Foreign women vs. American women

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Has anyone ever thought that the question is asked only because since mostly everyone works, it's a good way to start a conversation?

When I was in college, amongst my college peers, the first question asked was 'what is your major?' Obviously if you're devoting your life to pursuing a certain field, whatever that field is sheds a bit of light on your interests/personality.

I don't get it...are these foreign women just not working? If they are adult, single, not going to school, not taking time off to travel, or some other exception...don't people work? And if they don't, why not and what are they doing with themselves all day long?

And if they don't work even though they are adult and single, why is it seen as somehow better? I really don't get it.

They're working to find a suitor.

What does that entail? And how do they survive with no money?

I was being a bit sarcastic... should have added this on the end.

[Fandango 1,439]

I was being a bit sarcastic... should have added this on the end.

Well I think you're not off the mark in some instances

Mark this day down, Stevo...it's rare that you hear me say that where you're concerned :P

[Brad and Vika 129]

Has anyone ever thought that the question is asked only because since mostly everyone works, it's a good way to start a conversation?

When I was in college, amongst my college peers, the first question asked was 'what is your major?' Obviously if you're devoting your life to pursuing a certain field, whatever that field is sheds a bit of light on your interests/personality.

I don't get it...are these foreign women just not working? If they are adult, single, not going to school, not taking time off to travel, or some other exception...don't people work? And if they don't, why not and what are they doing with themselves all day long?

And if they don't work even though they are adult and single, why is it seen as somehow better? I really don't get it.

I have been told by my Eastern European friends that the question is just considered rude. Like asking what your bank balance is. We also tend to attach character traits to our occupational choices (accountants are boring, lawyers are crooked, nurses are compassionate). They do not, and prefer to judge based on your reputation and what they see. So it is cultural, in my opinion.

Of course it's cultural, that's my point too...while it's considered 'rude' in other countries...it's not considered rude here. We can speculate as to what the question connotates...but imo, when I ask 'so what do you do for a living'...it is NOT to discern how much money a person makes.

There ARE character traits in our occupational choices....and stereotypes become stereotypes for a reason. I would say that accountants do tend to be ####### retentive, lawyers do tend to be verbose and argumentative, nurses do tend to be compassionate. I am a realtor®...people in my line of work tend to be gregarious, outgoing, and friendly...

Of course there are exceptions to the rule, but as a whole, I believe our personalities and interests guide us to choosing a profession in which we are receiving some form of fulfillment. If we all spend 8+ hours a day doing something, doesn't that mean we personally have an interest in it? Doesn't the occupation we choose shed a little light on who we are?

I believe it does...so when I say 'what do you do?' I am not asking how much someone makes...I'm asking to learn more about the person and his/her interests. So while it can be looked at from another culture as rude...perhaps that's making an incorrect assumption based on a cultural misunderstanding.

I lived in another country, and when I tried looking at things thru my American eyes and couldn't understand them, I then allowed myself to see it from that culture's POV, it made perfect sense.

Easy now... I wasn't being critical at all, just relating my own experiences. By the way, I have also heard that in some oriental cultures, casually asking a person's salary is a polite talking point. Curious if any one with a connection to China or Thailand can shed light on that.

I do disagree with you about our choice of occupation shedding much light on who we are. There can be many reasons a person chooses to do a certain kind of work (money leaps immediately to mind). Although your personality may contribute to your getting a job, or coping with it, I think there are lots of other factors that contribute. Sometimes a stereotype appears just because it is funny or cruel - like this BS about American women we are reading here. Are American women less attentive, or more greedy, fat, bitchy, etc. than others? Of course not, but that image is put forward specifically because it is cruel. There are equally cruel stereotypical images of men (pick your category). I do think FSU men and women adhere to a more traditional gender role than Americans do, and this is due to economic factors as much as cultural ones. People are closer because they have to be. In America men and women can afford to worry about their independence and individual space - so we do. It is all about what you are comfortable with.

[Fandango 1,439]

Easy now... I wasn't being critical at all, just relating my own experiences. By the way, I have also heard that in some oriental cultures, casually asking a person's salary is a polite talking point. Curious if any one with a connection to China or Thailand can shed light on that.

