Insight needed!

[Asante Maroon 0]

And absolutely NO cheese on anything. To him cheese is fattening. This sucks considering that I make an awesome homemade Mac & Cheese dish.

Kobby tried that no cheese thing saying its fattening....he lost that battle long ago You just can't say no to cheese

Oh its infinite power....especially on some pizza or better yet Macaroni?????

[Asante Maroon 0]

My husband doesn't worry about fat content. He just goes by taste alone. TIts one of the things he does enjoy eating with fried plantain. Have you ever looked at the fat content in a package of those??

Kobby eats whatever he wants too. with the exception of the cheese thing (which he later had to concede) he is the typical male....a tub of lard = no weight gain

Now the plantain chips....aw heck plantain in general is ok with me It's big in both our cultures

[Tiggi247 0]

Communication and compromise.

I agree 100% with this statement and no mater what dont give up and remember this person is suppose to be your lifemate and you have/will take vows before God and your family. Coming from different cultures is hard work but just remember that you 2 love each other

[ForeverAmen 0]

My husband likes to eat out but no matter where we go, he orders the same thing.....either burger (no cheese), steak, or shrimp. Sometimes he will eat a salad which he calls 'the leaves'. lol.

LOL! 'The leaves'. My husband does not like burgers (to him the meat does not look good). He eats his steak well done (no A-1 Sauce). No salad dressing on his salad. And absolutely NO cheese on anything. To him cheese is fattening. This sucks considering that I make an awesome homemade Mac & Cheese dish.

Almost forgot, if you are using butter while you are cooking ... he frowns on that as well. Picky. Picky. Picky.

LOL. sounds like he eats very healthy. My husband doesn't worry about fat content. He just goes by taste alone. Thank God becuase Indomie (ramon noodles) has become a staple in our home. Its one of the things he does enjoy eating with fried plantain. Have you ever looked at the fat content in a package of those??

Yes. He does eat healthy. But I am still working towards getting him to experiment a bit more. We too eat alot of plantain. However, we've never eaten it out of a package. It's always been fresh from the grocery store. As for preperation - either boiled or fried. I LOVE the 'ripe' plantains because too me it's sweet. My husband likes it so/so. But as for the plain tasting green plantains? He loves it!

[ForeverAmen 0]

My husband doesn't worry about fat content. He just goes by taste alone. TIts one of the things he does enjoy eating with fried plantain. Have you ever looked at the fat content in a package of those??

Kobby eats whatever he wants too. with the exception of the cheese thing (which he later had to concede) he is the typical male....a tub of lard = no weight gain

Now the plantain chips....aw heck plantain in general is ok with me It's big in both our cultures

I hope my husband 'concedes' very soon.

[idocare 3]

That's part of it all communication, clarification and choosing which battles are worth pursuing. I've been reading up and trying to ask lots of questions to the Africans in my area and so far I feel that concerning the African women, it's not that she's quiet and will take more stuff off her spouse, but if she feels strongly about a situation she will address that situation in a calm manner, then if necessary get others involved ( cousins, sisters, mother, father, even the chief ) to help smooth out the situation.

In the past married african women would " sit on " their men, meaning stop cooking for them and attempt to make his life miserable, the family would even get involved and help her by talking bad about him, destroying his property, and singing songs that questioned his manhood, etc. until he came to his sense's if they feel that the women was right in their dissagreement. {Life among the Ibo Women of Nigeria by Salome C. Nnoromele ) According to this book women had certain freedoms that women in other continents may not of enjoyed.

If both the husband and wife want the marriage to work they will be more then willing to resolve issues that will arise, it's only when one person is willing to make to make the marriage work that many problems will continue to arise.

America does offer alot of different foods but what I'm finding is that alot of the food that we have here; they also have in Africa, it's just preparded differently and has different spices in it. Actually Africa has alot of healthy meals, I had no clue of that because when I was there I stuck to jolloff rice.

I kinda looked at some of the food there in Nigeria and didn't know what was in it and opted not to try it. We now have a African resturant here where I live and I found that although I'm not used to eating food that looks the way some of there food looks, when they tell me what's in it ( spinach and collard greens with chicken for example) and I tried it I found that the name of the food and the appearance is different but it's good food. I've fallen in love with Pounded yam w/bitter leaf, and goat soup with fufu.........lol.

