Please Help!! Confused and Don't Know Where to Begin...

[lmnop123 0]

IMNOP YOUR ORIGINAL QUESTION WAS WHAT ROUTE YOU SHOULD TAKE TO GET YOUR LOVED ONE HERE.

SO AS WE ALL HAVE ALREADY AGREEDED THE BEST ROUTE IS K-1 VISA. BUT KEEP IN MIND YOU CHOOSE THE K-1 VISA ROUTE WHICH IS FASTER, DOES NOT MEAN YOU WILL DEFINATELY GET THE VISA ALL THE TIME.

NIGERIA WE ALL KNOW AS WELL AS THE OTHER HIGH FRAUD COUNTRIES THAT THE CONSULATES ARE MORE BRUTAL AND SCRUTINIZE MORE INTO THE PETITION THEN OTHERWISE NON-HIGH FRAUD COUNTRIES. SO YOU WANT YOUR K-1 VISA TO BE SUCCESSFUL THEN DO NOT MAKE CERTAIN MISTAKES NOW.

THE RED FLAGS I SEE FROM YOUR POSTING

1. RE-FORMED SCAMMER: THAT IS WHAT HE USED TO DO BEFORE AND HAS NOW CHANGED AND YOU HAVE ALREADY HAD HIM CHECKED AND INVESTIGATED...THAT IS GREAT BUT IF I WERE YOU, IT WILL ALWAYS BE IN THE BACK OF MY MIND.

2. LENGHT OF TIME OF VISIT TO NIGERIA: THE CONSULATE WILL SEE YOU MEET YOUR "SO" IN MAY 2008, YOU GO TO NIGERIA FOR ONLY "ONE WEEK" A FEW MONTHS LATER AND FILE FOR K-1 RIGHT AFTER. THE CONSULATE MAY NOT BELIEVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP BASED ON THE LENGHT OF TIME YOU MET YOUR "SO" AND HOW LONG YOU STAYED IN NIGERIA BEFORE FILING. YOU MAY EITHER STAY LONGER ON YOUR VISIT OR VISIT ONE MORE TIME BEFORE FILING.

3. AGE DIFFERENCE AND FINANCIAL STANDING: THIS MAY NOT BE AN ISSUE TO THE CONSULATE, AND IT SHOULDN'T MATTER IN THE ARENA OF LOVE. BUT, UNFORTUNATELY IN YOUR CASE, YOU ARE APPLYING FOR A VISA AND THE CONSULATE DOES NOT KNOW YOU AND YOUR "SO" PERSONALLY, THEY ARE ONLY GOING BY WHAT IS ON PAPER AND ON PAPER WITH THE LENGHT OF TIME OF VISIITATION IN A HIGH FRAUD COUNTRY THE CONSULATE MAY RED FLAG IT.

4. MOTIVE: IF YOUR INTENTION TO BRING HIM HERE IS SO THAT YOU WILL NOT HAVE TO ENDURE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM THEN RE-THINK ABOUT THIS K-1 VISA. IF YOUR INTENTION OF BRINGING HIM HERE IS BECAUSE YOU AND HIM WITHIN THIS BRIEF TIME AND YOUR ONE WEEK TRIP TO NIGERIA IS ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED THEN GO FOR THE K-1 ROUTE BUT, JUST SO YOU DO NOT GET PUT ON AP, OR THE CONSULATE DOES NOT BELIEVE IN THE VALIDITY OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP DURING THE INTERVIEW...I WOULD SAY CORRECT THE RED FLAGS.

THE BIGGEST RED FLAG IS THE LENGHT OF TIME OF DATING AND THE LENGHT OF TIME OF YOUR VISIT TO NIGERIA. YOU CAN MEET SOMEONE TODAY AND KNOW YOU WANT TO MARRY THAT PERSON TOMORROW AND YOU CAN DO THAT IF YOUR MAN WAS ALREADY HERE IN AMERICA WITH YOU.....BUT THE FACT REMAINS...HE IS NOT AND YOU ARE APPEALING FOR A VISA IN ORDER TO GET HIM HERE...THE LAST THING YOU WANT TO DO IS RUSH AND THEN GET ALL THE EXTRA FRUSTRATIONS THAT COMES ON BEING PUT ON AP, OR THE CONSULATE SENDING YOUR CASE BACK TO NVC FOR FUTHER INVESTIGATIONS BECAUSE THEY DO NOT BELIEVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

REMEMBER THE CONSULATE JOB BESIDES GRANT VISAS IS ALSO TO JUDGE BASED ON THEIR ON OPINION IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS GENUINE. OF COURSE THE CONSULATE WILL NOT KNOW UNLESS YOU TELL HIM OR HER THAT YOUR FIANCE WAS AN EX-SCAMMER, "I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU STATED THAT INFORMATION IN YOUR FIRST POSTING" BUT, IF YOU BELIVE HE IS NOT ANYMORE THAT IS GOOD BUT THAT SHOULD MAKE YOU SLOWER TO DO LIFE CHANGING EVENTS LIKE MARRIAGE. I WOULD DATE LONGER AND SEE IF HE WILL CRACK OR PRESSURE ME TO ENGAGE TO HIM TO COME HERE...BUT, HEY NOTHING IN LIFE IS GURANTEED RIGHT...PEOPLE GET DIVORCED ALL THE TIME NO MATTER HOW LONG THEY WERE DATING...

BUT, THIS VISA PROCESS THE EMOTIONAL DAMAGE IS MORE WHEN IT ENDS IN DIVORCE BECAUSE YOU WENT THROUGH ALL THIS PROCESS TO BRING THIS PERSON HERE AND IF IT DIDN'T WORK OUT, YOU DONT WANT TO REGRET IT...OF COURSE ALL ON VJ ARE STILL TAKING A RISK AND WE ARE ALL WILLING TO TAKE IT. BUT, JUST THINK OF THE REASON WHY YOU ARE REALLY GOING THE K-1 ROUTE IS IT TO AVOID LONG DISTANCE DATING OR ARE YOU READY TO MARRY YOUR "SO" AND LET THAT GUIDE YOU.

K&A & Asante,

Thank you very much for your advice. This kind of guidance was exactly what I was hoping to receive.

As I said before, I had found outdated information on these 2 types of visas but any information I found was more than 5 years old and often times not helpful for highly scrutinzed countries like Nigeria. I also read the guide and even though it helped me understand the process I think that it may be helpful to include more information for more highly scrutinized countries.

