Insight needed!

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Do you all order for both of you in the restaurants? I wondered about this because I remember someone posting about the idea of letting your man be independent and not "mothering" him. So, usually I tell him what different stuff on the menu is and he chooses which he wants, but he doesn't want to speak to the waiter AT ALL. I'm not sure why he does that. He just looks at me and even refuses to respond to direct questions. It seems wierd to me. So, I order everything, including telling them not to put ice in his iced tea.

100%. Even when he knows what he's going to order (b/c he orders the same thing often), he still lets me know before the waiter/waitress comes that I should tell them what he wants. It's a little embarrassing especially cuz the waiter will then look at him and ask.....how do you want your steak (but then I answer)...and then he'll look at him and ask what sides do you want (but then I answer). It's quite funny. I always wonder what the waiter/waitress is thinking. Well, at least I know now that I'm not alone in this. lol

That's what happens with me too. I sort of think they assume he doesn't speak english. But I still feel a little uncomfortable cause I'm not used to it. Truthfully, when I'm in Ghana and we eat out (even at very local places that see little tourism) I order for myself and insist on getting the waitress or at a chop bar behind the counter to understand what I want and how I want it. I guess I have to just get used to it for now. He'll jump in when he's ready. My daughter is six and I talk with her about what she wants and then when the waiter gets there, she orders for herself just what she wants and how she wants it (no pickles, tomatoes on the side). I guess I'm creating a monster cause Bassi looks at us like we're insane. We're his American girls!

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

But I am proud to say, my wonderful husband has gained 8lbs... (and u know he tripping...u know dem athletic types who think their six-pacs gonna disappear if they gain some meat!...oh brother!...lawd knows he doing them sit-ups and push-ups like crazy...lol)

Bassi has gained weight too. But I have to preface that Bassi lost 40 lbs over the year I was away from him. When he's upset he trains. When I'm upset I eat. Opposites attract. Well, now he's in nirvana he's gaining weight and so he's decided he has to train cause he doesn't want to gain too much weight and considering it's only been a couple of weeks and he eats ALOT....plus he hasn't been fasting cause he's still adjusting to prayer times and stuff here. We were watching tv and when a commercial came on he dropped into push ups. I was so startled I had to go get myself a popsicle!

[Zee Bee 61]

Is this the madness I have to look forward too?????

[ForeverAmen 0]

That's what happens with me too. I sort of think they assume he doesn't speak english. But I still feel a little uncomfortable cause I'm not used to it. Truthfully, when I'm in Ghana and we eat out (even at very local places that see little tourism) I order for myself and insist on getting the waitress or at a chop bar behind the counter to understand what I want and how I want it. I guess I have to just get used to it for now. He'll jump in when he's ready. My daughter is six and I talk with her about what she wants and then when the waiter gets there, she orders for herself just what she wants and how she wants it (no pickles, tomatoes on the side). I guess I'm creating a monster cause Bassi looks at us like we're insane. We're his American girls!

LOL! This reminds me of one of the numerous trips my husband and I made to the DMV. He had only been here a couple of months. So his understanding of how things operated were not the best. Anyway - while at the DMV he answered a questioned asked by the clerk. She suddenly had a started look on her face and said, "Oh! I did not know he spoke english".

[Asante Maroon 0]

Wow, you guys must be sending signals to me because before I even read this.....last night I cooked something that my 'ex' used to cook. He is from St. Vincent & the Grenadines and he used to make an awesome batch of curried chicken soup with plaintain (green) and 'ground food' as he called it which was basically sweet potato, cassava, bread fruit, carrot, etc. he also used to cook something called palau. It was so good. So last night I tried to make the chicken soup. It didn't come out quite as good as when my 'ex' used to make it but my husband liked it. Tonight I think I'll try making the palau. wish me luck

Stacey...Palau is a good time. My absolute favorite 'ground food' (we call it that too in JA or we just simply say 'food') is Breadfruit by far!!! Anyone who goes to Jamaica and does not return with a breadfruit just for me, has instantaneous problems

[Asante Maroon 0]

He'll eat rasin bran, but feels like it's a snack and he needs something else with it.

Do you all order for both of you in the restaurants? I wondered about this because I remember someone posting about the idea of letting your man be independent and not "mothering" him. So, usually I tell him what different stuff on the menu is and he chooses which he wants, but he doesn't want to speak to the waiter AT ALL. I'm not sure why he does that. He just looks at me and even refuses to respond to direct questions. It seems wierd to me. So, I order everything, including telling them not to put ice in his iced tea.

Kobby thinks burgers and french fries are just snacks too. If its not hot, heavy, and filling, he considers it a snack!

As for the restaurants. I especially ordered for Kobby when he first came because the menu was to overwhelming (too many choices) and he was unfamiliar with the dishes and was not sure how they were prepared and if he would like it. I would just look at him and see that he was a bit uncomfortable when he was trying to decide what to get. He also worried about prices. He would calculate how much the meal would be in cedis and freak out. He would tell me that we should just eat at home and save our money because food is too expensive in the US.

It's much easier for him to order for himself if it's restaurants that we frequent because he knows what to expect. He is a fan of Dallas BBQ's in NYC. He too loves the cornbread He has no trouble ordering there.

Initially I think Kobby was uncomfortable with speaking to the servers because he was unsure of the combinations or specials they may have had and maybe he was not sure if he was saying the names of the items correctly. as time went on though, He gained more confidence and he took initiative to make his own orders. When I would tell him to order for himself (telling him how to say the names of what he wanted and everything) in the beginning, he refused and seemed very uncomfortable and tell me to order for him. If he did order, he would be barely above a whisper or he would just point to the item and say "I want this one". Now my husband has a big mouth so it was quite alarming and at the same time humorous to see him like that.

