Please Help!! Confused and Don't Know Where to Begin...

[Simply_Uno 1]

Ebony

I have to admit, you are right on the money .

I also feel the need to explain what I meant by saying "who's to know if you had a lengthy LDR. "

I think that was taken negatively .

My intent was to express, how can one prove just how long a they have been in a relationship .

You can start corresponding in january with so in so, but not become committed until november of said year . So how does one prove the length of the committed relationship???

That is all I was implying, not lying to the CO's!!!

Now, as you all were

[Ta Ta 1]

Emails would reflect this.

The expression of switching from an initial friendship to falling in love to commitment all reflect in the emails.

By the way, careful what you do write in emails. B)

[Simply_Uno 1]

Emails would reflect this.

The expression of switching from an initial friendship to falling in love to commitment all reflect in the emails.

By the way, careful what you do write in emails. B)

nah, just careful which emails you submit

[LovinLiberia 0]

lmnop123,

Let me start by offering a few words of caution. I would be concerned about his initial deception and intention to scam you. I personally know a lady who met a man in Ethiopia. Their relationship started out with deception, he confessed, and she tried to work it out. He got his visa came to the US where more lies and more problems were discovered. They are now divorcing. I hope that your relationship is happy and successful. I only mention it to caution you to be open to the things that you see and learn on your first trip to visit him. I know that you love E and have time and money invested in the relationship. But if you discover something that makes you uncomfortable don't to ignore it. Address it.

I agree with the other posters. I think K1 will be faster. (1) When you visit bring all the paperwork with you and have him sign it on your visit. Your trip is extremely short, you will be jet lag and there will be a lot of things to do, people to meet. Do they paper work on your first day if possible. (2) Since the 2 of you are traveling to Benin together, make sure to copy his passport and boarding pass so that when you send the k1 application you can show evidence of your trip together. Also, in regards to you engagement party, you should be very careful about the photos you take and who you give them to. A VJ member had a K1 denied because a consular officer is insisting that they are married based on a photograph. (3) I don't think a joint bank account will be that helpful in your K1. Other VJ members who went through Nigeria can better advise you. But my initial thoughts are that it might be viewed suspiciously. If you do it, remember to close the account when he moves to the US. (4) From watching others go through Nigeria. I think you should definitely be in Nigeria when he has his interview. I'm not sure if you are allow to attend the interview with him. But if you are in Nigeria, you may be able to intervene at the consulate if he is denied.

You being an attorney is a great tool for you. You have the knowledge and means to investigate and research your options. The fact that you investigated your man is also a plus. IMO you should allow yourself more time get to know, and spend with this man. Whether you chose the K1 or K3, the issue still remains as to whether this man is sincere in his intentions. Just because he was checked up on...and appears to be who he says he is...does not mean he is 100% legit. Afterall, you stated his family was upset to hear he was "scamming". Without knowing the details of the scamming issue...it just seems that someone who is not honest, and who has tried to deceive can not be trusted in such a short time. I say this with no disrespect..but with experience. (I work in social services and have counseled women in all types of scamming scenerios) If someone lies about one thing...there may be other things...and immigration WILL find out if its traceable (mail fraud, credit/identity theft, money scams, false info for visas etc.) Things he withholds from you may come back later to cause a visa denial of permanent ban.

Here's 1 example:

This woman has been having a LDR with a nigerian for almost a year. She went to visit several months ago to meet him and see if the feelings were real (she was only there for 1 week) He pressured her to marry while she was there...but she was reluctant, and declined. He was fairly honest about his life, family etc..as far as she could see while she was there. They talked of filing the K1 when she returned to the states. Long story short.....she came to find out that he has several other women here in the states that he has been continuing to "romance scam" the whole time they have been together. She has contacted these women and they tell similar stories. This man was working several women, in the hopes that one of them would file and get him over here. I saw some of the chat logs and emails, and this guy was a PIECE OF WORK!!!! Even tho he was not deceiving about his life...his true intentions were not honorable, and you cant know that from a simple private investigation! (BTW, there was a significant age difference)

example 2:

This woman had a LDR for over a year...went to Nigeria for one month. Ended up becoming engaged, and his family hosted an engagement party for them. She spent most of the time with him and his family. He told her he had taken the month off from work to spend with her. He also said they had to stay at his sister's because he live in a very bad area, and he was embarrassed of his living situation. He stated he lived in a one room place with shared bathroom facilities, and he wanted her to be comfortable during her stay. She later found out he didnt have a job, and actually lived with a girlfriend who was pregnant. She believes his family was in on the whole scam, and that his girlfriend might have even been at the party!