We have discussed our situation and I have informed E that the best route for us to go is the K1. Some of the reasons why I would want to avoid a lenghty process is #1 time, frustration & the potential results of that on how we treat each other during the wait, my decisions regarding having kids, that for me life is too short to confine myself to a telephone, internet, bi-yearly meetups relationship. Not to mention the financial costs. I would prefer to have someone to share my life with or not be in a relationship. I love E and want to have a life with him but I don't want to commit my life to the visa process. We could always remain close friends. E has expressed that he doesn't mind waiting and he is not pressuring me. We are equally interested in being together.

Right now we are presently planning our formal engagement details and party with the help of supportive family & friends in both countries. I told him we have been advised to delay filing our petition and that I will try to make another trip before filing even though the length of time will probably be the same. He is okay with that & said that we will just focus on our first trip for now, see how I FEEL about things when I visit and plan from there. We don't want all this visa stuff to cloud our enjoyment while I am visiting.

We plan to document everything and anything that we forget or miss we will do on my next trip. We also intend to use part of the 3 month visa period to further determine the direction of our relationship.

K&A, I just want to say that your post was right on point and maybe it should be added to the guide. You set out in numbered detail my options and potential pitfalls for a highly scrutinized country. You even addressed the s.c.a.m. issue in a tasteful, non-judgmental forward thinking way. I know that what you said will ultimately be helpful to others because THERE WILL BE others in the future that will visit visajourney with a beginning similar to mine. Thank you for your time. Really!

Asante, you already know how I feel about you sis Thanks you are truly a sweetheart.

[lmnop123 0]

I think the OP said she was not going to Naija until Dec or January, I may be wrong but if that is the case that will give her a little more time to correspond with him and some added time for when she finally files for his visa. In other words by the time she files it will not seem as if the relationship is too short to USCIS wich could raise a red flag. I dont know how much of a red flag it will raise though becuase my first husband and I only knew each other for 2 months before we got married and we had no problems going through USCIS, but on the other hand he was already living in the States and we used a lawyer.

To LMNOP,

With that said I think K&A made a good point when she advised you on the the diffrences in K1-K3. They were very valid and thought provoking points. Once your SO arrives in the States you will only have 3 months to date, plan a wedding, and get married. If you want time to get to know your SO but dont want the issue of a LTR then you could plan visits with him throughout the year. That way is more expensive but it wouldnt rush you into a marriage either. Take care.

Thanks!!

Girlfriend, you know we are going straight to Vegas!!! We are going to PAARTAY BAYBAY!!! Only a few close friends & the essential family members. Nothing spectacular.

E will probably be overwhelmed by all the electricity wasted over there...lolol

Oh yeah, if you are married to member Henry tell him I hope he tried one of my recipes.

[totes 0]

Many pages ago I threw in my 2cents for what it was worth. I've now just quietly read post after post after post. Each one getting more and more ugly. I can now say that as a White American woman, the wife of a Nigerian man, and the friend of a once Nigerian resident who was into scamming and then came here and even though he had 2 good jobs continued with scamming pulling in resources from Nigeria & South Africa (he's now in Federal Prison) I am just thoroughly disgusted with where this has gone. Abeg....we've shared our opinions, given our advice, now let the cards fall where they may. I personally don't even think someone should comment on Nigeria's conditions until they've actually gone and seen it for themselves. My husband lived in the very conditions that you described but he never once considered himself anything less than blessed. Sure, the jobs don't pay well (his brother has a masters degree and works for a large insurance company in Victoria Island yet only earns a few hundred a month), NEPA (the electric company) is a problem, the bathroom in his house is a toilet bowl in a cement room with a bucket of water for you to flush....I could go on and on but what for? My husband NEVER looked at these things as a problem or a reason for him to go out there and scam for money. If I called and he was in the middle of watching a movie and then "NEPA took the light", he would never complain. He'll simply say "well, I know they'll bring it back soon". IN all of our 100's of hours of talking before my going there, he never described life as bad. I never knew how bad his conditions there were until I went. But despite his level of poverty, despite the conditions of his home, despite the lack of resources in NIgeria, I never felt like we lacked anything. Even as I sit here today, I miss being there surrounded by so much family, love....people being grateful for having life. IMO, anyone in Nigeria complaining about how bad it is there, probably is trying to play on your sympathy or trying to Justify their lifestyle.

KenDC, Lovin_famo, and AkinStacey thank you for your posts.

AkinStacey, I want to say that I never said that those living in poverty whether it is in America or abroad feel less than blessed. One should always be appreciative of their current state in order to receive the blessings of more opportunities and change. A person doesn't have to pity a place or people in order to acknowledge the hardships they deal with on a day to day basis. E never complains about his life in Nigeria and I never said that. If anything, he goes out of his way to conceal any hardships he is experiencing because he doesn't want me to think he could be asking for money. I was only saying that it is easy to put someone down or jump to conclusions about why a person has done something or continues to do something in life when you have no idea what life is like for them. Until you can live in that person's shoes you shouldn't generalize.

The following is not addressed to anyone:

Just the other day E said to me again that the invitation for me to join him in Nigeria is still there he justs wants us to be together. E is also experiencing negativity on his end and comments from people about why he would want to marry someone (less than a decade) older and how long does he intend to stay married to me...etc.. He said this upsets him but it also fuels his desire to make a life with me because he truly loves me and they are unable to see pass the bad marriage intentions of others. As he shares his excitement about loving me with people around him, he said he can see and hear their doubt about us and some have even said he is making a fool out of himself but he said he is not going to let that deter him because he believes in me. No matter what happens between us, there is no way I won't at least make my trip to Nigeria to meet him, because I am the type of person that keeps my promise and I would never allow him to look like a fool by not showing up. At a minimum he is my friend and I would not wish that kind of ridicule on any friend of mine. He told me that the other day that a female family member that was younger than me, was negative about us and had already concluded that because I was older I had to be I don't know what. He told her that I looked younger than her and she said impossible. He then showed her approx. 15 pictures of me for her to say thy were a lie. Yet she stared at them (unrelated to beauty) for nearly 20 mins not realizing she had a smile on her face until he snatched the pictures out of her hand. Now all of a sudden she is excited to meet me. He says that people like her show him that others see the same thing in me that he sees and loves. So, the obstacles are not just a one sided American thing. He is experiencing his own level of negativity and comments that I am going to use and control him.

That reminds me, when my SO's friend heard about me, he said oh my goodness don't you know that they have guns there and shoot you, how can you trust her ?

