Airline Humor.

[Teacher Mark 53]

Just in case you need a laugh:

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. *

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. *

P: Something loose in cockpit

S: Something tightened in cockpit *

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order. *

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. *

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.*

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.*

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.*

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.*

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.*

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search*

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.*

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.*

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.*

And the best one for last *

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

[Sassy1natl 0]

Strange how something can be funny, yet oh so scary at the same time.

[Teacher Mark 53]

Strange how something can be funny, yet oh so scary at the same time.

I'm sure it's not real. UPS would never allow humor at work! I think they have people's sense of humor surgically removed when they come to work there.

[Sassy1natl 0]

Strange how something can be funny, yet oh so scary at the same time.

I'm sure it's not real. UPS would never allow humor at work! I think they have people's sense of humor surgically removed when they come to work there.

Ok. That's reassuring.

[Nagishkaw 510]

Strange how something can be funny, yet oh so scary at the same time.

I'm sure it's not real. UPS would never allow humor at work! I think they have people's sense of humor surgically removed when they come to work there.

[LaGreenEyes 0]

I'm in aviation...I've seen this but instead of UPS it was Qantas and another time it was Southwest.

Anyway you put it it's funny!

[yogib37 3]

I'm in aviation...I've seen this but instead of UPS it was Qantas and another time it was Southwest.

Anyway you put it it's funny!

yes I used to be in Aviation and I seen this in many differnt forms, But I think it first came out from the Militry. I think that is the kind of sense of humor that the militry has. Kind I the same I had when I was a Maintenance technician. Like

the #1 brake is worn to almost lts limits, I would tell them, almost repace the #1 brake, and they have 3 others to help stop the plane.

Yogi

[Steve Y Jessica 1]

OK, I used to be an airline mechanic, and now I am the Manager of Maintnance for an airline.

You do not have to have an degree to be a Pilot. And ther are many mechanics with degrees also, some have MBA's. A pilot only know how to fly the airplane. All they are is an overpaid busdriver.

A mechanic needs to know how to repair the plane. Also if they do or don't have a license, they need to know how to fly the plane as well as fix it to be able to troubleshoot the problem and fix it.

Most pilots are pieces of SH**!! They are arrogant and overpaid. Many times when you are flying and your flight is canceled due to a maintenance problem. There is no problem. The pilot has a golf tee time they do not want to miss. Or most of the international pilots have girlfriends in other countries that they want to spend more time with.

I got in big trouble in February when I was doing some work in Sao Paulo, Brazil. The pilot had the flight out of Sao Paulo canceled when there was nothing wrong with the plane. It was well known that he just wanted to spend more time with his girlfriend before returning to the US to his wife.

So I went into the cockpit and told him that he was a piece of SH**!! He was not thinking anything of the passengers and the people who saved for a long time for a vacation. I guess I hurt his poor little feelings.

And yes, these gripes are real. I do not know the original airline they are from, but I see the same type of thing all the time.

I have received gripes similar. One time the pilot griped that the aircraft would not do what he was telling the aircraft to do. I resoponded, "That is because the aircraft is smarter that you are. If it would have done what you were telling it to do, you would have crashed. YOU IDIOT!!!" And yes, I did get in trouble for calling the pilot an idiot.

[ronjie 0]

I'm a pilot for the small planes made from beer cans,... i wouldn't want someone without a sense of humor working on my plane...and ur right anything more than a private pilot and they are arrogant a$$'s

[Steve Y Jessica 1]

I'm a pilot for the small planes made from beer cans,... i wouldn't want someone without a sense of humor working on my plane...and ur right anything more than a private pilot and they are arrogant a$$'s

Many mechanics are also private pilots. But Airline pilots are self-centered and think they are gods.

[LaGreenEyes 0]

OK, I used to be an airline mechanic, and now I am the Manager of Maintnance for an airline.

You do not have to have an degree to be a Pilot. And ther are many mechanics with degrees also, some have MBA's. A pilot only know how to fly the airplane. All they are is an overpaid busdriver.

A mechanic needs to know how to repair the plane. Also if they do or don't have a license, they need to know how to fly the plane as well as fix it to be able to troubleshoot the problem and fix it.

Most pilots are pieces of SH**!! They are arrogant and overpaid. Many times when you are flying and your flight is canceled due to a maintenance problem. There is no problem. The pilot has a golf tee time they do not want to miss. Or most of the international pilots have girlfriends in other countries that they want to spend more time with.

I got in big trouble in February when I was doing some work in Sao Paulo, Brazil. The pilot had the flight out of Sao Paulo canceled when there was nothing wrong with the plane. It was well known that he just wanted to spend more time with his girlfriend before returning to the US to his wife.

So I went into the cockpit and told him that he was a piece of SH**!! He was not thinking anything of the passengers and the people who saved for a long time for a vacation. I guess I hurt his poor little feelings.

And yes, these gripes are real. I do not know the original airline they are from, but I see the same type of thing all the time.

I have received gripes similar. One time the pilot griped that the aircraft would not do what he was telling the aircraft to do. I resoponded, "That is because the aircraft is smarter that you are. If it would have done what you were telling it to do, you would have crashed. YOU IDIOT!!!" And yes, I did get in trouble for calling the pilot an idiot.

OH MY GOSH I could not agree with you more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm a customer service/ramp manager and I can't tell you how many times I say that in a day! I love finding "airline people" here and there! We probably aren't with the same airline because of your location and my location.....oh how I love trading stories!! I'm in South Florida so you can probably guess who I work for..and I THINK I might know who you do.. Anyhoo....I hope we all make it through these troubled times OK. If you ever wanna PM and trade ideas..

[JVKn'CVO 11]

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

OMG

Saludos,

Caro

[AnaAndDaniel 0]

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

OMG

Saludos,

Caro

yah!

them durn midgets with hammers!

Daniel

Edited July 20, 2008 by AnaAndDaniel

[mendeleev 68]

Many times when you are flying and your flight is canceled due to a maintenance problem. There is no problem. The pilot has a golf tee time they do not want to miss. Or most of the international pilots have girlfriends in other countries that they want to spend more time with.

I was laughing as I read this thread yesterday. This morning was supposed to fly out on United. When I got to the concourse, the status was delayed, as I went back to a restaurant to find breakfast it changed to cancelled. Turned out that the crew had not turned up at Ontario. Don't know if it was flight attendants or the pilots ... doesn't matter. Stood in line at United's "Customer Service" (sic) for 90 minutes and learned they couldn't get me to my destination until tomorrow on United! (I had a 10 am departure on Sunday morning -- not prime time for business travel!)

So now I'm flying another carrier, chuckling (margaritas help) at this post quipping about girlfriends keeping pilots from reporting for duty.

I sure didn't want to leave my wife, who had just returned home from a 40 day trip back home, but I reported for work! And, in spite of United, it looks like I'll get to work after all.

There are not anymore any good domestic carriers. In my experience, Aeroflot is now the best carrier in the world. Always on time, good prices, bags never lost, flight attendants polite and usually good looking, food decent, booze often free. Just like it used to be in the good old US of A before domestic air travel completely broke under Prez Bush II.

[Steve Y Jessica 1]

Yes, we had one this week. A flight going to Japan that was canceled. Yes, there was a maintenance problem. And we had to wait for the new part to come from a different station. We received the new part and were installing it. All of the sudden, the flight crew walked off. They said they were out of time. We informed them that the plane would be ready to go in 5 minutes. They said it did not matter, they were out of time, they needed their rest time.

5 minutes does not make any difference in their rest time. But an aircraft full of passengers did not get to go on vacation because of 5 minutes.