Confused and need advice

[baby_a 0]

Hello everyone! I'm a new member here but I've been browsing this site for quite a while now. I've been here in the US for more than a year now and been married for almost three years. Hubby and I got married in my country. To make my long story short, I have a marital problem. I have left my husband three times but only to return. I was a victim of domestic violence. I even stayed in a shelter without him knowing. I was hit, pushed, pulled, called names... etc. I just couldn't understand myself why I keep coming back. When I'm gone, I missed him and longing for him. I do love him with all my heart and I want to work our marriage out although I could leave and move on with my life without him. But now I'm here with him sometimes I felt unhappy and wanted to leave again. Is there something wrong with me? Pls advice. He's sleeping right now and have to post this before he finds out. Thank you.

[mrsartis 10]

Hello everyone! I'm a new member here but I've been browsing this site for quite a while now. I've been here in the US for more than a year now and been married for almost three years. Hubby and I got married in my country. To make my long story short, I have a marital problem. I have left my husband three times but only to return. I was a victim of domestic violence. I even stayed in a shelter without him knowing. I was hit, pushed, pulled, called names... etc. I just couldn't understand myself why I keep coming back. When I'm gone, I missed him and longing for him. I do love him with all my heart and I want to work our marriage out although I could leave and move on with my life without him. But now I'm here with him sometimes I felt unhappy and wanted to leave again. Is there something wrong with me? Pls advice. He's sleeping right now and have to post this before he finds out. Thank you.

hi baby, i hope you are well despite of your situation.. first you have to gather up evidences about your abuse.. like if youa re hit go to the nearesr clinic and have your bruise to be checked by a doctor and have your documentation..

wher are you located? you can also call the department that take control of domestic violence.. are you working? it will help if you can move out there and atleast can do for your own. do you have kids? these are some of the factors that can help you motovate in doing actions against abuse.

read this and the number of the department is in there:

National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, 2006

A Proclamation by the President of the United States of America

Domestic violence has no place in our society, and we have a moral obligation to help prevent it. The terrible tragedies that result from it destroy lives and insult the dignity of women, men, and children. National Domestic Violence Awareness Month is an opportunity to underscore our commitment to bringing an end to violence in the home.

A home should be a place of stability, comfort, and love. Domestic violence shatters this important foundation. My Administration is strongly committed to addressing domestic violence and helping those who have been victimized. In January, I was proud to sign legislation reauthorizing the Violence Against Women Act. Since I announced the Family Justice Center Initiative in 2003, we have opened 11 Family Justice Centers across the country. These centers offer services to victims and their families, including legal advice, counseling, and support. In addition, we are continuing to work with faith-based and community organiza tions to provide training, expertise, and funding to help deliver hope and healing to those who need it most.

During National Domestic Violence Awareness Month and throughout the year, we are grateful for the advocates, counselors, and others who provide care to those affected by these acts of cruelty and for the law enforcement personnel and others who work to bring offenders to justice. We extend our compassion to the victims of domestic violence and urge them to seek assistance through local Family Justice Centers, faith-based and community organizations, and the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1 800-799-SAFE. By working together, we can build an America where every home honors the value and dignity of its loved ones.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim October 2006 as National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I urge all Americans to reach out to victims and help end domestic violence.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty ninth day of September, in the year of our Lord two thousand six, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-first.

GEORGE W. BUSH

[Carlawarla 1]

I surprised that while being in the shelter they didn't provide you with some counselling, or at least information about abuse and the impact on the victim. You must leave immediately. You're one hit away from possibly being killed. When you go to the shelter, ask the same questions to them as you are here to us. This is a cycle of abuse that you need to be aware of, so you can prevent him manipulating you to return. Or, you manipulating yourself into believing he'll stop the abuse with your help, or that you love him....it's a viscious cycle that must be stopped. The only thing wrong is that you don't know "why" this is happening to you, or why you are caught up in this cycle. I could write pages and pages here to educate you, but you really need to have someone at the shelter provide assistance over a longer period of time. You need to be educated. You don't deserve this. It is not your fault. Leave immediately.

Edited July 17, 2008 by Carlawarla

[baby_a 0]

I only stayed in the shelter for about two weeks. We did group meetings and have gone through counseling. They didn't want me to leave they promised they would do everything to help me but I still went back. My husband hit me once and the last time I left, He didn't hurt me. He just wanted me leave as he always do when we had argument. I had no bruises when he hurts me but I called cops and they made report for it. I could get him arrested but I didn't do it. My husband and I used to be bestfriend but I don't know what happened to our marriage. He have done lot of good things to me and I think that's one reason why I keep coming back. He's not that really bad person, He showed me so many times that he loves me. But I know that whatever the reason is there is now way that a man can hit a woman. I used to be a strong person, very independent woman, got a job of my own, can do anything I want when I was still in my country don't have much but I live happily with my friends and family. I am happy with my husband but sometimes I get confused of my situation especially when we start fighting again. One of my closest friend stop communicating with me. She's the one who who has been helping me to get out or go some place when my husband and I got problems.

I'm just confused of my situation... I don't know what to do. I just can't think clearly.

[Staashi 371]

I only stayed in the shelter for about two weeks. We did group meetings and have gone through counseling. They didn't want me to leave they promised they would do everything to help me but I still went back. My husband hit me once and the last time I left, He didn't hurt me. He just wanted me leave as he always do when we had argument. I had no bruises when he hurts me but I called cops and they made report for it. I could get him arrested but I didn't do it. My husband and I used to be bestfriend but I don't know what happened to our marriage. He have done lot of good things to me and I think that's one reason why I keep coming back. He's not that really bad person, He showed me so many times that he loves me. But I know that whatever the reason is there is now way that a man can hit a woman. I used to be a strong person, very independent woman, got a job of my own, can do anything I want when I was still in my country don't have much but I live happily with my friends and family. I am happy with my husband but sometimes I get confused of my situation especially when we start fighting again. One of my closest friend stop communicating with me. She's the one who who has been helping me to get out or go some place when my husband and I got problems.

I'm just confused of my situation... I don't know what to do. I just can't think clearly.

Honey, your husband, and I don't care how much you love him, is a very bad man. Let me ask you a question, if you saw a dog being beaten this way, would you make the person beating the dog stop? Or, would you allow them to continually beat the dog? Well, sadly, that dog is you. You are your husband's whipping post and I'm sorry, but some people will never ever change. You say you were friends at one time, I don't have any idea what has happened, but you will never get back to what you had before. Abuse is power and he wants it - actually, right now he has it. If you don't get out now, you might not get out alive.

[desert_fox 32]

It would be impossible for me to love anyone, or even want to be around them, that would beat me.

You need to read about being a co-dependent, and what to expect if you continue to hurt yourself like this.

[baby_a 0]

Thank you for all who responded. Sorry it's been a while since I get back. I've finally found a courage to leave my husband and this time I won't come back. I'm worried that he's going to hurt me again that's why I finally left. I strongly believe I can make it this time... I have done my best and still things weren't changed so I put an end to it. It's time for me to move on and get on with my life....