in Nigeria. Right now he has spinal menigitis and needs my help. I cannot change my plans due to commitments and jobs. I DO trust him, but I guess it is just my past experiences that have made me so cautious. I have been alone for ten years by choice, but as you can see, I'm taking it slower this time. I'm worried sick about him as he only has his sister left. Anyway, I still plan on going in December (God willing) ALONE. That scares me in itself, but I have read and learned many good things about the men there from you guys. How do I get these K1 papers for us to fill out? I think that things "will happen" when we meet. (an engagement). lol That was a good point to bring them with me. Should I get all my phone records now too? Thanks again...Lois

Lois,

I don't consider myself a suspicious person by nature and I didn't condemn my husband just because he is Nigerian. On the other hand, I keep myself well informed and I walk with my eyes wide open. When I read your first post, I was kinda confused because it sounded like you knew your SO had a primary motive, yet you were ok with that. You also mentioned that you were white/blonde/etc....getting together with a 'Nigerian'. I'm not sure what you meant by that....but it rubbed me the wrong way. I wish you had elaborated more on what that was supposed to mean. Anyhow.....when I just read your second post......I'm really concerned with what you said about your SO having spinal menigits and 'only having his sister left'. My husband comes from a family of 10 siblings. With that comes many cousins, neices, nephews, etc. Almost every Nigerian family is like this. For someone to say that they only have a single sister left, is very hard to believe and I feel like that, along with the illness...he could be setting a stage for a performance yet to come. I almost hate myself for saying this to you because I hate to think negatively about ones intentions. I also could be dead wrong, and I pray that I am. Just please be careful and make sure you know this man very well before you travel to his country alone.

I guess that I am not giving all of the information needed....sorry. He does have a cousin, a father who has three wives (for which he doesn't see). Two step brothers.........but the same there. If I can get that phone number, it would help me further. When I said about being blonde....etc., I meant it to be "out of the ordinary". I wouldn't have feelings for him had I felt differently. Oh yeah, and a sister who is getting married the end of August. He lost his mother this past December. I hadn't spoken to him on the phone when this happened, but I have never heard him cry before. I would be worried too if I were in a hsopital with no insurance coverage. Like I said, I've known him for 14 months and man.....he should be on tv if he were acting. In any event, I intend to cover all of my bases before I do anything...whew....again, sorry for blonde thing.Lois

I forgot something. I was the one who asked his sister if I could "help". I think that that was also important.oops....Lois

Lois,

Mama, ur killing me here. As I keep reading your posts, I'm getting more and more worried. When you said that "I would be worried if I was in the hopital with no insurance too".......are your referring to your SO? Did he tell you this? Mami this is classic....from the books of scamming 101. I pray I'm wrong. What hopital is he in? What part of Nigeria is he from? I have contacts in a hopital in Lagos. And when you say that you are the one who asked his sister if there's anything you could do....of course you did. It's probably your compassionate nature and that may or may not make you an easy target. Look, I have never before responded to a post by saying that I think the person is being 'played'....but I couldn't sleep tonight knowing I didn't say something to you. I really hope that I am totally off-base. But please believe that I say all this with only good intentions. Please do your homework and if there's anything I can do to help, please let me know.

[Lois 0]

One thing I will say to you Lois is if you have a doubt in your mind and do not trust this man then do not go. Why do I say this? One of the things a relationship is supposed to be built on is trust. If we get into a relationship with someone we do not fully trust then we are cheating ourselves but also cheating the other person out of a solid relationship and in turn you will be bringing them on board a sinking ship. If you do not trust him then be fair enough to let him know how you feel and let him decide for himself if he wants to continue on in a relationship where there may be alot of tests and turmoil becuase when you do not trust your lover you inevitably end up testing them and trying them and for the other person it can be quite painful and upsetting. There is nothing more aggrivating and more emotionally draining than an insecure lover. I can testify to this becuase I have been on both ends in my lifetime.If you really love this man and you think he loves you then give it a fighting chance. Dont throw the race before you have even left the gate.In a family book that I read once it said " you cannot build a house on a foundation of sand becuase eventually it will give way. Love is the same. Start with a strong foundation and you will whether any storm but start with a weak one and any small rain will cuase it to sink. Enjoy your trip, its a beautiful country!