I have lots of other stories...but i think you get the point.

My advice to anyone having a LDR with someone from another country...is to not rush into things. Take the time needed to develop the relationship. Go there many times, or at least stay for longer than a couple weeks at a time... and build relationships with family and friends, co-wokers, pastors etc. This is a life altering experience, not to mention emotionally and financially draining at times. But its worth the time and peace of mind. I would give this advice to anyone...but most especially to those who already have a red flag raised (the inital scam)

Yes....scammers are people too...and they can fall in love and have true feelings just like anyone, and can change...but making a quick or hasty decision on a life-changing journey like this should be made with caution. Just because someone confesses, and comes clean...doesnt always mean that they still arent playing the game. Matters of the heart are no joke...and it doesnt matter how many degrees you hold, your intelligence level, age, life experiences etc...We all want to love, be loved, and believe in the romantic notion of finding our soulmate.

And in the end....no matter if its here or abroad, we will never ever really know if the love is true until we have lived it. There is no guarentees ever! All we can do is give it to God, and follow the signs he gives us. Our common sense and ability to reason is our best chance...and even then we make mistakes!

I wish you the best...and hope that it all works out for you. Try to make the best of your short time in Nigeria by meeting and spending time with as many family and friends as possible. Go to his job, church etc...ask lots of questions, and re- ask them! Try to get time alone with his family to get insight. Enjoy the experience! It's a wonderful country.

Peace, Love and Happiness,

Eb

footnote: Sorry, after taking so long to write this (major distractions...lol) I noticed u posted something before this about the scamming thing. I do not mean to discourage you or insult your intelligence as to the realities of scamming...but just to share some insight and experiences from those who have admitted they should have taken a little more time. But we all know hindsight is 20/20 right!!! There's nothing wrong with taking a chance on love...we all do it. Stay strong...and pray!

We are here for u!

I found both of these posts to be very excellent. You were given some really good advice with these. Ebonyqueen stole the words out of my mouth and then some. I hope you don't take the advice negatively, but instead see them out of love. Just as Ebonyqueen stated...everyone wants to be loved and when you are in love you want to be together RIGHT NOW AT THIS VERY MOMENT. You seem to be a very intelligent and resourceful woman and I really would advise you to just go there with your eyes wide open. Make sure you observe mannerisms and people's actions and if you get any funny feelings, please don't overlook it as just a cultural issue. You seem to be on top of things and I wish the best outcome for you.

As far as the K1 vs K3 thing, the K1 will be much faster for you (if there are no extra investigations), but it means he will have sit around the house without work while you process his Adjustment of Status paperwork. Good luck!

[We_Destiny 1]

Imnop 123

All other things aside with the beginning of your situation, you seemed to have worked that out in your mind and seem very comfortable. My main concern would be the time frame of your visit. I think that is a major red flag, I think that a first visit of five days and then submission of documents based on the 5 days may pose an issue. I know travelling can be difficult, but, if possible please try and visit again or a few more times as the K1 works its way throuth the approval process. Beause the problem will not likely happen with NOA2 approval but solely at the Embassy.

Everyone seems stuck on e-mails, and they are a good source of evidence. But, phone calls are as well. My SO and I did not have 10 usable emails between the two of us (well I did but he was typing in a sort of pidgeon text message language) and some of them were Xrated and private, I submitted about 3 or 4 of his emails. But I had a years worth of Pingo call logs that showed we spoke on the phone atleast 3-5 times a day. My point is that PINGO or phone logs can help substantiate a relationship not just emails.

I mentioned this because you seem to want to give your man less reasons to go to the internet cafe and just wantedx to make sure you kenw that emails are not the only evidence to prove relationship.

I wish you happiness and success with the pursuit of your journey.

[Ta Ta 1]

Emails would reflect this.

The expression of switching from an initial friendship to falling in love to commitment all reflect in the emails.

By the way, careful what you do write in emails. B)

nah, just careful which emails you submit

Nope, the ones you write. Trust me here. Our boxes were accessed and pics copied and put in our folder.

