That leap of faith...

[Jenn! 918]

For us, personally, I always thought Craig & I (along with many others here,no doubt because of the similar situation)had a much deeper relationship after talking about nearly every issue we could think of online before even meeting, than anything I've had in "real"(up to that point) life. M.

I think it's the person, not the way you met them.

[Bosco 1]

You get to know someone on a way more personal level because all you can do is talk....

A more personal level? More personal than physically being with them? So people who don't have online relationships have more superficial ones????

I've obviously stepped into the wrong crowd here, strange to be in the minority on this topics because I think I'm usually in the majority here. I really didn't think I'd be the ONLY one who feels the way I do about it.

I don't know if it is necessarily more personal but it is unique. During our time apart, my husband and I often spent 6+ hours a night chatting, 7 days a week - as much time as most people spent at work. Even when you are together in person all day, you have moments of silence, watching TV together or whatever.

In six years in a rather amicable relationship with my ex, we never came close to talking as much as I did in the year plus I spent apart from my now husband.

I don't think that it necessarily makes these types of relationships stronger, deeper or more personal, but it does create a special bond - one that I feel is a great strength in my relationship.

Would I trade being together now for the long talks --- heck no -- but I also am incredibly thankful for that time because I feel it gave us such a solid foundation (and yes, they can be built in other ways as well).

Rebecca

[JenT 0]

Physical attraction is often hard to deny, which can make it difficult to separate true feelings of love from feelings of lust... especially if someone has not had the life experience to help discern the difference between the two. Granted, they are not always mutually exclusive, but when lust is 'all' that there is, the relationship will not survive over the long term.

A long distance relationship, regardless of how two people met, forces a couple to focus on aspects of the relationship other than the physical ones.... to get to know each other's personality, their likes, dislikes, desires, dreams... etc. When a couple can connect on a level beyond the physical, it makes the physical part of the relationship that much more intense and fulfilling.

[Laura_and_IanM 0]

Correct me if I am wrong, but I don't think anyone ever said that it had to do with how you met the person rather then who the person was. Of course it is all down to who you meet and who you are as a person yourself. That doesn't necessarily mean that say I had met Ian at a later date that we would have worked out. Not saying that we weren't meant for one another, but things happen in life that make it hard for things to happen. I sure hope those of you reading this understand what I mean by that last statement. I think it all falls down to where you are in life or where you are as a person. Ian may have been ready, but I may have not been. I am a true believer in fate. Personally, and this is PERSONALLY so DONT TAKE OFFENSE ANYONE..lol. For me, I much prefer establishing the communication first...then having the physical part...I think it makes the physical part more...how shall i say it lol hmmmmm CLIMATIC??? God I can just see the dirty comments now lol.

Laura Mitchell

Ok...when I say I prefer establishing the commincation first , then having the phyiscal part ..thus making the physical part better...i am saying that when you have great communication and then move to the next obvious stage...the physical aspect...I do believe that it does make it more climatic...

[Jenn! 918]

Having the good fortune of NOT having to do the long-distance relationship thing though shouldn't imply that your relationship is purely physical, or that you are not able to separate lust from love.

I'm all for finding the benefits of a non-ideal situation. However, I could never honestly say, "I wish that we had had more time to get to know each other through online chatting before I met him.", or, "I wish that we had to do the long-distance relationship for longer so that when we finally were reunited in the U.S., it would have been more climactic."

Edited May 17, 2006 by jenn3539

[JenT 0]

Please don't flame me for this, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I personally do not believe in fate or luck or coincidence. I believe in God's plan and that everything happens for a reason. I'm the first one to admit that most times, I have NO CLUE as to what His plan really is for me, but as you said, Laura, we have each gotten to where we are in life by way of different paths. Had I met David even as little as 3 years ago, there might not have been the connection there is today because we were each different people. Things happen in life to shape our thoughts and decision-making, and I believe that all of the good times and the trials have allowed me to be in a 'place' where I can be open to receiving the gift of David's love, to knowing what a gift it truly is, and to know how to give him the gift of mine in return.

[rebeccajo 14]

Having the good fortune of NOT having to do the long-distance relationship thing though shouldn't imply that your relationship is purely physical, or that you are not able to separate lust from love.