When dealing with the African man from what I've been reading is that they have big egos, and that they have been groomed to be that way since child hood. Women had women leaders called Omu, Ogene, Nyanya, ( the great mother ) or Onye isi umunwanyi ( the womens leader ) who would speak in behalf of the women and advise women in times of conflict or family crisis, just to name a few of her duties.

Although there may be some cultural differences between and African and American, I don't believe that those difference are great enough to want to end any marriage especially when you both had time to talk about all that before the paperwork went threw for them, although it can be frustrating getting to know each other, it's also sometimes frustrating getting to know people in our own culture that we may decide to marry.

In my marriage my ex-husband ( Nigerian ) took and took and took from me and I gave and gave and gave to him with the thought that were in this together and we'd be married forever. During our divorce hearing I kept all that he couldn't take from me, including his name.

I was watching Waiting to Exhale the other nite with a man that's continent is close to Mali, for some reason he didn't seem to like this movie, however it was still really good to me. I can't say that I hear of African women talking about men as bad as some of us Americans do but then again I haven't met all African women, nor American women for that matter. I guess if we try to remember that our spouses are grown and their oppinions are just that their oppion we must come to a place in the relationship where just as we accepted them to be our spouse's that we also accept the fact that we won't always agree with them and they won't always agree with us, but that thing called love should help the relationship continue to thrive.

I wish you all the best.

[lovin_famo 0]

That's part of it all communication, clarification and choosing which battles are worth pursuing. I've been reading up and trying to ask lots of questions to the Africans in my area and so far I feel that concerning the African women, it's not that she's quiet and will take more stuff off her spouse, but if she feels strongly about a situation she will address that situation in a calm manner, then if necessary get others involved ( cousins, sisters, mother, father, even the chief ) to help smooth out the situation.

In the past married african women would " sit on " their men, meaning stop cooking for them and attempt to make his life miserable, the family would even get involved and help her by talking bad about him, destroying his property, and singing songs that questioned his manhood, etc. until he came to his sense's if they feel that the women was right in their dissagreement. {Life among the Ibo Women of Nigeria by Salome C. Nnoromele ) According to this book women had certain freedoms that women in other continents may not of enjoyed.

If both the husband and wife want the marriage to work they will be more then willing to resolve issues that will arise, it's only when one person is willing to make to make the marriage work that many problems will continue to arise.

America does offer alot of different foods but what I'm finding is that alot of the food that we have here; they also have in Africa, it's just preparded differently and has different spices in it. Actually Africa has alot of healthy meals, I had no clue of that because when I was there I stuck to jolloff rice.

I kinda looked at some of the food there in Nigeria and didn't know what was in it and opted not to try it. We now have a African resturant here where I live and I found that although I'm not used to eating food that looks the way some of there food looks, when they tell me what's in it ( spinach and collard greens with chicken for example) and I tried it I found that the name of the food and the appearance is different but it's good food. I've fallen in love with Pounded yam w/bitter leaf, and goat soup with fufu.........lol.

When dealing with the African man from what I've been reading is that they have big egos, and that they have been groomed to be that way since child hood. Women had women leaders called Omu, Ogene, Nyanya, ( the great mother ) or Onye isi umunwanyi ( the womens leader ) who would speak in behalf of the women and advise women in times of conflict or family crisis, just to name a few of her duties.

Although there may be some cultural differences between and African and American, I don't believe that those difference are great enough to want to end any marriage especially when you both had time to talk about all that before the paperwork went threw for them, although it can be frustrating getting to know each other, it's also sometimes frustrating getting to know people in our own culture that we may decide to marry.

In my marriage my ex-husband ( Nigerian ) took and took and took from me and I gave and gave and gave to him with the thought that were in this together and we'd be married forever. During our divorce hearing I kept all that he couldn't take from me, including his name.

I was watching Waiting to Exhale the other nite with a man that's continent is close to Mali, for some reason he didn't seem to like this movie, however it was still really good to me. I can't say that I hear of African women talking about men as bad as some of us Americans do but then again I haven't met all African women, nor American women for that matter. I guess if we try to remember that our spouses are grown and their oppinions are just that their oppion we must come to a place in the relationship where just as we accepted them to be our spouse's that we also accept the fact that we won't always agree with them and they won't always agree with us, but that thing called love should help the relationship continue to thrive.