[Ta Ta 1]

Imnop 123

All other things aside with the beginning of your situation, you seemed to have worked that out in your mind and seem very comfortable. My main concern would be the time frame of your visit. I think that is a major red flag, I think that a first visit of five days and then submission of documents based on the 5 days may pose an issue. I know travelling can be difficult, but, if possible please try and visit again or a few more times as the K1 works its way throuth the approval process. Beause the problem will not likely happen with NOA2 approval but solely at the Embassy.

Everyone seems stuck on e-mails, and they are a good source of evidence. But, phone calls are as well. My SO and I did not have 10 usable emails between the two of us (well I did but he was typing in a sort of pidgeon text message language) and some of them were Xrated and private, I submitted about 3 or 4 of his emails. But I had a years worth of Pingo call logs that showed we spoke on the phone atleast 3-5 times a day. My point is that PINGO or phone logs can help substantiate a relationship not just emails.

I mentioned this because you seem to want to give your man less reasons to go to the internet cafe and just wantedx to make sure you kenw that emails are not the only evidence to prove relationship.

I wish you happiness and success with the pursuit of your journey.

I agree.

[totes 0]

lmnop123,

Let me start by offering a few words of caution. I would be concerned about his initial deception and intention to scam you. I personally know a lady who met a man in Ethiopia. Their relationship started out with deception, he confessed, and she tried to work it out. He got his visa came to the US where more lies and more problems were discovered. They are now divorcing. I hope that your relationship is happy and successful. I only mention it to caution you to be open to the things that you see and learn on your first trip to visit him. I know that you love E and have time and money invested in the relationship. But if you discover something that makes you uncomfortable don't to ignore it. Address it.

I agree with the other posters. I think K1 will be faster. (1) When you visit bring all the paperwork with you and have him sign it on your visit. Your trip is extremely short, you will be jet lag and there will be a lot of things to do, people to meet. Do they paper work on your first day if possible. (2) Since the 2 of you are traveling to Benin together, make sure to copy his passport and boarding pass so that when you send the k1 application you can show evidence of your trip together. Also, in regards to you engagement party, you should be very careful about the photos you take and who you give them to. A VJ member had a K1 denied because a consular officer is insisting that they are married based on a photograph. (3) I don't think a joint bank account will be that helpful in your K1. Other VJ members who went through Nigeria can better advise you. But my initial thoughts are that it might be viewed suspiciously. If you do it, remember to close the account when he moves to the US. (4) From watching others go through Nigeria. I think you should definitely be in Nigeria when he has his interview. I'm not sure if you are allow to attend the interview with him. But if you are in Nigeria, you may be able to intervene at the consulate if he is denied.

You being an attorney is a great tool for you. You have the knowledge and means to investigate and research your options. The fact that you investigated your man is also a plus. IMO you should allow yourself more time get to know, and spend with this man. Whether you chose the K1 or K3, the issue still remains as to whether this man is sincere in his intentions. Just because he was checked up on...and appears to be who he says he is...does not mean he is 100% legit. Afterall, you stated his family was upset to hear he was "scamming". Without knowing the details of the scamming issue...it just seems that someone who is not honest, and who has tried to deceive can not be trusted in such a short time. I say this with no disrespect..but with experience. (I work in social services and have counseled women in all types of scamming scenerios) If someone lies about one thing...there may be other things...and immigration WILL find out if its traceable (mail fraud, credit/identity theft, money scams, false info for visas etc.) Things he withholds from you may come back later to cause a visa denial of permanent ban.

Here's 1 example:

This woman has been having a LDR with a nigerian for almost a year. She went to visit several months ago to meet him and see if the feelings were real (she was only there for 1 week) He pressured her to marry while she was there...but she was reluctant, and declined. He was fairly honest about his life, family etc..as far as she could see while she was there. They talked of filing the K1 when she returned to the states. Long story short.....she came to find out that he has several other women here in the states that he has been continuing to "romance scam" the whole time they have been together. She has contacted these women and they tell similar stories. This man was working several women, in the hopes that one of them would file and get him over here. I saw some of the chat logs and emails, and this guy was a PIECE OF WORK!!!! Even tho he was not deceiving about his life...his true intentions were not honorable, and you cant know that from a simple private investigation! (BTW, there was a significant age difference)

example 2:

This woman had a LDR for over a year...went to Nigeria for one month. Ended up becoming engaged, and his family hosted an engagement party for them. She spent most of the time with him and his family. He told her he had taken the month off from work to spend with her. He also said they had to stay at his sister's because he live in a very bad area, and he was embarrassed of his living situation. He stated he lived in a one room place with shared bathroom facilities, and he wanted her to be comfortable during her stay. She later found out he didnt have a job, and actually lived with a girlfriend who was pregnant. She believes his family was in on the whole scam, and that his girlfriend might have even been at the party!

