That leap of faith...

[rebeccajo 14]

IMBRA is going to affect everyone, because part of it refers to multiple petition filings. We don't yet know how DHS is gonna handle this (check-wise and time-wise), but clearly they are going to have to check every petitioner to see if they have filed before..............

Edited May 18, 2006 by rebeccajo

[Fandango 1,440]

To be honest, I didn't particularly have a specific idea where this thread would go anyways. I just find it amazing that some people will sell everything, leave their homes, families, etc to be with someone they've physically been with a handful of times. I'M NOT SAYING IT'S BAD. I marvel at those who do it & it pays off, and my heart goes out to those who do it, and come into something they didn't expect.

[Jenn! 918]

And I apologize if I got 'riled up'.

Ditto.

[terri o'neale 0]

You speak about fraud...but what really is fraud? You know until the past century or so love and marriage were not synonomous. And often times even now in some (perhaps even most) cultures they still aren't. Marriage was about a deal...a contract...a covenant with another person, another family, or another village. Given that so many cultures still function that way I have to question is it really fraud or is it simply another type of reality/relationship which we simply do not understand. Totally playing devils advocate if the deal is a better country, better housing, better clothes, better food and in exchange you get maid service, sex, and obedience...who am I to call that arrangement any less valid...if both people agreed and understood what they were buying.

I say this from hindsight. As I was going my divorce about 7 years ago, my youngest son then had a best friend whose mother was from Indonesia. They had been married over ten years. She would complain about her husband not allowing her to work. I was like...not allowing...this is America...do what you want now. But that wasn't their deal or her culture. She eventually introduced her younger sister to one of his older friends...and they were over 15 years age difference to begin with. It was their culture, their reality. They would have been sold in mariage anyway...she just got the best deal she could. And so did he...cause someone like me sure wouldn't have bought the whole allow thing. They produed two beautiful children, had a good life and last I heard are still married...20 years maybe...or darn near it.

Personally I don't understand it...and could never be a part of such an arrangement. But what is love anyway?

PS...Go ahead I know I'm gonna be flamed...pwaned (what is that anyway?) But I just wanted to logically point out that alot of this cultural. I don't think USCIS requires love for it to be a valid relationship...maybe I'm wrong?

[Jenn! 918]

You speak about fraud...but what really is fraud? You know until the past century or so love and marriage were not synonomous. And often times even now in some (perhaps even most) cultures they still aren't. Marriage was about a deal...a contract...a covenant with another person, another family, or another village. Given that so many cultures still function that way I have to question is it really fraud or is it simply another type of reality/relationship which we simply do not understand. Totally playing devils advocate if the deal is a better country, better housing, better clothes, better food and in exchange you get maid service, sex, and obedience...who am I to call that arrangement any less valid...if both people agreed and understood what they were buying.

I say this from hindsight. As I was going my divorce about 7 years ago, my youngest son then had a best friend whose mother was from Indonesia. They had been married over ten years. She would complain about her husband not allowing her to work. I was like...not allowing...this is America...do what you want now. But that wasn't their deal or her culture. She eventually introduced her younger sister to one of his older friends...and they were over 15 years age difference to begin with. It was their culture, their reality. They would have been sold in mariage anyway...she just got the best deal she could. And so did he...cause someone like me sure wouldn't have bought the whole allow thing. They produed two beautiful children, had a good life and last I heard are still married...20 years maybe...or darn near it.

Personally I don't understand it...and could never be a part of such an arrangement. But what is love anyway?

PS...Go ahead I know I'm gonna be flamed...pwaned (what is that anyway?) But I just wanted to logically point out that alot of this cultural. I don't think USCIS requires love for it to be a valid relationship...maybe I'm wrong?

That statement is crucial I think.

[Fandango 1,440]

You speak about fraud...but what really is fraud? You know until the past century or so love and marriage were not synonomous. And often times even now in some (perhaps even most) cultures they still aren't. Marriage was about a deal...a contract...a covenant with another person, another family, or another village. Given that so many cultures still function that way I have to question is it really fraud or is it simply another type of reality/relationship which we simply do not understand. Totally playing devils advocate if the deal is a better country, better housing, better clothes, better food and in exchange you get maid service, sex, and obedience...who am I to call that arrangement any less valid...if both people agreed and understood what they were buying.

