How to Tell the Ex You Are Getting Remarried

[psiprez 3]

Our K-1 is all approved now, but there is still one more loose end... telling my ex-husband I am getting remarried in six weeks.

Any ideas??

My ex hates my fiance (of course!), and hates the idea of him becoming stepdad to our daughters. He has guessed that this was coming for sometime, but I always downplayed it. I did that out of fear the he would somehow mess up the visa process for us out of spite, and also just to make him easier to deal with at the time.

I feel that the respectful thing is for me to tell him in person, before the news is made public. Believe me, an e-mail (or MySpace bulletin, lol), would be a lot easier, but I know what I have to do. I'm just so scared that he will react badly. Or violently. Or just become a nightmare to deal with in regards to the kids. But it has to be done, right??

[LoriLawless 0]

There's no easy way to do it, it's best just to either call and tell him, or do it in person.

I would prefer to do it over the phone.

Just tell him that he'll always be the kid's dad, and that you're happy and hope he will keep things pleasant for the kids' sake.

Just be honest, and get it over with. Good luck to you!

[warriorprincess 0]

That is a tough one, especially seeing that he hates your fiance. I would tell him in person but choose somewhere public where hopefully he wouldn't make a scene. If you don't want to go that route the phone would be best. All the best to you and your finace on your continued journey.

[bhajishah 4]

Send him a wedding invitation with a little side note>> la la la la, la la la la, ya ya yah good bye

[MrsCat 6]

That is a tough one, especially seeing that he hates your fiance. I would tell him in person but choose somewhere public where hopefully he wouldn't make a scene. If you don't want to go that route the phone would be best.

Very good advice above

Personally, I would have went the tactless route and sent a wedding announcement card in the mail with our happy smiling faces - with the note saying Sorry You Were Unable to Make It.

[warriorprincess 0]

That is a tough one, especially seeing that he hates your fiance. I would tell him in person but choose somewhere public where hopefully he wouldn't make a scene. If you don't want to go that route the phone would be best.

Very good advice above

Personally, I would have went the tactless route and sent a wedding announcement card in the mail with our happy smiling faces - with the note saying Sorry You Were Unable to Make It.

Thanks cattatude but your way is a good way also

[Kathryn41 3,205]

That is a tough one, especially seeing that he hates your fiance. I would tell him in person but choose somewhere public where hopefully he wouldn't make a scene. If you don't want to go that route the phone would be best.

Very good advice above

Personally, I would have went the tactless route and sent a wedding announcement card in the mail with our happy smiling faces - with the note saying Sorry You Were Unable to Make It.

Thanks cattatude but your way is a good way also

I think I would have gone for an even less tactful route - and sent him the printed announcement from the newspaper after the fact so he had no way of messing things up before it happened. Regardless, you know him best and you know how likely he is to hear from other sources about your re-marriage. I would certainly want to leave it as late in the process as possible. If you didn't have children together I wouldn't even bother. (We don't know if Joe's ex-wife knows he is remarried or not - nor do we care).

[Mina76 0]

Send him a wedding invitation with a little side note>> la la la la, la la la la, ya ya yah good bye

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I'd write it all down in a letter and then plan to meet him somewhere public to give him the letter, but just tell him you want to meet with him to talk about the kids. I'd give him a brief explanation of what the letter is about and that you need to count on his cooperation for the sake of the children. You certainly don't want your daughters to feel like they've got to choose sides or harbor any of your ex-husband's negative feelings about your future husband.

Have they met before? If you and your ex share custody of the children, I'd recommend that you all get together initially in hopes of breaking the ice and perhaps getting your ex to accept your new life with your future husband.

[MissStacey 1]

I told my ex that I found something bigger.

[Brad and Vika 129]

Our K-1 is all approved now, but there is still one more loose end... telling my ex-husband I am getting remarried in six weeks.

Any ideas??

My ex hates my fiance (of course!), and hates the idea of him becoming stepdad to our daughters. He has guessed that this was coming for sometime, but I always downplayed it. I did that out of fear the he would somehow mess up the visa process for us out of spite, and also just to make him easier to deal with at the time.

I feel that the respectful thing is for me to tell him in person, before the news is made public. Believe me, an e-mail (or MySpace bulletin, lol), would be a lot easier, but I know what I have to do. I'm just so scared that he will react badly. Or violently. Or just become a nightmare to deal with in regards to the kids. But it has to be done, right??

I think you were wise to wait until everything is approved to tell him. It sounds llike your fiance' is here now, and I respectfully suggest safety first for you and the kids. Telling him before he finds out will draw the sting a little, and you might try having a relative (his or yours) that he respects close by when you tell him. Some one who he respects and listens to even when he is upset. Also, don't have your daughters present unless they are old enough to help with him. It will be easier if he does not feel threatened or humiliated.

Good luck

Edited July 20, 2008 by Brad and Vika

[Asante Maroon 0]

That is a tough one, especially seeing that he hates your fiance. I would tell him in person but choose somewhere public where hopefully he wouldn't make a scene. If you don't want to go that route the phone would be best. All the best to you and your finace on your continued journey.

This is very solid advice. I would bring along someone or some people you are close to, to sit a distance away. Just in case! Good luck!!!

Oh yeah...and I would wait until the last second to tell him...perhaps when plane flights are solidified and he's coming in like 2 days...It's not like he has no clue that your SO was coming at all...

Edited July 20, 2008 by Asante Maroon

[Sassy1natl 0]

I agree with Jabberwocky. You are going to have to approach it in a way that will maintain civility. You have children that could very well get caught in the crossfire, so to speak, if you deal with it in a less tactful way. I am sure that you may, initially, want to tell him in the most hurtful way possible. But you are going to have to deal with the aftermath at some point. And that could cause a serious strain in your children's relationship with their father.

Good luck to you.

[nunyab 0]

I didn't tell mine until after I was married and I told the kids first..... probably not the best way but I figured the kids should know then the father since I would rather tell them then him. Good luck and congrats

[Peikko 1,575]

Ah, the husband to be is the non US, got it!

Edited July 20, 2008 by Purple_Hibiscus