Insight needed!

[ForeverAmen 0]

The key to any relationship is communication but also clarification. If he says something that, to you, sounds out of character for him don't be afraid to ask him to elaborate. My fiance and I have saved ourselves *some* headache by doing that.

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

I can relate completely to what you are talking about and here is my two cents for what it's worth...

When my husband (fiance at that time) and I talked on the phone before he came here, he would say some things that I didn't agree with or got offended by, etc. I used to just automatically blow up when he did this and not try to reason with what he was saying. In the long run, I would find out that what I thought he meant...was not it at all. So yes, communication and CLARIFICATION is the key. Now that he's here, its a different set of challanges. Don't get me wrong....we never argue. My husband is too passive to argue (almost to a fault) lol. But here's where the patience kicks in. Patience It's a MUST to make this relationship work. Luckily, I've been to Nigeria and saw how things were done there and it helped me to understand what his expectations would be from me and most importantly WHY he had these expectations. It also prepared me for what to expect from him. I got to witness Nigerian relationships....like with his mother and father or brothers and their wives. Their culture is very different than ours. I knew I couldn't expect a man who had 3 sisters and 2 neices living in the same home with him to come here and know how to cook. He was used to having his food prepared and brought to him all day everyday. Knowing this, I couldn't then expect him to come here and 'fend for himself'. Also, in Nigeria...from what I witnessed...women are not very argumentive with their husband. So it may give your husband greater concern if he finds himself in wahala all the time. Just learn what you can about his culture and that will help you understand why he does, says, and thinks the way he does. Food is our greatest challange. He's been here for over 2 months and I can count on 1 hand the things he'll eat. It's fustrating at times, but that's where the patience kicks in. When he tries something so common like pizza and hot dogs but says he doesn't like it...I wanna scream. Or when I spend an entire evening cooking something special and he doesn't like it...arggg. Do I start an argument or do I go back in the kitchen and whip up a batch of jollof rice AGAIN?? I put myself in his shoes and I remember that when I went to 9geria I only ate Indomie (ramon noodles).

My husband is in a new country....away from all his family...he gave up his rugby league...he made a lot of sacrifices to be here with me. The least I can do is not argue with him over things like 'why do you keep calling the trunk of the car 'THE BOOT'.....or 'why do we have to watch the soccer channel 4 hours a day'......or "why is your sister FLASHING US when she drives a 2007 Mercedes SUV and we drive a Ford Explorer, she can afford a phone call!!!!!".......lol. The point is, learn his culture and then try to be understanding of it. Good luck with everything!!!!!!

[We_Destiny 1]

Communication and cultural acceptance and appreciation by both are neccessary for the relationship to thrive. My SO and I have gotten to a point where, when others hear or conversation they might think we are speaking a foreign common language, but not so. We have this hybrid language of Igbo, Queens English, American English, Ebonics and Pidgeon.

[Asante Maroon 0]

I knew I couldn't expect a man who had 3 sisters and 2 neices living in the same home with him to come here and know how to cook. He was used to having his food prepared and brought to him all day everyday. Knowing this, I couldn't then expect him to come here and 'fend for himself'.

How true is this? You are right on!!!!

Also, in Nigeria...from what I witnessed...women are not very argumentive with their husband. So it may give your husband greater concern if he finds himself in wahala all the time.

Another good point, girl!!! :thumbs:

When he tries something so common like pizza and hot dogs but says he doesn't like it...I wanna scream. Or when I spend an entire evening cooking something special and he doesn't like it...arggg. Do I start an argument or do I go back in the kitchen and whip up a batch of jollof rice AGAIN?? I put myself in his shoes and I remember that when I went to 9geria I only ate Indomie (ramon noodles).

You are on fire!!! Preach, girl!!! :thumbs:

Although Kobby does love pizza.

My husband is in a new country....away from all his family...he gave up his rugby league...he made a lot of sacrifices to be here with me.

So true :thumbs: :thumbs:

'why do we have to watch the soccer channel 4 hours a day'

GET OUT OF MY HEAD STACEY!!!! :thumbs:

With Kobby its more like ALLL day!

[lovin_famo 0]

I knew I couldn't expect a man who had 3 sisters and 2 neices living in the same home with him to come here and know how to cook. He was used to having his food prepared and brought to him all day everyday. Knowing this, I couldn't then expect him to come here and 'fend for himself'.