I have lots of other stories...but i think you get the point.

My advice to anyone having a LDR with someone from another country...is to not rush into things. Take the time needed to develop the relationship. Go there many times, or at least stay for longer than a couple weeks at a time... and build relationships with family and friends, co-wokers, pastors etc. This is a life altering experience, not to mention emotionally and financially draining at times. But its worth the time and peace of mind. I would give this advice to anyone...but most especially to those who already have a red flag raised (the inital scam)

Yes....scammers are people too...and they can fall in love and have true feelings just like anyone, and can change...but making a quick or hasty decision on a life-changing journey like this should be made with caution. Just because someone confesses, and comes clean...doesnt always mean that they still arent playing the game. Matters of the heart are no joke...and it doesnt matter how many degrees you hold, your intelligence level, age, life experiences etc...We all want to love, be loved, and believe in the romantic notion of finding our soulmate.

And in the end....no matter if its here or abroad, we will never ever really know if the love is true until we have lived it. There is no guarentees ever! All we can do is give it to God, and follow the signs he gives us. Our common sense and ability to reason is our best chance...and even then we make mistakes!

I wish you the best...and hope that it all works out for you. Try to make the best of your short time in Nigeria by meeting and spending time with as many family and friends as possible. Go to his job, church etc...ask lots of questions, and re- ask them! Try to get time alone with his family to get insight. Enjoy the experience! It's a wonderful country.

Peace, Love and Happiness,

Eb

footnote: Sorry, after taking so long to write this (major distractions...lol) I noticed u posted something before this about the scamming thing. I do not mean to discourage you or insult your intelligence as to the realities of scamming...but just to share some insight and experiences from those who have admitted they should have taken a little more time. But we all know hindsight is 20/20 right!!! There's nothing wrong with taking a chance on love...we all do it. Stay strong...and pray!

We are here for u!

I found both of these posts to be very excellent. You were given some really good advice with these. Ebonyqueen stole the words out of my mouth and then some. I hope you don't take the advice negatively, but instead see them out of love. Just as Ebonyqueen stated...everyone wants to be loved and when you are in love you want to be together RIGHT NOW AT THIS VERY MOMENT. You seem to be a very intelligent and resourceful woman and I really would advise you to just go there with your eyes wide open. Make sure you observe mannerisms and people's actions and if you get any funny feelings, please don't overlook it as just a cultural issue. You seem to be on top of things and I wish the best outcome for you.

As far as the K1 vs K3 thing, the K1 will be much faster for you (if there are no extra investigations), but it means he will have sit around the house without work while you process his Adjustment of Status paperwork. Good luck!

Both of these posts are filled with great info!

[totes 0]

Imnop 123

All other things aside with the beginning of your situation, you seemed to have worked that out in your mind and seem very comfortable. My main concern would be the time frame of your visit. I think that is a major red flag, I think that a first visit of five days and then submission of documents based on the 5 days may pose an issue. I know travelling can be difficult, but, if possible please try and visit again or a few more times as the K1 works its way throuth the approval process. Beause the problem will not likely happen with NOA2 approval but solely at the Embassy.

Everyone seems stuck on e-mails, and they are a good source of evidence. But, phone calls are as well. My SO and I did not have 10 usable emails between the two of us (well I did but he was typing in a sort of pidgeon text message language) and some of them were Xrated and private, I submitted about 3 or 4 of his emails. But I had a years worth of Pingo call logs that showed we spoke on the phone atleast 3-5 times a day. My point is that PINGO or phone logs can help substantiate a relationship not just emails.

I mentioned this because you seem to want to give your man less reasons to go to the internet cafe and just wantedx to make sure you kenw that emails are not the only evidence to prove relationship.

I wish you happiness and success with the pursuit of your journey.

