How to Tell the Ex You Are Getting Remarried

[Ontarkie 14,543]

Well if your worried he would get violent I wouldn't tell him at all, like you said he already thinks its going to happen.

I didnt tell my ex at all didnt even tell him I got enganged and now were married, didn't tell him when were moving other then a rough ideal like spring. But then he also only saw the kids at Christmas and thats only cause his mother makes him.

But I was terrified of how he would act so I tend to avoid all contact if I can. He heard it all through the grape vine, so other ppl got to deal with him instead of me. I got a few phone calls but i hang up or dont pick up at all unless he actually wanted to talk to the kids and that has yet to happen.

[ronjie 0]

I didn't tell mine until after I was married and I told the kids first..... probably not the best way but I figured the kids should know then the father since I would rather tell them then him. Good luck and congrats

thats what I did, unless ur inviting him, no reason to tell him till after the wedding... if he can't be civilized then its his problem. i wouldn't make it yours...enjoy your day, then worry about him

[Steve Y Jessica 1]

I am in the same boat. I got married in April and her case was approved at the NVC this week, so she should be coming here soon. And my ex-wife still does not know that I am married. I know that she will go psyco when I tell her. Plus the fact that my wife is 2 months pregnant.

I have custody of our daughter and my daughter knew the whole time when I started seeing my wife. My daughter and wife will talk on the phone and on messenger. Luckily for me, they both like each other alot and are both excited about finally meeting in person. Also my daughter is excited about having a brother or sister.

I have not told my ex just because I know how she will react. She has known I had a girlfriend from Buenos Aires, and she went bullistic about that. Calling me and her all kinds of names, and the part about she only wants a GC.

She is bi-polar and an alcoholic. And as my daughter puts it, she is a mean drunk. And she will not get help for anything because she says she doesn't have a problem

But in my case, I could care less if she starts yelling at me, I just hang up the phone. But she takes things out on our daughter. Because she will be mad, she will yell at our daughter and tell her that she is a liar for not telling her anything about it. Then give her the usual, "I'm just going to disapear and you will never see me again". My ex is a huge 100% #1 ######!!!!

This is why I still have not told her. I do not like the way she takes things out on my daughter. And I still have not figured out how I am going to go about it.

[Ban Hammer 13,645]

tell him the gifts must come from victoria's secret

[tim/ana 0]

no such thing as hate. only growing up and realizing. life is short and to be with the one that makes you happy is priceless. some people arent meant to be happy. enjoy the fact that your one of the happy ones.

Tim. first visa got denied cause my wife now but then fiance lied. but alls good now. she was affraid too.

fear is a bad thing. truth will set you free. TIM/ANA

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Tell him after the wedding no point in ruining your special day.

[natty bumppo 297]

Note: I wont even read the earlier responses ...

hello ... it's an ex ... you split ... game over .. who gives a stuff .... divorce means ... we don't agree on things .. deal ...

[Brad and Vika 129]

Note: I wont even read the earlier responses ...

hello ... it's an ex ... you split ... game over .. who gives a stuff .... divorce means ... we don't agree on things .. deal ...

Except for the kids. Make the effort and tell him (in a safe environment). Be the bigger person. Your children will remember it.

[natty bumppo 297]

Note: I wont even read the earlier responses ...

hello ... it's an ex ... you split ... game over .. who gives a stuff .... divorce means ... we don't agree on things .. deal ...

Except for the kids. Make the effort and tell him (in a safe environment). Be the bigger person. Your children will remember it.

kids need a little more tact ... still it's an ex ... and there needs to be a united front with said ex ...

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

I agree with Natty.

Depending on the kids age you can explain it to them, however there is no obligation to get tangled up with the ex already knowing he's feelings about it. I say tell him after the fact and then he just has to accept it.

[JVKn'CVO 11]

Your ex-husband is a grown man. He'll have to deal with the situation as such

Good Luck!

Saludos,

Caro

[psiprez 3]

OF COURSE my fiance hates my ex as well, most of all because of the way he treated me and the kids. My ex had been removed from the house by the police after a violent incident, and I ended up with the house and all the possessions. The divorce took well over a year, and my fiance and I started our relationship before it was finalized. Our joke was that my fiance would introduce himself to my ex by calling to inform him that he is the one "***ing HIS wife in HIS bed".

Now we joke that he should call and say that soon he will be "***ing MY wife in MY bed".

But.... as much as I want to be spiteful, I know I need to keep it civil for the sake of the children. They are pre-teens, old enough to understand and AGREE with why mom and dad had to split. The kids also adore my fiance and can't wait for the big day. (My youngest said "He's just like dad, but not as fat, or scary." Gotta love kids!)

The two have met once, at my ex's insistence, believe it or not. It was last Christmas, and was the first time the kids would be in the house for my fiance's visit. My ex wanted to "check him out" to make sure he wouldn't be dangerous around the children in any way. Ha! As if he has any say in the matter. My fiance was MORE than happy to meet him. You know, to let him know there was a new sheriff in town. But really, we both understand that we will both need to have a cordial relationship with my ex, as far as dealing with the kids go.

[AnaAndDaniel 0]

send him a copy of this video;

i hope the link works

Daniel

[bora bora 1]

send him a copy of this video;

i hope the link works

Daniel

[Brad and Vika 129]

OF COURSE my fiance hates my ex as well, most of all because of the way he treated me and the kids. My ex had been removed from the house by the police after a violent incident, and I ended up with the house and all the possessions. The divorce took well over a year, and my fiance and I started our relationship before it was finalized. Our joke was that my fiance would introduce himself to my ex by calling to inform him that he is the one "***ing HIS wife in HIS bed".

Now we joke that he should call and say that soon he will be "***ing MY wife in MY bed".

But.... as much as I want to be spiteful, I know I need to keep it civil for the sake of the children. They are pre-teens, old enough to understand and AGREE with why mom and dad had to split. The kids also adore my fiance and can't wait for the big day. (My youngest said "He's just like dad, but not as fat, or scary." Gotta love kids!)

The two have met once, at my ex's insistence, believe it or not. It was last Christmas, and was the first time the kids would be in the house for my fiance's visit. My ex wanted to "check him out" to make sure he wouldn't be dangerous around the children in any way. Ha! As if he has any say in the matter. My fiance was MORE than happy to meet him. You know, to let him know there was a new sheriff in town. But really, we both understand that we will both need to have a cordial relationship with my ex, as far as dealing with the kids go.

That last comment is excellent. Probably early for this.... kids do remember who was nasty and spiteful. The point is to (without upsetting the kids) get to where you and the ex are not emotionally attached any more. It is difficult to do with kids in the mix, and a new husband that wants to put the ex in his place. The goal is to reach a state where you are indifferent to each other - no anger, no spite, and certainly no fear. Like some one you used to know well but don't any more.

I got there by trying to communicate with my ex honestly and without worrying about her reaction to the information. My conduct was not going to depend on her behavior - if she behaves badly, that is her problem. My kids remember that (not that I was perfect by any stretch).

Now you may get more posts in the vein of "screw him - you don't owe him any explanation!", and you don't. But take the high road.... you will be glad you did later. Just my opinion.