How true is this? You are right on!!!!

Also, in Nigeria...from what I witnessed...women are not very argumentive with their husband. So it may give your husband greater concern if he finds himself in wahala all the time.

Another good point, girl!!! :thumbs:

When he tries something so common like pizza and hot dogs but says he doesn't like it...I wanna scream. Or when I spend an entire evening cooking something special and he doesn't like it...arggg. Do I start an argument or do I go back in the kitchen and whip up a batch of jollof rice AGAIN?? I put myself in his shoes and I remember that when I went to 9geria I only ate Indomie (ramon noodles).

You are on fire!!! Preach, girl!!! :thumbs:

Although Kobby does love pizza.

My husband is in a new country....away from all his family...he gave up his rugby league...he made a lot of sacrifices to be here with me.

So true :thumbs: :thumbs:

'why do we have to watch the soccer channel 4 hours a day'

GET OUT OF MY HEAD STACEY!!!! :thumbs:

With Kobby its more like ALLL day!

Hey Stacey,

your post is very informative, thanks for" giving it to me straight, no chasers"!

[ForeverAmen 0]

I can relate completely to what you are talking about and here is my two cents for what it's worth...

When my husband (fiance at that time) and I talked on the phone before he came here, he would say some things that I didn't agree with or got offended by, etc. I used to just automatically blow up when he did this and not try to reason with what he was saying. In the long run, I would find out that what I thought he meant...was not it at all. So yes, communication and CLARIFICATION is the key. Now that he's here, its a different set of challanges. Don't get me wrong....we never argue. My husband is too passive to argue (almost to a fault) lol. But here's where the patience kicks in. Patience It's a MUST to make this relationship work. Luckily, I've been to Nigeria and saw how things were done there and it helped me to understand what his expectations would be from me and most importantly WHY he had these expectations. It also prepared me for what to expect from him. I got to witness Nigerian relationships....like with his mother and father or brothers and their wives. Their culture is very different than ours. I knew I couldn't expect a man who had 3 sisters and 2 neices living in the same home with him to come here and know how to cook. He was used to having his food prepared and brought to him all day everyday. Knowing this, I couldn't then expect him to come here and 'fend for himself'. Also, in Nigeria...from what I witnessed...women are not very argumentive with their husband. So it may give your husband greater concern if he finds himself in wahala all the time. Just learn what you can about his culture and that will help you understand why he does, says, and thinks the way he does. Food is our greatest challange. He's been here for over 2 months and I can count on 1 hand the things he'll eat. It's fustrating at times, but that's where the patience kicks in. When he tries something so common like pizza and hot dogs but says he doesn't like it...I wanna scream. Or when I spend an entire evening cooking something special and he doesn't like it...arggg. Do I start an argument or do I go back in the kitchen and whip up a batch of jollof rice AGAIN?? I put myself in his shoes and I remember that when I went to 9geria I only ate Indomie (ramon noodles).

My husband is in a new country....away from all his family...he gave up his rugby league...he made a lot of sacrifices to be here with me. The least I can do is not argue with him over things like 'why do you keep calling the trunk of the car 'THE BOOT'.....or 'why do we have to watch the soccer channel 4 hours a day'......or "why is your sister FLASHING US when she drives a 2007 Mercedes SUV and we drive a Ford Explorer, she can afford a phone call!!!!!".......lol. The point is, learn his culture and then try to be understanding of it. Good luck with everything!!!!!!

In the words of Asante ~ PREACH GIRL! VERY well said, and so true!

What about eating out?!?!? My husband does not like eating out. He has been here for 2 years, and is still firm in his beliefs. But I love him anyway .....

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

My husband likes to eat out but no matter where we go, he orders the same thing.....either burger (no cheese), steak, or shrimp. Sometimes he will eat a salad which he calls 'the leaves'. lol.

[ForeverAmen 0]

My husband likes to eat out but no matter where we go, he orders the same thing.....either burger (no cheese), steak, or shrimp. Sometimes he will eat a salad which he calls 'the leaves'. lol.

