Please Help!! Confused and Don't Know Where to Begin...

[4theloveofhenry 8]

Thats true as well. It reminds me of the saying "you cant beat a dead horse". But at the same time that is what makes forums like these so informative and interesting. I know I havnt been able to walk away for one day from VJ. I also have found at least one thing I can ponder on in someones post. Sure it dosnt take 35 people to make a point but when you have hundreds of people on one site its going to be inevetable. These forums are like a backseat driver. We all know where we are going but everyone still wants to give their two cents on the way we should get there LOL.

I have some goat meat to add to the stew

Enough with the doomsday....People here are grown and I can tell you the pot is hot and that you should not touch it. But, if you decide to touch it even if I disagree it is your choice. All I know that I said to you what was in my heart to say, and will be able to move on. You may get burned you may not, but either way I will be three to walk with you whatever path choosen.

If someone would have told me my husband was scamming me I would not have believed them, I know that anything is possible and I can only make decisions from what I feel is right for me. I have made some wrong ones but, I have made more right one using the same logic. It is my opinion that we should not nag and harras people all repeating the same scammer comments. There has been a many of times I have typed something and walked away, I will come back and copy my thoughts and see what the last post pointed to. Alot of times I would read my exact same thoughts posted by someone else or the flow of the conversation might take a turn, so I don't post those thoughts. I lost my window to comment or the relevancy of the point..... so be it.

I am merely saying that it does not take 35 people saying the exact same thing making the exact same warning. If maybe, you see someone has already posted your sentiments maybe the thumbs or diitto or just silence knowing your point was already made by someone else might suffice. JMHO

[lmnop123 0]

Since this was my post/thread I want to say that I truly appreciate everyone's contribution to this thread.

I do believe that this thread will be of value to others in the future because I am sure there are bound to be others that find themselves in the same position E and I met in.

Prior to coming to VisaJourney I researched and educated myself on the different types of scams, hired a private investigator to protect my interests and made a decision to pursue a relationship with E. I googled, checked IP addresses, romance scam websites, youtube videos, viewed photos of scammers, had conversations with Africans, including Nigerians who were very negative toward their own brotheren... etc.. etc.. so VisaJourney was not my first stop in this process.

The purpose of me finding and becoming a member of VisaJourney was to get information on just that the visa journey. I clearly said in my original post that I was comfortable with my decision to pursue a relationship with E and that I was being honest so that I could get helpful information on how to make our relationship possible. Some members were able to answer that question and some even went as far as to privately message me with tips for my particular situation. From what I have gathered, if E and I make it to the next step in our journey the K-1 visa appears to be the way to go, but of course there are no guarantees. Thank you.

Unfortunately, if this was an examination many of us would have failed because we didn't answer the question posed, instead we felt the need to write warnings and share our life experiences. I am not trying to disrespect anyone with what I am saying but I felt I needed to say it. No one knows every detail of the relationships of every person's journey on this forum and I am sure if people revealed more many us of would have a warning to give. Whether it is related to scamming, green card issues, physical/sexual abuse, cultural differences etc..etc..

I hate to say this but in a lot of ways some of the information posted nearly took E and I back to where we initially started......the scam! Even after we have done everything we believe we could do in our power and in our current circumstances to make each other comfortable enough to try we keep having to revisit the scam and other peoples misfortunes when we just want to move forward. E did not have to meet with a private investigator and put himself, his self dignity and his personal life/home/relatives and friends on display to pacify me but he did. Anyone able to see the picture of him that the investigator took would be able to see what I mean. The face of a man with the soul of a sad animal being evaluated and sold off to the highest bidder. Because of what he did, E pledge to me to do whatever it took, whatever I asked and whatever I demanded to have a life with me. Imagine how you would feel if your SO wanted you to "dance" to prove your love or affection for them.

I don't know if E and I will ever be able to overcome the stigma of "Nigeria"... but until the pages of our story are written we want to believe that we can.

Thanks again. One love!!

[Zi Zi 0]

I don't know if E and I will ever be able to overcome the stigma of "Nigeria"... but until the pages of our story are written we want to believe that we can.

Thanks again. One love!!

No you won't ..... my mother USC has been married to my father a Nigeria for almost 55 years now. They lived in Nigeria when it was still a British Colony. They raised 6 children. My parents where separated for 3 yrs during the Biafia war when she fled back to the US with 5 young children and 7 mts pregnant. People still question my mother about marrying a Nigerian. I actually heard a woman ask my mother a couple of years ago if her and my father where compatible, because she heard all kind of horror stories about being married to a African. How rude!!!

My first reaction was confusion because my parent have been together for ever and been through so much. My mother just laughed and said I guess so we have 6 children, he's snoring will raise the dead and I haven't kicked him out of bed yet.

So even after all this time I guess there are still people waiting for my mom to be scammed B)

Edited August 1, 2008 by Zi Zi

[Perseverance 1]

I don't know if E and I will ever be able to overcome the stigma of "Nigeria"... but until the pages of our story are written we want to believe that we can.

Thanks again. One love!!

No you won't ..... my mother USC has been married to my father a Nigeria for almost 55 years now. They lived in Nigeria when it was still a British Colony. They raised 6 children. My parents where separated for 3 yrs during the Biafia war when she fled back to the US with 5 young children and 7 mts pregnant. People still question my mother about marrying a Nigerian. I actually heard a woman ask my mother a couple of years ago if her and my father where compatible, because she heard all kind of horror stories about being married to a African. How rude!!!

