Habibi Has Arrived!

[AlHayatZween 2]

I know I am a little late jumping in here, but we really shouldnt take the bickering too much to heart sometimes. It is not always a sign things are not going well. it could just be a sign of how you are communicating. And never underestimate how difficult the adjustment is for USC too. It really does take a great deal of patience on both sides.

Aint it the truth!! Somehow we spend so much time worrying about their adjustment that no one stops and thinks about our own adjustments. I can tell you that is hard work.

Yes, as i really try to simmer down and funnel my crazy emotions, i realize this is exactly the case for me.

i didn't realize that it would be so hard for ME to adjust. he has his moments, and is rising to the occasion like a trooper...

me, on the other hand, i can't say i'm as proud of myself as i am of him... i'm really trying to lighten up a bit and give us both a break.

[aj1 1]

As everyone had mentioned it truly is an adjustment on both sides and you need lots of patience to get through it and you will. My husband got here about 1 month ago so i understand how you feel but i don't worry about the small things mostly i just happy that he is hear with me and i always remember how long, and hard it took for us to get to this point we waited so long to be together so i always look at it this way if we got through that we can, and will get through anything else for sure. I hope this helps you and you know we all understand how you feel we have all went through it before i will pray for you that got give you balance and strength to get through this time and you will hun you will see. Enjoy each other because now you both earned it!

AJ1

[Nutty 2]

Dear HZ:

What makes it harder is if you are stretched thin to begin with (work, life, school) and find you have to do twice as much housework, cooking and then show them how do everything (like public transport, getting around, etc, etc). I admit freely I am totally exhausted! I worked late yesterday. When I got home he was relaxed after studying his engineering books all day. I get up to cook dinner and can barely stand I am so tired. He asks, "honey do you want to go for a walk?" My response, "No dear, I am a little tired tonight (in my mind I am saying "are you freaking crazy? Can't you see your wife is exhausted?").

To top if off, he forgets to take out the garbage and its smelling. So I HAVE TO TAKE IT OUT! I just lost my temper and yelled, "Can't you help at least with the little things?"

Being stretched thin and being overly tired makes you more suceptable to getting upset over the little things.

Just keep that in mind.

[AlHayatZween 2]

It is so true... i'm exhausted myself.

My sister, whose husband is American, said she was exhausted for an entire year after she got married. And her husband was the same man she had lived with for years before getting married!

It's tough, but we will get through it somehow, no?

At least now, with the added encouragement, your hubbie might remember to take the garbage out next time??

Edited July 25, 2008 by AlHayatZween

[Staashi 371]

Dear HZ:

What makes it harder is if you are stretched thin to begin with (work, life, school) and find you have to do twice as much housework, cooking and then show them how do everything (like public transport, getting around, etc, etc). I admit freely I am totally exhausted! I worked late yesterday. When I got home he was relaxed after studying his engineering books all day. I get up to cook dinner and can barely stand I am so tired. He asks, "honey do you want to go for a walk?" My response, "No dear, I am a little tired tonight (in my mind I am saying "are you freaking crazy? Can't you see your wife is exhausted?").

To top if off, he forgets to take out the garbage and its smelling. So I HAVE TO TAKE IT OUT! I just lost my temper and yelled, "Can't you help at least with the little things?"

Being stretched thin and being overly tired makes you more suceptable to getting upset over the little things.

Just keep that in mind.

Tina, sometimes it is so hard...it reminds me of that saying - I had one nerve left and you just got on it. The only thought I can give is sometimes you just have to breathe it out and say, "God give me strength."

I'm fortunate that my DH does a lot around the house, but I've spoiled him with my cooking, and for a while, he expected these gourmet meals every day - as he wouldn't let me use anything frozen. I felt like I could do the Barefoot Contessa show from my kitchen as I was in there for an hour at least each night. I finally said, look I'm sorry, but there will be nights when all we're doing is having a frozen pizza or one from the pizza parlor around the corner. He said he was cool with that.

