Please Help!! Confused and Don't Know Where to Begin...

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

Many pages ago I threw in my 2cents for what it was worth. I've now just quietly read post after post after post. Each one getting more and more ugly. I can now say that as a White American woman, the wife of a Nigerian man, and the friend of a once Nigerian resident who was into scamming and then came here and even though he had 2 good jobs continued with scamming pulling in resources from Nigeria & South Africa (he's now in Federal Prison) I am just thoroughly disgusted with where this has gone. Abeg....we've shared our opinions, given our advice, now let the cards fall where they may. I personally don't even think someone should comment on Nigeria's conditions until they've actually gone and seen it for themselves. My husband lived in the very conditions that you described but he never once considered himself anything less than blessed. Sure, the jobs don't pay well (his brother has a masters degree and works for a large insurance company in Victoria Island yet only earns a few hundred a month), NEPA (the electric company) is a problem, the bathroom in his house is a toilet bowl in a cement room with a bucket of water for you to flush....I could go on and on but what for? My husband NEVER looked at these things as a problem or a reason for him to go out there and scam for money. If I called and he was in the middle of watching a movie and then "NEPA took the light", he would never complain. He'll simply say "well, I know they'll bring it back soon". IN all of our 100's of hours of talking before my going there, he never described life as bad. I never knew how bad his conditions there were until I went. But despite his level of poverty, despite the conditions of his home, despite the lack of resources in NIgeria, I never felt like we lacked anything. Even as I sit here today, I miss being there surrounded by so much family, love....people being grateful for having life. IMO, anyone in Nigeria complaining about how bad it is there, probably is trying to play on your sympathy or trying to Justify their lifestyle.

[lovin_famo 0]

Hi Imnop, Lois!

I would like to start by saying, that I hope that your journey is all that you wish and pray for discernment for you and myself during this trying time.

One thing i have learned in my short time here is that, most do not have your best interest at heart, they post in order to be politically correct, to allow themselves to be seen as a saving grace to some newbie who does not have a clue. I also notice that they usually start their post in the same manner, "I do not wish to be negative" or, "I hope this does not rub you the wrong way", any way those with truly good intentions say what they have to say and keep it moving.

If we were to be brutally honest, we would have to admit to having the same fears, worries, concerns about our SOs. No one hear knows anything about the other except for the information we choose to disclose, which may or not be the truth, save for the visa timelines. So how is it that we can be experts on anothers situation, what happened in your case may not be the same for another. not to say that advice should not be given, but, "There is... a time for every purpose under heaven...a time to keep silence and a time to speak" (Ecclesiastes 3:1,7). The problem is sometimes as humans we don't know when to do either and most importantly, how to do it in love.

Just want to thank some ladies here, on VJ, who have sent PM's, provided straight and to the point advice, without being judgemental, i will post to my timeline accordingly, but no more open discussions for me, lastly, Imnop,lLois, God is a caring God, His mercy is everlasting, I truly believe that, be safe and be blessed!

Dana

[KenDC 0]

Many pages ago I threw in my 2cents for what it was worth. I've now just quietly read post after post after post. Each one getting more and more ugly. I can now say that as a White American woman, the wife of a Nigerian man, and the friend of a once Nigerian resident who was into scamming and then came here and even though he had 2 good jobs continued with scamming pulling in resources from Nigeria & South Africa (he's now in Federal Prison) I am just thoroughly disgusted with where this has gone. Abeg....we've shared our opinions, given our advice, now let the cards fall where they may. I personally don't even think someone should comment on Nigeria's conditions until they've actually gone and seen it for themselves. My husband lived in the very conditions that you described but he never once considered himself anything less than blessed. Sure, the jobs don't pay well (his brother has a masters degree and works for a large insurance company in Victoria Island yet only earns a few hundred a month), NEPA (the electric company) is a problem, the bathroom in his house is a toilet bowl in a cement room with a bucket of water for you to flush....I could go on and on but what for? My husband NEVER looked at these things as a problem or a reason for him to go out there and scam for money. If I called and he was in the middle of watching a movie and then "NEPA took the light", he would never complain. He'll simply say "well, I know they'll bring it back soon". IN all of our 100's of hours of talking before my going there, he never described life as bad. I never knew how bad his conditions there were until I went. But despite his level of poverty, despite the conditions of his home, despite the lack of resources in NIgeria, I never felt like we lacked anything. Even as I sit here today, I miss being there surrounded by so much family, love....people being grateful for having life. IMO, anyone in Nigeria complaining about how bad it is there, probably is trying to play on your sympathy or trying to Justify their lifestyle.