My first reaction was confusion because my parent have been together for ever and been through so much. My mother just laughed and said I guess so we have 6 children, he's snoring will raise the dead and I haven't kicked him out of bed yet.

So even after all this time I guess there are still people waiting for my mom to be scammed B)

It is a shame that "one bad apple has to spoil the whole barrel" that kind of mentality is upsetting to me.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

So even after all this time I guess there are still people waiting for my mom to be scammed B)

Wow! How truly truly sad! Thanks for sharing your story. It's amazing how close minded we all can be.

[trthtller 0]

the person who started this topic posted this story at another site... she needs to be careful..there is more background information on her story and she is the one listed on the site as unregistered..keep reading the posts in the link and you will see the story matches the one told here..looks like those people tried to warn her just as people here tried to warn her.

http://www.internet-love-scams.org/forum/s...read.php?t=7411

[lmnop123 0]

the person who started this topic posted this story at another site... she needs to be careful..there is more background information on her story and she is the one listed on the site as unregistered..keep reading the posts in the link and you will see the story matches the one told here..looks like those people tried to warn her just as people here tried to warn her.

http://www.internet-love-scams.org/forum/s...read.php?t=7411

Wow!!!

Your google skills are quite impressive.

And your point is?

I clearly said 3 postings ago that I did research and I visited romance scam forums prior to joining visajourney so your findings confirm what I said. Congratualtions!

Whether they tried to warn me or not is irrelevant because no one said everyone would think he is no longer scamming.

The point is I made the decision to puruse a relationship with E so why you feel the need to investigate me is..... interesting.

Thank you.

[Zi Zi 0]

the person who started this topic posted this story at another site... she needs to be careful..there is more background information on her story and she is the one listed on the site as unregistered..keep reading the posts in the link and you will see the story matches the one told here..looks like those people tried to warn her just as people here tried to warn her.

http://www.internet-love-scams.org/forum/s...read.php?t=7411

"Prior to coming to VisaJourney I researched and educated myself on the different types of scams, hired a private investigator to protect my interests and made a decision to pursue a relationship with E. I googled, checked IP addresses, romance scam websites, youtube videos, viewed photos of scammers, had conversations with Africans, including Nigerians who were very negative toward their own brotheren... etc.. etc.. so VisaJourney was not my first stop in this process."

No secret here?? She already disclosed this info.......who are you?

Edited August 1, 2008 by Zi Zi

[Truth be Told 0]

the person who started this topic posted this story at another site... she needs to be careful..there is more background information on her story and she is the one listed on the site as unregistered..keep reading the posts in the link and you will see the story matches the one told here..looks like those people tried to warn her just as people here tried to warn her.

http://www.internet-love-scams.org/forum/s...read.php?t=7411

FOR THE RECORD I AM NOT THIS TRTHTLLER!! I ALREADY GOT IN TROUBLE ONCE FOR MY INVESTIGATIVE SKILLS AND GOT SPANKED!!!

See I am not the ONLY one who can navigate a message board

Edited August 1, 2008 by Truth be Told

[LovinLiberia 0]

LOL, I'm glad you cleared that up because my mind went straight to you.

[Truth be Told 0]

NOT me TBT is afraid of Sub Saharan

TBT got it TROUBLE

[lmnop123 0]

Trthtllr..

Seems as though you joined the board for the sole purpose of uncovering my truth. I still don't understand what your motivation is.

Note to self...

Don't seek help on the internet with forums set up to help you.... after a while you will begin to feel like YOU are doing something wrong, tried and investigated. No wonder people feel they cannot be honest and open.

My personal detailed journey with E ends here because it may actually hurt us in the long run. In time, I will re-register when we are ready to file & start the visa journey so that we can get unbiased support as well as document our process to help others.

Again thank you to all the posters that gave advice... good or bad.

[Perseverance 1]

lmnop123,

I am very sorry that this had to happen. I dont know why people on this board can not be more supportive to others reaching out during thier own journey.

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

There are plenty of people on VJ who will give you good advice and help you along the way. I hope that you dont really leave, VJ is a good resource to help with your journey.

Please just ignore those that will try to twist things around on you and get in your head.

I hope to see you around.

P

[LovinLiberia 0]

lmnop123,

I am very sorry that this had to happen. I dont know why people on this board can not be more supportive to others reaching out during thier own journey.

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

There are plenty of people on VJ who will give you good advice and help you along the way. I hope that you dont really leave, VJ is a good resource to help with your journey.

Please just ignore those that will try to twist things around on you and get in your head.

I hope to see you around.

P

Sorry to see that you feel this way. I hope you don't let this determine whether you stay or leave. I really enjoyed your input and perspective.

[chispas 0]

Hi lmnop123,

I hope you continue to read on even if you don't post your journey under this name again. I would like to encourage you however to not allow comments or questions to deter you from asking questions on Sub-Sah. It is painful at times when it feels as if someone has pissed on your happiness or questions your actions. But, I feel. I feel, not speaking for another person, that there still is much valuable information here on the board and you will have tons of support whether you fall and get up or just plain fall down in that ugly way where your feet shoot up from underneath your bod y as you defy gravitiy.

I also feel that there are posters who are genuinly concerned about story and want to help you with no malice intended towards you. If you are able to weed out the information you want and bypass the ones you don't want, it would be great. So please don't be a stranger on Sub-Sah and I wish you great happiness in your journey.

Chispas