[Nutty 2]

Dear HZ:

What makes it harder is if you are stretched thin to begin with (work, life, school) and find you have to do twice as much housework, cooking and then show them how do everything (like public transport, getting around, etc, etc). I admit freely I am totally exhausted! I worked late yesterday. When I got home he was relaxed after studying his engineering books all day. I get up to cook dinner and can barely stand I am so tired. He asks, "honey do you want to go for a walk?" My response, "No dear, I am a little tired tonight (in my mind I am saying "are you freaking crazy? Can't you see your wife is exhausted?").

To top if off, he forgets to take out the garbage and its smelling. So I HAVE TO TAKE IT OUT! I just lost my temper and yelled, "Can't you help at least with the little things?"

Being stretched thin and being overly tired makes you more suceptable to getting upset over the little things.

Just keep that in mind.

Tina, sometimes it is so hard...it reminds me of that saying - I had one nerve left and you just got on it. The only thought I can give is sometimes you just have to breathe it out and say, "God give me strength."

I'm fortunate that my DH does a lot around the house, but I've spoiled him with my cooking, and for a while, he expected these gourmet meals every day - as he wouldn't let me use anything frozen. I felt like I could do the Barefoot Contessa show from my kitchen as I was in there for an hour at least each night. I finally said, look I'm sorry, but there will be nights when all we're doing is having a frozen pizza or one from the pizza parlor around the corner. He said he was cool with that.

When I met Abbas, I was not working and living in India. I was healthy, happy and relaxed. Now, I am frazzled to the bone, fat and unhealthy. In fact, I am beginning to think I have Chronic Fatique Syndrome because I can barely make it through the day. I know this isn't right.

[morocco4ever 63]

Dear HZ:

What makes it harder is if you are stretched thin to begin with (work, life, school) and find you have to do twice as much housework, cooking and then show them how do everything (like public transport, getting around, etc, etc). I admit freely I am totally exhausted! I worked late yesterday. When I got home he was relaxed after studying his engineering books all day. I get up to cook dinner and can barely stand I am so tired. He asks, "honey do you want to go for a walk?" My response, "No dear, I am a little tired tonight (in my mind I am saying "are you freaking crazy? Can't you see your wife is exhausted?").

To top if off, he forgets to take out the garbage and its smelling. So I HAVE TO TAKE IT OUT! I just lost my temper and yelled, "Can't you help at least with the little things?"

Being stretched thin and being overly tired makes you more suceptable to getting upset over the little things.

Just keep that in mind.

Tina, sometimes it is so hard...it reminds me of that saying - I had one nerve left and you just got on it. The only thought I can give is sometimes you just have to breathe it out and say, "God give me strength."

I'm fortunate that my DH does a lot around the house, but I've spoiled him with my cooking, and for a while, he expected these gourmet meals every day - as he wouldn't let me use anything frozen. I felt like I could do the Barefoot Contessa show from my kitchen as I was in there for an hour at least each night. I finally said, look I'm sorry, but there will be nights when all we're doing is having a frozen pizza or one from the pizza parlor around the corner. He said he was cool with that.

I can so relate. My husband, at first, insisted on fresh everything. It really didn't take him long to realize that it just wasn't going to happen. I make him Melwi for his breakfast, which is a lot of work, but he hates all of the typical american breakfasts, so I do it. BUT I make a 2 week batch at a time and freeze it. He takes it out and nukes it. Its just the way it is, we don't have the luxury of me staying home, and if I did it they way he is used to there wouldn't be any time left for luxuries like, uh SLEEP! lol

[Nutty 2]

My husband is sorry for not taking out the garbage. The problem is that I can not adjust to living in the US anymore. I just don't have the stamina to keep up this life.

It is so true... i'm exhausted myself.

My sister, whose husband is American, said she was exhausted for an entire year after she got married. And her husband was the same man she had lived with for years before getting married!