Also a 40 or 50 year old American woman looks usualy so much younger than a 40 or 50 year old in my SO's country.

Due to nutritional factors, better health and all around better resources.

The life expectancy in S/L is 40 for a man.

My SO's friends said the same thing about us having guns but I believe what one said was "she will blow your F______ head off" LMAO, we joke about it now.

A couple of things I will add to the great suggestions here are:

1) Make sure your SO picks you up at the airport (I'm sure that's a no brainer for some but I do know of some who didn't do that). I would also recommend that your SO hire his own driver if he doesn't have his own transportation, to pick you up from the airport. The taxi's waiting around the airport are less than desirable and I've heard they will rip you off pretty badly.

2) We found the exchange rate from the guys hanging around the airport to be considerably better than we did later in town. In retro-spect, we wish we would have exchanged more money there.

3) He will not be able to enter the airport at all, I did know this when I went to Nigeria so I didn't freak out but I didn't going into Ghana so when I didn't see him all the way through getting my luggage, I was pretty unnerved.

4) The recommended immunizations for travel to Nigeria/Ghana are pretty expensive, this may or may not be something you have considered.

5) I found the food pretty spicey and I love spicey food. It's awesome but it is a little spicey.

6) The fresh fruit is AMAZING!

7) I recommend you send your proof of relationship (im's, emails, pics, etc) with your petition, I sent pics and proof that I traveled, hotel receipts, etc.,, but I did not send our im's, emails or phone records. This may or may not have contributed to our being put on AP. I believe the Consulate Officer's review the case before the interview and make a determination prior to the interview about the course of action. If that's true, she didn't have all of that info until the interview, my guess is she didn't want to or couldn't take the time to go thru it prior to the interview.

8) Meet the family and take pics prior to filing. I believe that's in your plan but we met in Ghana so his family was not available.

9) Address any "potential" red flags in a letter with your petition (I actually received this advise in retrospect from an immigration attorney I met here on VJ). Things such as age difference if there is one, etc., etc. (I'd leave out prior undesirable activities but I'm sure you get what I'm saying).

10) Make sure your SO is prepared for any and all questions the CO could ask from your sex life down to the color and make and model of your car. Know each other inside and out.

Good luck with your journey!

[Asante Maroon 0]

Nice suggestions Tess

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

Many pages ago I threw in my 2cents for what it was worth. I've now just quietly read post after post after post. Each one getting more and more ugly. I can now say that as a White American woman, the wife of a Nigerian man, and the friend of a once Nigerian resident who was into scamming and then came here and even though he had 2 good jobs continued with scamming pulling in resources from Nigeria & South Africa (he's now in Federal Prison) I am just thoroughly disgusted with where this has gone. Abeg....we've shared our opinions, given our advice, now let the cards fall where they may. I personally don't even think someone should comment on Nigeria's conditions until they've actually gone and seen it for themselves. My husband lived in the very conditions that you described but he never once considered himself anything less than blessed. Sure, the jobs don't pay well (his brother has a masters degree and works for a large insurance company in Victoria Island yet only earns a few hundred a month), NEPA (the electric company) is a problem, the bathroom in his house is a toilet bowl in a cement room with a bucket of water for you to flush....I could go on and on but what for? My husband NEVER looked at these things as a problem or a reason for him to go out there and scam for money. If I called and he was in the middle of watching a movie and then "NEPA took the light", he would never complain. He'll simply say "well, I know they'll bring it back soon". IN all of our 100's of hours of talking before my going there, he never described life as bad. I never knew how bad his conditions there were until I went. But despite his level of poverty, despite the conditions of his home, despite the lack of resources in NIgeria, I never felt like we lacked anything. Even as I sit here today, I miss being there surrounded by so much family, love....people being grateful for having life. IMO, anyone in Nigeria complaining about how bad it is there, probably is trying to play on your sympathy or trying to Justify their lifestyle.

KenDC, Lovin_famo, and AkinStacey thank you for your posts.

AkinStacey, I want to say that I never said that those living in poverty whether it is in America or abroad feel less than blessed. One should always be appreciative of their current state in order to receive the blessings of more opportunities and change. A person doesn't have to pity a place or people in order to acknowledge the hardships they deal with on a day to day basis. E never complains about his life in Nigeria and I never said that. If anything, he goes out of his way to conceal any hardships he is experiencing because he doesn't want me to think he could be asking for money. I was only saying that it is easy to put someone down or jump to conclusions about why a person has done something or continues to do something in life when you have no idea what life is like for them. Until you can live in that person's shoes you shouldn't generalize.

The following is not addressed to anyone:

Just the other day E said to me again that the invitation for me to join him in Nigeria is still there he justs wants us to be together. E is also experiencing negativity on his end and comments from people about why he would want to marry someone (less than a decade) older and how long does he intend to stay married to me...etc.. He said this upsets him but it also fuels his desire to make a life with me because he truly loves me and they are unable to see pass the bad marriage intentions of others. As he shares his excitement about loving me with people around him, he said he can see and hear their doubt about us and some have even said he is making a fool out of himself but he said he is not going to let that deter him because he believes in me. No matter what happens between us, there is no way I won't at least make my trip to Nigeria to meet him, because I am the type of person that keeps my promise and I would never allow him to look like a fool by not showing up. At a minimum he is my friend and I would not wish that kind of ridicule on any friend of mine. He told me that the other day that a female family member that was younger than me, was negative about us and had already concluded that because I was older I had to be I don't know what. He told her that I looked younger than her and she said impossible. He then showed her approx. 15 pictures of me for her to say thy were a lie. Yet she stared at them (unrelated to beauty) for nearly 20 mins not realizing she had a smile on her face until he snatched the pictures out of her hand. Now all of a sudden she is excited to meet me. He says that people like her show him that others see the same thing in me that he sees and loves. So, the obstacles are not just a one sided American thing. He is experiencing his own level of negativity and comments that I am going to use and control him.

That reminds me, when my SO's friend heard about me, he said oh my goodness don't you know that they have guns there and shoot you, how can you trust her ?

Also a 40 or 50 year old American woman looks usualy so much younger than a 40 or 50 year old in my SO's country.

Due to nutritional factors, better health and all around better resources.

The life expectancy in S/L is 40 for a man.

My SO's friends said the same thing about us having guns but I believe what one said was "she will blow your F______ head off" LMAO, we joke about it now.

