The Say Anything Thread - take 5

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

cooking, cleaning, laundry , grocery shopping.. I don't want to leave that for the weekends because that is our time together and he doesn't like doing those things

May I be blunt?

Husbands all over the world do those things. None of us like it, though. It's part of life. It's like taking a dump, I do that too even though it smells like ####### when I'm doing it

Sounds to me like you're babying a grown man and that's not good for either of you.

[mRx 16]

cooking, cleaning, laundry , grocery shopping.. I don't want to leave that for the weekends because that is our time together and he doesn't like doing those things

Marilyn, you need to come over here and teach my wife these values.

[Nessa 23]

It's part of life. It's like taking a dump, I do that too even though it smells like ####### when I'm doing it

[jundp 191]

sorry just ignore my ramblings.. maybe I should have kept them to myself...

Marilyn,

I don't know you well, but what I do know from reading posts and interacting for the last year-ish here is that you have dealt with quite a bit of loss. I don't think it's irrational or weird or strange for you to have some of these feelings. I think we go in stages when it comes to grief and loss and it is quite possible you are projecting that loss.

Note: I have absolutely no experience in the area of counseling!!!!! Perhaps Brother Dean should be the one to address this

PS AOS paperwork sucks the big donkey

[Marilyn. 340]

cooking, cleaning, laundry , grocery shopping.. I don't want to leave that for the weekends because that is our time together and he doesn't like doing those things

May I be blunt?

Husbands all over the world do those things. None of us like it, though. It's part of life. It's like taking a dump, I do that too even though it smells like ####### when I'm doing it

Sounds to me like you're babying a grown man and that's not good for either of you.

my hubby works his a$$ off all day ... so I don't mind doing that stuff for him.. I do not baby him...

what I meant to say is that hubby hates to go grocery shopping or going to the laundramat with me and he moans and groans the whole time so i just prefer to do it myself.. and I choose to do it during a time when he isn't home so I know I am not taking time away that we could be spending together...

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

my hubby works his a$$ off all day ...

So do other men, who also manage to share household chores.

Just saying.

[Marilyn. 340]

sorry just ignore my ramblings.. maybe I should have kept them to myself...

Marilyn,

I don't know you well, but what I do know from reading posts and interacting for the last year-ish here is that you have dealt with quite a bit of loss. I don't think it's irrational or weird or strange for you to have some of these feelings. I think we go in stages when it comes to grief and loss and it is quite possible you are projecting that loss.

Note: I have absolutely no experience in the area of counseling!!!!! Perhaps Brother Dean should be the one to address this

PS AOS paperwork sucks the big donkey

yeah that is what I was thinking too..

I just don't want people to get the wrong idea here.. I am not constantly thinking of my hubby dying or anything.. the thought just crossed my mind that maybe that is why I have been having these strong feelings of missing my hubby these last few months...

[Bootylicious!! 2]

OMG! Sorry Marilyn, I don't mean to be rude but really, you need to do more things on your own. Your happiness in life can not depend on your husband. I have a full time job and let me say, Javi doesn't miss out on any loving or anything else from me. I do my laundry and clean my house on Saturday while he is working on other things around the house. I'm even getting ready to go back to school which means we'll spend even more time apart. I am not, under any circumstances, changing my education for someone else. If I get pregnant, I'll still go to school. You have to make choices in life based on things that are best for you and him both, not just him. But hey, maybe being at his beck and call is what you feel as your best choice. I just couldn't do it. I have to have a life of my own.

I'm sorry if that comes across as really mean. I just think it would do you a world of good to have your own hobbies and interests, besides VJ.

[LoriLawless 0]

AJ I hope you feel better.

Marilyn, don't apologize for posting what you're feeling. After your loss it can be hard in a lot of ways.

[Marilyn. 340]

my hubby works his a$$ off all day ...

So do other men, who also manage to share household chores.

Just saying.

to each their own *shrugs*

my hubby works, I don't.. I think it is a fair trade... yes if I worked I would expect him to help me out more around the house...

and my hubby isn't some slob who comes home and doesn't do anything...

I choose to do the stuff I do, things turn out better when I do them myself

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

OMG! Sorry Marilyn, I don't mean to be rude but really, you need to do more things on your own. Your happiness in life can not depend on your husband. I have a full time job and let me say, Javi doesn't miss out on any loving or anything else from me. I do my laundry and clean my house on Saturday while he is working on other things around the house. I'm even getting ready to go back to school which means we'll spend even more time apart. I am not, under any circumstances, changing my education for someone else. If I get pregnant, I'll still go to school. You have to make choices in life based on things that are best for you and him both, not just him. But hey, maybe being at his beck and call is what you feel as your best choice. I just couldn't do it. I have to have a life of my own.

I'm sorry if that comes across as really mean. I just think it would do you a world of good to have your own hobbies and interests, besides VJ.

The last year, my wife has had a full time job and worked on her masters at the same time. We haven't seen each other as much as we would if she stayed home (obviously) but it's worth it because she's accomplishing things she wouldn't have otherwise. In the end, we'll both be better off for it. JMHO.

[Nessa 23]

my hubby works his a$$ off all day ...

So do other men, who also manage to share household chores.

Just saying.

i don't see why he should share household chores with his wife that doesn't work. If he works his a$$ off, it's only fair that he can relax when he's home.

When I wasn't work I'd do pretty much all housework. Now that we both work I ask him to help me.

Edited July 23, 2008 by Nessa

[Marilyn. 340]

so sue me I like to spend time with my hubby... we don't really get a lot of time during the week because he comes home exhausted... so the weekends are the only time we have and I don't want to clutter it up with chores...

my hubby works his a$$ off all day ...

So do other men, who also manage to share household chores.

Just saying.

i don't see why he should share household chores with his wife that doesn't work. If he works his a$$ off, it's only fair that he can relax when he's home.

When I wasn't work I'd do pretty much all housework. Now that we both work I ask him to help me.

that is what I am trying to get across

[Bootylicious!! 2]

OMG! Sorry Marilyn, I don't mean to be rude but really, you need to do more things on your own. Your happiness in life can not depend on your husband. I have a full time job and let me say, Javi doesn't miss out on any loving or anything else from me. I do my laundry and clean my house on Saturday while he is working on other things around the house. I'm even getting ready to go back to school which means we'll spend even more time apart. I am not, under any circumstances, changing my education for someone else. If I get pregnant, I'll still go to school. You have to make choices in life based on things that are best for you and him both, not just him. But hey, maybe being at his beck and call is what you feel as your best choice. I just couldn't do it. I have to have a life of my own.

I'm sorry if that comes across as really mean. I just think it would do you a world of good to have your own hobbies and interests, besides VJ.

The last year, my wife has had a full time job and worked on her masters at the same time. We haven't seen each other as much as we would if she stayed home (obviously) but it's worth it because she's accomplishing things she wouldn't have otherwise. In the end, we'll both be better off for it. JMHO.

Exactly! I can't base EVERYTHING I do in my life on my husband. Sure there are lots of things I do and don't do because of him. In the end I have to do things to make myself happy also, not just him. Because if I'm not happy with myself, I can't make him happy either.

[LoriLawless 0]

my hubby works his a$$ off all day ...

So do other men, who also manage to share household chores.

Just saying.

i don't see why he should share household chores with his wife that doesn't work. If he works his a$$ off, it's only fair that he can relax when he's home.

When I wasn't work I'd do pretty much all housework. Now that we both work I ask him to help me.

That was the same for me and my SO. While he was here visiting and couldn't work, he did all the household stuff.

Made him feel as though he was putting his share into things.

When he finally gets here and can work, we'll share everything.