I, like Akinstacey, have quietly followed this thread. I am a man so have a different take but the original intent was what she should do. My main concern was to make sure she meets the requirements, gets to and remains safe in Nigeria and comes back with proper evidence and insight to file. All the other stuff, is between her and her significant other. I don't think anybody in this day and age doesn't know about 419 and scamming. She is going in with her eyes wide open. If she becomes a statistic, so be it. Most of us knew of the risks and decided to do it anyway.

The thing I love about Nigeria is that despite the poverty, corruption and all other things that make Nigeria, Nigeria, the majority of people are warm, friendly and happy. The family ties (family is an understatement) that include immediate, extended, village and tribe is something I don't think you will ever find in America. The power to find a way despite all the obstacles is what makes Nigerians, Nigerians. Yes, some are bad. But it is up to her to make that decision. I always say to my Mom, when I need to get well, I take a trip to Nigeria. The love you get and what I call the no stress zone for a few weeks is priceless. After a while you realize you don't need electricity, running water and other "essentials" that we take for granted here.

All I will say is if you need any advise on navigating Nigeria (especially Lagos or the east), send a PM. Otherwise, I wish you the best and enjoy your trip. Many are here to help so utilize those and then hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

[LovinLiberia 0]

I, like Akinstacey, have quietly followed this thread. I am a man so have a different take but the original intent was what she should do. My main concern was to make sure she meets the requirements, gets to and remains safe in Nigeria and comes back with proper evidence and insight to file. All the other stuff, is between her and her significant other. I don't think anybody in this day and age doesn't know about 419 and scamming. She is going in with her eyes wide open. If she becomes a statistic, so be it. Most of us knew of the risks and decided to do it anyway.

The thing I love about Nigeria is that despite the poverty, corruption and all other things that make Nigeria, Nigeria, the majority of people are warm, friendly and happy. The family ties (family is an understatement) that include immediate, extended, village and tribe is something I don't think you will ever find in America. The power to find a way despite all the obstacles is what makes Nigerians, Nigerians. Yes, some are bad. But it is up to her to make that decision. I always say to my Mom, when I need to get well, I take a trip to Nigeria. The love you get and what I call the no stress zone for a few weeks is priceless. After a while you realize you don't need electricity, running water and other "essentials" that we take for granted here.

All I will say is if you need any advise on navigating Nigeria (especially Lagos or the east), send a PM. Otherwise, I wish you the best and enjoy your trip. Many are here to help so utilize those and then hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

Beautiful post. Your 2nd paragraph sums up the whole reason I chose the name LovinLiberia. A lot of people look for beauty in the sights and scenery when the true beauty lies in the people and the spirit. Although a majority of the people in third world countries are poor, they are still happy and make the best out of their situations. The situation they find themselves in is a way of life and most people that I have met on my travels are content with their lives. In fact, there are many who don't dream of coming to America because they would rather be home in familiar surroundings with their family. A lot of times, people feel a sense of pity for those in Nigeria, Ghana, Ethiopia, etc., but for the most part, these people have been surviving before you and they will still survive after you. People in third world countries are stronger and more resilient than those of us in developed countries.

Another thing people forget is that yes, the job may pay a few hundred dollars (or less), but the cost of living there is much lower. In Liberia, there are no electricity and water bills, you don't have house insurance and day care payments to worry about. You can live off of a dollar a day and that dollar will include 2-3 rice meals and 20 cents worth of taxi fares. I know this doesn't necessarily add to the original topic, but I had to give a response to KenDC and Akinstacey.