A couple of things I will add to the great suggestions here are:

1) Make sure your SO picks you up at the airport (I'm sure that's a no brainer for some but I do know of some who didn't do that). I would also recommend that your SO hire his own driver if he doesn't have his own transportation, to pick you up from the airport. The taxi's waiting around the airport are less than desirable and I've heard they will rip you off pretty badly.

I found that taxi's pretty much anywhere will rip you off especially if you are standing with your SO when you're trying to hail one. I think you said you will be getting a hired car though, so you will be all set.

2) We found the exchange rate from the guys hanging around the airport to be considerably better than we did later in town. In retro-spect, we wish we would have exchanged more money there.

3) He will not be able to enter the airport at all, I did know this when I went to Nigeria so I didn't freak out but I didn't going into Ghana so when I didn't see him all the way through getting my luggage, I was pretty unnerved.

This is true at the Lagos Airport. Also, don't be surprised if some of the people working there try to delay you or ask you for paperwork you don't have. This is just so you will tip them and keep it moving. I have many Nigerian friends here in the US that warned me of this and they gave me a pocketful of Naira to bring for that. Handing them $5 here and $5 there adds up to alot but $100 Naira here and there is not much at all.

4) The recommended immunizations for travel to Nigeria/Ghana are pretty expensive, this may or may not be something you have considered.

Yellow fever/malaria are very costly and if you're going to get them you should plan on doing it about a month before you go. I, however, didn't get it and I'm fine. (knock on wood)5) I found the food pretty spicey and I love spicey food. It's awesome but it is a little spicey.

6) The fresh fruit is AMAZING!

7) I recommend you send your proof of relationship (im's, emails, pics, etc) with your petition, I sent pics and proof that I traveled, hotel receipts, etc.,, but I did not send our im's, emails or phone records. This may or may not have contributed to our being put on AP. I believe the Consulate Officer's review the case before the interview and make a determination prior to the interview about the course of action. If that's true, she didn't have all of that info until the interview, my guess is she didn't want to or couldn't take the time to go thru it prior to the interview.

I believe 100% that the interviewers already know what their "verdict" is going to be before they even meet your SO. I believe they make their decision based on the evidence you submit in your initial petition for the K-1. When you file, include all important pics, and all important evidence. Don't wait til interview day. I think all they look for on interview day is things like Affidavit of Support, etc. Send all IM's. Even ones where you have arguements show that you have a real relationship. IF possible take photos with all family members, mother, father, siblings, etc. We had hotel receipts in both our names, I don't know if this helped or not, but you might want to consider it. If you use calling cards for your calls like I did, it will help if you call him directly at least once a week even if its a short conversation. While you're waiting to go, send each other cards or pics in the mail. Hope all this helps.

8) Meet the family and take pics prior to filing. I believe that's in your plan but we met in Ghana so his family was not available.

9) Address any "potential" red flags in a letter with your petition (I actually received this advise in retrospect from an immigration attorney I met here on VJ). Things such as age difference if there is one, etc., etc. (I'd leave out prior undesirable activities but I'm sure you get what I'm saying).

10) Make sure your SO is prepared for any and all questions the CO could ask from your sex life down to the color and make and model of your car. Know each other inside and out.

Good luck with your journey!

[4theloveofhenry 8]

When I came back from Nigeria after spending close to four months there, I was so happy about having constant electricity I kept most of the lights on in my home day and night! I even slept with the tv on just to hear some noise. Talk about wasting. Anyway have fun in Vegas. My wedding in Nigeria was so stressful becuase of the planning, execution, and then the outcome( people literally fighting at the signing of the certificate and over wedding favours at the reception) that I wish we would have had somthing small.

Anyway make sure to take lots of pics on your trip to Naija becuase you will really need them when it comes time to filing especially since you dont have many emails showing your correspondance. I would also suggest getting a signed affidavit by somone who is close to you and knows that this is a legit relationship. Most of my wedding photos were ruined in a flood and most of our old emails were lost when my computer crashed so we had my mother, grandmother, and sister all write and sign letters stating that we were a real couple who had dated for 2 years and then married and it was in fact a bonafide relationship. But it all depends on how much evidence you think you will have at the time of the interview. Anyway take care

I think the OP said she was not going to Naija until Dec or January, I may be wrong but if that is the case that will give her a little more time to correspond with him and some added time for when she finally files for his visa. In other words by the time she files it will not seem as if the relationship is too short to USCIS wich could raise a red flag. I dont know how much of a red flag it will raise though becuase my first husband and I only knew each other for 2 months before we got married and we had no problems going through USCIS, but on the other hand he was already living in the States and we used a lawyer.

To LMNOP,

With that said I think K&A made a good point when she advised you on the the diffrences in K1-K3. They were very valid and thought provoking points. Once your SO arrives in the States you will only have 3 months to date, plan a wedding, and get married. If you want time to get to know your SO but dont want the issue of a LTR then you could plan visits with him throughout the year. That way is more expensive but it wouldnt rush you into a marriage either. Take care.

Thanks!!

Girlfriend, you know we are going straight to Vegas!!! We are going to PAARTAY BAYBAY!!! Only a few close friends & the essential family members. Nothing spectacular.

E will probably be overwhelmed by all the electricity wasted over there...lolol

Oh yeah, if you are married to member Henry tell him I hope he tried one of my recipes.

[4theloveofhenry 8]

it will help if you call him directly at least once a week even if its a short conversation.

Yeah make it short or else you will have a 1200 dollar phone bill to show them like I do

Many pages ago I threw in my 2cents for what it was worth. I've now just quietly read post after post after post. Each one getting more and more ugly. I can now say that as a White American woman, the wife of a Nigerian man, and the friend of a once Nigerian resident who was into scamming and then came here and even though he had 2 good jobs continued with scamming pulling in resources from Nigeria & South Africa (he's now in Federal Prison) I am just thoroughly disgusted with where this has gone. Abeg....we've shared our opinions, given our advice, now let the cards fall where they may. I personally don't even think someone should comment on Nigeria's conditions until they've actually gone and seen it for themselves. My husband lived in the very conditions that you described but he never once considered himself anything less than blessed. Sure, the jobs don't pay well (his brother has a masters degree and works for a large insurance company in Victoria Island yet only earns a few hundred a month), NEPA (the electric company) is a problem, the bathroom in his house is a toilet bowl in a cement room with a bucket of water for you to flush....I could go on and on but what for? My husband NEVER looked at these things as a problem or a reason for him to go out there and scam for money. If I called and he was in the middle of watching a movie and then "NEPA took the light", he would never complain. He'll simply say "well, I know they'll bring it back soon". IN all of our 100's of hours of talking before my going there, he never described life as bad. I never knew how bad his conditions there were until I went. But despite his level of poverty, despite the conditions of his home, despite the lack of resources in NIgeria, I never felt like we lacked anything. Even as I sit here today, I miss being there surrounded by so much family, love....people being grateful for having life. IMO, anyone in Nigeria complaining about how bad it is there, probably is trying to play on your sympathy or trying to Justify their lifestyle.