I believe you are right about the time frame. When I was in Nigeria in May and met with the investigator at the Embassy, she specifically pointed out that my trip was a short one this time (only 8 days). Thankfully, my previous trip was two weeks. Just something to keep in mind.

hugs,

tess

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

I know 2 woman who tried to have relationships with men that initially scammed them and both ended badly. Even with all the talk of having turned a new leaf both men were still up to the same thing. One of them lives just a few miles away and we talk all the time. Her 'ex" still calls after being discovered, swearing he has changed his ways and begging her to come visit , buy rings and come get married and all other sorts of things. He had supposedly given up scamming 3 years ago. I had tried to talk to her when she first told me but love is a strong emotion. She had contact with all sorts of people that vouched for his character and had visited Nigeria about 18 months ago and didn't catch on. Many people in extremely poor countries will do desparate things to move to what they believe is a better place and their friends will engage in complicated displays to further their visas. To me these schemes speak of some deeper character flaw.

Please be very very careful.

[LovinLiberia 0]

Imnop 123

All other things aside with the beginning of your situation, you seemed to have worked that out in your mind and seem very comfortable. My main concern would be the time frame of your visit. I think that is a major red flag, I think that a first visit of five days and then submission of documents based on the 5 days may pose an issue. I know travelling can be difficult, but, if possible please try and visit again or a few more times as the K1 works its way throuth the approval process. Beause the problem will not likely happen with NOA2 approval but solely at the Embassy.

Everyone seems stuck on e-mails, and they are a good source of evidence. But, phone calls are as well. My SO and I did not have 10 usable emails between the two of us (well I did but he was typing in a sort of pidgeon text message language) and some of them were Xrated and private, I submitted about 3 or 4 of his emails. But I had a years worth of Pingo call logs that showed we spoke on the phone atleast 3-5 times a day. My point is that PINGO or phone logs can help substantiate a relationship not just emails.

I mentioned this because you seem to want to give your man less reasons to go to the internet cafe and just wantedx to make sure you kenw that emails are not the only evidence to prove relationship.

I wish you happiness and success with the pursuit of your journey.

That's a great point, We_Destiny. We kept over a year's worth of phone calls and text messages and the Consular Officer was very interested in sifting through those. I also agree that the original poster seems comfortable with the way things are, which is fine, but I also hope she will be able to squeeze in another visit before the interview. It would probably help a lot.

[Ta Ta 1]

Often it is not an issue of K1 versus K3 time frame but what could possibly throw you into AP / AR.

Having been in AP for one year myself, I advice anyone to not give the CO any reason whatsoever for putting you on AP. As Tess said the

length and time of visits are important to consider and it is my opinion to do all one can to stay longer and visit more than once to avoid AP

which can last a very long time and is the most frustrating process to go through.

They are looking for a decent getting-to-know-you-time-frame at the embassies, if you don't have it they may ask themselves why and investigate

and before you know it you are in the AP abyss. So yeah, take your time as many have suggested here.

[lmnop123 0]

EbonyQueen, thank u so much for all of your advice. It is real and I do appreciate it.

I just want to add that I am not going into this with eyes wide shut. I am suspicious and over analytical by nature. Always have been. In my life I have met enough men (mostly US) to personally know that the only person that won't disappoint me is me. I love E yes but foolishly in love no. Do I believe E loves me yes but do I believe he loves me enough to never ever fall short & disappoint me...heck no. He understands how I feel about love & marriage. Unfortunately, I view relationships from a more practical standpoint than a head over heels in love view. For me love exists but the practical things ensure its outcome. I have limited the existence of commiting to a man in my life by choice. I have a child and a full life so I would prefer to have a monogamous partner & I want E to be my partner but he can't be with me unless I marry him. Not every person wants to get married but with E I am willing to commit to marriage. I am not interested in trying it with anyone else. The divorce rate, division of family, and the murdering of my sistas thru disease helped me decide that I preferred to live what I considered a full life, enjoying and doing the things that make me happy and any man that was willing to get on the ride is welcome to get on board but the days of me putting my life on hold and it revolving around a man left a long a while ago. The next 40+ yrs will be spent living my life day to day & he is welcome to take the journey with me. I have no expectations regarding E. If he is real great...if he is a liar no problem.. My life plan remains the same. A relationship is a 2 way street & E isn't the only person with the power to determine how things turn out.