[lmnop123 0]

Many pages ago I threw in my 2cents for what it was worth. I've now just quietly read post after post after post. Each one getting more and more ugly. I can now say that as a White American woman, the wife of a Nigerian man, and the friend of a once Nigerian resident who was into scamming and then came here and even though he had 2 good jobs continued with scamming pulling in resources from Nigeria & South Africa (he's now in Federal Prison) I am just thoroughly disgusted with where this has gone. Abeg....we've shared our opinions, given our advice, now let the cards fall where they may. I personally don't even think someone should comment on Nigeria's conditions until they've actually gone and seen it for themselves. My husband lived in the very conditions that you described but he never once considered himself anything less than blessed. Sure, the jobs don't pay well (his brother has a masters degree and works for a large insurance company in Victoria Island yet only earns a few hundred a month), NEPA (the electric company) is a problem, the bathroom in his house is a toilet bowl in a cement room with a bucket of water for you to flush....I could go on and on but what for? My husband NEVER looked at these things as a problem or a reason for him to go out there and scam for money. If I called and he was in the middle of watching a movie and then "NEPA took the light", he would never complain. He'll simply say "well, I know they'll bring it back soon". IN all of our 100's of hours of talking before my going there, he never described life as bad. I never knew how bad his conditions there were until I went. But despite his level of poverty, despite the conditions of his home, despite the lack of resources in NIgeria, I never felt like we lacked anything. Even as I sit here today, I miss being there surrounded by so much family, love....people being grateful for having life. IMO, anyone in Nigeria complaining about how bad it is there, probably is trying to play on your sympathy or trying to Justify their lifestyle.

KenDC, Lovin_famo, and AkinStacey thank you for your posts.

AkinStacey, I want to say that I never said that those living in poverty whether it is in America or abroad feel less than blessed. One should always be appreciative of their current state in order to receive the blessings of more opportunities and change. A person doesn't have to pity a place or people in order to acknowledge the hardships they deal with on a day to day basis. E never complains about his life in Nigeria and I never said that. If anything, he goes out of his way to conceal any hardships he is experiencing because he doesn't want me to think he could be asking for money. I was only saying that it is easy to put someone down or jump to conclusions about why a person has done something or continues to do something in life when you have no idea what life is like for them. Until you can live in that person's shoes you shouldn't generalize.

The following is not addressed to anyone:

Just the other day E said to me again that the invitation for me to join him in Nigeria is still there he justs wants us to be together. E is also experiencing negativity on his end and comments from people about why he would want to marry someone (less than a decade) older and how long does he intend to stay married to me...etc.. He said this upsets him but it also fuels his desire to make a life with me because he truly loves me and they are unable to see pass the bad marriage intentions of others. As he shares his excitement about loving me with people around him, he said he can see and hear their doubt about us and some have even said he is making a fool out of himself but he said he is not going to let that deter him because he believes in me. No matter what happens between us, there is no way I won't at least make my trip to Nigeria to meet him, because I am the type of person that keeps my promise and I would never allow him to look like a fool by not showing up. At a minimum he is my friend and I would not wish that kind of ridicule on any friend of mine. He told me that the other day that a female family member that was younger than me, was negative about us and had already concluded that because I was older I had to be I don't know what. He told her that I looked younger than her and she said impossible. He then showed her approx. 15 pictures of me for her to say thy were a lie. Yet she stared at them (unrelated to beauty) for nearly 20 mins not realizing she had a smile on her face until he snatched the pictures out of her hand. Now all of a sudden she is excited to meet me. He says that people like her show him that others see the same thing in me that he sees and loves. So, the obstacles are not just a one sided American thing. He is experiencing his own level of negativity and comments that I am going to use and control him.

Edited August 4, 2008 by lmnop123

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

Beautiful post. Your 2nd paragraph sums up the whole reason I chose the name LovinLiberia. A lot of people look for beauty in the sights and scenery when the true beauty lies in the people and the spirit. Although a majority of the people in third world countries are poor, they are still happy and make the best out of their situations. The situation they find themselves in is a way of life and most people that I have met on my travels are content with their lives. In fact, there are many who don't dream of coming to America because they would rather be home in familiar surroundings with their family. A lot of times, people feel a sense of pity for those in Nigeria, Ghana, Ethiopia, etc., but for the most part, these people have been surviving before you and they will still survive after you. People in third world countries are stronger and more resilient than those of us in developed countries.

Another thing people forget is that yes, the job may pay a few hundred dollars (or less), but the cost of living there is much lower. In Liberia, there are no electricity and water bills, you don't have house insurance and day care payments to worry about. You can live off of a dollar a day and that dollar will include 2-3 rice meals and 20 cents worth of taxi fares. I know this doesn't necessarily add to the original topic, but I had to give a response to KenDC and Akinstacey.