KenDC, Lovin_famo, and AkinStacey thank you for your posts.

AkinStacey, I want to say that I never said that those living in poverty whether it is in America or abroad feel less than blessed. One should always be appreciative of their current state in order to receive the blessings of more opportunities and change. A person doesn't have to pity a place or people in order to acknowledge the hardships they deal with on a day to day basis. E never complains about his life in Nigeria and I never said that. If anything, he goes out of his way to conceal any hardships he is experiencing because he doesn't want me to think he could be asking for money. I was only saying that it is easy to put someone down or jump to conclusions about why a person has done something or continues to do something in life when you have no idea what life is like for them. Until you can live in that person's shoes you shouldn't generalize.

The following is not addressed to anyone:

Just the other day E said to me again that the invitation for me to join him in Nigeria is still there he justs wants us to be together. E is also experiencing negativity on his end and comments from people about why he would want to marry someone (less than a decade) older and how long does he intend to stay married to me...etc.. He said this upsets him but it also fuels his desire to make a life with me because he truly loves me and they are unable to see pass the bad marriage intentions of others. As he shares his excitement about loving me with people around him, he said he can see and hear their doubt about us and some have even said he is making a fool out of himself but he said he is not going to let that deter him because he believes in me. No matter what happens between us, there is no way I won't at least make my trip to Nigeria to meet him, because I am the type of person that keeps my promise and I would never allow him to look like a fool by not showing up. At a minimum he is my friend and I would not wish that kind of ridicule on any friend of mine. He told me that the other day that a female family member that was younger than me, was negative about us and had already concluded that because I was older I had to be I don't know what. He told her that I looked younger than her and she said impossible. He then showed her approx. 15 pictures of me for her to say thy were a lie. Yet she stared at them (unrelated to beauty) for nearly 20 mins not realizing she had a smile on her face until he snatched the pictures out of her hand. Now all of a sudden she is excited to meet me. He says that people like her show him that others see the same thing in me that he sees and loves. So, the obstacles are not just a one sided American thing. He is experiencing his own level of negativity and comments that I am going to use and control him.

That reminds me, when my SO's friend heard about me, he said oh my goodness don't you know that they have guns there and shoot you, how can you trust her ?

Also a 40 or 50 year old American woman looks usualy so much younger than a 40 or 50 year old in my SO's country.

Due to nutritional factors, better health and all around better resources.

The life expectancy in S/L is 40 for a man.

My SO's friends said the same thing about us having guns but I believe what one said was "she will blow your F______ head off" LMAO, we joke about it now.

A couple of things I will add to the great suggestions here are:

1) Make sure your SO picks you up at the airport (I'm sure that's a no brainer for some but I do know of some who didn't do that). I would also recommend that your SO hire his own driver if he doesn't have his own transportation, to pick you up from the airport. The taxi's waiting around the airport are less than desirable and I've heard they will rip you off pretty badly.

I found that taxi's pretty much anywhere will rip you off especially if you are standing with your SO when you're trying to hail one. I think you said you will be getting a hired car though, so you will be all set.

2) We found the exchange rate from the guys hanging around the airport to be considerably better than we did later in town. In retro-spect, we wish we would have exchanged more money there.

3) He will not be able to enter the airport at all, I did know this when I went to Nigeria so I didn't freak out but I didn't going into Ghana so when I didn't see him all the way through getting my luggage, I was pretty unnerved.

This is true at the Lagos Airport. Also, don't be surprised if some of the people working there try to delay you or ask you for paperwork you don't have. This is just so you will tip them and keep it moving. I have many Nigerian friends here in the US that warned me of this and they gave me a pocketful of Naira to bring for that. Handing them $5 here and $5 there adds up to alot but $100 Naira here and there is not much at all.

4) The recommended immunizations for travel to Nigeria/Ghana are pretty expensive, this may or may not be something you have considered.

Yellow fever/malaria are very costly and if you're going to get them you should plan on doing it about a month before you go. I, however, didn't get it and I'm fine. (knock on wood)5) I found the food pretty spicey and I love spicey food. It's awesome but it is a little spicey.

6) The fresh fruit is AMAZING!

7) I recommend you send your proof of relationship (im's, emails, pics, etc) with your petition, I sent pics and proof that I traveled, hotel receipts, etc.,, but I did not send our im's, emails or phone records. This may or may not have contributed to our being put on AP. I believe the Consulate Officer's review the case before the interview and make a determination prior to the interview about the course of action. If that's true, she didn't have all of that info until the interview, my guess is she didn't want to or couldn't take the time to go thru it prior to the interview.

I believe 100% that the interviewers already know what their "verdict" is going to be before they even meet your SO. I believe they make their decision based on the evidence you submit in your initial petition for the K-1. When you file, include all important pics, and all important evidence. Don't wait til interview day. I think all they look for on interview day is things like Affidavit of Support, etc. Send all IM's. Even ones where you have arguements show that you have a real relationship. IF possible take photos with all family members, mother, father, siblings, etc. We had hotel receipts in both our names, I don't know if this helped or not, but you might want to consider it. If you use calling cards for your calls like I did, it will help if you call him directly at least once a week even if its a short conversation. While you're waiting to go, send each other cards or pics in the mail. Hope all this helps.

8) Meet the family and take pics prior to filing. I believe that's in your plan but we met in Ghana so his family was not available.

9) Address any "potential" red flags in a letter with your petition (I actually received this advise in retrospect from an immigration attorney I met here on VJ). Things such as age difference if there is one, etc., etc. (I'd leave out prior undesirable activities but I'm sure you get what I'm saying).

10) Make sure your SO is prepared for any and all questions the CO could ask from your sex life down to the color and make and model of your car. Know each other inside and out.

Good luck with your journey!

Edited August 5, 2008 by 4theloveofhenry

[Kanyiri 0]

We plan to document everything and anything that we forget or miss we will do on my next trip. We also intend to use part of the 3 month visa period to further determine the direction of our relationship.

