Please Help!! Confused and Don't Know Where to Begin...

[Lois 0]

I don't know if it is something in what I wrote or what but I am not desperate to be with E or any man for that matter. I am also not willing to be with any man at all costs. I think I have made myself clear by saying that I am willing to try to be with E but that I am not going to throw myself under a bus to make it happen. I feel as though we have a special connection and I am willing to pursue it. People lie all the time when meeting someone in person or online (i.e. married/single, gay/straight, rich/poor, looking for a relationship/just want sex) to get what they want but I guess those people aren't scammers just liars. If it were financially and time wise feasible to date him I would explore that option but I have no interest in having a transatlantic long distance, emailing, instant messaging relationship for a year to try and avoid the same thing that could happen now if that is his motive. I am going there to meet someone I find special, see how it goes, come home, give it a reasonable timeframe to come together and begin our lives together or decide to let it go.

E knows that I ain't dealing with no non-working man. I have told him so I don't need to explain on that one. I don't care if his candy stick is dipped in gold. I have never been hooked on sex to that degree and even though I like sex I don't like it to the degree that it would cause me to loose my mind. Everyone is not hung up on sex in their life. Sex is in the top 5 things I enjoy doing but it is not at the top. Believe me I was perfectly content living my life as I pleased and getting the occasional something something when I felt the need to hook up. If E is under the impression that he is going to come here, sex me then live off me for free he got another thing coming because that will never happen. I will personally drop his a** off in front of the Embassy with a return ticket home to Nigeria. I have and never will be under any man's spell to make me accept supporting him and in E's case the support will end when he gets authorization to work.

We talk all the time about the difficulties of American life. I discuss these things with him to give him a realistic view of what life is like here. Hard, long working hours, with little time for the things that you enjoy. I have told him many of the things I have written (he's not surprised at all) and received from the forum. We discuss the commentary given for this post and we use it to help our situation. Yes, we both get a little down and discouraged when I talk to him about the posts but we end with building each other up. We have decided that we ARE moving forward and seeing where the road takes us. Whether that is together forever or him at the doorstep of the Embassy with a return ticket home time will tell. I also told E about the "Does Your SO Miss Home" thread to get an inside view of the feelings of those that have immigrated to this country. I also told him about the being black in america series (I saw a week long program like it last year) and I am trying to find a way for him to view it.

I am not an overly religious person but the one thing E and I have in common is dream interpretation. After he came clean about his identity, we both have dreams a minimum of once per week that progress in the same direction that our relationship is progressing. When one of us has a dream we share our dream and interpret it together. In the beginning the dreams gave us separate choices but as we get to know each other better our dreams depict symbols of us having the choice to build a life together. Whether the dreams will come to fruition only time will tell but with each dream our relationship gets stronger because we know we are closer in agreement to being together as 1. With each dream we become more and more confident that this visa journey will go smoothly for us because no matter how you crack it we know that the possibility is there for us to be together in the very near future. I know that everyone reading this will not understand this paragraph, many will think it is bologna, but it doesn't matter because I have always used my dreams for information and guidance and I have yet to be led down the wrong path. Do I believe that E is heaven sent? No, not necessarily but after I found out "our truth" I prayed and asked God to help me make the right decision in regard to E and I believe that I am receiving weekly confirmation that I am where I am suppose to be at this moment.

Again, I am not here to defend my decision to pursue a relationship with E. That was not the subject of the post. In my very first post, I asked for advice on helping us choose the right route to be together because we have already moved pass the "scam" issue.

We are looking forward not backward. I couldn't have said it any better lmnop...!!!!

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

Since this was my post/thread I want to say that I truly appreciate everyone's contribution to this thread.

I do believe that this thread will be of value to others in the future because I am sure there are bound to be others that find themselves in the same position E and I met in.

Prior to coming to VisaJourney I researched and educated myself on the different types of scams, hired a private investigator to protect my interests and made a decision to pursue a relationship with E. I googled, checked IP addresses, romance scam websites, youtube videos, viewed photos of scammers, had conversations with Africans, including Nigerians who were very negative toward their own brotheren... etc.. etc.. so VisaJourney was not my first stop in this process.