It's tough, but we will get through it somehow, no?

At least now, with the added encouragement, your hubbie might remember to take the garbage out next time??

Edited July 25, 2008 by Nutty

[S and S 12]

Dear HZ:

What makes it harder is if you are stretched thin to begin with (work, life, school) and find you have to do twice as much housework, cooking and then show them how do everything (like public transport, getting around, etc, etc). I admit freely I am totally exhausted! I worked late yesterday. When I got home he was relaxed after studying his engineering books all day. I get up to cook dinner and can barely stand I am so tired. He asks, "honey do you want to go for a walk?" My response, "No dear, I am a little tired tonight (in my mind I am saying "are you freaking crazy? Can't you see your wife is exhausted?").

To top if off, he forgets to take out the garbage and its smelling. So I HAVE TO TAKE IT OUT! I just lost my temper and yelled, "Can't you help at least with the little things?"

Being stretched thin and being overly tired makes you more suceptable to getting upset over the little things.

Just keep that in mind.

Tina, sometimes it is so hard...it reminds me of that saying - I had one nerve left and you just got on it. The only thought I can give is sometimes you just have to breathe it out and say, "God give me strength."

I'm fortunate that my DH does a lot around the house, but I've spoiled him with my cooking, and for a while, he expected these gourmet meals every day - as he wouldn't let me use anything frozen. I felt like I could do the Barefoot Contessa show from my kitchen as I was in there for an hour at least each night. I finally said, look I'm sorry, but there will be nights when all we're doing is having a frozen pizza or one from the pizza parlor around the corner. He said he was cool with that.

I can so relate. My husband, at first, insisted on fresh everything. It really didn't take him long to realize that it just wasn't going to happen. I make him Melwi for his breakfast, which is a lot of work, but he hates all of the typical american breakfasts, so I do it. BUT I make a 2 week batch at a time and freeze it. He takes it out and nukes it. Its just the way it is, we don't have the luxury of me staying home, and if I did it they way he is used to there wouldn't be any time left for luxuries like, uh SLEEP! lol

I keep trying to explain to my husband that I don't have the time to cook everything fresh all the time. That I will do my best, but I can't be like his mom. Unfortunately his mom did work. She was a school teacher. Apparently she would get up at 5am each morning to make everyone breakfast and prep for lunch. Then she would come home on her lunch break to finish cooking it and serve it. After work she would start in on housework and cleaning. She had 7 kids to care for and yet she did everything from scratch. She even made her own tomatoe paste. I don't know how I can possibly compete with that!

[Nutty 2]

Dear HZ:

What makes it harder is if you are stretched thin to begin with (work, life, school) and find you have to do twice as much housework, cooking and then show them how do everything (like public transport, getting around, etc, etc). I admit freely I am totally exhausted! I worked late yesterday. When I got home he was relaxed after studying his engineering books all day. I get up to cook dinner and can barely stand I am so tired. He asks, "honey do you want to go for a walk?" My response, "No dear, I am a little tired tonight (in my mind I am saying "are you freaking crazy? Can't you see your wife is exhausted?").

To top if off, he forgets to take out the garbage and its smelling. So I HAVE TO TAKE IT OUT! I just lost my temper and yelled, "Can't you help at least with the little things?"

Being stretched thin and being overly tired makes you more suceptable to getting upset over the little things.

Just keep that in mind.

Tina, sometimes it is so hard...it reminds me of that saying - I had one nerve left and you just got on it. The only thought I can give is sometimes you just have to breathe it out and say, "God give me strength."

I'm fortunate that my DH does a lot around the house, but I've spoiled him with my cooking, and for a while, he expected these gourmet meals every day - as he wouldn't let me use anything frozen. I felt like I could do the Barefoot Contessa show from my kitchen as I was in there for an hour at least each night. I finally said, look I'm sorry, but there will be nights when all we're doing is having a frozen pizza or one from the pizza parlor around the corner. He said he was cool with that.