CO's don't like to see this. The K-1 is not the visa for trying out a relationship. It is a visa for people who already know they want to get married.

[totes 0]

Many pages ago I threw in my 2cents for what it was worth. I've now just quietly read post after post after post. Each one getting more and more ugly. I can now say that as a White American woman, the wife of a Nigerian man, and the friend of a once Nigerian resident who was into scamming and then came here and even though he had 2 good jobs continued with scamming pulling in resources from Nigeria & South Africa (he's now in Federal Prison) I am just thoroughly disgusted with where this has gone. Abeg....we've shared our opinions, given our advice, now let the cards fall where they may. I personally don't even think someone should comment on Nigeria's conditions until they've actually gone and seen it for themselves. My husband lived in the very conditions that you described but he never once considered himself anything less than blessed. Sure, the jobs don't pay well (his brother has a masters degree and works for a large insurance company in Victoria Island yet only earns a few hundred a month), NEPA (the electric company) is a problem, the bathroom in his house is a toilet bowl in a cement room with a bucket of water for you to flush....I could go on and on but what for? My husband NEVER looked at these things as a problem or a reason for him to go out there and scam for money. If I called and he was in the middle of watching a movie and then "NEPA took the light", he would never complain. He'll simply say "well, I know they'll bring it back soon". IN all of our 100's of hours of talking before my going there, he never described life as bad. I never knew how bad his conditions there were until I went. But despite his level of poverty, despite the conditions of his home, despite the lack of resources in NIgeria, I never felt like we lacked anything. Even as I sit here today, I miss being there surrounded by so much family, love....people being grateful for having life. IMO, anyone in Nigeria complaining about how bad it is there, probably is trying to play on your sympathy or trying to Justify their lifestyle.

KenDC, Lovin_famo, and AkinStacey thank you for your posts.

AkinStacey, I want to say that I never said that those living in poverty whether it is in America or abroad feel less than blessed. One should always be appreciative of their current state in order to receive the blessings of more opportunities and change. A person doesn't have to pity a place or people in order to acknowledge the hardships they deal with on a day to day basis. E never complains about his life in Nigeria and I never said that. If anything, he goes out of his way to conceal any hardships he is experiencing because he doesn't want me to think he could be asking for money. I was only saying that it is easy to put someone down or jump to conclusions about why a person has done something or continues to do something in life when you have no idea what life is like for them. Until you can live in that person's shoes you shouldn't generalize.

The following is not addressed to anyone:

Just the other day E said to me again that the invitation for me to join him in Nigeria is still there he justs wants us to be together. E is also experiencing negativity on his end and comments from people about why he would want to marry someone (less than a decade) older and how long does he intend to stay married to me...etc.. He said this upsets him but it also fuels his desire to make a life with me because he truly loves me and they are unable to see pass the bad marriage intentions of others. As he shares his excitement about loving me with people around him, he said he can see and hear their doubt about us and some have even said he is making a fool out of himself but he said he is not going to let that deter him because he believes in me. No matter what happens between us, there is no way I won't at least make my trip to Nigeria to meet him, because I am the type of person that keeps my promise and I would never allow him to look like a fool by not showing up. At a minimum he is my friend and I would not wish that kind of ridicule on any friend of mine. He told me that the other day that a female family member that was younger than me, was negative about us and had already concluded that because I was older I had to be I don't know what. He told her that I looked younger than her and she said impossible. He then showed her approx. 15 pictures of me for her to say thy were a lie. Yet she stared at them (unrelated to beauty) for nearly 20 mins not realizing she had a smile on her face until he snatched the pictures out of her hand. Now all of a sudden she is excited to meet me. He says that people like her show him that others see the same thing in me that he sees and loves. So, the obstacles are not just a one sided American thing. He is experiencing his own level of negativity and comments that I am going to use and control him.

That reminds me, when my SO's friend heard about me, he said oh my goodness don't you know that they have guns there and shoot you, how can you trust her ?

Also a 40 or 50 year old American woman looks usualy so much younger than a 40 or 50 year old in my SO's country.

Due to nutritional factors, better health and all around better resources.

The life expectancy in S/L is 40 for a man.

My SO's friends said the same thing about us having guns but I believe what one said was "she will blow your F______ head off" LMAO, we joke about it now.

A couple of things I will add to the great suggestions here are:

1) Make sure your SO picks you up at the airport (I'm sure that's a no brainer for some but I do know of some who didn't do that). I would also recommend that your SO hire his own driver if he doesn't have his own transportation, to pick you up from the airport. The taxi's waiting around the airport are less than desirable and I've heard they will rip you off pretty badly.

I found that taxi's pretty much anywhere will rip you off especially if you are standing with your SO when you're trying to hail one. I think you said you will be getting a hired car though, so you will be all set.

2) We found the exchange rate from the guys hanging around the airport to be considerably better than we did later in town. In retro-spect, we wish we would have exchanged more money there.

3) He will not be able to enter the airport at all, I did know this when I went to Nigeria so I didn't freak out but I didn't going into Ghana so when I didn't see him all the way through getting my luggage, I was pretty unnerved.

This is true at the Lagos Airport. Also, don't be surprised if some of the people working there try to delay you or ask you for paperwork you don't have. This is just so you will tip them and keep it moving. I have many Nigerian friends here in the US that warned me of this and they gave me a pocketful of Naira to bring for that. Handing them $5 here and $5 there adds up to alot but $100 Naira here and there is not much at all.

4) The recommended immunizations for travel to Nigeria/Ghana are pretty expensive, this may or may not be something you have considered.

Yellow fever/malaria are very costly and if you're going to get them you should plan on doing it about a month before you go. I, however, didn't get it and I'm fine. (knock on wood)5) I found the food pretty spicey and I love spicey food. It's awesome but it is a little spicey.

6) The fresh fruit is AMAZING!

7) I recommend you send your proof of relationship (im's, emails, pics, etc) with your petition, I sent pics and proof that I traveled, hotel receipts, etc.,, but I did not send our im's, emails or phone records. This may or may not have contributed to our being put on AP. I believe the Consulate Officer's review the case before the interview and make a determination prior to the interview about the course of action. If that's true, she didn't have all of that info until the interview, my guess is she didn't want to or couldn't take the time to go thru it prior to the interview.