I do disagree with you about our choice of occupation shedding much light on who we are. There can be many reasons a person chooses to do a certain kind of work (money leaps immediately to mind). Although your personality may contribute to your getting a job, or coping with it, I think there are lots of other factors that contribute. Sometimes a stereotype appears just because it is funny or cruel - like this BS about American women we are reading here. Are American women less attentive, or more greedy, fat, bitchy, etc. than others? Of course not, but that image is put forward specifically because it is cruel. There are equally cruel stereotypical images of men (pick your category). I do think FSU men and women adhere to a more traditional gender role than Americans do, and this is due to economic factors as much as cultural ones. People are closer because they have to be. In America men and women can afford to worry about their independence and individual space - so we do. It is all about what you are comfortable with.

I wasn't jumping on the defensive nor implying you were being critical So don't worry, I'm taking it perfectly easy!

I think those who jump on the 'American women are b!tchy, this that the other' do so because they were shunned/hurt/etc. I don't begrudge anyone falling in love with a foreign woman/man...but it grates on me to no end to have to quantify it like 'X country's women do this that and the other not like America's'....I've said it before a million times, and I'll say it again....we cannot talk about any country's women like they are a breed of dog....especially America's (since we are a young nation of mostly immigrants and there are so many different cultures within). If one finds love overseas, great...say 'hey I fell in love with my woman because SHE'S this that or the other' People need to STOP from adding '....and American women are....' or saying 'this country's women are...' because the Foreign woman's traits should be good enough to stand on her own without needing to quantify them by comparing her in a better light than 'ALL American women'. And isn't each and every foreign woman her own individual self? Imo, statements like the above belittles the foreign woman as if she's chattel. Like she had no part in becoming who she is...it's her culture that is the selling point...and any woman from that country will do. It's quite sad.

I had previously fallen for a Brit...that doesn't mean I think every Brit man was like mine...or that I preferred Brit men over American men. I just happened to (at the time) prefer that ONE Brit man over every other man. And it was because of who he was on his own merits...not because other men were 'dogs' or whatever.

Yes, there are certain stereotypes that one could say about the American woman as a whole...but again, it depends on if the observation is from a bitter or objective POV. That can skewer everything. Yes, many are career driven. But if you're a single adult, what is the alternative?

We can skirt around the 'more buying power overseas' aspect throughout this whole thread, but it still will be the elephant in the room afaic. Unequitable distribution of power is very much a factor here.

Edited July 27, 2008 by Happy Bunny

[Jenn! 918]

I've said it before a million times, and I'll say it again....we cannot talk about any country's women like they are a breed of dog....especially America's (since we are a young nation of mostly immigrants and there are so many different cultures within). If one finds love overseas, great...say 'hey I fell in love with my woman because SHE'S this that or the other' People need to STOP from adding '....and American women are....' or saying 'this country's women are...' because the Foreign woman's traits should be good enough to stand on her own without needing to quantify them by comparing her in a better light than 'ALL American women'. And isn't each and every foreign woman her own individual self? Imo, statements like the above belittles the foreign woman as if she's chattel. Like she had no part in becoming who she is...it's her culture that is the selling point...and any woman from that country will do. It's quite sad.

FWIW, I'd just like to point out that it's not only American men who talk like this on VJ, but some American women as well. It's just as horrible.

[Fandango 1,439]

I've said it before a million times, and I'll say it again....we cannot talk about any country's women like they are a breed of dog....especially America's (since we are a young nation of mostly immigrants and there are so many different cultures within). If one finds love overseas, great...say 'hey I fell in love with my woman because SHE'S this that or the other' People need to STOP from adding '....and American women are....' or saying 'this country's women are...' because the Foreign woman's traits should be good enough to stand on her own without needing to quantify them by comparing her in a better light than 'ALL American women'. And isn't each and every foreign woman her own individual self? Imo, statements like the above belittles the foreign woman as if she's chattel. Like she had no part in becoming who she is...it's her culture that is the selling point...and any woman from that country will do. It's quite sad.

FWIW, I'd just like to point out that it's not only American men who talk like this on VJ, but some American women as well. It's just as horrible.

I totally agree...and I was remiss in not pointing that out.

[Ken y Leidys 20]

I was married to a strong feminist thinker/activist several years ago. Sadly, she came down with Systemic Lupus (primarily a womans disease), and although my exwife survived, she ultimately used her studies as a means of explaining why our relationship was not working.

Her thoughts at the time:

Margaret Mead - "Every woman needs 3 men for the 3 stages of a womans life; 1 for great sex/experimentation, 1 for having/raising a family, and 1 for enjoying the sunset years."

