That leap of faith...

[jelti 0]

We called the first phone calls the 'leap of faith' - after that everything else just seemed like it HAD to happen.....

Lisa, I'm going to give you something really wild to think about here. For me, I thank the Lord I met him on the web and not in person first. The reality of us is that had I first met Wes like at a party or a pub, I probably wouldn't have been attracted to him. I never thought I was physically attracted to a certain 'type' of man or that I judged someone by their mannerisms or body language, but apparently I do! Also, had we met like that, he would probably have been too shy to approach me - I'm a bit flashy, you know....

If someone had introduced us, or I had gotten to know him at work or in some similar situation, and I could have gotten to know his mind, then that would have worked. But if I had passed him on the street, he would not have gotten my second glance.

So...what does that tell you about chemistry? About the beauty of knowing the mind first, the soul secondly, and lastly seeing your love returned in someones eyes?

Rebecca, I could not agree more with everything you have just said.

[hockeygal 0]

I have to admit I was kind of surprised when I first came on this website to see people make that leap of faith -- I couldn't (wouldn't do it myself). I've also wondered the same thing as Lisa, but didn't want to start anything. It took me 15 years to finally get to this point (marriage-phobic, moi?) so I have to admit I am kind of impressed that people do it.

yes, same for me. But then, I was refusing to even entertain dialogue with men who emailed me from out of town (when I did the online dating thing). Heck, I considered the town one hour down the highway in the same country too far! The only reason I ended up dating an American was that he never told me he was American! We clicked and set up a date very quickly - he escaped my usual distance screening process!

Even now, almost 5 years later, there is the knowledge that we have never spent more than a week together in the same place and that things might be very diffrent when we are together 24/7. I don't think they will be bad and it won't work out, but I recognize that it will be different. I've never been married before, he's been married twice. I will be unemployed, he will have just changed jobs for a reduced salary. It will be stressful, and who knows how we will respond to it - both individually and as a team. He is more worried, I think, and for him this whole process is a big leap of faith. Which sounds ridiculous when you compare it to the leaps other people here have to make to be together.

For me, the leap is moving my life to be with him, and having him freak out on me and say it isn't working. Again, I don't actually believe that will happen, but never haing lived with him... heck, he could turn out to be a bigger hard@ss than I already think he is!

[Ladylethal 12]

Although I have no opinion on the matter (I think meeting in person is crucial) I got curious about LisaD's timeline. Where is it?

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

I don't think she's applied yet

[Fandango 1,440]

Newp...applying June 2

[pax 0]

Maybe one thing to keep in mind, Lisa, is that a lot of the "leap of faith"-ers here (LOL, what an awkward construction) anticipated at least some of the challenges they'd face—although there have already been some that I myself did not anticipate, and I'm sure Ewen feels similarly.

I don't know who else may have done as we did, but with Ewen and I, the agreement always was that if him moving here didn't work out, there would be no panicking or hand-wringing; we'd simply explore other alternatives and go from there. I loved my time in Scotland, and I feel young and flexible enough to be truly open to looking into relocating to the UK. I don't think either of us ever thought that the two of us being here together would be a panacea, but rather a starting point to launch the kind of relationship we both truly want.

So maybe that's important for the "leap of faith"-ers: realism, flexibility, a willingness to try things, make mistakes, fail, fail better.

[Jenn! 918]

Maybe one thing to keep in mind, Lisa, is that a lot of the "leap of faith"-ers here (LOL, what an awkward construction) anticipated at least some of the challenges they'd face

What happens though when one of those unanticipated challenges is, "I thought I loved you, but we really had only spent a total of a week together in person before I moved here, and I'm having second thoughts..."?

That's quite a risk to take.

And the consequence of that "mistake" could be divorce, which I doubt would be categorized as being flexible in your relationship.

Edited May 16, 2006 by jenn3539

[pax 0]

I don't really know what else to say, other than to admit it's a risk you take.

[Mand 1]

Life is a risk, better to live it than let it pass you by

[rebeccajo 14]

Maybe one thing to keep in mind, Lisa, is that a lot of the "leap of faith"-ers here (LOL, what an awkward construction) anticipated at least some of the challenges they'd face

What happens though when one of those unanticipated challenges is, "I thought I loved you, but we really had only spent a total of a week together in person before I moved here, and I'm having second thoughts..."?