I believe 100% that the interviewers already know what their "verdict" is going to be before they even meet your SO. I believe they make their decision based on the evidence you submit in your initial petition for the K-1. When you file, include all important pics, and all important evidence. Don't wait til interview day. I think all they look for on interview day is things like Affidavit of Support, etc. Send all IM's. Even ones where you have arguements show that you have a real relationship. IF possible take photos with all family members, mother, father, siblings, etc. We had hotel receipts in both our names, I don't know if this helped or not, but you might want to consider it. If you use calling cards for your calls like I did, it will help if you call him directly at least once a week even if its a short conversation. While you're waiting to go, send each other cards or pics in the mail. Hope all this helps.

8) Meet the family and take pics prior to filing. I believe that's in your plan but we met in Ghana so his family was not available.

9) Address any "potential" red flags in a letter with your petition (I actually received this advise in retrospect from an immigration attorney I met here on VJ). Things such as age difference if there is one, etc., etc. (I'd leave out prior undesirable activities but I'm sure you get what I'm saying).

10) Make sure your SO is prepared for any and all questions the CO could ask from your sex life down to the color and make and model of your car. Know each other inside and out.

Good luck with your journey!

Good points Stacey! We didn't use taxi's too much, we had a friend of my SO's that drove us around. I did get stopped by security at the airport, he held me up for about 15 minutes for no reason at all, he wanted to see my baggage claim which was affixed to the back of my boarding pass, I handed it to him and he told me to wait while he dealt with about 20 other ppeople, finally I went up to him and said, "can I go?" he said "no, wait", it didn't even occur to me that he wanted money, lol. Finally I just went up to him and said can "I have my boarding pass back, I need that." He reluctantly gave it to me, I didn't tip him (yikes, guess I'm lucky he let me go, lol).

[Ta Ta 1]

We plan to document everything and anything that we forget or miss we will do on my next trip. We also intend to use part of the 3 month visa period to further determine the direction of our relationship.

CO's don't like to see this. The K-1 is not the visa for trying out a relationship. It is a visa for people who already know they want to get married.

Very true !

[K&A 0]

" YOUR WELCOME SWEET HEART... JUST TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME...ENJOY YOURSELF ON YOUR TRIP TO NIGERIA.

I'M GLAD YOUR CONSIDERING TAKING ANOTHER TRIP TO SEE YOUR "SO" AFTER YOUR FIRST TRIP TO NIGERIA. TRUST ME, IF HE WAS HERE YOU CAN GO TO VEGAS AND GET MARRIED AND DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. IT'S YOUR LIFE AND YOUR HAPPINESS IN THIS ONE LIFE TO LIVE.

BUT, UNFORTUNATELY FOR US VISA PROCESS FOLKS LIKE US...WE HAVE TO TRY AND CONVINCE SOMEONE WITH A WHOLE NEW OPINION AND MIND SET ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP IN ORDER TO BRING OUR "SO" HERE. AND YOU CAN'T BLAME THE CONSULATE THAT IS THEIR JOB. REMEMBER MY SITUATION I WAS DATING MY NOW HUSBAND FOR TWO YEARS AND A HALF AND WENT TO GHANA 3 TIMES AND STILL THE CONSULATE DENIED HIS VISA AND THANK GOD IT WAS OVER TURNED.

SO EVERY SITUATION IS DIFFERENT. THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO DATED A SHORT TIME WITH THEIR "SO" AND SAW THEIR "SO" ONLY ONCE BEFORE BEFORE FILING AND WAS APPROVED FOR THE VISA.

SO JUST STUDY ALL THE STORIES OF ALL MEMEBERS ON VJ WHO ARE FROM NIGERIA WHO HAD SUCCESSFUL OUTCOMES AND ALSO THE ONES WHO HAD CHALLENGING OUTCOMES AND SEE IF ANY OF THE STORIES CAN HELP YOU PROGRESS IN YOUR VISA PROCESS.

GOOD LUCK...I LIVE BY THIS MOTTO...."LIVE AND LET LIVE IN THIS ONE LIFE TO LIVE" COPYRIGTHEN BY MOET (ME )....

BASICALLY DO YOU, BECAUSE YOU WILL ALWAYS END UP DOING WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ANYWAYS!. KEEP IN MIND NOT EVERYBODY IS GOING TO SUPPORT YOUR DECISIONS AND WHAT YOU DO, NOR WILL YOU ALWAYS SUPPPORT OTHERS AND THEIR DECISIONS BUT THEY DO WHAT THEY WANT. ONLY YOU CAN LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES AND HARSHIPS...IF YOU DO IT ENOUGH YOU WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT TIME AND YOU WILL LEARN FROM IT. OR YOU CAN LOOK AT OTHERS AND GAIN KNOWLEDGE FROM THEM AS WELL. JUST "LIVE AND LET LIVE IN THIS ONE LIFE TO LIVE!"

IMNOP YOUR ORIGINAL QUESTION WAS WHAT ROUTE YOU SHOULD TAKE TO GET YOUR LOVED ONE HERE.

SO AS WE ALL HAVE ALREADY AGREEDED THE BEST ROUTE IS K-1 VISA. BUT KEEP IN MIND YOU CHOOSE THE K-1 VISA ROUTE WHICH IS FASTER, DOES NOT MEAN YOU WILL DEFINATELY GET THE VISA ALL THE TIME.

NIGERIA WE ALL KNOW AS WELL AS THE OTHER HIGH FRAUD COUNTRIES THAT THE CONSULATES ARE MORE BRUTAL AND SCRUTINIZE MORE INTO THE PETITION THEN OTHERWISE NON-HIGH FRAUD COUNTRIES. SO YOU WANT YOUR K-1 VISA TO BE SUCCESSFUL THEN DO NOT MAKE CERTAIN MISTAKES NOW.

THE RED FLAGS I SEE FROM YOUR POSTING

1. RE-FORMED SCAMMER: THAT IS WHAT HE USED TO DO BEFORE AND HAS NOW CHANGED AND YOU HAVE ALREADY HAD HIM CHECKED AND INVESTIGATED...THAT IS GREAT BUT IF I WERE YOU, IT WILL ALWAYS BE IN THE BACK OF MY MIND.

2. LENGHT OF TIME OF VISIT TO NIGERIA: THE CONSULATE WILL SEE YOU MEET YOUR "SO" IN MAY 2008, YOU GO TO NIGERIA FOR ONLY "ONE WEEK" A FEW MONTHS LATER AND FILE FOR K-1 RIGHT AFTER. THE CONSULATE MAY NOT BELIEVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP BASED ON THE LENGHT OF TIME YOU MET YOUR "SO" AND HOW LONG YOU STAYED IN NIGERIA BEFORE FILING. YOU MAY EITHER STAY LONGER ON YOUR VISIT OR VISIT ONE MORE TIME BEFORE FILING.