The purpose of me finding and becoming a member of VisaJourney was to get information on just that the visa journey. I clearly said in my original post that I was comfortable with my decision to pursue a relationship with E and that I was being honest so that I could get helpful information on how to make our relationship possible. Some members were able to answer that question and some even went as far as to privately message me with tips for my particular situation. From what I have gathered, if E and I make it to the next step in our journey the K-1 visa appears to be the way to go, but of course there are no guarantees. Thank you.

Unfortunately, if this was an examination many of us would have failed because we didn't answer the question posed, instead we felt the need to write warnings and share our life experiences. I am not trying to disrespect anyone with what I am saying but I felt I needed to say it. No one knows every detail of the relationships of every person's journey on this forum and I am sure if people revealed more many us of would have a warning to give. Whether it is related to scamming, green card issues, physical/sexual abuse, cultural differences etc..etc..

I hate to say this but in a lot of ways some of the information posted nearly took E and I back to where we initially started......the scam! Even after we have done everything we believe we could do in our power and in our current circumstances to make each other comfortable enough to try we keep having to revisit the scam and other peoples misfortunes when we just want to move forward. E did not have to meet with a private investigator and put himself, his self dignity and his personal life/home/relatives and friends on display to pacify me but he did. Anyone able to see the picture of him that the investigator took would be able to see what I mean. The face of a man with the soul of a sad animal being evaluated and sold off to the highest bidder. Because of what he did, E pledge to me to do whatever it took, whatever I asked and whatever I demanded to have a life with me. Imagine how you would feel if your SO wanted you to "dance" to prove your love or affection for them.

I don't know if E and I will ever be able to overcome the stigma of "Nigeria"... but until the pages of our story are written we want to believe that we can.

Thanks again. One love!!

Just one thing I have to add..........yes, your first post was asking about the K-1 vs K-3. If you had left it at that, I'm sure all our responses would've been about that. But you threw the "scam" word in there. I even asked you in one reply "what was the scam". You told me that he lied about his age and name. To me that doesn't spell scam because imagine on all the American websites how many people lie about their age, even name. You labled him a scammer and I think that's why we all addressed that.

[Lois 0]

lmnop123,

I am very sorry that this had to happen. I dont know why people on this board can not be more supportive to others reaching out during thier own journey.

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

There are plenty of people on VJ who will give you good advice and help you along the way. I hope that you dont really leave, VJ is a good resource to help with your journey.

Please just ignore those that will try to twist things around on you and get in your head.

I hope to see you around.

P

Once again, I COMMEND you. I think that I will stay out of this place to discuss things though. Good Luck and happiness lmnop

[Ta Ta 1]

Oh hell nooooooo, don't tell me another new person has been ran off !!!!!! Or maybe two, Lois has not been back either.

OP, please ignore the few people that fly by and let their droppings fall where it may without even reading all posts or understanding the core of a thread. They can not differentiate an intelligent poster from a clueless one and bring out the heavy ####### guns and start shooting.

They profess to know more than God and confess and speak doubt and failure like an authority on everyone's personal relationship.

They come only to sow doubt and pee on parades, discourage new people and come here like flies on poop when they smell drama, any other time they aren't around and post in other forums. You know how it goes, putting someone down makes them so right in their own eyes. I am not talking about those who have a story to tell from past hurts and can offer insight at the right time while still being supportive.

No, I am talking about those who are so full of self importance that they think they can control someones destiny by so called repeat over the edge " warnings."

They want to impact someone's life positively but in reality wreak havoc because they lack tact and wisdom.

Please, please stay and stick with those who are encouraging and supportive. Your perspective on the board is refreshing and needed.

VJ has an ignore feature, try it you'll like it. Most of us except for 2 or 3 people are very supportive. If I hear the word scam one more time today I am going to vomit.

As I said, hang out in the cafe with us and have some fun while waiting. Best wishes for you and E and also for Lois.

Nothing is too hard for God to handle, He is in control of hearts and not the naysayers. He that is without sin throw the first stone !

[lmnop123 0]

Thank you...

I have no intention of leaving the forum. I intend on checking in from time to time and I will become more involved when I get closer to the actual process. I will eventually register under a new name, revealing less personal information. I am mainly letting this go to give E and I some form of anonymity again.

I came to the board trying to be as honest about the circumstances surrounding how E and I met. I mistakenly thought there may have been others that would be able to relate or at least be able to relate to the occasional uncertainty of their SO's true intentions but ultimately they work through it.