LL,

That is so true. In fact, my husband is still shocked everytime he goes to get his hair cut and has to pay $17 plus tip. In Nigeria a haircut is 100 Naira. This is less than a dollar. And what I pay for my apartment in rent for 2 months can pay for 2 years in Nigeria. (sorry, added to your "off-topic) lol

[LovinLiberia 0]

The following is not addressed to anyone:

Just the other day E said to me again that the invitation for me to join him in Nigeria is still there he justs wants us to be together. E is also experiencing negativity on his end and comments from people about why he would want to marry someone (less than a decade) older and how long does he intend to stay married to me...etc.. He said this upsets him but it also fuels his desire to make a life with me because he truly loves me and they are unable to see pass the bad marriage intentions of others. As he shares his excitement about loving me with people around him, he said he can see and hear their doubt about us and some have even said he is making a fool out of himself but he said he is not going to let that deter him because he believes in me. No matter what happens between us, there is no way I won't at least make my trip to Nigeria to meet him, because I am the type of person that keeps my promise and I would never allow him to look like a fool by not showing up. At a minimum he is my friend and I would not wish that kind of ridicule on any friend of mine. He told me that the other day that a female family member that was younger than me, was negative about us and had already concluded that because I was older I had to be I don't know what. He told her that I looked younger than her and she said impossible. He then showed her approx. 15 pictures of me for her to say thy were a lie. Yet she stared at them (unrelated to beauty) for nearly 20 mins not realizing she had a smile on her face until he snatched the pictures out of her hand. Now all of a sudden she is excited to meet me. He says that people like her show him that others see the same thing in me that he sees and loves. So, the obstacles are not just a one sided American thing. He is experiencing his own level of negativity and comments that I am going to use and control him.

Thanks for sharing that. That is tue that we aren't the only ones facing negativity about our relationships. They are experiencing it from others in their country. Jealousy and hatred don't only exist on the message boards, but also in our family & friend circles. In the end, no one's opinion really matters except the two people who are in love.

[Ta Ta 1]

I believe the OP has been very respectful with each response. Though some disagree with her thoughts, why determine that she should stop responding when everyone else does ?

It is her thread, if she wants to take it in a different direction then she has the choice to do so, one can not derail one's own thread and be chastised for it. It takes two to Tango.

I find her rebuttal style intelligent and refreshing, she has not attacked anyone nor is she dramatizing anything or instigating, just keeps voicing her perspective and in my opinion she can respond and keep it going as long as other posters continue to read and feel compelled to give their opinions.

I don't see the need for someone other than her to " have the last word ". As I said it is her thread as the OP. She has not violated any TOS and is

very respectful. What is the problem ?

I take issue with the personal attacks and disrespect from some other posters towards her.

Poverty here or there affects everyone differently. Everyone copes differently with the dynamics of circumstances life brings to each and every one of us. Some see the glass half full, some half empty.

Some want out of 3. world countries, some don't.

That does not make one right and another a questionable human being.

In summary it is her and her SO's choice how they want to conduct their life. Her assessment and evaluation of her situation is hers alone and she is capable. She does not need saving from doom from anyone nor should she be silenced in her own thread in which she has shown tolerance,

faith, empathy and an open mind in regards to opinions offered.

Geez

[Ta Ta 1]

Many pages ago I threw in my 2cents for what it was worth. I've now just quietly read post after post after post. Each one getting more and more ugly. I can now say that as a White American woman, the wife of a Nigerian man, and the friend of a once Nigerian resident who was into scamming and then came here and even though he had 2 good jobs continued with scamming pulling in resources from Nigeria & South Africa (he's now in Federal Prison) I am just thoroughly disgusted with where this has gone. Abeg....we've shared our opinions, given our advice, now let the cards fall where they may. I personally don't even think someone should comment on Nigeria's conditions until they've actually gone and seen it for themselves. My husband lived in the very conditions that you described but he never once considered himself anything less than blessed. Sure, the jobs don't pay well (his brother has a masters degree and works for a large insurance company in Victoria Island yet only earns a few hundred a month), NEPA (the electric company) is a problem, the bathroom in his house is a toilet bowl in a cement room with a bucket of water for you to flush....I could go on and on but what for? My husband NEVER looked at these things as a problem or a reason for him to go out there and scam for money. If I called and he was in the middle of watching a movie and then "NEPA took the light", he would never complain. He'll simply say "well, I know they'll bring it back soon". IN all of our 100's of hours of talking before my going there, he never described life as bad. I never knew how bad his conditions there were until I went. But despite his level of poverty, despite the conditions of his home, despite the lack of resources in NIgeria, I never felt like we lacked anything. Even as I sit here today, I miss being there surrounded by so much family, love....people being grateful for having life. IMO, anyone in Nigeria complaining about how bad it is there, probably is trying to play on your sympathy or trying to Justify their lifestyle.