3. AGE DIFFERENCE AND FINANCIAL STANDING: THIS MAY NOT BE AN ISSUE TO THE CONSULATE, AND IT SHOULDN'T MATTER IN THE ARENA OF LOVE. BUT, UNFORTUNATELY IN YOUR CASE, YOU ARE APPLYING FOR A VISA AND THE CONSULATE DOES NOT KNOW YOU AND YOUR "SO" PERSONALLY, THEY ARE ONLY GOING BY WHAT IS ON PAPER AND ON PAPER WITH THE LENGHT OF TIME OF VISIITATION IN A HIGH FRAUD COUNTRY THE CONSULATE MAY RED FLAG IT.

4. MOTIVE: IF YOUR INTENTION TO BRING HIM HERE IS SO THAT YOU WILL NOT HAVE TO ENDURE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM THEN RE-THINK ABOUT THIS K-1 VISA. IF YOUR INTENTION OF BRINGING HIM HERE IS BECAUSE YOU AND HIM WITHIN THIS BRIEF TIME AND YOUR ONE WEEK TRIP TO NIGERIA IS ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED THEN GO FOR THE K-1 ROUTE BUT, JUST SO YOU DO NOT GET PUT ON AP, OR THE CONSULATE DOES NOT BELIEVE IN THE VALIDITY OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP DURING THE INTERVIEW...I WOULD SAY CORRECT THE RED FLAGS.

THE BIGGEST RED FLAG IS THE LENGHT OF TIME OF DATING AND THE LENGHT OF TIME OF YOUR VISIT TO NIGERIA. YOU CAN MEET SOMEONE TODAY AND KNOW YOU WANT TO MARRY THAT PERSON TOMORROW AND YOU CAN DO THAT IF YOUR MAN WAS ALREADY HERE IN AMERICA WITH YOU.....BUT THE FACT REMAINS...HE IS NOT AND YOU ARE APPEALING FOR A VISA IN ORDER TO GET HIM HERE...THE LAST THING YOU WANT TO DO IS RUSH AND THEN GET ALL THE EXTRA FRUSTRATIONS THAT COMES ON BEING PUT ON AP, OR THE CONSULATE SENDING YOUR CASE BACK TO NVC FOR FUTHER INVESTIGATIONS BECAUSE THEY DO NOT BELIEVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

REMEMBER THE CONSULATE JOB BESIDES GRANT VISAS IS ALSO TO JUDGE BASED ON THEIR ON OPINION IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS GENUINE. OF COURSE THE CONSULATE WILL NOT KNOW UNLESS YOU TELL HIM OR HER THAT YOUR FIANCE WAS AN EX-SCAMMER, "I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU STATED THAT INFORMATION IN YOUR FIRST POSTING" BUT, IF YOU BELIVE HE IS NOT ANYMORE THAT IS GOOD BUT THAT SHOULD MAKE YOU SLOWER TO DO LIFE CHANGING EVENTS LIKE MARRIAGE. I WOULD DATE LONGER AND SEE IF HE WILL CRACK OR PRESSURE ME TO ENGAGE TO HIM TO COME HERE...BUT, HEY NOTHING IN LIFE IS GURANTEED RIGHT...PEOPLE GET DIVORCED ALL THE TIME NO MATTER HOW LONG THEY WERE DATING...

BUT, THIS VISA PROCESS THE EMOTIONAL DAMAGE IS MORE WHEN IT ENDS IN DIVORCE BECAUSE YOU WENT THROUGH ALL THIS PROCESS TO BRING THIS PERSON HERE AND IF IT DIDN'T WORK OUT, YOU DONT WANT TO REGRET IT...OF COURSE ALL ON VJ ARE STILL TAKING A RISK AND WE ARE ALL WILLING TO TAKE IT. BUT, JUST THINK OF THE REASON WHY YOU ARE REALLY GOING THE K-1 ROUTE IS IT TO AVOID LONG DISTANCE DATING OR ARE YOU READY TO MARRY YOUR "SO" AND LET THAT GUIDE YOU.

K&A & Asante,

Thank you very much for your advice. This kind of guidance was exactly what I was hoping to receive.

As I said before, I had found outdated information on these 2 types of visas but any information I found was more than 5 years old and often times not helpful for highly scrutinzed countries like Nigeria. I also read the guide and even though it helped me understand the process I think that it may be helpful to include more information for more highly scrutinized countries.

We have discussed our situation and I have informed E that the best route for us to go is the K1. Some of the reasons why I would want to avoid a lenghty process is #1 time, frustration & the potential results of that on how we treat each other during the wait, my decisions regarding having kids, that for me life is too short to confine myself to a telephone, internet, bi-yearly meetups relationship. Not to mention the financial costs. I would prefer to have someone to share my life with or not be in a relationship. I love E and want to have a life with him but I don't want to commit my life to the visa process. We could always remain close friends. E has expressed that he doesn't mind waiting and he is not pressuring me. We are equally interested in being together.

Right now we are presently planning our formal engagement details and party with the help of supportive family & friends in both countries. I told him we have been advised to delay filing our petition and that I will try to make another trip before filing even though the length of time will probably be the same. He is okay with that & said that we will just focus on our first trip for now, see how I FEEL about things when I visit and plan from there. We don't want all this visa stuff to cloud our enjoyment while I am visiting.

We plan to document everything and anything that we forget or miss we will do on my next trip. We also intend to use part of the 3 month visa period to further determine the direction of our relationship.

K&A, I just want to say that your post was right on point and maybe it should be added to the guide. You set out in numbered detail my options and potential pitfalls for a highly scrutinized country. You even addressed the s.c.a.m. issue in a tasteful, non-judgmental forward thinking way. I know that what you said will ultimately be helpful to others because THERE WILL BE others in the future that will visit visajourney with a beginning similar to mine. Thank you for your time. Really!

Asante, you already know how I feel about you sis Thanks you are truly a sweetheart.

Edited August 5, 2008 by K&A

[idocare 3]

bump

[longdistancelove 0]

I thought the point of the 3 month grace period was to make sure the petitioner and beneficiary were certain of their relationship. If not why not make it a one month time frame to get married upon arrival? I guess one would need 3 months to plan a wedding.