I wish you all the best.

Thank you my sister! Very enlightening!

[idocare 3]

I was surprised at all the different cultures that eat plantain, Boaz, is it the darker almost black ones that you enjoy ? Those are my favorite !!!! for me , the plantain that's still green I have to eat it in some kind of stew to enjoy it, but as we know the green boiled ones are healthier arghhhhhh

[lovin_famo 0]

Thank you to all who posted and those that have yet to do so,

Although I have not spent a great deal of time with Ola, i definitely can remember some of the things you guys mentioned in your posts, such as " the leaves", ! For the most part he will eat anything, " as long as it is pleasing to the tongue". I do remember the fried plaintain , and the dish with spinach and meat, although I enjoyed the plaintain; tasted like fresh cut potatoes, fried, to me, I had to pray everytime i swallowed the spinach, i absolutely hate it, but to be graceful, i came through, since he and the family were watching me, saying, You okay?

Hopefully one day we will make a trip together to Nigeria, there, i think the experience is much more rewarding!

Thanks again for your words of encouragement, your personal experiences, and for just helping this "southern girl" with a little enlightenment.

Peace

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

That's part of it all communication, clarification and choosing which battles are worth pursuing. I've been reading up and trying to ask lots of questions to the Africans in my area and so far I feel that concerning the African women, it's not that she's quiet and will take more stuff off her spouse, but if she feels strongly about a situation she will address that situation in a calm manner, then if necessary get others involved ( cousins, sisters, mother, father, even the chief ) to help smooth out the situation.

Idocare...

this is a very good point. It is very common for a Nigerian husband/wife to involve the family when problems occur. I have experienced this first-hand. We as Americans usually don't like to involve our families when there's trouble in a relationship so it through me for a loop when my husband called home and asked his parents to talk to me. There is usually an elder sibling in a Yoruba family who is called Olori Ebi. This is the person who has "taken charge" of most family matters. In my husband's case, it is his elder brother, Sesan. So it would be very common for my husband to have Sesan speak with me if there is any mis-understandings.

[reeses16 8]

Y'all are cracking me up about this food stuff! lol. Yes, food is still an issue for us. But its getting better. There are things that I would encourage my hubby to eat (either in restaurants or when buying groceries for the week) and he wouldn't have it. It took him seeing the food already prepared. For example, he refused to eat fish that wasn't Tilapia (ok) or Nile perch (for real?!). But one day we ventured into Whole Foods (I love the store, but its too pricey) anyway, he saw the fried cod on the hot bar and said he wanted some. I told him it wasn't Tilapia or Nile Perch he said he wanted to try it..he tried it and loved it. And he's tried salmon a few times and doesn't like it. The only other thing he would eat was chicken. I've been trying to encourage him to eat turkey and he wouldn't. Then yesterday we were at Whole foods and they had free samples of their turkey wrap. He saw me eating and asked for a a piece. I told him it was turkey...he tried it, then went back to get his own. I guess whole food works for us. lol. Or maybe its just free samples...he also loves the samples at Sams Club.

But seriously, there have been moments that I wanted to pull my hair out. Trying to adjust my diet to his. (Do you have any clue how hard it was to find Chicken andouille...in SEATTLE?!). Only to have him not like it. I don't worry so much in the end...after all we're not going to go hungry.

My hubby loves salads. Dressing were overwhelming for him. Selection is very limited in Ethiopia. So I always keep his fav in the house and then I'll buy other just to see. Also when we go out to eat, well ask for two types of dressing both on the side.

I usually order for him in restaurants. Since the preparation methods a very different here. Now that he's been here a while he'll order for himself occasionally. I have noticed that once he's had a dish prepared/served one way, its difficult to get him to eat it differently. For example, he thinks I'm backwards when I want to eat grits for dinner.