I am not investing in property he is a person. He is eventually taking a chance & giving up a part of his life to be with me as well becuz I have heard a good number of stories of immigrants being used, abused and neglected by the 'trusted love' ones that sent for them. Yeah, it can be a matter of a waiting game but time stands still when your wait aint comfortable. Its risky both ways. Anyway, don't mind me I just like to remind myself & other women from time to time that in a relationship a man's decision isn't the only one.

When I go to Nigeria, I will be most observant and inquisitive. There is absolutely no way I would go that far to not meet EVERYONE and he knows they need to be available. They are expecting me. I will be more than cautious as I can be and no one is forcing or coercing me to marry or do anything I don't feel is not right.

I really do appreciate the love and advice. Keep it coming. I swear I am listening.

[LovinLiberia 0]

EbonyQueen, thank u so much for all of your advice. It is real and I do appreciate it.

I just want to add that I am not going into this with eyes wide shut. I am suspicious and over analytical by nature. Always have been. In my life I have met enough men (mostly US) to personally know that the only person that won't disappoint me is me. I love E yes but foolishly in love no. Do I believe E loves me yes but do I believe he loves me enough to never ever fall short & disappoint me...heck no. He understands how I feel about love & marriage. Unfortunately, I view relationships from a more practical standpoint than a head over heels in love view. For me love exists but the practical things ensure its outcome. I have limited the existence of commiting to a man in my life by choice. I have a child and a full life so I would prefer to have a monogamous partner & I want E to be my partner but he can't be with me unless I marry him. Not every person wants to get married but with E I am willing to commit to marriage. I am not interested in trying it with anyone else. The divorce rate, division of family, and the murdering of my sistas thru disease helped me decide that I preferred to live what I considered a full life, enjoying and doing the things that make me happy and any man that was willing to get on the ride is welcome to get on board but the days of me putting my life on hold and it revolving around a man left a long a while ago. The next 40+ yrs will be spent living my life day to day & he is welcome to take the journey with me. I have no expectations regarding E. If he is real great...if he is a liar no problem.. My life plan remains the same. A relationship is a 2 way street & E isn't the only person with the power to determine how things turn out.

I am not investing in property he is a person. He is eventually taking a chance & giving up a part of his life to be with me as well becuz I have heard a good number of stories of immigrants being used, abused and neglected by the 'trusted love' ones that sent for them. Yeah, it can be a matter of a waiting game but time stands still when your wait aint comfortable. Its risky both ways. Anyway, don't mind me I just like to remind myself & other women from time to time that in a relationship a man's decision isn't the only one.

When I go to Nigeria, I will be most observant and inquisitive. There is absolutely no way I would go that far to not meet EVERYONE and he knows they need to be available. They are expecting me. I will be more than cautious as I can be and no one is forcing or coercing me to marry or do anything I don't feel is not right.

I really do appreciate the love and advice. Keep it coming. I swear I am listening.

It's so good to see you going into this with that kind of perspective. Everything you said makes a lot of sense. Good luck to you two and have lots of fun on your trip.

[angelic 0]

Hello lmnop123,

i care deeply about you, your career, experience in life (33) your emotion,intellect. in essence your total well-being. (N.B.-i'm married with a baby!.

i check through your posting and others also and i want to comfort, edify and exhort you. may God give u an understanding heart and illuminated mind(Relationship can tempting, trials at the same time testimony).

i feel personally the pace of relationship with your fiance "E" is too fast, step back alittle and evaluate, please! please ! please!

i'm writing to you with a soft and tenderheart bcos you are so much in love with your guy ( emotion,thoughts,words,affections has commingled)

to let you know, i'm writing to you from my work place (i set aside other paramount things to answer your call)

let me share with you my personal story.

i came to U.S. in 2000, went to college from 2001-2005 and came out with a degree in computer information systems got a job three weeks after my graduation

my relationship and marriage

a friend of mine connected me with my wife in august 2003. she is in nigeria while i'm in the state. we got talking (emotion,thoughts,words commingled)

i went to nigeria in dec 2003 prior to this i instructed my friend to take her to my pastor in nigeria for discern the will of the lord. the feedback i got is she is not a wife material, she is very manupulative, it is not the will of God(My Pastor and His wife)

my friend she is not good and i should forget her. after all this evaluations i said to myself but this lady has not done anything to me, she sounds authentic and righteous. she told me her weakness, what she doing to change her lifestyle. what gave me a peace of mind is "both my parents are pastors at rccg" i said she is definately a child of God! personal i withdraw and wrote her a e-mail saying i don't want to do again. she wrote back and challenge me to come and see her family and herself. big flag never go by what pple "SAY", THE WORD HAS TO BE CONSISTENT WITH ACTION. IF HE SAY I'M A, HE MUST CARRY OUT A-ACTION.