When we were in Ghana, he ordered for me all the time. At first I preferred him to because I was a bit shy....after a while I felt confident to order for myself.....Just give him some time...he will soon order for himself. But until that time comes, if he still prefers you to order for him, I think you should.

[Asante Maroon 0]

and was worried about gaining weight when he got here. (dang...the man weighs the same as my 13yr old son..he NEEDS to put on some meat! haha)

:rofl:

But I am proud to say, my wonderful husband has gained 8lbs... (and u know he tripping...u know dem athletic types who think their six-pacs gonna disappear if they gain some meat!...oh brother!...lawd knows he doing them sit-ups and push-ups like crazy...lol)

When Kobby came and I saw that he had gotten slimmer than when I had last saw him, I was like oh no! You have got to gain some weight. There is no way that him and I would be walking in the street and looking like the number 10

He gained some weight and filled in a bit... which is good because he is a TALL glass of water! I gained weight since he came too

Plus I have sons who keep him busy playing soccer, video games, etc. (omg is he ever competative! For someone who has never bowled before...he trying to dominate the kids on the Wii!)

Gotta get a Wii!!! That's next on my agenda

I guess as someone else mentioned...I feel lucky that my hubby is so easy-going, open-minded, and willing to try and experience new things.

Kobby was more reluctant in the beginning than I thought he would be. When he was in Ghana he made it seem like he was down for any and everything. Now that he has adjusted more he is willing to try new things.

Girl, I took him to Karaoke! The look on his face was classic: "Do not pass me that mic!" He eventually sang just a tad...Of course to a Bob Marley song

When I spent 3 months in Naija he was amazed how easily I adjusted and accepted life there without any problems....

Both times that I went t Ghana, people were amazed at how well I meshed in with the community. I was told that when Americans come there they usually have a hard time adjusting and often complain about the dust, food, etc.... I felt like I was in paradise! I had a great time!!! It say a lot about your character when you can adjust to a culture you are not so familiar with....I'm sure you stood out in a good sense.

Edited July 22, 2008 by Asante Maroon

[abeba 0]

sorry to hear that your are not getting along, but you have to understand this is going to be a long journey and have to be willing to put up with everything that comes up. If you believe it is worth it than you should proceed, but if not than i don't think it is worth your while.

Good luck on your journey and wish that everything sorts out.

HELLO AND GOOD MORNING TO EVERYONE,

MOST OF YOU DONT KNOW ME, BUT I FEEL YOU ARE ABLE TO OFFER, INSIGHT ,CLARITY, WITH SOME ISSUES I HAVE BEEN PONDERING LATELY, ESPECIALLY THOSE OF YOU WITH FIANCES/SPOUSES FROM NIGERIA.

THE THING IS HOW DID YOU OVERCOME CULTURAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR FIANCE AND YOURSELF. I HAVE BEEN UP AND DOWN WITH MY FIANCE FOR SOME TIME CONCERNING HIS WAY OF THINKING, SOMETIMES WITH THINGS BECOMING SO HEATED, I FEEL THAT THIS IS NOT WORTH MY TIME.

NO HE IS NOT CONTROLLING, BUT I NOTICED HE DOES HAVE CERTAIN EXPECTATIONS FOR HIS WIFE, WHICH IS FINE, BECAUSE I ALSO HAVE EXPECTATIONS CONCERNING MY HUSBAND. WE ARE BOTH SO HEADSTRONG, STUBBORN, UNWILLING TO BUDGE, MYSELF, MORESO THAN HIM, I MUST ADMIT.

BUT IN THE END WE BOTH AGREE TO DISAGREE, AND ALL IS WELL, UNTIL, HE SAYS SOMETHING TOTALLY FOREIGN TO ME AND WE ARE BACK AT SQUARE ONE.

I JUST NEED ANOTHER PERSPECTIVE FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN THERE, I HAVE READ FROM DIFFERENT SOURCES ALL I CAN ABOUT NIGERIA, ITS PEOPLE, ITS CULTURE, AND I MUST SAY SOME OF THOSE SOURCES DO NOT PAINT A PRETTY PICTURE, BUT I AM NOT ONE TO JUDGE.

THE THINGS HE TELLS ME ABOUT HIS COUNTRY, HIS FAMILY, HIS CULTURE, ARE NOT ALWAYS NICE, BUT I SEE THE LOVE HE HAS, AND THE COMPASSION FOR HIS PEOPLE, AND COUNTRY. HE TELLS ME THAT WHEN WE VISIT NIGERIA TOGETHER, THEN I WILL HAVE A BETTER UNDERSTANDING.

JUST NEEDED TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST, HEAR WHAT HURDLES OTHERS HAVE OVERCOME AS FAR AS CULTURAL DIVIDE.

ALL POSTS ARE WELCOME, AND I PROMISE NOT TO GO OFF ON A WILD TANGENT.

THANKS! DANA

[totes 0]

But I am proud to say, my wonderful husband has gained 8lbs... (and u know he tripping...u know dem athletic types who think their six-pacs gonna disappear if they gain some meat!...oh brother!...lawd knows he doing them sit-ups and push-ups like crazy...lol)

Bassi has gained weight too. But I have to preface that Bassi lost 40 lbs over the year I was away from him. When he's upset he trains. When I'm upset I eat. Opposites attract. Well, now he's in nirvana he's gaining weight and so he's decided he has to train cause he doesn't want to gain too much weight and considering it's only been a couple of weeks and he eats ALOT....plus he hasn't been fasting cause he's still adjusting to prayer times and stuff here. We were watching tv and when a commercial came on he dropped into push ups. I was so startled I had to go get myself a popsicle!

This is funny, sorry I just read this!