hanging in there are you ok??

[nunyab 0]

Oh good. I believe she is due just after JP is due sometime the end of August.

or begining of Sept. I remember she went to see her Husband last Dec and that's when they got preggers.

wow awesome memory... than again I wasn't here in Dec

[S and S 12]

I'm glad to hear she is okay. I hope she gets a chance to come online soon.

[maggieNomar 0]

She's getting there. I could call Kathleen but I haven't ever called anyone that gave me their number before coz I'm shy with the phone thing.

Give ME your number and I"ll take care of that. I have broke many phone virgins

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

She's getting there. I could call Kathleen but I haven't ever called anyone that gave me their number before coz I'm shy with the phone thing.

Give ME your number and I"ll take care of that. I have broke many phone virgins

I am doing ok everyone. As you guys all know my husband broke my laptop a few weeks ago because I caught him using spector pro doing some stuff that pissed me the hell off. DO NOT INSTALL SPECTOR PRO unless you are dying to see every freaking thing they do on the computer. Anyway, I said oh well and swept up the laptop and said I guess we dont have the internet,nor do we have skype, etc. He called his mom and she sent money for a good used laptop and it arrived today but I STILL wont use it at home because he wants to look at all my posts emails etc which translates into NO PRIVACY as far as what sites I post on . Its been sucky. Its been hard. He still has not gotten a job. He has however been helping me tremendously around the house as far as cleaning and organizing but its been hard with him not working. I am hoping he goes to a job fair soon. He has said he will start working after Ramadan and his mom has been sending money to help but the point is that I have had a rock hard adjustment and its slowly getting better ( but not a whole hell of a lot) His attitude is he can chat and flirt and do what ever and I cant do a thing and all I can say is sometimes meeting a person online is not the indication of who they really are. I do love him. I am commited to making things work and I know he loves me in his F upped little way but I have had to compromise and compromise and compromise without a lot coming my way. The baby will come in about 5 weeks. I am due in 7 but I am getting induced. I am tempted to ask for September 11th to mess with his head ( ok that was compppppppppppletely uncalled for) I am just glad I have so many really nice American friends and that my mom has really been nice. My blood pressure still really sucks and I am going weekly to the dr and dealing with all the other stressors but I think all and all I will be ok... Hey guys thanks for wondering where I have been. I am alive LOL

[Jenn! 918]

His attitude is he can chat and flirt and do what ever and I cant do a thing

Why do you think he is doing this?

[RAKASA 0]

His attitude is he can chat and flirt and do what ever and I cant do a thing

Why do you think he is doing this?

and why on earth would he think this is ok and acceptable behavior?

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

His attitude is he can chat and flirt and do what ever and I cant do a thing

Why do you think he is doing this?

and why on earth would he think this is ok and acceptable behavior?

I dont think its acceptable and I dont accept it and its at the point that I am at the end of my rope. I am 5 weeks from delivering our baby, working full time, taking care of a disabled 3 year old and at my wits end. Policing his internet activity which I havent had the internet for several weeks now is the least of my worries. I did not know my husband well enough and certainly did not know about his lifestyle in the years before we got married. I know he loves me. Thats NOT the issue. In some groups of people , not mine I am telling you, its ok to chat on the internet and talk and communicate with women as "friends". Just not my circle and if I did what he was doing, he would leave me for sure. Its kind of hard to work all day and then look at screen shot after screenshot ( from the spy program) of people he had been talking to... none of it "romantic" but still..... its offensive to me PERIOD. I dont think its cool and I havent carried on opposite sex chatting like he has. I am insulted hurt and broken up about it and wondering if I should end my marriage over it

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

His attitude is he can chat and flirt and do what ever and I cant do a thing

Why do you think he is doing this?

Could be a variety of reasons.

1.He is bored at home and not working.