KenDC, Lovin_famo, and AkinStacey thank you for your posts.

AkinStacey, I want to say that I never said that those living in poverty whether it is in America or abroad feel less than blessed. One should always be appreciative of their current state in order to receive the blessings of more opportunities and change. A person doesn't have to pity a place or people in order to acknowledge the hardships they deal with on a day to day basis. E never complains about his life in Nigeria and I never said that. If anything, he goes out of his way to conceal any hardships he is experiencing because he doesn't want me to think he could be asking for money. I was only saying that it is easy to put someone down or jump to conclusions about why a person has done something or continues to do something in life when you have no idea what life is like for them. Until you can live in that person's shoes you shouldn't generalize.

The following is not addressed to anyone:

Just the other day E said to me again that the invitation for me to join him in Nigeria is still there he justs wants us to be together. E is also experiencing negativity on his end and comments from people about why he would want to marry someone (less than a decade) older and how long does he intend to stay married to me...etc.. He said this upsets him but it also fuels his desire to make a life with me because he truly loves me and they are unable to see pass the bad marriage intentions of others. As he shares his excitement about loving me with people around him, he said he can see and hear their doubt about us and some have even said he is making a fool out of himself but he said he is not going to let that deter him because he believes in me. No matter what happens between us, there is no way I won't at least make my trip to Nigeria to meet him, because I am the type of person that keeps my promise and I would never allow him to look like a fool by not showing up. At a minimum he is my friend and I would not wish that kind of ridicule on any friend of mine. He told me that the other day that a female family member that was younger than me, was negative about us and had already concluded that because I was older I had to be I don't know what. He told her that I looked younger than her and she said impossible. He then showed her approx. 15 pictures of me for her to say thy were a lie. Yet she stared at them (unrelated to beauty) for nearly 20 mins not realizing she had a smile on her face until he snatched the pictures out of her hand. Now all of a sudden she is excited to meet me. He says that people like her show him that others see the same thing in me that he sees and loves. So, the obstacles are not just a one sided American thing. He is experiencing his own level of negativity and comments that I am going to use and control him.

That reminds me, when my SO's friend heard about me, he said oh my goodness don't you know that they have guns there and shoot you, how can you trust her ?

Also a 40 or 50 year old American woman looks usualy so much younger than a 40 or 50 year old in my SO's country.

Due to nutritional factors, better health and all around better resources.

The life expectancy in S/L is 40 for a man.

[stevi1123 0]

There is something about this entire post that has rubbed me the wrong way from the very beginning. Please refer to my first (and only) post (#4).

Although there have been many insightful and thought-provoking words of advice and guidance, this entire post screams "flame bait" to me.

I will repeat what I wrote when this all began: What advice do you really need, OP? You seem to have all of the answers already.

The guides at the top of the page could have answered your original questions concerning K1 or K3.

Ultimately, your answers are going to come from your own trials/errors, because you have already made up your mind to do what you want to do anyway.

You have repeatedly stated that you want to close this discussion, yet you continue to re-ignite it.

Having been to Nigeria a couple of times, and both for extended periods of time, I can attest to the fact that you really have to go there to truly be able to understand and appreciate it all - The people, the culture, the customs, the good, the bad, the ugly and the BEAUTIFUL.

The full scope and the dynamics are that which cannot really be put into words. It is a unique and wonderful experience that cannot be forgotten. The people are strong and proud, and one phrase you will hear constantly is "YOU ARE WELCOME."

So, I 'welcome' you find what you are seeking by experiencing it first-hand.

In the meantime, if you want to truly close this discussion - contact the moderator and have it done "officially."

God be with you.

Edited August 4, 2008 by stevi1123

[Asante Maroon 0]

Can we please just give the OP insight on the K1 process. I think the more pressing issue is the length of time the OP is spending in Nigeria versus the length of her relationship with her SO.

Lets give her advice as she would need to have a successful visa approval and leave out info that has been repeated over and over and over and over again, which the OP herself has asked NOT to get into...regardless of her giving up too much of her personal business.