My exwife was discussing possible reconciliation in February of this year when I asked her to relate these thoughts and where I possibly stood with what Margaret Mead's theory. Because her Systemic Lupus had affected her memory at this stage, my exwife's question to me was, "Who is Margaret Mead?"

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

I was married to a strong feminist thinker/activist several years ago.

You have my condolences. That's a fate I wouldn't wish on anyone!

[Brad and Vika 129]

I've said it before a million times, and I'll say it again....we cannot talk about any country's women like they are a breed of dog....especially America's (since we are a young nation of mostly immigrants and there are so many different cultures within). If one finds love overseas, great...say 'hey I fell in love with my woman because SHE'S this that or the other' People need to STOP from adding '....and American women are....' or saying 'this country's women are...' because the Foreign woman's traits should be good enough to stand on her own without needing to quantify them by comparing her in a better light than 'ALL American women'. And isn't each and every foreign woman her own individual self? Imo, statements like the above belittles the foreign woman as if she's chattel. Like she had no part in becoming who she is...it's her culture that is the selling point...and any woman from that country will do. It's quite sad.

FWIW, I'd just like to point out that it's not only American men who talk like this on VJ, but some American women as well. It's just as horrible.

I totally agree...and I was remiss in not pointing that out.

Another good point. When my Viktoria arrives here in the US, I hope she finds all American women to be this circumspect, but I doubt it. Most likely the attitude will be "only one reason that young woman would be with that guy". I already hear some of that - and it is the other side of the coin we are duscussing, no? I have tried to prepare her for this, but she may have to see it to believe it.

[Ken y Leidys 20]

I was married to a strong feminist thinker/activist several years ago.

You have my condolences. That's a fate I wouldn't wish on anyone!

While I did not agree with my being held accountable for the past transgressions, I felt it was important to try and support my exwife in her activities and strong-held beliefs. I never thought these beliefs would ultimately be used against us in the divorce laywers office. This is why I just shook my head when she tried talking to me about reconciliation and all of her friends who were reconciling their differences.

[Welshcookie 17]

I was married to a strong feminist thinker/activist several years ago.

You have my condolences. That's a fate I wouldn't wish on anyone!

Y'know I majored in Feminist Studies and became very unpopular when I refused to support and join my class in protesting at a beauty contest in London...what I learnt the most from the 3 years of study is that western feminism struggles these days in finding a relevant "cause"....there are, however, women in the world worse off today, if not more, than we were back in the Victorian ages, and I just didn't have the time or care to worry about some pretty young thing who decided to take a year out of Uni to try out for a beauty contest....because that was her choice, and she had that choice because radical feminists fought for her to do that years ago...

Radical western feminists need to address the issue of women who are still repressed in the world and stop writing self help books to mop up the tears of women who now have it all and can't deal with it.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Radical western feminists need to address the issue of women who are still repressed in the world and stop writing self help books to mop up the tears of women who now have it all and can't deal with it.

Damn, sister. Powerful words

[PlatyPius 5]

Radical western feminists need to address the issue of women who are still repressed in the world and stop writing self help books to mop up the tears of women who now have it all and can't deal with it.

I.......I think I love you.

[Welshcookie 17]

Radical western feminists need to address the issue of women who are still repressed in the world and stop writing self help books to mop up the tears of women who now have it all and can't deal with it.

Damn, sister. Powerful words

Radical western feminists need to address the issue of women who are still repressed in the world and stop writing self help books to mop up the tears of women who now have it all and can't deal with it.

I.......I think I love you.

wow...that train of thought was far more popular here than at Uni back in the day ohh.....wait you are guys

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I was married to a strong feminist thinker/activist several years ago.

You have my condolences. That's a fate I wouldn't wish on anyone!

Y'know I majored in Feminist Studies and became very unpopular when I refused to support and join my class in protesting at a beauty contest in London...what I learnt the most from the 3 years of study is that western feminism struggles these days in finding a relevant "cause"....there are, however, women in the world worse off today, if not more, than we were back in the Victorian ages, and I just didn't have the time or care to worry about some pretty young thing who decided to take a year out of Uni to try out for a beauty contest....because that was her choice, and she had that choice because radical feminists fought for her to do that years ago...

Radical western feminists need to address the issue of women who are still repressed in the world and stop writing self help books to mop up the tears of women who now have it all and can't deal with it.

Great post!