MY STORY CONTINUED.

i went to nigeria in dec 2003, stayed for three weeks, saw her family,herself, place of worship.thot to myself she is okay. at this time i was not a U.S citizen, i started sending money to her from sept 2003-march 2007- big mistake never pay for anything you did not see- character defect my mother say i should stop collecting money from Men(Red Flag) she is living beyond a means. but in my mind love covers the multitude of sins(i will change her when we get married! (lies) you cannot change anybody only holy spirit can do that at his own time not you. when i met her she does not have a job, so anytime i made a demand for sacrifice, response from her u know i'm not working that i why i can't give u anything. immaturity on my path and compromise bcos of in love (never allow the weight of building the relationship falls in you alone, it must be equal on both side) make sure you emphasis this all the time. in time of plenty and lack relationship sacrifice and must be establish at all cost.

i sent money for her passport, took out school loan to buy her a first car, she got a job around this time, paid for her toefl exam so that she can apply for student visa upon completion (again never lift anything that is beyond your financial status) immaturity and impatience on my part to notifce this red flag. under no circumstance should u improve his living condition in nigeria by borrowing (credit cards) use discretion in this area of your life.

In 2004 DEC i went to nigeria gain, this time we did the introduction, however something terrible happen that should be an eye opener but love is trully blind, it can totally blind you to reality. when i was living U.S, my mum gave me $400 to give her parents. i told her, she used all kinds of funny means want to want to collect the money from me instead of legit owner, eventually i said no later she went to tell her parents lies that i wanted to use the money for my personal gain Red FLAG (COVETOUNESS-CHARACTER DEFECT). when i saw the parents i showed them the blueprint, they were very ashamed, her father beat her blue-black, beg me to forgive her, got other pple to come and beg me. RED FLAG IF YOU NOTICE ANY CHARACTER DEFECTS THAT YOU CANNOT live with do not go ahead-use discretion, nobody is perfect, but same time there are standards that cannot be violated no matter your conditions

i press on on, in 2005 we got married via marriage registry, in april 2006 i became a us citizen, prior to this time she went to the embassy to apply for visiting visa during my graduation from college, denied. (RED FLAG-NEVER CUT CORNERS (SHORTCUT) TRUE LOVE WAITS, PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE,\

she was denied and off course i sent money,personal i'm the only financing the relationship.

in 2006 the filing for her is on course i filed for two visa, k3 and CR at the same time by myself RED FLAG NEVER TAKE ON HIS RESPONSIBILITY, IT MUST BE EQUAL WEIGHT AND MEASUREMENT, WHATEVER HE DOES NOT PAY A PRICE FOR WILL NEVER BE DEEPLY APPRECIATED WHEN CIRCUMSTANCES AND SITUATION CHANGES. USE YOUR INTUITION TO THE MAXIMUM

in the course of her filing process we difficulties, it took so long to get her approval, the CR was approved faster than the K3, the CR will take forever to get interview date in nigeria, so i abandon the CR for the K3, bcos she started crying on the phone she can't take it anymore, it is taking too long, men are disturbing her, her live was in danger, come home i want to get pregnant, i,m not getting younger. IN 2006 I WENT TO NIGERIA AGAIN TO BE WITH HER. LATE 2006 SHE WAS ROBBED IN PORTHARCOURT, i asked her to send me the police report, i took it to senators in another state for them to help with her petition(k3) approval , less then a 3 days it was approved, in less than a month she got her interview date in nigeria. fast yes, yes ( love despiration)

she got the visa in march 2007, again i was in nigeria for visa interview, and traditional marriage at the same time 2003-2007 voyages to nigeria, honeymoon in ghana

let me post this for now more to come, my boss just interrupted with pressing assignment, this is unedited so don't mind my writing