I can so relate. My husband, at first, insisted on fresh everything. It really didn't take him long to realize that it just wasn't going to happen. I make him Melwi for his breakfast, which is a lot of work, but he hates all of the typical american breakfasts, so I do it. BUT I make a 2 week batch at a time and freeze it. He takes it out and nukes it. Its just the way it is, we don't have the luxury of me staying home, and if I did it they way he is used to there wouldn't be any time left for luxuries like, uh SLEEP! lol

I keep trying to explain to my husband that I don't have the time to cook everything fresh all the time. That I will do my best, but I can't be like his mom. Unfortunately his mom did work. She was a school teacher. Apparently she would get up at 5am each morning to make everyone breakfast and prep for lunch. Then she would come home on her lunch break to finish cooking it and serve it. After work she would start in on housework and cleaning. She had 7 kids to care for and yet she did everything from scratch. She even made her own tomatoe paste. I don't know how I can possibly compete with that!

IMPOSSIBLE!

Damn I hate it when they can show someone who is a freaking saint!

When I said to my husband I want work 2 or 3 days a week, he highlighted how his sister-in-law back in Iran is now working full time. BUT, I wonder if that is really true (the full-time bit). And then, more than likely working there and working here is like comparing apples to oranges as far as productivity is concerned.

Americans are the most over-worked nation on the planet.

Edited July 25, 2008 by Nutty

[S and S 12]

Dear HZ:

What makes it harder is if you are stretched thin to begin with (work, life, school) and find you have to do twice as much housework, cooking and then show them how do everything (like public transport, getting around, etc, etc). I admit freely I am totally exhausted! I worked late yesterday. When I got home he was relaxed after studying his engineering books all day. I get up to cook dinner and can barely stand I am so tired. He asks, "honey do you want to go for a walk?" My response, "No dear, I am a little tired tonight (in my mind I am saying "are you freaking crazy? Can't you see your wife is exhausted?").

To top if off, he forgets to take out the garbage and its smelling. So I HAVE TO TAKE IT OUT! I just lost my temper and yelled, "Can't you help at least with the little things?"

Being stretched thin and being overly tired makes you more suceptable to getting upset over the little things.

Just keep that in mind.

Tina, sometimes it is so hard...it reminds me of that saying - I had one nerve left and you just got on it. The only thought I can give is sometimes you just have to breathe it out and say, "God give me strength."

I'm fortunate that my DH does a lot around the house, but I've spoiled him with my cooking, and for a while, he expected these gourmet meals every day - as he wouldn't let me use anything frozen. I felt like I could do the Barefoot Contessa show from my kitchen as I was in there for an hour at least each night. I finally said, look I'm sorry, but there will be nights when all we're doing is having a frozen pizza or one from the pizza parlor around the corner. He said he was cool with that.

I can so relate. My husband, at first, insisted on fresh everything. It really didn't take him long to realize that it just wasn't going to happen. I make him Melwi for his breakfast, which is a lot of work, but he hates all of the typical american breakfasts, so I do it. BUT I make a 2 week batch at a time and freeze it. He takes it out and nukes it. Its just the way it is, we don't have the luxury of me staying home, and if I did it they way he is used to there wouldn't be any time left for luxuries like, uh SLEEP! lol

I keep trying to explain to my husband that I don't have the time to cook everything fresh all the time. That I will do my best, but I can't be like his mom. Unfortunately his mom did work. She was a school teacher. Apparently she would get up at 5am each morning to make everyone breakfast and prep for lunch. Then she would come home on her lunch break to finish cooking it and serve it. After work she would start in on housework and cleaning. She had 7 kids to care for and yet she did everything from scratch. She even made her own tomatoe paste. I don't know how I can possibly compete with that!

IMPOSSIBLE!

Damn I hate it when they can show someone who is a freaking saint!

