Airline Humor.

[sweet_peach 0]

OK, I used to be an airline mechanic, and now I am the Manager of Maintnance for an airline.

You do not have to have an degree to be a Pilot. And ther are many mechanics with degrees also, some have MBA's. A pilot only know how to fly the airplane. All they are is an overpaid busdriver.

A mechanic needs to know how to repair the plane. Also if they do or don't have a license, they need to know how to fly the plane as well as fix it to be able to troubleshoot the problem and fix it.

Most pilots are pieces of SH**!! They are arrogant and overpaid. Many times when you are flying and your flight is canceled due to a maintenance problem. There is no problem. The pilot has a golf tee time they do not want to miss. Or most of the international pilots have girlfriends in other countries that they want to spend more time with.

I got in big trouble in February when I was doing some work in Sao Paulo, Brazil. The pilot had the flight out of Sao Paulo canceled when there was nothing wrong with the plane. It was well known that he just wanted to spend more time with his girlfriend before returning to the US to his wife.

So I went into the cockpit and told him that he was a piece of SH**!! He was not thinking anything of the passengers and the people who saved for a long time for a vacation. I guess I hurt his poor little feelings.

And yes, these gripes are real. I do not know the original airline they are from, but I see the same type of thing all the time.

I have received gripes similar. One time the pilot griped that the aircraft would not do what he was telling the aircraft to do. I resoponded, "That is because the aircraft is smarter that you are. If it would have done what you were telling it to do, you would have crashed. YOU IDIOT!!!" And yes, I did get in trouble for calling the pilot an idiot.

BRAVO!!! BRAVO!!

I too am in the airline industry and know all to well about what your saying.....

You took the words right out of my mouth.

[TBoneTX 46,295]

Just found this thread. Had some (very dated) jokes:

Following are accounts of actual exchanges between airliners and control towers from all around the world.

During taxi, the crew of a USAir flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale

made a wrong turn and came nose-to-nose with a United 727. The irate

ground controller (female) lashed out at the USAir crew, screaming,

"Useless 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie

taxiway; you turned onto Delta! Stop right there! I know it's difficult

to tell the difference between Cs and Ds, but get it right!" Continuing

her lashing of the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting, "God, you've

screwed everything up -- it'll take forever to sort this out! You stay

right there and don't move until I tell you to! You can expect progressive

taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where

I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you!!! You got that, Useless 2771?"

The humbled crew responded: "Yes, ma'am." Naturally, the

ground-control frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of

USAir 2771. No one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her

current state. Tension in every cockpit at LaGuardia was running high.

Shortly after the controller finished her admonishment of the USAir crew,

an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, "LaGuardia ground...

wasn't I married to you once?"

A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing, with his approach speed just a little too high.

San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end, if able. If not able, take the Guadaloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport."

It was a really nice day, right about dusk, and a Piper Malibu was

being vectored into a long line of airliners in order to land at Kansas City.

KC Approach: "Malibu three-two-Charlie, you're following a 727, one

o'clock and three miles."

Three-two-Charlie: "We've got him. We'll follow him."

KC Approach: "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu, eleven

o'clock and three miles. Do you have that traffic?"

Delta 105 (long pause and then in a thick southern drawl): "Well...

we've got somethin' down there. Cain't quite tell if it's a Malibu or a Chevelle, though."

Tower: "Eastern 702, contact Departure on 124.7."

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure... by the way,

after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff; did you copy the report from Eastern?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff Roger; and

Roger, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."

O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 Heavy, your traffic is a Fokker F-27, one o'clock, 3 miles, eastbound."

United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got that Fokker in sight."

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered

lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate-parking location, but how

to get there without any assistance from them. So resulted this exchange

between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign

"Speedbird 206") after landing:

Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning, Frankfurt; Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."

Ground: "Guten morgen! You will taxi to your gate!"

The British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment, Ground; I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with some arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, you have never

flown to Frankfurt before?!?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, I have, in 1944. In another type of Boeing... but I didn't stop."

A Pan Am 727 flight engineer was waiting for start clearance in

Munich. As the junior crew member, he was listening to the radio. This was the conversation:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer, you must speak English."

Luft (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Beautiful English accent (before Ground could answer): "Because you lost the bloody war!"

[TBoneTX 46,295]

Here's another dated one, but still very funny (to me, having flown on all of these airlines):

WHAT TIME IS IT?

A very self-impressed businessman was afraid that his flight would land too late for him to make his business appointment. He strode forward, banged on the cockpit door, and demanded of the pilot, "What time is it?"

The pilot responded, "According to which airline?"

The businessman said, "What difference does it make? What time is it?"

The pilot again responded, "According to which airline?"

The businessman became irate and said, "Just tell me what time it is, or I'll come in there and wring your neck!"

The pilot consulted his watch, then said, "OK -- on Eastern, it's 13:30; on Pan Am, it's 1:30; on Braniff, it's Wednesday; and on Ozark, it's June!"

[DeadPoolX 9]

I'm a pilot for the small planes made from beer cans,... i wouldn't want someone without a sense of humor working on my plane...and ur right anything more than a private pilot and they are arrogant a$$'s

Many mechanics are also private pilots. But Airline pilots are self-centered and think they are gods.

I could understand that attitude from military pilots who're trained to engage in combat. When you're fighting someone else, you probably do need to have something of an ego in order to come out on top. But airline pilots aren't dogfighting -- even if the pilot wanted to, there's no way a 737 or even an ERJ could do the same sort of maneuvers an F-22 could. So who're they trying to impress with the previously stated "holier-than-thou" mindset?