Jenn, I don't think anybody is even remotely implying that.

Lisa's question was - how do you know? How do you make that leap of faith? The thread posters are simply trying to explain how it happened for them.

You're the one who seems to not be able to give these experiences any credence. Am I wrong because I'm not flaming you....but you do seem to be trying to drive some sort of point home.

[Jenn! 918]

Having the good fortune of NOT having to do the long-distance relationship thing though shouldn't imply that your relationship is purely physical, or that you are not able to separate lust from love.

Jenn, I don't think anybody is even remotely implying that.

Lisa's question was - how do you know? How do you make that leap of faith? The thread posters are simply trying to explain how it happened for them.

You're the one who seems to not be able to give these experiences any credence. Am I wrong because I'm not flaming you....but you do seem to be trying to drive some sort of point home.

Yes I am. I must admit that I am irritated every time I see people post things like, "I only met my fiance in person once, is that going to be a problem in filing for the K1." It bothers me. Maybe it shouldn't, but it does.

I apologize for not sticking to Lisa's original question.

[chri'stina 190]

Having the good fortune of NOT having to do the long-distance relationship thing though shouldn't imply that your relationship is purely physical, or that you are not able to separate lust from love.

Jenn, I don't think anybody is even remotely implying that.

Lisa's question was - how do you know? How do you make that leap of faith? The thread posters are simply trying to explain how it happened for them.

You're the one who seems to not be able to give these experiences any credence. Am I wrong because I'm not flaming you....but you do seem to be trying to drive some sort of point home.

Yes I am. I must admit that I am irritated every time I see people post things like, "I only met my fiance in person once, is that going to be a problem in filing for the K1." It bothers me. Maybe it shouldn't, but it does.

I apologize for not sticking to Lisa's original question.

The reason it bothers you is because you did not go through that experience. So of course it would sound a little odd to you, but you should also look at whose been married now for a couple years after meeting online and maybe only seeing eachother on one trip(like me and Sujeet) before you completely write it off as weird.

[TracyTN 237]

FWIW, it bothers me, too, when people post "I only met my fiance in person once, is that going to be a problem in filing for the K1." But I try to remember that I may not know all the reasons why and all other other ins and outs of the relationship that might make that work for them. Some days that works for me, some days it doesn't.

Would I have done it that way personally? No way in Hades.

[Jenn! 918]

Having the good fortune of NOT having to do the long-distance relationship thing though shouldn't imply that your relationship is purely physical, or that you are not able to separate lust from love.

Jenn, I don't think anybody is even remotely implying that.

Lisa's question was - how do you know? How do you make that leap of faith? The thread posters are simply trying to explain how it happened for them.

You're the one who seems to not be able to give these experiences any credence. Am I wrong because I'm not flaming you....but you do seem to be trying to drive some sort of point home.

Yes I am. I must admit that I am irritated every time I see people post things like, "I only met my fiance in person once, is that going to be a problem in filing for the K1." It bothers me. Maybe it shouldn't, but it does.

I apologize for not sticking to Lisa's original question.

The reason it bothers you is because you did not go through that experience. So of course it would sound a little odd to you, but you should also look at whose been married now for a couple years after meeting online and maybe only seeing eachother on one trip(like me and Sujeet) before you completely write it off as weird.

Thanks for understanding where I'm coming from. Unfortunately I don't know anyone in real life who had a similar situation as yours. But I'll take your word for it!

FWIW, it bothers me, too, when people post "I only met my fiance in person once, is that going to be a problem in filing for the K1." But I try to remember that I may not know all the reasons why and all other other ins and outs of the relationship that might make that work for them. Some days that works for me, some days it doesn't.

Would I have done it that way personally? No way in Hades.

Why can't I say what I mean succinctly and clearly like this?

Ditto.

[chri'stina 190]

Having the good fortune of NOT having to do the long-distance relationship thing though shouldn't imply that your relationship is purely physical, or that you are not able to separate lust from love.

Jenn, I don't think anybody is even remotely implying that.

Lisa's question was - how do you know? How do you make that leap of faith? The thread posters are simply trying to explain how it happened for them.