That's not a challenge. That's stupidity. Better to compare apples to apples, Jenn.

I didn't realize that the unanticipated challenges experienced by those whose entire courtship was conducted face-to-face on the same continent would somehow be easier by virtue of that experience alone.

Seems more like a freak of nature phenomena to me, if that's the case.

Edited May 16, 2006 by rebeccajo

[mercuryroad 0]

The leap of faith is trusting yourself and that the promise that love provides will be kept. Lucia and I have physically only spent three weeks together, but we know and understand each other in a much different way than anything I've ever experienced. We both had this silent understanding and festering in our souls that the person we were meant to be with did not live nearby. To what exent.....we didn't know, but when we found each other the connection was immediate and life changing. For both of us....our lives and existence made sense.

When I stepped off that plane in Peru for the first time my thoughts and prayers were that the connection we formed through e-mail and phone conversations were made complete in person. I had never been to that country and given the fraud and other problems, I felt I was taking a risk. I'm not a foolish person, nor do I put myself in situations where I could be taken advantage of. Lucia felt the same way, so we proceed with some caution. I can tell you though that any doubt I had was erased with our first kiss. I waited a lifetime for that kiss.......and it felt like we have always been together somehow....in some way. This was no leap.....it was merely the first step.

All of that distance and lack of physical presence drew us closer as human beings......and when the physical part came it was more spiritual and eternal than just sexual. I don't kiss her lips.....I kiss her soul as if to say thank you. That's when I knew what I had to do and I lost all fear.

[Jenn! 918]

Maybe one thing to keep in mind, Lisa, is that a lot of the "leap of faith"-ers here (LOL, what an awkward construction) anticipated at least some of the challenges they'd face

What happens though when one of those unanticipated challenges is, "I thought I loved you, but we really had only spent a total of a week together in person before I moved here, and I'm having second thoughts..."?

That's not a challenge. That's stupidity. Better to compare apples to apples, Jenn.

I didn't realize that the unanticipated challenges experienced by those whose entire courtship was conducted face-to-face on the same continent would somehow be easier by virtue of that experience alone.

Seems more like a freak of nature phenomena to me, if that's the case.

Sorry, I'm not following you.

[chri'stina 190]

I don't really know what else to say, other than to admit it's a risk you take.

I think it's one thing to question people newly in the process of the risk(not knowing how it would end up after finally being together)...but then there is no point to question the many happy marriages as a result of these risks. The divorce rate in the US and other countries is unfortunately so high these days, I don't think meeting online and then divorcing is much different than meeting in person and then divorcing. People hide who they are in every day life, not just online. You have to trust the person is being their real self. And as noticed on VJ there are many many internet couples and only a rare few marriage collapses that we know of, yet. And at the same time I'm sure we all know many people in our lives who unfortunately had to face divorce, with people they met around town, at school, or at work, etc.

I would have loved to have seen Sujeet more than 2 weeks before he came over on the K1...but we couldn't. I would get upset seeing ppl on Vj who could see each other so often, knowing how hard it was for me to see Sujeet (pity party mostly hehe). I couldn't afford to go to India again and he was not allowed to visit this country(denied a tourist visa). But by the time he moved here we had known eachother for 3 years, and before meeting face to face the first time, had talked online for 2 years. The only communication we had wasn't the time face to face, it was hours of talking every day getting to know that person very well, and having all feelings confirmed when finally face to face. So if all the feelings are confirmed, after talking to that person for who knows how many hours for years, why should there be any more doubt of belonging together.

Edited May 16, 2006 by stina&suj

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Interesting thread.

[pax 0]

That's not a challenge. That's stupidity. Better to compare apples to apples, Jenn.

I didn't realize that the unanticipated challenges experienced by those whose entire courtship was conducted face-to-face on the same continent would somehow be easier by virtue of that experience alone.

Seems more like a freak of nature phenomena to me, if that's the case.

What I think Rebecca is saying is that being able to have a long-term uninterrupted face-to-face courtship does not necessarily protect a couple from unexpected hardship, once that relationship moves stateside.