I called E a duck because he was a duck. He initially set out to scam me, so if that is what he set out to do then he rightly deserved the label. I then went on to say that I hired a PI and I was satisfied with the results of the investigation, that E and I had decided we wanted to be together and through my research I was confused on if we should pursue a K1 or a K3 visa. I was simply giving background information to assist us. I thought that by being 100 and revealing that I went through the trouble of hiring a professional PI to meet with E to check him out and that I was satisfied with the results then that would have been enough for all concerned. My question wasn't "Do you all think that E is scamming me?"

Contrary to what some may believe, I am not upset or deterred by people posting their opinions. I plead my case every day. Sometimes my angle is shot down, other times it is not whichever way it goes when I walk out I move on and look forward to continuing or fortifying my strategy the next time. I am not that sensitive and I am not holding grudges against anyone.

So all in all, everything is cool. As I said before, there are a lot of strong, beautiful women on this board and outside of this thread I am sure everything is gravy baby.

For those that have apologized thank you. I know its all love.

[nopalavar 0]

Oh hell nooooooo, don't tell me another new person has been ran off !!!!!! Or maybe two, Lois has not been back either.

OP, please ignore the few people that fly by and let their droppings fall where it may without even reading all posts or understanding the core of a thread. They can not differentiate an intelligent poster from a clueless one and bring out the heavy ####### guns and start shooting.

They profess to know more than God and confess and speak doubt and failure like an authority on everyone's personal relationship.

They come only to sow doubt and pee on parades, discourage new people and come here like flies on poop when they smell drama, any other time they aren't around and post in other forums. You know how it goes, putting someone down makes them so right in their own eyes. I am not talking about those who have a story to tell from past hurts and can offer insight at the right time while still being supportive.

No, I am talking about those who are so full of self importance that they think they can control someones destiny by so called repeat over the edge " warnings."

They want to impact someone's life positively but in reality wreak havoc because they lack tact and wisdom.

Please, please stay and stick with those who are encouraging and supportive. Your perspective on the board is refreshing and needed.

VJ has an ignore feature, try it you'll like it. Most of us except for 2 or 3 people are very supportive. If I hear the word scam one more time today I am going to vomit.

As I said, hang out in the cafe with us and have some fun while waiting. Best wishes for you and E and also for Lois.

Nothing is too hard for God to handle, He is in control of hearts and not the naysayers. He that is without sin throw the first stone !

Ohhhh weeee! Thank you Omoba! Took the words right from my mouth. I was just going to say this. Imnop girl, please pray and ask God to show you His will for your situation. Believe me, He will show you if you ask him. May God grant you wisdom to make the right choices.

[Asante Maroon 0]

I really don't have too much to say here. I was rendered speechless after catching up on the past couple of days and I must say that I am utterly disgusted by the person who felt the need to "dig up dirt".

My message to you: GET A LIFE!

If you are on VJ with the main purpose of trying to discredit or embarrass people, where is your visa journey headed? Is it important to you? Or has the lives and decisions of others haunt you in your sleep so much that you are not able to function unless you create drama for the mere reason of conjuring up some sort of entertainment? What's up with YOUR SO???? IS YOUR HANDS NOT FULL ENOUGH???

If you are looking for amusement, look in the mirror. If you are looking for a different type of entertainment, The Soap Channel runs drama ALL DAY LONG! There is no need to try to create drama in order to make the immigration process "entertaining".

I must however congratulate those who have denounced this type of nonsense and has reached out to the OP. You make VJ a great place for support and information.

lmnop123: I would not change my profile name and I would continue to engage in conversations with those who have something insightful to offer on VJ. I am so sorry this has happened to you especially since you are new and have not been fully acclimated to VJ. Don't let the foolish behavior of this person silence you, even if it is momentary.

I THINK THAT WHEN PEOPLE DO THIS SORT OF BLATANT, GRIMY, DIRTY, UNDERHANDED TYPE OF THING...THAT WE SHOULD EITHER ALL PRESS THAT IGNORE BUTTON AS OMOBA SUGGESTED OR WE SHOULD COLLECTIVELY LET THEM KNOW IMMEDIATELY THAT THIS IS NOT THE SORT OF ENERGY THAT WE ARE TRYING TO PROMOTE OR FOSTER HERE IN THE SUB-SAHARAN

LETS DO WHAT WE DO BEST ...AND THAT'S CONTINUING TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER... THE ENERGY YOU PUT OUT IN THE UNIVERSE DOES COME BACK TO YOU....