K1............. ROCKS

Hello "confused". I kind of am in the same situation, but I've "known" "j" for 14 months. I have my tickets to go on Dec. 25 thru Jan 4. I will be flying into Lagos and then onto Benin City. I know someone via email that just got back from Lagos and got married there. Actually last week. I am from the U.S. and so is she, but shouldn't it be best that we bring them over via a fiance visa? I don't really know. I am a white, blonde haired, blue eyed american meeting a "nigerian". lol They seem to follow the same pattern, don't they? I am quite older than him, but I think that their primary concern is that they have a better life than the one that they have now. I'm sure that love is there, but somewhat secondary. Do I sound confused also? Stay in touch....Lois

Hi everyone. I am so sorry if I sounded a bit confused, but I just seem to have come across many women who are much older than their man in Nigeria. Right now he has spinal menigitis and needs my help. I cannot change my plans due to commitments and jobs. I DO trust him, but I guess it is just my past experiences that have made me so cautious. I have been alone for ten years by choice, but as you can see, I'm taking it slower this time. I'm worried sick about him as he only has his sister left. Anyway, I still plan on going in December (God willing) ALONE. That scares me in itself, but I have read and learned many good things about the men there from you guys. How do I get these K1 papers for us to fill out? I think that things "will happen" when we meet. (an engagement). lol That was a good point to bring them with me. Should I get all my phone records now too? Thanks again...Lois

Lois,

I don't consider myself a suspicious person by nature and I didn't condemn my husband just because he is Nigerian. On the other hand, I keep myself well informed and I walk with my eyes wide open. When I read your first post, I was kinda confused because it sounded like you knew your SO had a primary motive, yet you were ok with that. You also mentioned that you were white/blonde/etc....getting together with a 'Nigerian'. I'm not sure what you meant by that....but it rubbed me the wrong way. I wish you had elaborated more on what that was supposed to mean. Anyhow.....when I just read your second post......I'm really concerned with what you said about your SO having spinal menigits and 'only having his sister left'. My husband comes from a family of 10 siblings. With that comes many cousins, neices, nephews, etc. Almost every Nigerian family is like this. For someone to say that they only have a single sister left, is very hard to believe and I feel like that, along with the illness...he could be setting a stage for a performance yet to come. I almost hate myself for saying this to you because I hate to think negatively about ones intentions. I also could be dead wrong, and I pray that I am. Just please be careful and make sure you know this man very well before you travel to his country alone.

I guess that I am not giving all of the information needed....sorry. He does have a cousin, a father who has three wives (for which he doesn't see). Two step brothers.........but the same there. If I can get that phone number, it would help me further. When I said about being blonde....etc., I meant it to be "out of the ordinary". I wouldn't have feelings for him had I felt differently. Oh yeah, and a sister who is getting married the end of August. He lost his mother this past December. I hadn't spoken to him on the phone when this happened, but I have never heard him cry before. I would be worried too if I were in a hsopital with no insurance coverage. Like I said, I've known him for 14 months and man.....he should be on tv if he were acting. In any event, I intend to cover all of my bases before I do anything...whew....again, sorry for blonde thing.Lois

I forgot something. I was the one who asked his sister if I could "help". I think that that was also important.oops....Lois

Lois,

Mama, ur killing me here. As I keep reading your posts, I'm getting more and more worried. When you said that "I would be worried if I was in the hopital with no insurance too".......are your referring to your SO? Did he tell you this? Mami this is classic....from the books of scamming 101. I pray I'm wrong. What hopital is he in? What part of Nigeria is he from? I have contacts in a hopital in Lagos. And when you say that you are the one who asked his sister if there's anything you could do....of course you did. It's probably your compassionate nature and that may or may not make you an easy target. Look, I have never before responded to a post by saying that I think the person is being 'played'....but I couldn't sleep tonight knowing I didn't say something to you. I really hope that I am totally off-base. But please believe that I say all this with only good intentions. Please do your homework and if there's anything I can do to help, please let me know.

If you could help me with the phone number of University of Benin City teaching hospita, it would be great!!! Don't worry too much, I'm very investigative. I have never sent anything this past 14 months, so why would I now not knowing any facts? thanks for all of your concern. lois

[Enlighten one :) 5]

I would be worried too if I were in a hsopital with no insurance coverage. Like I said, I've known him for 14 months and man.....he should be on tv if he were acting. In any event, I intend to cover all of my bases before I do anything...whew....again, sorry for blonde thing.Lois

Common scam is ilness without insurance. He will never ask you for anything.

We are caring and considerate people, that sometimes spend money on things that do not seem so important when we speak with people from 3rd world countries.

My friend was scammed by a USC that told her all about his past. made her just feel like the lucky one when he confided in her about his past. This is often a ploy for you to trust them further.

You sound so happy and excited. I do hope you the best.

[Perseverance 1]

Please remember to be gentle, I understand everyones concern for Lois but we only have a very small piece of her story. Lets be careful not to draw conculsions.