2.He was habitually unfaithful to me both online and offline when he was in his home country ( dont have conclusive proof)

3.He doesnt love me and he is simply using me for a greencard and has absolutely no respect for me as his wife or our marriage

4.He has no reason other than he just simply wants to

I am very very very hurt and thats alot of the reason I stopped posting much about him and me because I dont think anyone can do anything about it. Either he stops and our marriage survives OR he continues and we end up divorced with him visiting our baby son. Either way , I am unhappy. The new laptop arrived today ( its used) I am going to install spector pro and just not check it for like a week and see what he does. If he does the same stuff again, or even worse, I will think about leaving him. I can t live like this

[RAKASA 0]

I wish you the very best of luck, Katherine. This is no easy position to be in.

[Jenn! 918]

His attitude is he can chat and flirt and do what ever and I cant do a thing

Why do you think he is doing this?

Could be a variety of reasons.

1.He is bored at home and not working.

2.He was habitually unfaithful to me both online and offline when he was in his home country ( dont have conclusive proof)

3.He doesnt love me and he is simply using me for a greencard and has absolutely no respect for me as his wife or our marriage

4.He has no reason other than he just simply wants to

I am very very very hurt and thats alot of the reason I stopped posting much about him and me because I dont think anyone can do anything about it. Either he stops and our marriage survives OR he continues and we end up divorced with him visiting our baby son. Either way , I am unhappy. The new laptop arrived today ( its used) I am going to install spector pro and just not check it for like a week and see what he does. If he does the same stuff again, or even worse, I will think about leaving him. I can t live like this

So you'll be unhappy even if he does stop?

I guess I'm not sure what kind of chatting he's doing. You said it's not romantic. So is it like hanging around in OT here on VJ and having conversations with multiple people, some of whom happen to be women? Or is it like yahoo chat or something?

A good friend of mine had some problems with her husband and the internet when she was pregnant (not a MENA relationship btw). She found really inappropriate and pornographic type chats with one particular woman - and it was more than cybersex, there was emotional stuff involved as well. They made it through it, but I can't for the life of me figure out how he could have done something like that because in spite of all that I really do think he is a good guy.

I know this isn't the only issue though. I'd put off making any big decisions though until after the baby comes. You don't need the extra stress of a blowup at the moment.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I wish you the very best of luck, Katherine. This is no easy position to be in.

I love him. It just does not feel fair. We have some real happy times. He has some good qualities its just he lived a really wild life not paralleling the average north african guys lifestyle/.// heavy into the rai clubs and girls etc....He has had to adjust into a sedentary lifestyle. There are so many things I want to say online. I am going to wait till the baby is born and how things unfold. I know he loves and wants this baby as well as loves my 3 year old. Whether we will stay together remains to be seen. We are also at different stages of our lives. I am 41 . He is 30 and he loves to party. Our looks are pretty equal right now ( I am still reasonably attractive but it makes me wonder as I age if he will take his online garbage out into the world.) There are just so many things working and things not working. All I can do is take care of my kids and keep their life as stable as I can and work and try to get things done. I am saddened by everything... even broken hearted in many ways. We did not know each other

There are other things. He said that when he starts working he will give me 500 dollars a month and send the rest home to his country. I cant live on that little especially with a new baby coming. The sad reality is he married me to better his and his families life, in my opinion NOT to stay here permanently and most likely sees the baby as a mistake. I have already told him the baby will not go out of the country without me PERIOD.... as he mentioned taking the baby back to visit his family. I am very torn up inside and I feel like my red flags have become blankets I cover myself up with.

Then he goes and buys me flowers and cleans the whole house while I am at work and cleans my closets.. then turns around and hurts me again.,.. I cant really ask any of you what you would do cause I already know whats going on

[maggieNomar 0]

Kat,

I hope that you are able to seriously evaluate your situation and figure out what is best for you and your kids. If you highly suspect he is here for the money and not the marraige, I hope you will not let him get away with the green card. I hate people who do that.