When I said to my husband I want work 2 or 3 days a week, he highlighted how his sister-in-law back in Iran is now working full time. BUT, I wonder if that is really true (the full-time bit). And then, more than likely working there and working here is like comparing apples to oranges as far as productivity is concerned.

Americans are the most over-worked nation on the planet.

I agree, I don't know how it is possible. There must be different work hours there, it is the only logical explanation. That and they probably don't live far from where they work as much as we do. That is the best guess I have.

[chiquita 0]

Excellent post as usual Julianna, and also great advice.

i second that!

[Staashi 371]

Dear HZ:

What makes it harder is if you are stretched thin to begin with (work, life, school) and find you have to do twice as much housework, cooking and then show them how do everything (like public transport, getting around, etc, etc). I admit freely I am totally exhausted! I worked late yesterday. When I got home he was relaxed after studying his engineering books all day. I get up to cook dinner and can barely stand I am so tired. He asks, "honey do you want to go for a walk?" My response, "No dear, I am a little tired tonight (in my mind I am saying "are you freaking crazy? Can't you see your wife is exhausted?").

To top if off, he forgets to take out the garbage and its smelling. So I HAVE TO TAKE IT OUT! I just lost my temper and yelled, "Can't you help at least with the little things?"

Being stretched thin and being overly tired makes you more suceptable to getting upset over the little things.

Just keep that in mind.

Tina, sometimes it is so hard...it reminds me of that saying - I had one nerve left and you just got on it. The only thought I can give is sometimes you just have to breathe it out and say, "God give me strength."

I'm fortunate that my DH does a lot around the house, but I've spoiled him with my cooking, and for a while, he expected these gourmet meals every day - as he wouldn't let me use anything frozen. I felt like I could do the Barefoot Contessa show from my kitchen as I was in there for an hour at least each night. I finally said, look I'm sorry, but there will be nights when all we're doing is having a frozen pizza or one from the pizza parlor around the corner. He said he was cool with that.

I can so relate. My husband, at first, insisted on fresh everything. It really didn't take him long to realize that it just wasn't going to happen. I make him Melwi for his breakfast, which is a lot of work, but he hates all of the typical american breakfasts, so I do it. BUT I make a 2 week batch at a time and freeze it. He takes it out and nukes it. Its just the way it is, we don't have the luxury of me staying home, and if I did it they way he is used to there wouldn't be any time left for luxuries like, uh SLEEP! lol

I keep trying to explain to my husband that I don't have the time to cook everything fresh all the time. That I will do my best, but I can't be like his mom. Unfortunately his mom did work. She was a school teacher. Apparently she would get up at 5am each morning to make everyone breakfast and prep for lunch. Then she would come home on her lunch break to finish cooking it and serve it. After work she would start in on housework and cleaning. She had 7 kids to care for and yet she did everything from scratch. She even made her own tomatoe paste. I don't know how I can possibly compete with that!

My MIL is just like this too...she would cook, clean, and do her tailoring work until 2 am each morning, and then wake up at 6 am to get everything ready for the day. I always feel like I just can't compete - so I gave up trying. Sometimes you just can't do it all, but when all is said and done, I do want to do nice things for my husband and he does appreciate it.

[S and S 12]

Why is it that us women are willing to work ourselves to death for our families, yet many men don't work nearly as hard. I hope they appreciate us for all our efforts!

[Alhamdulillah 0]

The problem is that I can not adjust to living in the US anymore. I just don't have the stamina to keep up this life.

I understand this completely!! Losing my job has been one of the best things to happen to me! And I'm NOT going back!! I told him I have absolutely NO desire to EVER work outside the home another day of my life and he's cool with that. He prefers me to be home to cook and clean and all that good stuff lol. Maybe I'll babysit some kids when we get a house of our own inshallah but that's about it.

If he starts a business or something I'll help him with that....

I want to go back to school though and get my teaching degree, just in case I decide later I want to work again or if I need it overseas when we move in the future.