This thread started off as a great conversation. I haven't seen such lengthy and engaging posts in a while! People were able to express their views no matter how differing, in a respectful manner indicative of mature and sensible adults and then this nutcasery....yes I said nutcasery.

Lets pull this back into place ya'll! A fellow member needs our support and I am sure there will be a day when we may need hers.

STAY UP

[4theloveofhenry 8]

I truly hope my post did not offend you and scare you off. Sometimes what I really mean does not come out the way I want it to. When I posted to your comment I called myself trying to give you helpfull suggestions but when I saw how you felt I went back and reread it. Some of what I said was not meant to be harsh or judgmental but when I reread it I saw that it came across that way. What I truly wanted to let you know was if you dont trust your fiance then rethink what you want to do not just for him but mainly for yourself. I have been in a relationship where I did not trust my companion and I can tell you that it was miserable for him and me. I was depressed, unsure, insecure and it lowered my self esteem to be with someone I wasnt sure loved me the way I loved them. And whether he did or didnt, me being so unsure and insecure ruined any chance of somthing good as he was unhappy and so was I. That is why I also said if you truly love him then dont give up on the relationship by having self doubt. Or at least that is how I wanted it to come across.

I can tell you now, I never want to insult anyone or hurt anyone on this forum or in my everyday life. I express myself or try to express myself candidly but sincerely. I truly want to help when I post and that is why my posts are usually few and far in between. I like to post when something truly touches me or I have EXPERIANCED it myself. I will not tell you what I dont know. I will tell you only based on what I have been through myself. My grandmother always told me if you point one finger at someone else then point two at yourself, and that has stuck with me, that is why if I write something I make sure it is somthing I can relate to becuase I have felt it, lived it, and learned from it. When I told you it was unfair to yourself and your fiance if you continued on with doubts it is only becuase you said you thought his love was secondary and he wanted to come for a better life. I never wanted to imply to give up on your relationship just to rethink how you were feeling about yourself. Becuase to say you are the usual blond , blue eyed type said to me that you were feeling insecure about yourself in regards to your relationship with him. I have lived a insecure life for many years and it wasnt until I got close to 30 that I began to realize the worth in myself. So what you said stood out to me and touched me. I wanted to give you another way to think about it. To think how being unsure in a lifelong relationship could affect you and him for the rest of your lives. SO please if my wordsw hurt you then I am truly sorry. I have a strong mind and heart and I feel deeply. Sometimes also when I post my mind is going a mile a minute and I am trying to get in each and every thought. Sometimes the tact in my words does not correspond to the feeling in my heart and mind. So please do not leave. Stay and get all you can from this site. If you are unsure of how someone feels then ask them. Dont leave based on misconception becuase I truly believe that is what happens alot. We are all trying to use a machine to translate feeling. So anyway please except my sincere apology if what I said disturbed you. Take care and best to you on the rest of your journey.

lmnop123,

I am very sorry that this had to happen. I dont know why people on this board can not be more supportive to others reaching out during thier own journey.

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

There are plenty of people on VJ who will give you good advice and help you along the way. I hope that you dont really leave, VJ is a good resource to help with your journey.

Please just ignore those that will try to twist things around on you and get in your head.

I hope to see you around.

P

Once again, I COMMEND you. I think that I will stay out of this place to discuss things though. Good Luck and happiness lmnop

[Asante Maroon 0]

the person who started this topic posted this story at another site... she needs to be careful..there is more background information on her story and she is the one listed on the site as unregistered..keep reading the posts in the link and you will see the story matches the one told here..looks like those people tried to warn her just as people here tried to warn her.

http://www.internet-love-scams.org/forum/s...read.php?t=7411

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

[lmnop123 0]

When I told you it was unfair to yourself and your fiance if you continued on with doubts it is only becuase you said you thought his love was secondary and he wanted to come for a better life. I never wanted to imply to give up on your relationship just to rethink how you were feeling about yourself.

Becuase to say you are the usual blond , blue eyed type said to me that you were feeling insecure about yourself in regards to your relationship with him.