You're the one who seems to not be able to give these experiences any credence. Am I wrong because I'm not flaming you....but you do seem to be trying to drive some sort of point home.

Yes I am. I must admit that I am irritated every time I see people post things like, "I only met my fiance in person once, is that going to be a problem in filing for the K1." It bothers me. Maybe it shouldn't, but it does.

I apologize for not sticking to Lisa's original question.

The reason it bothers you is because you did not go through that experience. So of course it would sound a little odd to you, but you should also look at whose been married now for a couple years after meeting online and maybe only seeing eachother on one trip(like me and Sujeet) before you completely write it off as weird.

Thanks for understanding where I'm coming from. Unfortunately I don't know anyone in real life who had a similar situation as yours. But I'll take your word for it!

I said it earlier, but I think many of us can relate to your feelings, before we experienced this. I had a couple friends who met their loved one online, within the US. To be honest, we live near Tampa but far enough away not to have so many people around and not many new faces. So it's been hard to find someone from this town. But even so, no one I know purposely looked for someone online...it was one of those things where they were bored, went online to a chat room or something, and ended talking to someone a whole lot and then talk to them on the phone, and one thing lead to another and one of the couples has been married 4 years now and are very happy, the other couple married 3 years. Even though I trusted their judgment, I'd always say "well that's cool for them, but that's NOT for me!!!". I thought finding someone online was a bit odd, as MarilynP also said.

But now having gone through that experience, I think it's really normal now. Since you don't know anyone who has gone through it, I understand even more why it's strange to you.

All you can do is look at the results of online couples, to see the outcomes. VJ is a young site so it's hard to see couples here who met online who are now married for many many years. But some of us are working our way there. And that can be the only way to show that this way of meeting is also valid--the success of the relationships over the long term.

[TracyTN 237]

FWIW, it bothers me, too, when people post "I only met my fiance in person once, is that going to be a problem in filing for the K1." But I try to remember that I may not know all the reasons why and all other other ins and outs of the relationship that might make that work for them. Some days that works for me, some days it doesn't.

Would I have done it that way personally? No way in Hades.

Why can't I say what I mean succinctly and clearly like this?

Ditto.

Thanks for the compliment, Jenn!

I'm quite surprised my PMS riddled brain worked that well today!

[Laura_and_IanM 0]

Please don't flame me for this, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I personally do not believe in fate or luck or coincidence. I believe in God's plan and that everything happens for a reason. I'm the first one to admit that most times, I have NO CLUE as to what His plan really is for me, but as you said, Laura, we have each gotten to where we are in life by way of different paths. Had I met David even as little as 3 years ago, there might not have been the connection there is today because we were each different people. Things happen in life to shape our thoughts and decision-making, and I believe that all of the good times and the trials have allowed me to be in a 'place' where I can be open to receiving the gift of David's love, to knowing what a gift it truly is, and to know how to give him the gift of mine in return.

Jen, no way would I ever flame anyone for their own beliefs. I do believe in fate and in God and all the rest. I do believe things happen for a reason and there is a reason for everything. I think that ppl tend to look at us who have met online as taboo because it doesnt fall in the norm of things. You would think that people would be more open with it seeing as to how there are much more instances of out of the NORM things that happen (God I hope that makes sense lol). I met Ian when I really was at a point where I didn't want to meet anyone after being hurt by my own ex husband with whom I met locally and then by someone online. What started off as a friendship developed into a marriage, and yes I honestly believe it is down to our communication. When all you have is that, I do believe that you get to know that person on a different level. Again, this is ONLY HOW I FEEL...so please will the certain few who seem to get upset with what myself and others feel to be best for US....dont get to offended. We are NOT mocking your relationship or making your relationship seem as if it isn't as good as ours. Again it really does fall down to what works best for each individual. It really is funny where you can find love.

Laura Mitchell

[mercuryroad 0]

merc... who knew you could speak so eloquently!!! you, my dear friend... are a romantic! and i think that lu is blessed to have you as a soon-to-be husband! *hugs*

I just wanted to prove that I have other things to add to a conversation other than porno names hahahaha.