I say this from hindsight. As I was going my divorce about 7 years ago, my youngest son then had a best friend whose mother was from Indonesia. They had been married over ten years. She would complain about her husband not allowing her to work. I was like...not allowing...this is America...do what you want now. But that wasn't their deal or her culture. She eventually introduced her younger sister to one of his older friends...and they were over 15 years age difference to begin with. It was their culture, their reality. They would have been sold in mariage anyway...she just got the best deal she could. And so did he...cause someone like me sure wouldn't have bought the whole allow thing. They produed two beautiful children, had a good life and last I heard are still married...20 years maybe...or darn near it.

Personally I don't understand it...and could never be a part of such an arrangement. But what is love anyway?

PS...Go ahead I know I'm gonna be flamed...pwaned (what is that anyway?) But I just wanted to logically point out that alot of this cultural. I don't think USCIS requires love for it to be a valid relationship...maybe I'm wrong?

That statement is crucial I think.

ITA Jenn In most instances of fraud, I would say that it's not both parties in agreement.

As an aside, I have to say it's really irritating to me when people bring up 'well years ago it was done this way...' as if it has any bearing on today. 30 years ago I wass crapping in a diaper..doesn't mean I do it now. I'm sorry, I don't want to be negative, so I'm going to stop this train of thought

Terri you do bring up a very interesting point.....food for thought I suppose. I think marriage on the basis of 'i'll give you citizenship if you give me servitude' is intrinsically wrong tho. I think USCIS would have a problem with that...

[Jenn! 918]

Totally playing devils advocate if the deal is a better country, better housing, better clothes, better food and in exchange you get maid service, sex, and obedience...who am I to call that arrangement any less valid...if both people agreed and understood what they were buying.

That statement is crucial I think.

ITA Jenn In most instances of fraud, I would say that it's not both parties in agreement.

Oh, I would totally agree. That's what I meant by that statement is crucial.

[Fandango 1,440]

Totally playing devils advocate if the deal is a better country, better housing, better clothes, better food and in exchange you get maid service, sex, and obedience...who am I to call that arrangement any less valid...if both people agreed and understood what they were buying.

That statement is crucial I think.

ITA Jenn. In most instances of fraud, I would say that it's not both parties in agreement.

Oh, I would totally agree. That's what I meant by that statement is crucial.

I was just being verbose, and I forgot to put that . there

[terri o'neale 0]

You speak about fraud...but what really is fraud? You know until the past century or so love and marriage were not synonomous. And often times even now in some (perhaps even most) cultures they still aren't. Marriage was about a deal...a contract...a covenant with another person, another family, or another village. Given that so many cultures still function that way I have to question is it really fraud or is it simply another type of reality/relationship which we simply do not understand. Totally playing devils advocate if the deal is a better country, better housing, better clothes, better food and in exchange you get maid service, sex, and obedience...who am I to call that arrangement any less valid...if both people agreed and understood what they were buying.

I say this from hindsight. As I was going my divorce about 7 years ago, my youngest son then had a best friend whose mother was from Indonesia. They had been married over ten years. She would complain about her husband not allowing her to work. I was like...not allowing...this is America...do what you want now. But that wasn't their deal or her culture. She eventually introduced her younger sister to one of his older friends...and they were over 15 years age difference to begin with. It was their culture, their reality. They would have been sold in mariage anyway...she just got the best deal she could. And so did he...cause someone like me sure wouldn't have bought the whole allow thing. They produed two beautiful children, had a good life and last I heard are still married...20 years maybe...or darn near it.

Personally I don't understand it...and could never be a part of such an arrangement. But what is love anyway?

PS...Go ahead I know I'm gonna be flamed...pwaned (what is that anyway?) But I just wanted to logically point out that alot of this cultural. I don't think USCIS requires love for it to be a valid relationship...maybe I'm wrong?

That statement is crucial I think.

ITA Jenn In most instances of fraud, I would say that it's not both parties in agreement.