I totally agree with you on the first paragraph above and thanks to trthtllr if you go to my thread on the other site you will read that line of thinking as my exact reason for going through the trouble of hiring the PI to begin with. In the beginning, it really bothered me that I didn't at least know the identity of the person I was talking to. I didn't think it was fair of me to keep digging in his wounds with a knife everytime I felt like it. I felt that even if he was wrong, it would be wrong for me to allow him to stick around just so that I could keep punishing him. I suggested the PI idea to him and he obliged in an attempt to end the uncertainty I had about who he was. I decided I would have to be okay with whatever results the investigator submitted or else I would have to leave E alone. I was satisfied with the PI's results and though it is hard at times we are trying to remain positive and move pass it.

The second paragraph is not me.........it was Lois. I said somewhere in my posts that I am black. I am writing this to show how some things were jumbled together. IMO Lois' race doesn't make a difference.

Again sis, it is okay...... no worries. I know your intentions were made to help not to hurt.

Let's all have a group hug and let any confusion go........

I have no intention of leaving the board, only limiting what I post. Most of that decision is now based on the power of Google

[lmnop123 0]

DISREGARD THE PREVIOUS POST..... I QUOTED THE WRONG INFORMATION.

What I truly wanted to let you know was if you dont trust your fiance then rethink what you want to do not just for him but mainly for yourself. I have been in a relationship where I did not trust my companion and I can tell you that it was miserable for him and me. I was depressed, unsure, insecure and it lowered my self esteem to be with someone I wasnt sure loved me the way I loved them. And whether he did or didnt, me being so unsure and insecure ruined any chance of somthing good as he was unhappy and so was I.

When I told you it was unfair to yourself and your fiance if you continued on with doubts it is only becuase you said you thought his love was secondary and he wanted to come for a better life. I never wanted to imply to give up on your relationship just to rethink how you were feeling about yourself.

Becuase to say you are the usual blond , blue eyed type said to me that you were feeling insecure about yourself in regards to your relationship with him.

I totally agree with you on the first paragraph or so above and thanks to trthtllr if you go to my thread on the other site you will read that line of thinking as my exact reason for going through the trouble of hiring the PI to begin with. In the beginning, it really bothered me that I didn't at least know the identity of the person I was talking to. I didn't think it was fair of me to keep digging in his wounds with a knife everytime I felt like it. I felt that even if he was wrong, it would be wrong for me to allow him to stick around just so that I could keep punishing him. I suggested the PI idea to him and he obliged in an attempt to end the uncertainty I had about who he was. I decided I would have to be okay with whatever results the investigator submitted or else I would have to leave E alone. I was satisfied with the PI's results and though it is hard at times we are trying to remain positive and move pass it.

The bolded parts in the above paragraphs weren't said by me.........it was Lois. I said somewhere in my posts that I am black. I am writing this to show how some things were jumbled together. IMO Lois' race doesn't make a difference.

Again sis, it is okay...... no worries. I know your intentions were made to help not to hurt.

Let's all have a group hug and let any confusion go........

I have no intention of leaving the board, only limiting what I post. Most of that decision is now based on the power of Google

Edited August 2, 2008 by lmnop123

[4theloveofhenry 8]

Actually everything I posted in this thread was directed at Lois's posts. I never responded to you becuase I saw that many had already responded wth good advice to your question regarding the appropriate visa. However I would say the same to you regarding continuing to give VJ a chance. We are all good people here, you just have to take what you want to take and leave the leftovers for someone else. What i mean is, if it applies to your own set of circumstances then be happy you could get somthing out of it, but if it dosnt apply then what harm has it done? Maybe it will apply to and help somone else. What we write and read here just becomes memory on our computer, it does not become a tattoo on us nor does it become our theme song that follows us wherever we go.. Take care and have lots of fun on this exciting leg of your jouney.

DISREGARD THE PREVIOUS POST..... I QUOTED THE WRONG INFORMATION.

What I truly wanted to let you know was if you dont trust your fiance then rethink what you want to do not just for him but mainly for yourself. I have been in a relationship where I did not trust my companion and I can tell you that it was miserable for him and me. I was depressed, unsure, insecure and it lowered my self esteem to be with someone I wasnt sure loved me the way I loved them. And whether he did or didnt, me being so unsure and insecure ruined any chance of somthing good as he was unhappy and so was I.

When I told you it was unfair to yourself and your fiance if you continued on with doubts it is only becuase you said you thought his love was secondary and he wanted to come for a better life. I never wanted to imply to give up on your relationship just to rethink how you were feeling about yourself.

Becuase to say you are the usual blond , blue eyed type said to me that you were feeling insecure about yourself in regards to your relationship with him.