LOL! 'The leaves'. My husband does not like burgers (to him the meat does not look good). He eats his steak well done (no A-1 Sauce). No salad dressing on his salad. And absolutely NO cheese on anything. To him cheese is fattening. This sucks considering that I make an awesome homemade Mac & Cheese dish.

Almost forgot, if you are using butter while you are cooking ... he frowns on that as well. Picky. Picky. Picky.

[LovinLiberia 0]

In the words of Asante ~ PREACH GIRL! VERY well said, and so true!

What about eating out?!?!? My husband does not like eating out. He has been here for 2 years, and is still firm in his beliefs. But I love him anyway .....

Booker despises eating out. I am really big on it and I can see him just cringe each time the idea comes up. He thinks it's so pointless to so much money on something that won't keep you full the whole day.

My husband likes to eat out but no matter where we go, he orders the same thing.....either burger (no cheese), steak, or shrimp. Sometimes he will eat a salad which he calls 'the leaves'. lol.

Your husband, too??? He ALWAYS says " I hate those "green leaves" or "tell them not to put those green leaves on my burger".

[Ta Ta 1]

Mine calls it just plain leaves, he does not like them either. When he gets here I will have him try salads with different dressing on it.

Any " I am sleeping on the couch ....oh no you are not " stories when one of you is too upset ?

I was upset about us arguing about something stupid and proceeded to grab my pillow and sleep on the couch and he had a fit and dragged me back to bed, almost carried me, he was not having it ! I hear of these couch stories once in a while from others.

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

My husband likes to eat out but no matter where we go, he orders the same thing.....either burger (no cheese), steak, or shrimp. Sometimes he will eat a salad which he calls 'the leaves'. lol.

LOL! 'The leaves'. My husband does not like burgers (to him the meat does not look good). He eats his steak well done (no A-1 Sauce). No salad dressing on his salad. And absolutely NO cheese on anything. To him cheese is fattening. This sucks considering that I make an awesome homemade Mac & Cheese dish.

Almost forgot, if you are using butter while you are cooking ... he frowns on that as well. Picky. Picky. Picky.

LOL. sounds like he eats very healthy. My husband doesn't worry about fat content. He just goes by taste alone. Thank God becuase Indomie (ramon noodles) has become a staple in our home. Its one of the things he does enjoy eating with fried plantain. Have you ever looked at the fat content in a package of those??

[Ta Ta 1]

My husband likes to eat out but no matter where we go, he orders the same thing.....either burger (no cheese), steak, or shrimp. Sometimes he will eat a salad which he calls 'the leaves'. lol.

LOL! 'The leaves'. My husband does not like burgers (to him the meat does not look good). He eats his steak well done (no A-1 Sauce). No salad dressing on his salad. And absolutely NO cheese on anything. To him cheese is fattening. This sucks considering that I make an awesome homemade Mac & Cheese dish.

Almost forgot, if you are using butter while you are cooking ... he frowns on that as well. Picky. Picky. Picky.

LOL. sounds like he eats very healthy. My husband doesn't worry about fat content. He just goes by taste alone. Thank God becuase Indomie (ramon noodles) has become a staple in our home. Its one of the things he does enjoy eating with fried plantain. Have you ever looked at the fat content in a package of those??

plus the sodium.

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

hahaha. You're right...the sodium too!!!

[Asante Maroon 0]

My husband likes to eat out but no matter where we go, he orders the same thing.....either burger (no cheese), steak, or shrimp. Sometimes he will eat a salad which he calls 'the leaves'. lol.

:rofl: :rofl:

[Asante Maroon 0]

My husband likes to eat out but no matter where we go, he orders the same thing.....either burger (no cheese), steak, or shrimp. Sometimes he will eat a salad which he calls 'the leaves'. lol.

Kobby loves salad...especially with onions. Throw in some eggs and its a party.

As for dressing: Ketchup and a couple of dollops of mayo will do.

...I know I know.... ketchup and mayo? ...but thats how its done in most of the restaurants in Ghana.... I guess you can say its like A thousand Islands dressing

Booker despises eating out. I am really big on it and I can see him just cringe each time the idea comes up. He thinks it's so pointless to so much money on something that won't keep you full the whole day.

Kobby loves to eat out once you get him there...but if you ask ahead of time...he's like Booker and says its a waste of money....of course when we do go, he brings home left overs.