As an aside, I have to say it's really irritating to me when people bring up 'well years ago it was done this way...' as if it has any bearing on today. 30 years ago I wass crapping in a diaper..doesn't mean I do it now. I'm sorry, I don't want to be negative, so I'm going to stop this train of thought

Terri you do bring up a very interesting point.....food for thought I suppose. I think marriage on the basis of 'i'll give you citizenship if you give me servitude' is intrinsically wrong tho. I think USCIS would have a problem with that...

It's cultural. And it isn't a years ago thing...it is a reality for some if not most of the world today. And marriage is and has been many things to many people/cultures. Does it make it wrong just because it isn't identical to our own views?

[Fandango 1,440]

It's cultural. And it isn't a years ago thing...it is a reality for some if not most of the world today. And marriage is and has been many things to many people/cultures. Does it make it wrong just because it isn't identical to our own views?

Sorry, I thought you were talking about years ago...I must have gotten confused when you said

You know until the past century or so...

I didn't say it was wrong, I said it was interesting...but I do think USCIS would have a probbo with it...that's all.

[chri'stina 190]

There are many many successful marriages in India, of arranged couples, who didn't get to spend a whole lot of time getting to know eachother before the wedding. Yet many of them have happy marriages. In America that is considered very weird...but I understand it now after learning more about it since my husband is from India. Though, he did not want to be arranged. I don't believe in anyone getting forced to be arranged of course, but many still WANT to be arranged in India. I am not saying this to go off topic but to say that just because someone thinks only one way is the "successful" way to be in a relationship and then get married, doesn't mean it's true. And we can't confine what is the "successful" way to do things concerning relationships to our own little world, where we may not know much about how other people do it and do it successfully. Especially when the divorce rate in this country is so HIGH.

I know of course there is no offense meant by this thread towards those of us who met online(I know you are not judging LisaD:)), but at the same time I feel a bit annoyed when it is questioned overall, as if I have to prove something to make my relationship seem valid. But in the end I can't prove it, since no one on VJ is ever around Sujeet and I in real life. You only have my word. (to clarify, this is regarding anyone who is reading and still thinking our relationship started out wacko haha)

Sujeet and I do not even think daily about HOW we met, it just seems we've known eachother for a long time and have a nice normal marriage. It only gets brought to the surface again if someone asks about it or if I read, this topic, per se. Then I think, oh yeah...we did meet online and only were around eachother 2 weeks before he moved here, and then got married 2 weeks later....but he's been here almost 2 years and have been happy through it all. Of course there are normal things you have to deal with that ANY newly married couple has to deal with. And the same cultural issues possibly ANY couple on VJ, whether met online or not, will have to deal with. But besides that I don't ever think anything strange about our marriage, until someone else points out that it seems strange. But I don't feel like there is point to defend it really when I know how successful it's been going for us, and many others, who never thought this was the way they'd meet their loved one. I intended on spending more time face to face with whoever I married, but it just couldn't happen. But that doesn't make our 3 years of communication invalid towards our relationship.

Edited May 18, 2006 by stina&suj

[Sister Fracas 5]

But besides that I don't ever think anything strange about our marriage, until someone else points out that it seems strange.

Ya know.....we are still on the upswing of the whole online relationship thing. I think years down the road, people won't find it strange a bit at all...but until then...hey, we're ahead of the curve!

[chri'stina 190]

But besides that I don't ever think anything strange about our marriage, until someone else points out that it seems strange.

Ya know.....we are still on the upswing of the whole online relationship thing. I think years down the road, people won't find it strange a bit at all...but until then...hey, we're ahead of the curve!

most people I know don't really think it's strange anymore, but I guess because they have seen people they knew well (well they know me!) go through it and have a successful time of it!

Edited May 18, 2006 by stina&suj

[babybunny 2]

me and my husband took the leap of faith if that is what you wanna call it.

Edited May 18, 2006 by shonjaved

[Fandango 1,440]

I just want everyone here to know that I personally am not saying that anyone here has a 'better' relationship than anyone else.

I guess my point was, in relationships like ours...the stakes are higher. There's more to lose. I'm a cautious sort & would not be able to 'vouch' for him immigration wise had I not spent a great deal of time with him. But that's just me.

A lot of you here are my friends...some of you here are future friends...and the last thing I want my curiosity to do is to alienate anyone or make them feel bad about themselves. So if I have done that, I truly apologise because it was not my intention at all.