[forchika 4]

Man I must be one of the lucky ones meaning my husband has not turned down anything that I have prepared for him. The only thing that I prepared that he did not like to much was Lasagna(think I drowned it in oregano). We go out alot to eat Chinese food at the buffet but, other than that he has not tried alot of places. JR crickets(local wing joint), Ruby Tuesday's ,Red Lobster's and Chili's are some of the places he has tried. He loves hot dogs , pizza,and hamburgers . He eats collard greens,spinach and, mac n cheese,brocoli n cheese casserole,spaghetti. All of the meat dishes(roast,ox tails,barbecue chicken etc... He does not like the breakfast items to much gits and oatmeal. He'll eat pancakes with out syrup. The only thing he never eats are sweets....says they have too much sugar. Funny he should say that I can remember being in Nigeria and asked if I wanted some biscuits( we know them as cookies) I was like what is this????? Where is the sugar???? I am grateful because he cooks also said his mom made sure that all his siblings could cook. They were a family of two boys and five sisters although when I was there to visit, his sisters always served our food. The one thing that I loved the most was eating face to face from the same plate with him feeding me. Glad he still does that or I would be upset

[forchika 4]

The key to any relationship is communication but also clarification. If he says something that, to you, sounds out of character for him don't be afraid to ask him to elaborate. My fiance and I have saved ourselves *some* headache by doing that.

Good point ,that has also saved us from having some heated discussions. One must be able to forgive one another after an argument(always fun to make up)

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

Man I must be one of the lucky ones meaning my husband has not turned down anything that I have prepared for him. The only thing that I prepared that he did not like to much was Lasagna(think I drowned it in oregano). We go out alot to eat Chinese food at the buffet but, other than that he has not tried alot of places. JR crickets(local wing joint), Ruby Tuesday's ,Red Lobster's and Chili's are some of the places he has tried. He loves hot dogs , pizza,and hamburgers . He eats collard greens,spinach and, mac n cheese,brocoli n cheese casserole,spaghetti. All of the meat dishes(roast,ox tails,barbecue chicken etc... He does not like the breakfast items to much gits and oatmeal. He'll eat pancakes with out syrup. The only thing he never eats are sweets....says they have too much sugar. Funny he should say that I can remember being in Nigeria and asked if I wanted some biscuits( we know them as cookies) I was like what is this????? Where is the sugar???? I am grateful because he cooks also said his mom made sure that all his siblings could cook. They were a family of two boys and five sisters although when I was there to visit, his sisters always served our food. The one thing that I loved the most was eating face to face from the same plate with him feeding me. Glad he still does that or I would be upset

I am so jealous. Nearly everything you've mentioned here I've tried cooking for my husband and he won't eat it. My life would be so simple if my husband was as agreeable with food as yours. lol. One of the places I love is the Chinese Buffet here and he is afraid to eat there. He thinks that chinese food is snakes, lizzards, etc. HUH??? I told him if that's how it is in 9gia.....its not that way here. He reluctantly agreed to go one day but he only picked at a couple things....(shrimp and some of those sugary donut things). It was a waste of $12. My husband has a good stature. He's 6'4 and came here weighing a little over 200, very much an athletic build. I can only hope that he will not lose that due to the limited food he eats here. He ate so much in Nigeria. But here, he doesn't eat as much as back home. We too shared from the same plate while eating. They would serve us one plate, two spoons/forks, it was so cute.

[ForeverAmen 0]

Man I must be one of the lucky ones meaning my husband has not turned down anything that I have prepared for him. The only thing that I prepared that he did not like to much was Lasagna(think I drowned it in oregano). We go out alot to eat Chinese food at the buffet but, other than that he has not tried alot of places. JR crickets(local wing joint), Ruby Tuesday's ,Red Lobster's and Chili's are some of the places he has tried. He loves hot dogs , pizza,and hamburgers . He eats collard greens,spinach and, mac n cheese,brocoli n cheese casserole,spaghetti. All of the meat dishes(roast,ox tails,barbecue chicken etc... He does not like the breakfast items to much gits and oatmeal. He'll eat pancakes with out syrup. The only thing he never eats are sweets....says they have too much sugar. Funny he should say that I can remember being in Nigeria and asked if I wanted some biscuits( we know them as cookies) I was like what is this????? Where is the sugar???? I am grateful because he cooks also said his mom made sure that all his siblings could cook. They were a family of two boys and five sisters although when I was there to visit, his sisters always served our food. The one thing that I loved the most was eating face to face from the same plate with him feeding me. Glad he still does that or I would be upset

You are so lucky!