I wish you the best of luck and a safe delivery. Keep us posted. (and yeah that was messed up what you said about sept 11th but it was still funny)

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

His attitude is he can chat and flirt and do what ever and I cant do a thing

Why do you think he is doing this?

Could be a variety of reasons.

1.He is bored at home and not working.

2.He was habitually unfaithful to me both online and offline when he was in his home country ( dont have conclusive proof)

3.He doesnt love me and he is simply using me for a greencard and has absolutely no respect for me as his wife or our marriage

4.He has no reason other than he just simply wants to

I am very very very hurt and thats alot of the reason I stopped posting much about him and me because I dont think anyone can do anything about it. Either he stops and our marriage survives OR he continues and we end up divorced with him visiting our baby son. Either way , I am unhappy. The new laptop arrived today ( its used) I am going to install spector pro and just not check it for like a week and see what he does. If he does the same stuff again, or even worse, I will think about leaving him. I can t live like this

So you'll be unhappy even if he does stop?

I guess I'm not sure what kind of chatting he's doing. You said it's not romantic. So is it like hanging around in OT here on VJ and having conversations with multiple people, some of whom happen to be women? Or is it like yahoo chat or something?

A good friend of mine had some problems with her husband and the internet when she was pregnant (not a MENA relationship btw). She found really inappropriate and pornographic type chats with one particular woman - and it was more than cybersex, there was emotional stuff involved as well. They made it through it, but I can't for the life of me figure out how he could have done something like that because in spite of all that I really do think he is a good guy.

I know this isn't the only issue though. I'd put off making any big decisions though until after the baby comes. You don't need the extra stress of a blowup at the moment.

I have kind of resigned myself to the marriage ending. I really do love him. Last night he started talking about how all his uncles and his dad had multiple wives. I stared at him in disbelief. He is a womanizer. He played it like he was a religious muslim and that was easy to pull off with him living on another continent. All and all I am just sad from all of it. Period

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Kat,

I hope that you are able to seriously evaluate your situation and figure out what is best for you and your kids. If you highly suspect he is here for the money and not the marraige, I hope you will not let him get away with the green card. I hate people who do that.

I wish you the best of luck and a safe delivery. Keep us posted. (and yeah that was messed up what you said about sept 11th but it was still funny)

He already has his conditional greencard and his id and social etc. Its awful hard to prove exactly that he is using me for papers, especially when he has packed his bags several times and wanted to go home. ( I know the whole September 11th thing is messed up ... but so is all the ####### he is doing> I was thinking about hiring the marines to do a gun salute in front of my birthing door... like hey girl we got your back. I just feel so sad but the positive thing is that my kids ( my son and little girl) seem to be doing really ok and are very happy about school starting. If he wants to perv on the computer or even leave me, its better I deal with that reality now than later. I have a new baby coming who means the world to me and a 3 year old little girl in therapy 3 times a week and ESE classes starting in the fall. I cant pay alll my attention to pervert over there and all the internet romances etc. I am horrified at what he s doing. There are so many things wrong on so many levels but I have got to deal with things one thing at a time. I cant get mad about him sending money home. For christs sake, he hasnt even gotten a job yet for me to be mad about. He has NO CONCEPT about how much things cost nor does he see anything really wrong with telling a married woman in Canada that shes so beautiful and hes a rose for you my cherie.. God I wanna hurl

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Sometimes when we resign ourselves to the marriage ending we look for things to support it and believe those things. Have you confronted him about his online activity with other women and the consequences that it has?

Have you told him,"Look you're 30 with a baby on the way it's time to grow up now coz you're married with responsibilities. You have to get a good job and help support your family. Who do you think you're kidding behaving this way? I don't want to check what you're doing online all the time with who knows what. Some of your activity is betraying this marriage and it's unacceptable. As you're Wife I am asking you to stop this and be a Husband or we're ending this marriage and you're going back home."