So with that being said...

lmnop,

If you are unable to stay in Nigeria for a longer period of time, consider making a second trip and if that is not feasible... extend the time in which you will file the K-1. I am suggesting this to you because the length of your relationship (too short possibly in the eyes of immigration) will certainly raise a red flag especially in a country who is considered to be high risk for fraud.

You do not want to go through this process too soon only to end up on AP...

I am running out so I cannot get into depth as I would like to make myself more clear. If anyone else can add an expand on my thoughts, I would really appreciate it. Especially those who have experience with being on AP. Other suggestions on proving a true relationship will also be helpful.

Have a wonderful day everyone

Edited August 4, 2008 by Asante Maroon

[BESANGIN 0]

LOL!!!!

[Ta Ta 1]

Can we please just give the OP insight on the K1 process. I think the more pressing issue is the length of time the OP is spending in Nigeria versus the length of her relationship with her SO.

Lets give her advice as she would need to have a successful visa approval and leave out info that has been repeated over and over and over and over again, which the OP herself has asked NOT to get into...regardless of her giving up too much of her personal business.

So with that being said...

lmnop,

If you are unable to stay in Nigeria for a longer period of time, consider making a second trip and if that is not feasible... extend the time in which you will file the K-1. I am suggesting this to you because the length of your relationship (too short possibly in the eyes of immigration) will certainly raise a red flag especially in a country who is considered to be high risk for fraud.

You do not want to go through this process too soon only to end up on AP...

I am running out so I cannot get into depth as I would like to make myself more clear. If anyone else can add an expand on my thoughts, I would really appreciate it. Especially those who have experience with being on AP. Other suggestions on proving a true relationship will also be helpful.

Have a wonderful day everyone

I do agree that the time length issues are the main factor and that it will more than likely bring on AP and stated that earlier.

[K&A 0]

IMNOP YOUR ORIGINAL QUESTION WAS WHAT ROUTE YOU SHOULD TAKE TO GET YOUR LOVED ONE HERE.

SO AS WE ALL HAVE ALREADY AGREEDED THE BEST ROUTE IS K-1 VISA. BUT KEEP IN MIND YOU CHOOSE THE K-1 VISA ROUTE WHICH IS FASTER, DOES NOT MEAN YOU WILL DEFINATELY GET THE VISA ALL THE TIME.

NIGERIA WE ALL KNOW AS WELL AS THE OTHER HIGH FRAUD COUNTRIES THAT THE CONSULATES ARE MORE BRUTAL AND SCRUTINIZE MORE INTO THE PETITION THEN OTHERWISE NON-HIGH FRAUD COUNTRIES. SO YOU WANT YOUR K-1 VISA TO BE SUCCESSFUL THEN DO NOT MAKE CERTAIN MISTAKES NOW.

THE RED FLAGS I SEE FROM YOUR POSTING

1. RE-FORMED SCAMMER: THAT IS WHAT HE USED TO DO BEFORE AND HAS NOW CHANGED AND YOU HAVE ALREADY HAD HIM CHECKED AND INVESTIGATED...THAT IS GREAT BUT IF I WERE YOU, IT WILL ALWAYS BE IN THE BACK OF MY MIND.

2. LENGHT OF TIME OF VISIT TO NIGERIA: THE CONSULATE WILL SEE YOU MEET YOUR "SO" IN MAY 2008, YOU GO TO NIGERIA FOR ONLY "ONE WEEK" A FEW MONTHS LATER AND FILE FOR K-1 RIGHT AFTER. THE CONSULATE MAY NOT BELIEVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP BASED ON THE LENGHT OF TIME YOU MET YOUR "SO" AND HOW LONG YOU STAYED IN NIGERIA BEFORE FILING. YOU MAY EITHER STAY LONGER ON YOUR VISIT OR VISIT ONE MORE TIME BEFORE FILING.

3. AGE DIFFERENCE AND FINANCIAL STANDING: THIS MAY NOT BE AN ISSUE TO THE CONSULATE, AND IT SHOULDN'T MATTER IN THE ARENA OF LOVE. BUT, UNFORTUNATELY IN YOUR CASE, YOU ARE APPLYING FOR A VISA AND THE CONSULATE DOES NOT KNOW YOU AND YOUR "SO" PERSONALLY, THEY ARE ONLY GOING BY WHAT IS ON PAPER AND ON PAPER WITH THE LENGHT OF TIME OF VISIITATION IN A HIGH FRAUD COUNTRY THE CONSULATE MAY RED FLAG IT.