I totally agree with you on the first paragraph or so above and thanks to trthtllr if you go to my thread on the other site you will read that line of thinking as my exact reason for going through the trouble of hiring the PI to begin with. In the beginning, it really bothered me that I didn't at least know the identity of the person I was talking to. I didn't think it was fair of me to keep digging in his wounds with a knife everytime I felt like it. I felt that even if he was wrong, it would be wrong for me to allow him to stick around just so that I could keep punishing him. I suggested the PI idea to him and he obliged in an attempt to end the uncertainty I had about who he was. I decided I would have to be okay with whatever results the investigator submitted or else I would have to leave E alone. I was satisfied with the PI's results and though it is hard at times we are trying to remain positive and move pass it.

The bolded parts in the above paragraphs weren't said by me.........it was Lois. I said somewhere in my posts that I am black. I am writing this to show how some things were jumbled together. IMO Lois' race doesn't make a difference.

Again sis, it is okay...... no worries. I know your intentions were made to help not to hurt.

Let's all have a group hug and let any confusion go........

I have no intention of leaving the board, only limiting what I post. Most of that decision is now based on the power of Google

[knl 0]

Something else that is concerning that has not been mentioned is the time you spent talking online. It is extremely expensive to get online in Nigeria. Only people with money have it at home that have to contend with the power outages to boot.

If he was trying to scam you, he is online trying to scam others while he maintains this relationship with you.

So even if your relationship has turned legit there is a good chance he is scamming other people. Scammers do not fall in love and just stop scamming. This is his way of life and if he found his way to it he will continue until another form of money is available. Would you want to be with someone who scams for a living? Even if it is there only way of making a means?

If someone is sick in the hospital in Nigeria you are not chatting online at all unless you are rich. Internet cafe's are expensive and per minute use. Some are owned by scammer so that is when a scammer is set up for free, because they are bringing in an income. Mutual people will pretend to be one person so that if one is in the cafe they can correspond for the person who might not be able to make it in.

I only wish you the best. No one doubt you or your capabliities or mean to insult you. These scammers are educated people with degrees and no place to use them.

You will get support with your journey no matter what you chose so keep comming back. It works if you work it! *wink

this is all true

[Ta Ta 1]

Something else that is concerning that has not been mentioned is the time you spent talking online. It is extremely expensive to get online in Nigeria. Only people with money have it at home that have to contend with the power outages to boot.

If he was trying to scam you, he is online trying to scam others while he maintains this relationship with you.

So even if your relationship has turned legit there is a good chance he is scamming other people. Scammers do not fall in love and just stop scamming. This is his way of life and if he found his way to it he will continue until another form of money is available. Would you want to be with someone who scams for a living? Even if it is there only way of making a means?

If someone is sick in the hospital in Nigeria you are not chatting online at all unless you are rich. Internet cafe's are expensive and per minute use. Some are owned by scammer so that is when a scammer is set up for free, because they are bringing in an income. Mutual people will pretend to be one person so that if one is in the cafe they can correspond for the person who might not be able to make it in.

I only wish you the best. No one doubt you or your capabliities or mean to insult you. These scammers are educated people with degrees and no place to use them.

You will get support with your journey no matter what you chose so keep comming back. It works if you work it! *wink

this is all true

I totally disagree that THIS IS ALL TRUE.

The OP has explained in detail the changes and progression of this issue.

I disagree with Lurking's statement above, that the OP's SO is continuing to scam the OP while maintaining other relationships , is not a fact but a presumptious judgement, disrespectful and not encouraging and just over the line.

It has become a pattern here in sub-saharan that is repeated to newbies asking questions and other members alike.

Words have to be chosen carefully and saying ' some chose to continue to scam while mainting a relationship......."

would have reflected the neccessary tact and taken the personal accusation off the OP's relationship and would have been

a better approach to inform of such activity. Unless you can see this man and what you say he is doing then you don't have facts.

To me that is just common sense and mutual respect and manners on a message board.

Cafe's and personal at home computers are not the only ways to gain access to the internet. People work in offices on computers

and just like here and chat during work hours. No one said the OP chatted with her SO on the computer in the hospital so I don't know where that even came from.

I often wonder why someone feels compelled to know everything about someone's relationship that they have a glimpse of

for a few minutes on a message board.

I wonder why some people think that someone can never change if they have shown remorse and taken steps

to make a complete change. If the OP is satisfied with his progress then who here can cast such a judgement that he will continue to scam others ? It is not our place to do so.