4. MOTIVE: IF YOUR INTENTION TO BRING HIM HERE IS SO THAT YOU WILL NOT HAVE TO ENDURE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM THEN RE-THINK ABOUT THIS K-1 VISA. IF YOUR INTENTION OF BRINGING HIM HERE IS BECAUSE YOU AND HIM WITHIN THIS BRIEF TIME AND YOUR ONE WEEK TRIP TO NIGERIA IS ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED THEN GO FOR THE K-1 ROUTE BUT, JUST SO YOU DO NOT GET PUT ON AP, OR THE CONSULATE DOES NOT BELIEVE IN THE VALIDITY OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP DURING THE INTERVIEW...I WOULD SAY CORRECT THE RED FLAGS.

THE BIGGEST RED FLAG IS THE LENGHT OF TIME OF DATING AND THE LENGHT OF TIME OF YOUR VISIT TO NIGERIA. YOU CAN MEET SOMEONE TODAY AND KNOW YOU WANT TO MARRY THAT PERSON TOMORROW AND YOU CAN DO THAT IF YOUR MAN WAS ALREADY HERE IN AMERICA WITH YOU.....BUT THE FACT REMAINS...HE IS NOT AND YOU ARE APPEALING FOR A VISA IN ORDER TO GET HIM HERE...THE LAST THING YOU WANT TO DO IS RUSH AND THEN GET ALL THE EXTRA FRUSTRATIONS THAT COMES ON BEING PUT ON AP, OR THE CONSULATE SENDING YOUR CASE BACK TO NVC FOR FUTHER INVESTIGATIONS BECAUSE THEY DO NOT BELIEVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

REMEMBER THE CONSULATE JOB BESIDES GRANT VISAS IS ALSO TO JUDGE BASED ON THEIR ON OPINION IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS GENUINE. OF COURSE THE CONSULATE WILL NOT KNOW UNLESS YOU TELL HIM OR HER THAT YOUR FIANCE WAS AN EX-SCAMMER, "I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU STATED THAT INFORMATION IN YOUR FIRST POSTING" BUT, IF YOU BELIVE HE IS NOT ANYMORE THAT IS GOOD BUT THAT SHOULD MAKE YOU SLOWER TO DO LIFE CHANGING EVENTS LIKE MARRIAGE. I WOULD DATE LONGER AND SEE IF HE WILL CRACK OR PRESSURE ME TO ENGAGE TO HIM TO COME HERE...BUT, HEY NOTHING IN LIFE IS GURANTEED RIGHT...PEOPLE GET DIVORCED ALL THE TIME NO MATTER HOW LONG THEY WERE DATING...

BUT, THIS VISA PROCESS THE EMOTIONAL DAMAGE IS MORE WHEN IT ENDS IN DIVORCE BECAUSE YOU WENT THROUGH ALL THIS PROCESS TO BRING THIS PERSON HERE AND IF IT DIDN'T WORK OUT, YOU DONT WANT TO REGRET IT...OF COURSE ALL ON VJ ARE STILL TAKING A RISK AND WE ARE ALL WILLING TO TAKE IT. BUT, JUST THINK OF THE REASON WHY YOU ARE REALLY GOING THE K-1 ROUTE IS IT TO AVOID LONG DISTANCE DATING OR ARE YOU READY TO MARRY YOUR "SO" AND LET THAT GUIDE YOU.

[4theloveofhenry 8]

I think the OP said she was not going to Naija until Dec or January, I may be wrong but if that is the case that will give her a little more time to correspond with him and some added time for when she finally files for his visa. In other words by the time she files it will not seem as if the relationship is too short to USCIS wich could raise a red flag. I dont know how much of a red flag it will raise though becuase my first husband and I only knew each other for 2 months before we got married and we had no problems going through USCIS, but on the other hand he was already living in the States and we used a lawyer.

To LMNOP,

With that said I think K&A made a good point when she advised you on the the diffrences in K1-K3. They were very valid and thought provoking points. Once your SO arrives in the States you will only have 3 months to date, plan a wedding, and get married. If you want time to get to know your SO but dont want the issue of a LTR then you could plan visits with him throughout the year. That way is more expensive but it wouldnt rush you into a marriage either. Take care.