This world would be in a real mess if people who do bad things were all unable to change and grow by Gods grace. It is easy to condem and point to the faults of others and not seeing one's own character flaws of spouting words like arrows of judgement.

Let's be respectful and show some tact to newcomers. Let's realize we are all grown and capable of our own choices and consequenses.

Romance scam groups definitely have their place and people are free to seek them out and learn from them and be warned.

However, the purpose of this immigration board is to encourage and support and help with the visa process not act like self proclaimed door keepers of others relationships , especially when not asked for relationship advice but visa route advice.

Thank God for His saving grace and mercy !

Peace to all

[totes 0]

Something else that is concerning that has not been mentioned is the time you spent talking online. It is extremely expensive to get online in Nigeria. Only people with money have it at home that have to contend with the power outages to boot.

If he was trying to scam you, he is online trying to scam others while he maintains this relationship with you.

So even if your relationship has turned legit there is a good chance he is scamming other people. Scammers do not fall in love and just stop scamming. This is his way of life and if he found his way to it he will continue until another form of money is available. Would you want to be with someone who scams for a living? Even if it is there only way of making a means?

If someone is sick in the hospital in Nigeria you are not chatting online at all unless you are rich. Internet cafe's are expensive and per minute use. Some are owned by scammer so that is when a scammer is set up for free, because they are bringing in an income. Mutual people will pretend to be one person so that if one is in the cafe they can correspond for the person who might not be able to make it in.

I only wish you the best. No one doubt you or your capabliities or mean to insult you. These scammers are educated people with degrees and no place to use them.

You will get support with your journey no matter what you chose so keep comming back. It works if you work it! *wink

this is all true

I totally disagree that THIS IS ALL TRUE.

The OP has explained in detail the changes and progression of this issue.

I disagree with Lurking's statement above, that the OP's SO is continuing to scam the OP while maintaining other relationships , is not a fact but a presumptious judgement, disrespectful and not encouraging and just over the line.

It has become a pattern here in sub-saharan that is repeated to newbies asking questions and other members alike.

Words have to be chosen carefully and saying ' some chose to continue to scam while mainting a relationship......."

would have reflected the neccessary tact and taken the personal accusation off the OP's relationship and would have been

a better approach to inform of such activity. Unless you can see this man and what you say he is doing then you don't have facts.

To me that is just common sense and mutual respect and manners on a message board.

Cafe's and personal at home computers are not the only ways to gain access to the internet. People work in offices on computers

and just like here and chat during work hours. No one said the OP chatted with her SO on the computer in the hospital so I don't know where that even came from.

I often wonder why someone feels compelled to know everything about someone's relationship that they have a glimpse of

for a few minutes on a message board.

I wonder why some people think that someone can never change if they have shown remorse and taken steps

to make a complete change. If the OP is satisfied with his progress then who here can cast such a judgement that he will continue to scam others ? It is not our place to do so.

This world would be in a real mess if people who do bad things were all unable to change and grow by Gods grace. It is easy to condem and point to the faults of others and not seeing one's own character flaws of spouting words like arrows of judgement.

Let's be respectful and show some tact to newcomers. Let's realize we are all grown and capable of our own choices and consequenses.

Romance scam groups definitely have their place and people are free to seek them out and learn from them and be warned.

However, the purpose of this immigration board is to encourage and support and help with the visa process not act like self proclaimed door keepers of others relationships , especially when not asked for relationship advice but visa route advice.

Thank God for His saving grace and mercy !

Peace to all

I don't agree with "this all true" and I do believe that there are other forums/groups available for "romance scams" however.... I think and of course this is just my opinion and girl... we agree on alot of things but... I think being a scammer is a character flaw... just like being an armed robber is. Would I trust my life to an armed robber..... hellllllll no! Same difference to me. I'm not judging, I don't know the circumstances and this obviously is not the reason we're here on this post but I did have to give my two cents for what it's worth. Do scammer's change... probably so just like felon's do. In this country, scammer's would go to prison. Would you spend your life with a felon? I sure wouldn't, no way in hell. People change, sure, but I can tell you as a single woman, I'm not prepared to put my life nor my families on the line for a chance that a person might change. Again, just my opinion and I don't mean to offend anyone... just my opinion.

Edited August 3, 2008 by tony and tess